“Can you not hear them, Phillip?”
Knowing she was lost to the past, he edged closer. “Hear them?”
“The wounded. Can you not hear them calling out to us, their cries like the moaning of the wind through the trees in the winter season?”
“I hear them.” Will moved to where she stood. He wanted to reach out and grab her but was afraid it would frighten her into stepping off the small slab of stone.
“Does it not break your heart?”
“Aye, it does.” He held his hand out to her. “Come, I shall need your help to see to them.”
“I don’t know if I can do it anymore,” she whispered, never taking her gaze from the place only she could see. “Don’t you understand, Phillip? Those we could not save haunt me. I cannot eat. I cannot sleep. Some days, I cannot even breathe. They are with me always, every hour of every day.” Her voice broke, and she took a shaky breath. “Please do not make me lie to another man who will breathe his last and tell him all will be well.”
Will hated her brother even more than he had before. Did Phillip not realize what he had done to her, what exposing her to war had done to her? “I am sorry, Olivia, but I must ask that you assist me this one last time.”
Her shoulders slumped. She let out a sigh that seemed to come from the depths of her soul.
Afraid she would take a step forward, Will brushed her fingertips with his. “Take my hand and come back this way.”
She began to move toward him. He grabbed her around the thighs and yanked her off the ledge. He lowered her feet to the ground and crushed her to him, thanking a God he’d long stopped believing in.
After a long moment, he wiped at the suspicious moisture in his eyes and ran his hands up and down her arms. He needed to touch her to ensure she was really all right. He pulled her close and cupped her face between his hands. She stared at him and in her gaze, he saw the pain of every soldier she had ever tried to help.
“Will?” Confusion clouded her eyes.
“Shhh. Everything is all right.” He rubbed her back as she pressed her cheek to his chest.
“I had another episode, didn’t I?”
“Yes.” As much as he knew it would hurt her, he couldn’t lie. She knew the answer to her question and lying would only make her feel more ashamed when she had no need to feel that way.
She burst into tears.
Every sob stabbed at his heart. Wanting to offer comfort, he whispered to her, trying to reassure them both that she was all right. He pressed gentle kisses to her hair and face, tasting her tears as they coursed down her cheeks. He tried to ease the shudders that racked her frame, that cut through the defenses he’d spent years building as though they were no more than a line of toy soldiers to be knocked over on a child’s whim. He felt shattered inside and for the first time in his life, uncertain of what to do.
He rested his forehead against hers. “I need you to walk on your own until we get to the carriage, can you do that?” He wanted to carry her out of there in his arms, but as much as he didn’t give a damn about causing a scandal, he knew she would.
“Yes,” she said in an almost inaudible tone. She stepped back from him and closed her eyes. She inhaled a deep breath, held it, then released it and opened her eyes. There was no trace of emotion in her gaze. Her face was an expressionless mask. “Shall we go?” she asked in a calm voice that gave nothing away.
He placed a hand on the small of her back and led her into the room, down the hall, and out into the night where Fingers lounged against the side of the coach.
His expression must have given away what he was feeling because Fingers took one look at him and quickly opened the carriage door. Will helped Olivia inside. “To Miss St. Germaine’s home with all speed,” he said and pulled the door shut behind him.
Instead of taking the seat opposite her, he sat beside her and held her in his arms. She rested her head on his shoulder as the coach began to move. “I’m sorry you had to leave the ball on my account when you finally had the opportunity to find out where Sandhurst may be.”
“Do not apologize. I learned all I was going to from Sutton and Coddington. And I don’t think I could have stood to lose any more blunt to them. The way they play cards, it’s a wonder they haven’t been well and truly fleeced long ago.”
“Did you learn anything of use to you?”
“Shall I have Fingers return to Riverton’s with a note explaining our departure without thanking them for the evening? Perhaps saying you’ve taken ill?” he asked, ignoring her question.
“There’s no need. I fear my friendship with Amanda has come to an end.”
