AnchorandStorm (12 page)

She wrapped her arms around his neck and buried her face in his collar. “Oh Angus, oh God, I am so afraid.”

“Shh, hush now, there’s naught to be afraid of now they’ve gone.” He sat down in a chair near the fireplace, with her in his lap. “Ye dinna have to worry about them coming back here, at least for a while.” He stroked her damp hair back from her face and whispered in her ear, “Hush now, everything is goin’ to be fine. I’ll never let any harm come to ye, so long as I live.”

She hugged him tighter. Eventually her sobs diminished to occasional hiccoughing sighs and her hold on him relaxed. A short while later, he realized she had fallen asleep. Still he held her, taking advantage of the unexpected opportunity to kiss her cheek and then her lips—gently, softly, so as not to awaken her.

The room grew dark as the sun began to set. Angus knew that soon Hamish would come in to light the fire and he would be discovered holding the lady of the house in an amorous embrace.

Reluctantly, he rose and laid her down on the bed next to her husband. He lit the fire himself then went to sit in Em’s chair…at Edgar’s bedside.

Chapter Ten

Angus heard a soft moan from the bed and was surprised to see it was Lord Callander. Em had curled up on her side against her husband and was still fast asleep.

“Welcome back, milord,” Angus said.

Lord Callander turned his head slightly and looked at Angus. “Where have I been that you’re welcoming me back?” Then he groaned. “Lord, I feel as if I’ve been trampled by Tar. I wasn’t, was I? Please tell me I didn’t try to ride again.”

“No, milord. Ye-ye merely fell down the steps.”

Callander groaned again. “Oh how foolish of me. And I had been doing so well lately.” Then he noticed Em lying by his side. “Is Emily all right?”

“She’s well, aye, merely exhausted. She’s no’ left yer side since ye fell.”

“So you’ve looked after her and me both? Thank you, Angus.”

“It was no trouble, milord.”

Callander turned slightly toward his wife. “Oh my poor dear,” he said, stroking her cheek. “I’m such a burden to you.”

Em stirred at his touch and opened her eyes. “Edgar?” She leaned up on one arm and looked down at him. “Oh Edgar, oh my God. Ye’re awake, oh thank God.” She wrapped her arms around him and held him close. “Are ye all right, my love?”

He smiled at her and kissed her tenderly on the forehead. “I’m fine, my sweet, I’m fine.”

Angus left the room and closed the door quietly behind him. Then he leaned against the wall and squeezed his eyes shut, trying to get the image of Callander and Em on the bed, holding each other, out of his mind. Who was he trying to fool? He could never be merely friends with Em, he loved her too much for that. He had a decision to make. It would mean breaking his promise to always take care of her, but there was no help for it.

If Lord Callander continued to recover, Angus knew what he had to do.

* * * * *

The next day, Emily sat at Edgar’s bedside, looking somewhat refreshed, but Edgar could tell she was still anxious. “How is your head? Do you want another cold cloth?”

“Stop fretting, my love. I feel much better. My pride is more sore than my head. ’Twas so clumsy of me to take a tumble down those steps. By the way, where is my doting nephew?”

Emily hesitated and he saw her hands fisted around the material of her skirt. Finally she said, “I sent them packing.”

Edgar almost choked, trying to stifle his laughter. “You did what?”

“They were grating on my nerves. I told them to leave.” She hesitated again and he waited for the rest of the story. “I gave them five thousand pounds. I hope that was all right.”

“Of course it was. What’s mine is yours, you know that.” Then he did laugh. “I daresay it was worth every penny.”

“I’m afraid he will still try to make trouble for us.”

He took her hand and brought it to his lips. He would reassure her even if he didn’t feel confident himself that they’d heard the last of his nephew. “Don’t worry, my love. I will make sure you are well protected before I leave this world.” The man he had in mind for the job had already shown himself to be capable of and amenable to the task.

There was a soft knock at the bedroom door. “Come in,” he said.

Weston entered. “Milord,” he said, then turned to Emily and smiled. “Good day, milady. I trust you’re feeling more rested.”

Edgar looked from one of them to the other, puzzled. Weston had opposed his marriage to Emily. Even though he had never said so, Edgar could tell by the man’s cold demeanor toward her. But Weston’s feelings had clearly changed for some reason.

Emily returned Weston’s smile but appeared puzzled herself. “I am, Weston. Thank you for asking.”

