An Unexpected Hunger (25 page)

I could tell Danny wanted to continue the conversation
, but I wasn’t interested. I told the salesperson the couch that I wanted and he promised to have it delivered within the next three days. On the way home, I texted Ricky telling him I would be calling in a little bit. He seemed upset when we hung up the phone, and the last thing I wanted was for him to think I was out with some guy. I don’t know why, since we weren’t together, but I had this fear that if he thought I was out with someone than he would do the same. Even though Ricky and I were thousands of miles away, the thought of being with anyone else hadn’t once crossed my mind. Thinking of Ricky with another woman made me sick to my stomach. I tried to convince myself that the only action he was getting in bed was from the kitten.

Danny pulled in by the curb of the apartment complex and threw the car in park.

“Thanks,” I said, unbuckling my seat belt.

“It’s no problem
.”

I just about had the car door closed when he continued.

“I wanted to ask you…There’s this benefit that a friend of mine is having…something about feeding hungry children. I have two tickets. Wanna join me?”

I
closed the door, and he rolled down the window.

“It’s for charity,” he continued. “Plus, it’ll be fun. I need a night out
, and from the looks of it, so do you.”

It was true. I hadn’t been out at all and
could use a night where I could actually enjoy a nicely cooked meal without having to do the cooking.

“Hungry children?” I repeated.

“Yeah,” he said. “And it’s at a winery. All the wine you can drink.”

“I would have to get off of work…”

“Josh won’t mind!” he insisted. “He loves you over there.”

“Can I let you know?” I asked.

Danny nodded and drove away.

* * *

The first thing I did when I got inside was call Ricky. He hadn’t responded to my text, and I was hoping it was because he was busy and not ignoring me. I was wrong. I let the phone ring over and over, each time going to his voicemail. I left three messages, and after two hours of calling without him picking up, I gave up for the night. I sent him one last text message, telling him that I would be up for another hour in case he decided to call.

I checked my phone first thing in the morning only to find not a
single person had called. I picked up the phone and called Ricky again, even though it was four in the morning New Jersey time. His voicemail picked up, and I threw my phone across the furniture-less room.

A week had gone by
, and I still hadn’t heard from Ricky. I stared at my phone, willing it to ring.

“You’re pathetic,” I told myself as I curled up on my new sofa. “
Lame and pathetic.”

How had I let this
happen again? How had I become so unglued by a guy? I knew what it meant when I moved back to California. The first time I moved here, it was so easy to leave everything behind. I took that carefree attitude for granted, too naïve to understand that I had nothing to loose. Now, it was different. I had Ricky, and what we had together was something that went beyond any relationship I had before. I couldn’t describe the connection we shared or explain why it existed at all. It was just there…like the sun, the moon, the stars, they’re existence too complex and profound to try to breakdown. I hungered for him and knew that some how we had to see each other as soon as possible.

I rolled off the couch and reached for my phone, pushing Ricky’
s name. It rang a few times before I heard the click of someone picking up.

“Hello?” I asked when no one spoke up. “Ricky?”

I heard the sound of the phone skirting against fabric, and then the muffled sound of voices in the background.

“Hello?” I said louder.

There was some kind of commotion, and then a voice spoke.

“Hello?”

It was a woman.

“Who’s this?” I asked.

“Who’s this?”

Great. I was speaking to a parrot.

“Where’s Ricky?”
I asked.

She giggled
, and I had the sudden urge to reach through the phone.

“Ricky’s not here.”
I could tell she was smiling from the way she spoke. “He’s in the shower right now. Can I take a message?” She whispered close into the microphone of the phone, and her words slurred together.

Before I could get in another word, the line went dead.

* * *

It took two pints of ice cream to knock me out of my misery
last night. I showered and dressed for work, obsessing over how stupid I had been over the last few months. I actually believed what Ricky and I had was different, but it wasn’t. Hearing the repugnant laughter of whatever empty headed, bra busting, customer he brought home made me realize that I had seriously fucked up.

All those years that I managed to keep Ricky at bay went down the drain. I had actually started to regret not doing this in high school, knowing that I would have gotten
it out of my system already.

But
two can play that game.

“Danny?” I said, holding my phone between my shoulder and my ear. “I wanted to talk to you about that benefit. When is it?”

“In a couple of weeks. It’s on a Saturday. Why?”

“Because I’m going to have to request the night off from work.”

“Awesome…does that mean you’ll be my date?”

I hesitated, knowing that once I crossed this bridge I would be entering in dangerous territory.

“Sure,” I said. “It’s a date.”

I PULLED THE black dress I had worn to dinner with Ricky in New York and slid it on. After some serious miracle working on my part, I managed to look somewhat appealing after getting ready. I glanced at the clock, knowing Danny would be here right on time to pick me up.

“Wow,” he said. “You look amazing.”

I smiled and returned the compliment. Danny always looked good in a suit, and it was obvious he had gone out of his way to look nice tonight. He looked like he had gotten a haircut, and his facial hair was trimmed and squared off.

The winery was beautiful
, and we even got a tour, which ended with a tasting. By the time they had opened the banquet room for dinner, I was already feeling relaxed and tingly.

Danny offered me his arm as we walked to our table
, and I swore people stared as we walked by.

