Ancient Blood: A Novel of the Hegemony (The Order Saga Book 1) (30 page)

“Let’s do it,” I said. “Get me out of here.”

* * * * *

“You’ll hide back here in my quarters ‘till I’m sure everybody’s asleep, then you’ll leave during the shift change,” Ash told me as I followed him into the security office. He indicated two blood packs on his desk but continued across the room to a door that had always been locked.

I took the blood packs and drank one as he opened the door, revealing a tan and olive room that was a walk-in closet in a previous life. Inside, everything was military-neat, the bedding crisp and flat, the polished surfaces of the nightstand and dresser uninterrupted by so much as a picture frame.

“Put on these fatigues and remove the rank pins,” he continued, going to a tiny closet next to the bathroom. “I think I’ve still got my Lieutenant’s bars in a drawer somewhere. If we have time, I’ll shave your hair. If not, just keep the cap on. You’ll have written orders but I’ll call ahead to Reading at the dock to make sure it’s smooth.”

I finished the first blood pack and tossed it before opening the second. “Ash, did you take a little brown case out of my car after you caught us?”

He tossed a hanger with pressed fatigues onto the bed and reached for the matching boots. “Yeah. What’s in it?”

“Well, there’s a serum that Ca … that her scientists came up with during the last month or so that helps fight the hibernation urge.”

He nodded. “I’ll get it. Got some sun lotion for you, too. Hurry up and get ready, there’s a lot to—what?” He noticed me looking over his shoulder and turned around.

Caroline stood in the doorway of the office.

None of us spoke until she came in, one careful step at a time. “What’s the occasion?”

Her voice was almost fearful and the horrible reality of what I’d done hit me again. I tried to read her expression, her tone and implications of her choice of words. She hadn’t said “What’s he doing here?” and hadn’t run away but she also couldn’t meet my eyes any more than I could meet hers.

Ash cleared his throat and rubbed the back of his neck. “Well, I’ve arranged a way to get you and Avery back to the mainland this morning. I was about to come up to get you, in fact. I think there’s nothing for either of you to do here except come to more harm.”

For the first time, she made eye contact with me. “Avery? You—you’re leaving?”

Ash stepped aside and I felt exposed. I didn’t want her here. Didn’t want her questioning me and didn’t want to have to face her so soon. Getting out was such a simple option and I just wanted to do it and fuck the explanations, arguments and justifications. I wanted to go back to a world where I understood how things worked, even if that world was a great big lie.

“What am I supposed to do?” I asked. “You know they’re gonna kill us tomorrow night if we’re still here, so what’s the point of staying? Besides, it’s not like we’re any use here. Whatever plans you had, it’s over for us. Hell, even if Iago wasn’t a complete fucking two-faced—”

“He’s not. That was just—”

“Oh, bullshit!” I paced near the console. “I saw him, Caroline! He got in my head and fucked around with me and made me try to kill you! Don’t you get that? And the worst part is, now that I know he did it once, I have no idea how many other times he might have done it! How can we be sure of anything about him? We can’t be sure we ever had that meeting the way we remember it! We can’t be sure of anything!”

“That’s not true.” How could she be calm, collected and rational after everything that had happened?

Ash, slipping between us, mumbled an excuse about getting Caroline’s case and left. She watched him go and I forced myself to wait and listen rather than continue my rant. Even though I really, really wanted to rant.

“Avery, I know you’re upset but would you please let me explain?”

I saw how thin her calm was, how fragile—a last layer of ice over turbulent waters, just waiting for that first crack to start the chain reaction. I nodded and sat down to be less threatening.

She swallowed and took a breath. “First of all, Iago has very little reason to want me dead and even if he did, his plan would have been more subtle and left less to chance.”

Only thing left to chance was me I thought, considering how many ways things could have happened so those fake memories weren’t discovered. We’d already given Iago his weapon and covered our involvement, so what were we to him but liabilities?

“This whole thing was meant to look like a desperate, last-minute gambit and designed to fail—not completely, of course, since I was supposed to be killed but you would have been caught. Who knew ahead of time what Valmont was … going to do to me? That you’d be available and hungry in your room hours later? This plan smacks of Julia, a vindictive mockery of Iago which bolsters their weak case against him while eliminating Sebastian’s troublesome Pupils.”

