So sinless and devoted to the pastoral virtues is the Upper Peninsula that trained private investigators are virtually nonexistent. As everywhere, of course, there are the usual proportion of yearning adolescents and occasional eccentrics who have won a tin star and a fingerprint outfit from one of the mail-order diploma mills, the kind that turn out detectives in twelve easy lessons. But these groping souls would do us no good; they generally wound up with a black eye or in reporting on dead beats for credit bureaus at two dollars a head. More often they wound up with the black eye anyway, after which they tended to enroll in courses on advanced refrigeration.
Peninsula lawyers or clients or anyone requiring the services of a real private detective had perforce either to import one or do it themselves. Since my client couldn't even pay me or his psychiatrist, let alone a detective, hiring one was clearly out of the question; we would have to play detective ourselves.
Thunder Bay was a former logging and commercial fishing village on Lake Superior that had quietly swooned and expired when the white pine was cut and the fish were caught. After sleeping through a generation or more of genteel Rip Van Winkle poverty it had been rediscovered and miraculously resuscitated by the advent of those curious seasonal wanderers, that modern American gypsy known as the Summer Tourist. As the care and feeding of tourists had more and more absorbed the attentions of the townsfolk, more and more had I avoided the place; as a class tourists had a tendency unduly to grieve me; and it came as something of a shock to recall that I had not been near the picturesque old town in a dozen-odd years. Barney Quill, a comparative newcomer, was nothing more to me than a name; I seemed to have read about him once or twice in the newspapers; he had shot a bear or caught a big fish or some such thing ⦠.
As Maida and Parnell and I drove along the lake shore, all of us squeezed in the front seat of my coupe, I saw that I had forgotten how beautiful the drive to Thunder Bay was; the towering sighing groves of fragrant Norway pines, the broad expanses of clean white sand, the sea gulls, always the endlessly wheeling sea gulls; an occasional bald eagle seeming bent on soaring straight up to Heaven; tne intermittent craggy and pine-clad granite or sandstone hills, sometimes rising gauntly to the dignity of small mountains, then again sudden stretches of sand or more maiestic Norway pinesâand always,
of course, the vast glittering heaving lake, the world's largest inland sea, as treacherous and deceitful as a spurned woman, either caressing or raging at the shore, more often turbulent than not, but today on its best company manners, presenting the falsely placid aspect of a mill pond.
“I've been thinkin',” Parnell McCarthy began.
“Please, Parn,” I begged. “Please, not about the damned case, not now.” I gestured toward the lake. “All this incredible beauty. Sometimes I think I fish too much.”
“I've been thinkin',” Parnell solemnly went on, “that it's been well over a quarter-century since I've troubled to come along this way. That last time my Nora and I were in a buckboard drawn by a team of bay mares ⦠. I've been thinking of what fools indeed we mortals be, letting all this beauty languish unseen while we, like suicidal lemmings, hurry on our way to our obscure graves, chasing dollars, chasing women, chasing trout, chasing the dubious pleasures of the bottle.” He sighed and took a deep breath. “The waste, the hideous waste of livingâit's enough to make one weep. Boy, I must indeed mend me ways.”
“Stop, Parn, stop,” Maida said, giggling like a schoolgirl. “You sound more and more like Cyrano. If you keep on like this I swear I'll fall in love.”
I glanced at Maida. “When did you exchange Spillane for Rostand?” I inquired silkily. “If I may say so, I think we'd better flee this lovely lake shore before all of us start cracking up.”
The car toiled up a steep granite bluff, the roadway hacked out between towering walls of solid rock, and then began the long descent. There, spread out before us, was the village of Thunder Bay, as neat and ordered as though viewed from an airplane, clustered tightly among the tall pines along the edge of the glittering and now peaceful bay that had given the town its name.
“And now to the wars,” I said, clamping a fresh cigar in my teeth and stepping on the gas.