“Dr. Stevenson and another gentleman are here, milord.”

“Thank you, Weston. Show them in.”

After he left, Emily turned to Edgar and pulled a face. Edgar laughed. “Whatever you’ve done, my love, it seems you’ve conquered Weston.”

“I’m glad of it. Perhaps the Cavendishes were grating on his nerves too.”

“No doubt.”

They were still laughing together when Stevenson entered, accompanied by a man Edgar hadn’t seen before. “Lady Callander,” Dr. Stevenson said, bowing to Emily. Then he turned to Edgar. “Well, I see my patient is awake. Lord Callander, this is Dr. Montgomery, a colleague of mine from Edinburgh, who is visiting me for a few days. I told him about your case and he asked to come along.”

Dr. Montgomery bowed. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, my lady, Lord Callander.”

“And you, doctor,” Edgar replied.

“We were wondering if you would mind if Dr. Montgomery examined you as well, my lord.”

“No, of course not,” Edgar replied.

Dr. Stevenson looked at Emily. “If you’ll excuse us, my lady?”

“I am not leaving, doctor. I am well aware of my husband’s condition.”

Dr. Stevenson caught Edgar’s eye. Suddenly, Edgar was filled with a sense of foreboding. “It’s all right, Emily, I’ll call you when the doctors are finished with me and tell you everything they said.” Emily looked doubtful, but he squeezed her hand and nodded.

With great reluctance, he could tell, she rose and left the room.

For the next half hour the two physicians put him through his paces. They poked and prodded, pinched and palpated him from head to toe. They had him lift his legs, push against them with his feet and hands, tapped his knees and elbows with a small hammer. Because of their blank faces Edgar could not tell which tests he passed or failed.

Finally Dr. Montgomery straightened up and gave a deep sigh. “Dr. Stevenson tells me, my lord, that you are aware your condition is progressive and irreversible.”

Edgar nodded, unable to find his voice. Of course he knew about his disease, but it still hurt to hear it spoken aloud.

“Has the fall weakened you more than usual, my lord?”

“I cannot tell, for I have not been up and about as yet.”

Dr. Montgomery looked stern. “You must be very careful, my lord. Each fall you take can hasten the damage caused by your illness. May I ask about your children, my lord?”

Edgar saw Dr. Stevenson cast a quick glance at his colleague, then at him. “I have no children, doctor, although my wife and I are trying.”

“I would advise against that, my lord.”

Edgar’s mouth went dry. “Why?”

Instead of answering Edgar’s question, Dr. Montgomery asked another one. “What of other members of your family, my lord? Your father, grandfather? Were either of them afflicted so?”

Edgar thought for a moment. “My grandfather died before I was born, but I was told he used a wheeled chair. My father used a cane in the years before he died.” Edgar’s speech slowed as the meaning of his memories became clear to him. “He died early in his fifties. Oh God.”

“Yes, you have discerned why I asked that question. I have seen this particular condition run in families and I fear any children you have may be likewise afflicted.”

“I see,” Edgar managed to say. His heart felt like lead in his chest. “Do not tell this to my wife. I will break the news to her when I feel the time is right.”

“Very well, my lord,” Dr. Stevenson said. “I will be back to check on you in a few days.”

Edgar could not face Emily yet. He knew that, after the doctors left, she would come back to him immediately. When he heard the door open, he pretended to be asleep.

Emily woke Edgar to have him take some dinner. He seemed cheerful, but she suspected for some reason that it was forced. From the way he watched her as she prepared for bed that night she knew something was wrong. She sat down next to him in the bed and confronted him. “Edgar, what is it? What did the doctors say?”

Edgar took her hand and squeezed it tightly. “Emily, tell me, are you pregnant?” He appeared frantic to know the answer.

For a moment she was speechless. Then it dawned on her.
He’s dying. The doctors told him he hasn’t long to live. He’s hoping I’m carrying his child.
She could not hold back the tears as she replied, “No, my love, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, but I’m not.”

His grip on her hand eased. “Oh thank God,” he said, rubbing his other hand across his forehead.

“
What?
” Emily cried. “Edgar, I thought you wanted a child.”

“I do, but listen to me, Emily. You cannot have a child by me.”