“Why do you I feel like everyone is looking at us?” I whispered to him.

He smiled and whispered back. “They’re just jealous because you look so damn beautiful.”

My eyes darted to his
, and I took another sip from my glass.

Dinner moved quickly
, and before I knew it, the servers rolled table after table of desserts at the far end of the room. I perused it with Danny, and we both filled two plates, creating two tall towers of pastries.

The band played all night
, and when Danny asked me to dance, I took his hand and followed him to the dance floor.

“Thank you for coming tonight,” he said, the light from the crystal chandeliers reflecting in his dark eyes. “It really means a lot to me.”

I shrugged, not wanting to let him in on how much fun I was having. “Anything for hungry children.”

He smiled and swung me around, swooping me back in his arms. A few hazy seconds pass
ed when the energy between us shifted, and I had to break away. The band began to play another song, and I took that as my chance.

“I have to go to the ladies room,” I said.

I headed back towards our table and grabbed my purse.

In the bathroom, I reapplied my lipstick and took a good look at myself in the mirror. What the hell was I doing? I had been down this road with Danny before and look how it turned out. Even though we seemed to be a good match, I couldn’t push past what we had already been through together.

Then again, I was tired of making rules for myself. Rules that I spent so much energy trying to follow, and for what? Every promise, every limitation I had put on myself never meant enough to me to actually take seriously. It took me all of a few weeks to fall for Ricky. Three weeks, and I had managed to throw everything I told myself I wasn’t going to do out of the window. I think it was time I threw the rules out of the window instead.

I adjusted my dress one more time, sensing the woman next to me staring. For a minute, I thought I had had the conversation with myself out loud instead of my in my head
. She pretended not to be looking right at me and went ahead recoating her lips in gloss. I couldn’t help to think that she looked so familiar.

“I’m sorry,” I said, squinting my eyes. “Do we know each other. You look so familiar.”

She threw her makeup back in her bag. “You two have a lot of balls.”

“Excuse me?” I asked.

“You could have at least waited until the divorce was final until you started flaunting your relationship everywhere.”

“I’m NOT in a relationship with anyone. I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

She grabbed her purse. “Why don’t you go ask you’re wonderful boyfriend,” she said, walking out.

I charged through the crowded room, the conversation in the bathroom zapping any trace of the buzz I had from the wine.

“It’s time to go,” I said to Danny. I stood over him, my eyes darting to each person at our table, wondering who else was making their own assumptions about the nature of our relationship.

“What do you mean?” he chuckled. “They’re going to announce the winners of the silent auction.”

“I don’t care,” I said. “I want to go…now.”

Danny’s smile disappeared,
and I didn’t wait for him to get up before walking back to the foyer. I stood, waiting with my arms folded, as he handed the ticket to the valet.

“Is there something wrong?” he asked as we drove off.

“Are you still married?” I asked.

“What?” he yelled. “What do you mean? Why would you ask that?” His tone was guarded, as if the he found the question totally offensive and off the wall.

“It’s a simple question, Danny,” I said. “Are. You. Still. Married?”

“I told you…Rachel and I are not together anymore.”

“That doesn’t answer my question.”

He scoffed. “What’s going on?”

“Someone came up to me in the bathroom and told me that you were still married.”

“Fuck!
” he said, hitting the steering wheel. “I knew when I sat that bitch she would cause trouble.”

I finally realized why the woman seemed so familiar. I remembered her coming to eat at Danny’s restaurant, a friend of his wife’s who always asked for things off the menu.

“So, it’s true?” I yelled. “I can’t believe this. I can’t fucking believe this!”

“It’s not true!” he said, turning the wind shield wipers on when it started to pour. “Technically…the divorce isn’t final yet. BUT, we’ve been separated for months.”

“You lied to me! You told me that you were divorced…as in NOT married anymore!”

“I didn’t think you would see me if I told you the truth! What’s the difference? In a few months, it will be all over
, and I’ll have the paperwork to prove it!”

I ha
d nothing more to say, too angry to express what I was feeling in any verbal fashion.

“Please, Lexy. Don’t let someone ruin our whole night.”

I looked to him, totally disgusted that he lied. He lied to his wife all those months we were together and now here he was lying to me about his wife. It was so fucked up I almost started to laugh.

“Just take me home,” I muttered, looking out of the window.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I shouldn’t of lied. I just needed to be with you again.”

“We are
not
together,” I reminded him. “I thought we could be friends, but you obviously cannot handle that.”

He kept looking over at me
, and when he tried to grab my hand I swatted him away. “Please, don’t touch me,” I said. “Just drive.”

“Come on
, Lexy,” he pleaded. “Don’t be mad.”

He reached for my hand again, this time grabbing my wrist so I couldn’t tear away.

“I mean it, Danny!”  I cried. “Stop messing around before-”

But it was too late, the last few word
s were never able to leave my lips. Something had run into the middle of the road. When Danny slammed on the breaks, I felt the wheels slide on the water. The rain came down so hard that all I could see were the faint lines of the headlights cutting through the dark road, illuminating the drops of water.

The car spun around as I grabbed the handle above my head. Danny gripped the steering wheel, trying to regain control of the car. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, Ricky’s face flashing through my mind
. I braced myself just before we slammed into the telephone pole.