I speculated a little on what it was that drew the tourists to this remote place. It lacked the reek of ancient lore possessed by St. Ignace, with its great new bridge and “authentic” Indian chieftains in full regalia solemnly selling the lamblike tourists equally authentic hundred-year-old tomahawks made the winter before in Gaylord; it did not have the endlessly photogenic locks of Sault Ste. Marie, which could boast, and endlessly did, that its locks annually handled more tonnage than any in the world; its shoreline was not
adomed with the tinted and dramatic Pictured Rocks of Munising; it lacked Marquette's imposing iron ore loading docks, each dwarfing in height and length even the
Queen Mary.
No, the town did not possess any of these alluring tourist properties; it had no golf courses or crumbling fortresses; it had no tall roaring waterfalls from the top of which a monotonous procession of legendary Indian maidens had leapt for love and love alone; it lacked any medicinal springs to throw orange peels and coke bottles into or any copper or iron mines or towering ski jumps or Indian burial mounds or places to dig for agates or ancient arrowheads; nor had it any displays of two-headed calves or trained bears or wolves or even any mangy coyotes. Nor, final ignominy, had any of its hamburger stands or lunch counters, so far as I knew, been blessed by Duncan Hines. Perhaps, I reflected, perhaps it possessed the simple but incomparable attributes of rural quiet, fresh sea-washed air which blew the mosquitoes awayâand great natural beauty, a beauty as yet unmarred by man. And, as I presently saw, it certainly had the tourists; the place was teeming with them; and I slowed down abruptly to avoid collecting a representative specimen on my fender, a prospective trophy more revolting for me to contemplate than the head of a bull moose.
“Look where you're driving, Mac!” my near specimen shouted.
“Excuse me,” I apologized contritely, “I should have taken the sidewalk.”
We drove slowly up the main street of the town, past the tourist park on our right, nestled in among a tall grove of pines on the lake shore, past the usual cluster of gas stations, a grocery store, the post office, then two churches and, as though to achieve proportion and balance, an abrupt rash of neon-lit taverns, the inevitable souvenir shop, a beauty parlor, and all the rest. Near the end of the long street, on our right and overlooking the lake, stood a large white and attractive three-story frame structure. A screened-in veranda ran along the entire front and half the side nearest the lake. This was the Thunder Bay Inn, in the barroom of which the proprietor Barney Quill had met his death such a short time before. The last time I had seen the Inn it had been boarded up and now, freshly painted, it was a mecca for school marms and summer tourists. A short distance past the Inn I stopped the car and turned off the key.
“Well, Parn,” I said, “what's the strategy?”
“Polly,” Parnell said, “I suggest you drop me off at one of the smaller tavernsâno fear, I'm not going to drinkâand then drop
Maida at the beauty shop for a manicure or something. Both strike me as being likely spots to begin our search. Then you hie yourself directly to the Inn. The word will fan out soon enough that you're in town and they'll be expecting you. So you might as well go there first and be done with it. Then I suggest we all meet back at the hotel around noon and have lunch and possibly compare notes. What do you think?”
I nodded. “Sounds fine to me, Parn.”
“But I don't
need
a manicure,” Maida pouted. “Anyway, I do my own nails.”
Parnell bowed gallantly. “I will grant that any attention from these sordid entrepreneurs of beauty to your comely person, dear lady, would be carrying coals to Newcastle,” he said, “but I'm equally sure that your great wit, matched only by your ravishing beauty, will suggest to you a plausible reason for visiting their malodorous precincts.”
“I've warned you, Parnell,” Maida laughed. “If you keep running on this way you're going to have an infatuated female on your hands.”
“Ah, my dear, I shall impatiently await and welcome that eventuality,” Parnell replied, again gravely bowing with his air of impishness and antique courtliness. He held up a pudgy hand, his gray eyes .dancing. “But please, Madam, please, I beg of youâdo not ever suggest matrimony,” he continued gravely. “Men have contrived fewer devices more deadly to romance than marriage itself.” He fluttered his fingers lightly through the air. “Gay wings,” he murmured, blowing Maida a kiss. “Ah lass, let us stoutly resolve ever to remain gay and unfettered.”