“Because of me.” He knew he was the cause of contention between the two women.
“No, because of me. I will not be told who I can and cannot associate with. A true friend would be respectful of the friendships I have with others whether she liked them or not, not threaten to withhold her friendship because others aren’t of her social class. Especially as I’m not even of her social class. I fear Amanda is only friends with people who can do something for her in some way.”
“I’m sorry. What do you think you did for her?”
Olivia shrugged. “I’m not certain. Perhaps I was a way for her to show her benevolence to the rest of society—by taking a social outcast under her wing and befriending her.” She hesitated for a moment. “Do
you
think I’m ill?”
Will knew what she was really asking. Did he think she belonged in Bedlam? “No more than anyone else I’ve met. In fact, I believe you are saner than most. If you weren’t, you wouldn’t be so affected by the experiences of your past.” He pressed a kiss to the top of her head.
“Thank you,” she whispered.
The carriage pulled to a stop, and Will opened the door before Fingers had a chance to do so. He stepped out and helped her down.
“Why are we here and not at the front of the house?” She looked around the lane behind the townhouse.
“I thought it best. Your association with me has already cost you your friendship with Lady Riverton. I don’t wish to cause your reputation more harm by being seen entering your home at this late hour.”
“I suppose you’re right.” Olivia sounded defeated.
He wished he could go back and change the night’s events. If he could, he would never have left her side.
She opened the door to the servants’ entrance. “Daniel and Bridget have the night off and are visiting relatives. Jennings will have retired long ago.” She took a deep breath. “Would you come in for a while?” She looked down at her hands. “I fear I don’t wish to be alone quite yet.”
“I am always happy to spend time in your company.”
She gave him a wan smile as though she didn’t quite believe he wasn’t humouring her. “Thank you.”
He followed her through the house to what he knew to be her favorite room in the house—the library. A fire burned low in the grate, casting shadows around the darkened room. Olivia lit the branch of candles sitting on a table just off to the side of the door. While she was busy lighting various tapers throughout the room, he stirred the embers in the hearth, coaxing them into flame.
He turned to find her staring at him. She’d never looked more beautiful, and he could think of nothing more than stripping her gown from her and laying her down on the carpet. He felt himself harden and turned away under the pretext of tending to the fire.
He may want her more than he’d wanted any woman, but he wouldn’t ruin her for another man. She deserved a marriage, children, and so much more than he could offer. Angry at himself for wanting her, he stabbed at the embers with more force than necessary.
“Why are you angry?”
“I’m not.” He set the fireplace poker against the wall.
“You are. I can hear it in your voice, and I can see it in the way you are standing.”
“I’m not angry,” he snapped, upset that she could read him so well.
“Then why do you stand with your back to me? You don’t have to stay if you wish to be elsewhere.”
Will grasped the edge of the mantel, the raised carvings biting into his fingers. “I’m standing here—” He turned to face her. “—because…to keep from touching you. I’m standing on the other side of the room because if I get too close to you, I’m going to kiss you, and I don’t know if I’ll be able to stop.” He waited to see the fear his words would bring.
“What if I want the same thing?” she whispered.
He took a step forward, unable to believe he heard her correctly. “Are you certain? I don’t want you to regret anything that may happen tonight.”
“I’m very certain.” She removed her pelisse and set it over the back of the divan.
His eyes gleamed like onyx, and he crossed the room in two strides. Olivia barely had time to draw a breath before he hauled her into his arms. She grabbed at his shoulders to keep her balance. He bent her over his arm and took her mouth with a kiss she had spent far too long dreaming of.
The hot press of his lips set her afire, burning away her reserve, her caution. Her sense of self-preservation turned to ash as she twined her arms around his neck and pressed closer. She knew it was wrong to allow him to hold her like this, to touch her like this, but he made her feel like she was someone who could be worth loving, a woman who was precious and beautiful, not the oddity she truly was. And for tonight, just for tonight, she wanted to be that woman.