She shook her head in disbelief. “Why not? I know it hasn’t happened yet, but we can keep trying—”

“
No!
” The vehemence of his tone frightened her. He must have seen it in her eyes for his voice softened as he explained, “Dr. Montgomery said he has seen this disease run in families, passed down from parent to child. When I think back on it, both my father and my grandfather may have had this.”

“Oh dear God.”

“I will not sentence a child of mine to this torture. It would be too cruel.”

Emily nodded her agreement even as the sadness threatened to overwhelm her. It was possible their child would escape the illness, but she knew Edgar would never take that chance.

What were they to do now? She wanted a child…no, she wanted Edgar’s child. But now that was not to be.

Edgar seemed to have read her thoughts. “There is another avenue open to us.”

Emily stared at him, puzzled. “Do you mean take in someone else’s child?”

“No.” Edgar took a deep breath and tried to stop his voice and his body from shaking. With his next words, he could lose the only woman he had ever truly loved. Would she be so appalled at his suggestion that she would leave him? Or, if she agreed to his proposal, would he lose her to the man she chose?

“I have been giving it some thought, Emily.”

When he hesitated, she said, “Aye?”

“I think you should take a lover.”

She was silent for a moment then she began to giggle. “Oh Edgar, do be serious.”

“I am being serious.”

She stopped laughing. Then she wrapped her arms around her knees as if to protect herself from him and his suggestion. “Is this a trap?” she asked, her voice shaking.

“
What?
No, of course it isn’t a trap.” It never occurred to him she would see it that way. “What do you mean?”

“Are ye trying to find a reason to divorce me?”

“No, absolutely not! Why would I want to do that?”

“If I can’t give you a child, ye no longer need me. I thought you loved me.”

“I do love you, Emily, with every bone in my body.”

“Then how can you ask me to do such a thing?”

“Because I think it may be the solution to our problem. It is not unusual for a man to have a mistress or a woman to take a lover.”

“No,” she breathed, then more strongly, “
no
, not this woman. I won’t do that, I cannae do that. I love
you
, Edgar. I don’t want to lie with anyone else.”

He pulled her down beside him and laid his hand on her cheek. “Please, love, hear me out. I—”

“No, I won’t listen. There has to be another way. Perhaps Dr. Stevenson could do something.”

“You know there is no other way, my love. The child will be raised as mine and if it is a boy, he shall become the tenth Earl of Callander.” As if anticipating her next question, he said, “I will not love him or her any less than I would a child of my own.”

He could see the unshed tears in her eyes. He wondered if this idea was causing her more pain than it was really worth. Then he remembered the way Raymond had acted toward her and he knew it had to be done.

His decline in health had been so gradual that most of the time he had been able to accept it. Now all the agony and frustration of his slowly failing body welled up inside him. He had done her an injustice by letting her fall in love with him. He had known it was possible he would be unable to father a child and he had told her that from the start. But he never suspected that he would be forced to
choose
not to.

His mouth was so dry, he could hardly force out his next words. “There is something else, my love.”

“What? What else are ye not tellin’ me?”

“I know you have had no experience of men, Emily, but you must realize that I am not, well, as able as a normal man is.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I…I want you to know how it feels to have a real man inside you.”

“Oh Edgar, don’t say that. You
are
a real man, you are a wonderful lover.”

He chuckled, trying to lighten the mood. “But you have no basis for comparison, my dear.”

“And I don’t want one.”

He had one more card left to play. “Emily, I want to see your child, our child, before I die.”

At that, she did begin to cry. He held her tightly and pressed her head against his shoulder. He ran his fingers through her soft, golden curls and inhaled her scent, just as he had done the first night she lay by his side. When his time on earth was done, the only regret he would have was leaving her. He had to make sure she would be taken care of and he trusted her to choose the right man. The same man he had thought of as simply her protector—the one who might now be her lover.

“Hush now,” he said. “We will talk more about it in the morning.”

* * * * *

Breakfast the next morning was a very quiet affair. Emily struggled even to keep her eyes open until she had had her first cup of tea. She had lain awake most of the night, listening to Edgar breathing beside her. She could tell that he had not slept either. Now she stole glances at him across the small table in his room, but when she found him looking at her with a tender smile, she immediately averted her gaze. To his credit, Edgar didn’t press her, he seemed to sense that she needed time to digest the plan he had put forth.

For the next few days, neither of them mentioned it. Edgar was able to get up and move around, ironically somewhat better than he had before the fall. He even walked a bit in the garden and that seemed to bolster his strength even more.