“Ah, Parnell, Parnell ⦠.” Maida murmured, wistfully shaking her head.
“Ah, Cyrano, Cyrano,” I muttered, stirring restlessly. Parnell must have been quite a boy in his day, I reflected, quite a boy ⦠. “Rubbish!” I said petulantly, wheeling the car around in an abrupt U-turn. Enough of this romantic buffoonery.
With some trepidation I deposited Parnell at the first tavern we came to and then Maida at the beauty parlor, wishing them good luck. Then I drove back to the hotel, parked my car near the street entrance to the taproomâthe same door Lieutenant Manion had come and left by when he had shot Barneyâand lit up a cigar, took a deep breath, and pushed against the door.
It did not yield. I rattled and wrenched at the knob; the door was locked. A small typewritten sign on the glass informed me that the place would not be open for business until noon. I peered through the window; the place was dim and there was no sign of activity. I shrugged and walked around front to the main entrance of the hotel; perhaps I could at least get a peek at the bar. Since the hotel stood on a steep sandy hill, the front accordingly rose considerably higher above the street level than in the rear, where the building in fact ran a few feet into the hill. I mounted the steps to the screened-in porch.
I had been wrong; Mr. Duncan Hines had been there before me, as his discreetly beckoning little tin sign now reassured me. Thunder Bay had at last made the grade; one could now dine in the certified knowledge that Duncan approved. I could visualize this ubiquitous little manâhis bib full of gravy stains, his pockets full of pills, his soul full of hopeâgnawing his way across a continent, leaving diplomas of approval in his wake like a sort of gastronomic Kilroy. I sighed and moved into the hotel. “Peptic ulcers can now be gaily faced,” I thought. “Duncan has et here.”
The lobby was deserted except for a knot of numbed and somnambulistic-looking tourists gathered about a flaming large stone fireplace. It was only 72 degrees outside ⦠. I glanced quickly around and found a sign on a door saying “Cocktail Lounge.” I tried the door and found it unlocked and went quickly down the stairs. “Biegler,” I thought, “your career as a detective has officially begun.”
The stale beery morning smell of an unaired barroom smote my nostrils. I paused at the bottom to become accustomed to the dim light. I seemed to be alone. The room was large and filled with tables and stacked chairs except for a small roped-off dance space in the center. I spotted Laura Manion's pinball machine in the corner, to my left, standing between an upright piano and a garishly colored jukebox. Adjoining this and nearer me were the wash rooms. I advanced
slowly into the room. To my right about thirty feet from the street door I had just tried to enter, was the bar itself. I gave a start. Standing motionless behind the bar, holding a towel and glass in his hands and intently regarding me, was a small dark man, a wiry, foxy-looking little man in a white apron.
“Hello,” I said, advancing. “I'm Paul Biegler from Chippewa, Lieutenant Manion's lawyer.”
“Yes, I know,” he replied, averting his eyes, busily polishing his glass. “What can I do for you, Mr. Biegler? I'm Paquette the bartender.”
“Well,” I said, smiling, “after you've served me a bottle of popâyour choiceâyou might tell me if you were present during the shooting.”
The soft drink and a glass were placed before me with deft dispatch; the money rung up; and then he was back polishing another glass. “I was present,” he said evenly. “Just like it said in the newspapers.”
“Maybe we could talk a little about what happened,” I said.
“Maybe,” he said, inspecting his glass in the light. “And then again, maybe we could not.”
This sort of sparring could go on for days, I saw, an enterprise for which I lacked both the time and taste; I preferred seeing my little foxes in the woods. I swiftly decided to level with my cozy friend. Either he would talk or he wouldn't; the sooner I found it out the better. Even his failure to talk might prove something or other.
