Michael
took his last breath at two thirty-seven on a Thursday afternoon with
his wife, his mother, his brother, and me by his side. It was an
emotional day for all of us, but the worst day of Rachel’s
life. She lost her best friend and partner. She saw it coming and
there was nothing she could do but wait for it to happen.
Will
and Michael’s sisters came in for the funeral. It was the first
time they had all been together since our wedding. Not exactly the
reunion they were hoping for, but all agreed it was nice to see each
other.
Funerals
are strange for me. They bring on a mix of emotions due to my only
points of reference for them: my parents’ funeral where I
wasn’t allowed to speak, my grandmother’s funeral where
everyone should be glad I didn’t speak, my grandfather’s
funeral where my too-young self gave the eulogy, and Will’s
funeral where his father gave an Oscar-worthy performance. Michael’s
funeral, I’ve decided, is going to erase all of the other
funeral memories. Will turned it into a day to celebrate Michael’s
life. A day when the life and character of his brother was the focus,
not his sad and too-early departure.
Victoria
stayed with Rachel for a week as we all helped her pack Michael’s
things up. I asked if she wanted to wait a bit, but she said that
Michael asked her not to and she wanted to honor his request.
Victoria and I followed her instructions on what was staying and what
was going, which was most of it. She kept pictures and a knick-knack
or two, a few of Michael’s favorite t-shirts, and the blanket
we gave him for his birthday. Other than that, everything else of his
went.
The
whole thing was devastating for Will. He worked directly with the
funeral director to lessen the burden on Rachel. He spent two days
preparing his eulogy for the service and kept such a brave face with
every word.
We
hosted a reception at our house for friends and what little family
Michael had left. Outside of Rachel, the only family Michael had was
his mother, Will, and their sisters. The people who worked for
Michael had a lot of respect for him. We met Clive, the guy who is
buying the hot air balloon company, and he seemed like he was really
invested in making it work. Will didn’t like the idea of the
business ever going under, so he made Clive promise to come to Will
if there were any financial problems. Will felt like it was his
responsibility to keep that legacy alive.
After
the reception was over, and the dust settled from all the waiting and
planning and carrying out of plans, Will and I collapsed on our bed,
physically and emotionally exhausted. That was when, once again, I
held my husband while he wept for the loss of his brother.
We
cuddled the girls a lot in the days that followed. It amazes me the
impact death has on a person. The impact it has had on me in my life.
But watching the impact it has had on Will has been the most
upsetting. The last thing I ever want him or the girls to experience
is pain. I know I can’t keep it from them. And I suppose I’m
not sure I would if I were able to. I have learned that pain can be a
necessary catalyst to growth. But, to be honest, I’m having a
hard time seeing the growth potential from this experience.
With
Michael’s death behind us, we begin to look ahead at life. New
life. Specifically, the life Tyler and Caroline want to have
together. I had only a couple of conversations with Caroline during
Michael’s final days and in the month that followed. She wanted
to be sure I cleared my calendar for the days she was going to sneak
into town to plan her epic proposal. Those conversations were silver
linings to the otherwise dark clouds that seemed to surround me at
the time.
Caroline
is going to be here in twenty minutes, so I have to shove Will out
the door or everything will be ruined. Eliana is coming in thirty
minutes to watch the girls and then we’ll be on our way.
“You’re
sure you can handle this today?” I ask Will. “It’s
the first time you’ve been out there since …”
“I’m
fine, Layla.” Will kisses the top of my head. “But I
appreciate your concern. This is actually just what I need.”
I
let out a relieved sigh. “Good … now leave!”
“Geez!
Alright already!” he laughs. “Is there anything else I
need to do besides get the groom-to-be there?”
“No.
Rachel said she has everything covered on their end. And from what
she’s described, it’s going to be ridiculous!” I
wrap my arms around Will’s middle, remembering the Christmas
night he proposed to me on the dock in Tallahassee. Despite the
craziness of the life we were living at the time, it was the most
perfect proposal I could have ever dreamed of. “Oh, and I got a
text from her this morning confirming that the weather is more than
ideal for today.”