He kissed his way down the side of her neck lingering there as he pulled free the ribbon threaded through her curls. She leaned her head back to give him better access.
The sudden touch of his mouth on the slopes of her breasts at her neckline caused her a moment’s hesitation, but the graze of his teeth across her nipple made her gasp with pleasure and her fingers tangle in his hair.
“I’m used to taking what I want, and I have wanted to touch you like this since the night you first came to the warehouse,” he murmured as he maneuvered her back against the sofa. He settled her against the soft cushions and followed her down, his hand tracing a path from her ankle ever upward.
His fingers slid over her calf in a light caress that left her shivering in their wake. The thought of where he might touch her next sent a rush of warmth between her legs.
He paused and lifted his head. “If we continue much longer, I may not be able to stop. Are you certain you want to do this?”
“I’m very certain,” she said and began unfastening his waistcoat.
He placed his hands over hers, drawing them to a halt. “It can be painful for a woman the first time.”
“It won’t be my first time.”
He stiffened. “It won’t.”
Afraid he would think her a wanton, though he had every right to do so considering how she was acting, she rushed into speech. “I was to marry. Lieutenant Elliot asked me to be his wife. We anticipated the marital bed. He was killed three days later.”
“I’m sorry.” Will looked at her, his expression unreadable.
Olivia felt him withdrawing from her even though he hadn’t moved. “It was nearly four years ago,” she said and with a boldness she didn’t think possible, she pushed his frock coat from his shoulders. “I think I’d rather do something other than talk right now.” A sense of satisfaction filled her when he removed his shirt and waistcoat with such haste, she heard the material tear.
He grinned and took her mouth in another soul-searing kiss. Knowing she wasn’t a virgin, he allowed himself free rein to show his desire.
When his tongue slipped between her lips, she welcomed him completely, arching up against him, opening to the hungry assault of his mouth. She tasted as sweet as any piece of candy he’d ever had, and he wanted to devour her whole. Shifting her so she sat astride him, he pressed her against his arousal.
Will ran a hand down her back to the enticing curve of her buttocks. He squeezed the soft flesh, and she groaned against his lips. Trailing kisses down her neck, he bared her breasts and suckled first one then the other. He slipped his hand under her gown and stroked her leg, bringing it between his own. He pushed his thigh against her, thrusting it urgently between her legs.
“Will,” she breathed, her head fell back onto her shoulders as her desire took over.
Hearing her call his name raised him to new heights of arousal. “Olivia.” He fed her short quick kisses. “Do you remember I once told you I burn for you?”
“Yes,” she panted as his fingers stroked her.
“Do you burn for me?”
“I do.”
He touched her womanhood, and she cried out her release. Will unfastened his trousers and slipped inside her warmth. It was like being squeezed by a velvet glove. He closed his eyes and tried to keep from moving. If he didn’t get under control, he’d be finished before he started.
Olivia shifted and he groaned. “Will, please.”
Her words were all he needed. His hands gripped her waist, and he began to move, laying claim to her in a way he never could with words.
She moaned when he thrust up into her a bit, then a bit more, until he was moving like a madman. Faster and faster as tension coiled through him until he could hold back no longer. He groaned her name as he found his own release.
She collapsed against his chest, shudders racking her frame. He rested his head against her shoulder. She had just had intimate relations with a man on a sofa in the library…and she had never felt better in her life.
She slid her hands up his chest and cupped his jaw. She gave him one last lingering kiss then stood. She slid her arms back into the sleeves of her gown and adjusted the bodice. Looking up from fluffing her skirts, Olivia saw Will putting himself to rights.
He stood and without touching her, moved to the other side of the room. “Regrets already?” he asked in a mocking tone.
“What?” She felt out of her depth. Something had happened to change how he felt, but she didn’t know what.
“You got what you needed, so now I’m to be dismissed? If I’m to be used like a whore, the least you could do is toss me a coin.”
“What are you talking about?” A sudden chill chased over her skin.
“You couldn’t get away from me quick enough once we were finished.”