“Look, Mr. Paquette,” I said, “whether you choose to clam up or talk is a matter of considerable indifference to me. I'll have my crack at you in courtâwhere you'll bloody well have to talk and plenty. But maybe all of us would save a lot of time and turmoil if you'd help me to find out what I came here to find out and which I promise you I will find out.”
The polishing had stopped. “Like what?” he said.
I shrugged. “Oh, for a starter, like where Barney and MannyâI mean Lieutenant Manionâwere standing when the shots were fired.”
“I didn't see any shots fired.”
This had not been clear from the newspaper reports. “Where were you?” I said.
“I was standing out on the floor talking with some customers at a table. We'd had an unusually busy night and Mr. Quill had re lieved me so that I could have a rest. He was always thoughtful that way. The crowd was thinning out.”
“The ever-thoughtful
Mister
Quill,” I thought, and then a little bell tinkled in my mind. The tired bartender had said he was standing out on the floor. Here was a poor fatigued bartender, who had been relieved by his thoughtful boss so that he could rest,
standing
out on the floor talking to his customers. I went baying along the scent. “Who were these customers?” I asked casually.
“Fellow called Pedersen and his wife and a friend from Iron Bay. They'd been out for a drive.”
I made a mental note to remember the name. “Where was the Pedersen table located?” I went on.
“Out on the floor.”
“Naturally,” I said. “But
where
on the floor? Over by the pinball machine? The stairs? The piano?” I paused, pointing, suddenly sure it was by none of these. “Or was their table over by the outside door there?”
“Yes,” he murmured.
Anyone standing by the window near the door, I guessed, could have commanded an unobstructed view of any patron approaching the door from the outside. Even a patron, say, like Lieutenant Manion. But better I lay off that now, I decided; no use clamming up this sly character at the outset. Well, maybe I should explore it just a bit, to worry him, to let him guess a little what I really suspected.
“How come, Mr. Paquette?” I continued easily. “How come you didn't sit down when you chatted with the Pedersens? Aren't there usually four chairs at a table?”
He shot me a quick look, but he answered readily enough. “They had a package on the other chair,” he said. From the quick little gleam of triumph in his eyes I guessed he was telling the truth. But his triumph was short-lived; I could not let him off the hook so easily.
“Couldn't this poor tired bartender have sat and held their package in his lap? Don't tell me it was an anvil. Or couldn't he have drawn up another chair?” I held up a warning hand. “Now don't tell me there weren't any spare chairsâthe crowd was thinning out, remember?”
This time I had really tagged him. He scowled and compressed his lips and glanced apprehensively in the direction of the stairway.
“Or perhaps,” I went on, “you're like the postman who climbs mountains on his vacationâyou simply love to stand on your own two feet.”
Like most people, Mr. Paquette could stand almost anything but
ridicule. “What you driving at?” he demanded angrily. “Sitting or standingâwhat goddam difference does it make?”
“Little Standing Bull,” I thought. But I wasn't ready to spell out my thoughts, at least not quite yet, and anyway I was sure now that he knew that I knew. Perhaps it would give him a little more respect for the truth.
“Don't race your motor,” I said. “In any case Barney Quill was alone behind the bar when Lieutenant Manion came in?”
“I've already told you he was.”
“Sitting or standing?”
“Standing. He always stood when he was at the bar.”
I pondered my next question. “How long had he been relieving you, standing there alone behind the bar?”
“Oh, for upwards of an hour I'd say.”
Little Standing Bull had kept the weary vigil by the door for nearly a whole hour! “And
when
had he relieved you?”
“Around midnight, I should say.”
“And what time was the shooting?”
“At twelve forty-six exactly.”
“How would you know that?”
“At the first shot I wheeled around and looked at the clock.”
Had he been surprised, I wondered, to see the wrong man down? The clock was on the wall behind the bar. “Then you must have seen some of the other shots fired, didn't you, Mr. Paquette?”