“Awesome!
Okay … I think I have everything. Let me get out of here
before Caroline arrives.” I open the front door for Will and he
kisses me hard. “You know … I’m thinking all this
romance is going to set the mood for later, if you know what I mean.”
I love the seductively sinister grin of my husband.
“Oh,
I know exactly what you mean and I’ve already thought ahead.”
I give him a sexy smile and kiss him so he knows I mean business.
“I’ve
said it before, and I’ll say it again: Best. Wife. Ever.”
“I
know. Now go! I’ll see you soon. Love you!”
“Love
you, too, babe!”
I
watch Will until his car disappears and then go inside to finalize
everything. I feed the girls and get little bags of snacks prepared
for them along with their dinner so Gramma Ellie doesn’t have
to worry about it.
The
doorbell rings and I practically jump out of my skin. I’m so
excited and nervous, which is crazy because today is totally not
about me.
“Hey,
you!” I say to Caroline. She crosses the threshold and hugs me
fiercely.
“Hey!
I’ve missed you! Today is going to be so fun!”
“It’s
going to be the best!” I tell her. If she only knew! “We
have to multitask a bit, though. I hope that’s okay.”
“Sure,
what’s up? Something with my girls?” Caroline hears the
babbles of Natalie and Claire and makes a beeline for the back room
where the girls are laughing with each other in their play yard.
Unable to resist, Caroline picks Claire up and smothers her with
kisses.
“No,
actually. Eliana is on her way over to watch them for me. Will has
some business out at Rachel’s and he left something here that
he needs. Some file or something that he says he left in my car.”
That seemed like the most plausible lie we could tell her. “So,
we’re going to have to take the first part of our planning
session on the road.”
“Oh,
that’s cool. You drive, I’ll talk!”
Within
minutes Eliana is there and mostly ignoring me, as happens when the
grandparents get around these two girls. She’s been helpful
enough that I don’t have to do anything to prep her except
point to which food item comes next.
We
get in the car and are part way down the road when Caroline’s
wardrobe choice finally registers with me.
“What
are you wearing?” I say.
“What?”
“What
is that on your shirt?”
“Um
… it’s Barbie. You know, the silhouette logo of the
iconic doll.” Her tone is sarcastic and confused. “You
don’t like Barbie, or something?”
“No,
I love Barbie,” I tell her. I need to think. Do I fake a gas
stop and text Rachel to see if she has something Caroline can wear,
or do we let this day be captured for all eternity with Caroline
wearing a
Barbie
t-shirt?
I
take the ramp onto the highway and round the sharp curve into the
merge lane when we hear a thud from the back of the car.
“What
was that?” Caroline turns around in her seat looking for the
source of our startle. That’s when I find the solution to the
impending problem.
“That’s
a box of clothes I’m taking to the Help Center. Some stuff that
doesn’t fit any of us anymore, and a few things I just don’t
wear.” I remember now that there is a black and red
houndstooth, thigh-length trench coat in that box that Caroline
mentioned liking. It will work perfectly!
“Oh,
well that’s good. I thought you were hiding a body back there
or something,” she laughs. “So … here’s what
I’m thinking. You know how Tyler loves paintball?” I nod
and wonder where in the world she is going with this. Paintball does
not scream
romantic
proposal
. “Well,
I was thinking Will could get the guys together and they could go
play paintball during one of the open-play times. They do this thing
where you don’t have to be part of a group. It’s kind of
a free-for-all. When enough people are there, they play an
every-man-for-himself game.”
Paintball?
Really?
“Okay.
So how does the proposal fit into that very non-romantic scenario?”
I question.
“It’s
not about me, Layla. It’s about what would be meaningful to
Tyler.”
“And
you don’t think Tyler wants the moment you two get engaged to
be romantic?”
“I
want it to be memorable for him. Are you going to fight me on this?”
Caroline’s doe eyes look up at me. It’s hard to resist
them as she begs me to help her create what she truly believes is
going to be an epic proposal.