He lit a cigarette and I thought his hand trembled ever so little. “I saw Lieutenant Manion standing up on the bar rail, leaning over and pointing at something down behind the bar.”
I had long ago learned that this nice air of meticulous fairness in a witness was often a sure sign that he was hostile or lying. “Come now, that something was of course Barney Quill, wasn't it?”
“Well, yes. It turned out to be.”
“And where at the bar was the Lieutenant standing?”
He pointed. “Near the middle, there, right between those two service rails. It was the only place open; the bar itself was crowded, all with men. Barney had just bought another round of drinks. He was generous that way. The Lieutenant turned and left almost as soon as I'd turned around. I ran out the door after himâthe door you just tried to enter.”
“Oh, so you saw me out there. What happened then?”
“When I got outside he wheeled around and faced me and said: âDo you want some, too, Buster?'”
I winced over that one, but continued bravely.
“What did you do?”
“I said, âNo, sir' and hurried back inside.”
This was even worse for our side than the newspaper had reported it; this grim fighting talk from my Lieutenant was more than a little inconsistent with our proposed picture of a man whose wits had departed him from shock and excessive grief. But the show must go on ⦠. “And Buster isn't your name, of course?” I went on.
“No, Alphonse is my first name. People generally call me Al or Phonse.”
Yes, people continue to be as original as all hell, I thought. “Was Barney still alive?”
“No; he'd apparently died instantly. Five out of the six shots got to him. The man didn't have a chance.”
“You mean a chance to fire a shot himself?”
Quickly: “I mean a chance to live.”
“To your knowledge did either man speak?”
“I personally heard nothing but later I heard that Barney had said âGood evening, Lieutenant.'”
“What about Manionâhad anyone heard him speak?”
“No. Apparently he did not utter a word although several persons later claimed they had spoken to him, including one of our waitresses.”
“What's her name?”
“Fern Rundquist.”
This was fairly good news; see, my poor addled client couldn't see or hear anything. The defense was up, down, then in a neutral corner ⦠. “Did you go look at Barney?” I said.
“Yes.”
“Did you examine his body?”
“Yes, but not closely until after I'd cleared the bar and locked the place.”
“What time was that?”
“About one o'clock. Nobody had to be urged to leave; most of them fled the joint right after the shooting.”
“So that finally you were left all alone with the dead body?”
“Well, yes. Somebody had to wait for the police.”
“Who called them?”
“I did.”
“When?”
He hesitated for an instant. “It will all be a matter of record, you know,” I said. “
They'll
tell me if you don't.”
“I was just thinking,” he said. “About one-fifteen, I should say.”
“My, my. How come you waited so long to notify the police, Mr. Paquette?”
“Oh, the excitement and allâIâI guess I just forgot.”
“Hm, your boss is shot to death at twelve forty-sixâin all the excitement you don't forget to note
that
âand then you remember a half hour later that maybe the police should be notified. It simply hadn't occurred to you before, is that it?”
“Right,” he snapped.
I sipped my drink and lit a fresh cigar. Alphonse Paquette had resumed polishing a glass. I noted that it was the same one he had already polished at length. This man, I concluded, probably knew much more than he had told anyone, or perhaps ever intended to tell anyone, but certain probabilities had already emerged despite his reluctance. I was now convinced that Barney Quill had been waiting for the Lieutenant; that he had deliberately relieved his bartender not only to get him out of the way of the anticipated show down but also to in turn warn Barney and further so that he, Barney could get behind the bar himself. It had been his fortress. Then by buying drinks he had further surrounded himself with an unwitting protective human cordonâall but at the waitresses' service station, which customers were everywhere supposed not to occupy. That this one open spot had proved to be Barney's Achilles' heel was a nice ironic touch. I was now equally sure that he must have been armed âelse why should he have waited around at all? I decided to play my hunch.