“No,
I’m not going to fight you. I’m sorry. I just want to
make sure that you have an experience that is so epic that your
great-grandchildren are going to talk about it, and for the right
reasons.” I reach over and grasp Caroline’s hand. “If
you’re lucky, you only get engaged once.”
Caroline
goes inside her head for a moment. When she reemerges, she brings her
true feelings with her. “I’m worried that I’ve
scared him. I mean, we’re good. We’ve talked, but …
We used to say things like ‘
when
we’re married.’ Lately he’s been saying ‘
if
we get married.’ I have to show him that my feelings haven’t
changed. I have to make him know that I’m just as invested as I
was before I flaked.”
“So
you’re planning a proposal you think a
guy
would like? Caroline, a proposal should be everything both of you
wants to remember for the rest of your lives. It should encompass the
things that you both find beautiful and meaningful. Paintball is
something that Tyler enjoys, but he would never associate with you or
your relationship.”
Caroline
lets out a hard breath and turns back to face the road. She flips
through the little notebook she’s been keeping her proposal
ideas in and then rips out several pages.
“Well,
I guess I’m back to square one.” She looks sad and
defeated. She wants so badly to prove to Tyler that she loves him.
“Hey.
Just be present in your relationship with him and I promise that it’s
all going to work out exactly as it should. Now, let’s just
enjoy the scenic drive and catch up. I can’t promise I won’t
talk non-stop about Natalie and Claire, but feel free to stop me if I
begin to ramble on about them.” I let a huge grin take over my
face, which seems to help settle Caroline. I watch her physically
relax as she leans back and pulls one knee to her chest.
I
ask and Caroline is more than willing to tell me all about her
European tour. I beam with excitement for her when she tells me more
about taking the lead on Clooney’s Lake Como home redesign, and
that if that project wraps up in time she’s hoping to get the
Sting contract.
“These
are real, actual words, Caroline. You just used the names Clooney and
Sting in a sentence and neither was in reference to a dream you had!”
We laugh at the awesomeness of it all and I remind her to take time
and celebrate her success. She’s so good at what she does and
deserves every good thing that comes her way. I also make her promise
to hire me as her personal assistant during both of those projects
because there is no way I’m not going to take advantage of my
best friend and get to meet George Clooney and Sting.
Caroline
doesn’t stop me when I tell her all about all the changes the
twins are going through. They’re growing so fast and it’s
hard to take sometimes. I have to remind myself not to blink because
every time I do, I open my eyes to something new that they’ve
learned how to do.
We
talk like giddy girls about her one-day wedding and think that if she
can hold off long enough, we really could get the twins to be flower
girls. I can’t promise they’ll actually toss flower
petals, but they’ll look adorable toddling down the aisle with
little satin baskets.
We
pull onto the dirt road that leads to Rachel’s and my heart
starts to race with nervous excitement. I’m so glad Caroline
and I had the conversation we did. It’s going to make this
moment even more spectacular.
“Oh
my gosh! I’ve never seen a hot air balloon this close before!”
Caroline exclaims. Rachel let Tyler use the only pink balloon they
have because it’s Caroline’s favorite color. “Do
you think she’ll let me get a closer look? I don’t want
to intrude on whoever’s plans.”
“I’m
sure it’ll be fine,” I tell her with a mischievous grin.
She’s really making this easy! We take a few steps away from
the car when I remember the coat. “Oh! Caroline, hold on.
You’re going to need this.” She looks at me with a
quizzical expression but takes the coat anyway and puts it on. “Um
… the balloon lets off weird air flows.” It was the
strangest excuse I had ever come up with off the cuff, but I was
going to have to count on Caroline’s ignorance to buy it.
We
enter the house and find Rachel and Will leaning casually against the
counters in the kitchen. I wonder how quickly they ran from the front
door to their positions and chuckle.
“Hey
babe!” Will says greeting me. “Thanks for coming all the
way out here. I really appreciate it. There’s no way we could
get done what we need to if you hadn’t brought what we needed.”