I shifted in my seat. “I dunno, Caroline, this is all getting a little too
Godfather
for me, you know? I saw him, I heard him say the words.”

Either because of my calmer demeanor or an increase in confidence, she moved closer to me and sat on the edge of the desk. “There’s a rare ability among those with very strong minds that allows them to appear as someone else to others. It’s a form of mind control, sometimes called a glamour.”

So now I couldn’t even trust the memory of my assault. Was there anything I could trust?

She sighed and tried a gentler tone. “I think you realize that what I’m saying makes sense but you’re resisting it because a betrayal by Iago justifies this escape attempt. Avery, even if it were Iago who hypnotized you, I would still try to save him because he’s the least of the evils we have to choose from.”

That got me to my feet again. “Oh, Christ, what’s the fucking point? Why is it
our
problem at all? I refuse to believe it makes a difference—it’s like the fucking presidential election, nothing ever changes. Caroline, please just come with me! Everybody will be too caught up in this bullshit to care about us. We can go back to our original plans and be together like before…” I forced down the lump in my throat. “Or, if you want, we can go our separate ways. Either way, let me help you get away, let me do that for you at least.”

I managed not to cry, so Caroline did it for me. Her whole face crumbled into sobs. I took a step toward her and opened my arms but then I hesitated, unsure how she’d respond to my touch. She answered my unspoken question by rushing over to embrace me.

“Oh, Avery,” she mumbled into my collar. “I’m so sorry…”

“No, don’t say that, please don’t.” I clutched her, my anger gone in an instant. “I’d do anything in the world to take back what happened tonight. I’m just … so ashamed.”

She lifted her head to meet my eyes. “Don’t ever let yourself feel ashamed about that! What Julia did to you was no less an assault than what Valmont did to me. We have to accept it and move on.”

“Okay. Just keep your stun gun handy.”

She left my arms to drag Ash’s chair over. “Avery, I forgive you for the attack—I know you probably understand that by now but I wanted to say the words. I knew something like that might be in Sebastian’s plans … and then, when Valmont did his thing to me, I thought that was it.”

She took my hand. “There’s something else I want to tell you—a few things—but the most important is that I do love you. I should have told you long before now—I wanted to—but I let myself get held up in trying to define what I felt and keeping contingencies open and … it’s silly but I was afraid that admitting I loved you would trap me somehow. That it would be a weakness they could use against me or maybe just a weakness I’d feel within myself. God, does any of this make sense?”

She was babbling but I didn’t mind. She was babbling about loving me, after all. So I smiled and let her continue with everything she needed to say.

“But, tonight, after everything that happened to me, I realized that what hurt the most was seeing you look at me with such … hatred. When they took you away, it killed something in me to think that I was never going to see you again, that I’d lost you. It was the same after the library. The worst part wasn’t the humiliation or the way I felt betrayed by my own body—no, I need to talk about this, I need to get it out into the light … even th—the residue of his hands on me wasn’t the worst … it was the memory of how much it hurt you to watch it.”

Her eyes watered up again but she paused and wiped the tears away. I wrapped my free arm around her shoulder and pulled her close to me.

“I need you, Avery. I need you here with me but … I have to tell you something before you decide. I know that if I don’t tell you now, I’ll rationalize some reason to keep it from you forever. I want to move on from here honestly, even if that means taking the chance that you’ll leave me.”

No pressure, right?

She sat up and swallowed then took a deep breath which became a yawn. I hoped Ash was back soon with that serum. “All right,” she began with a silent plea in her eyes. “I never told you I’ve been piecing my plan together for the better part of twenty years. I saw where Sebastian’s plans were headed by chatting anonymously online with Vampyrs in various positions of influence. I told you the truth when I said I arranged my escape during those years … what I omitted was how I also laid the groundwork for my return.”

Something deep inside laughed and said
“I told ya so!”

My hand slipped out from between hers and she let it go. “That’s right,” she said. “I tipped Ash off about where to find us. I had an arrangement with Governor DeWinter that he wouldn’t look very hard for me in exchange for updates on the progress of my research. Sebastian may not agree with changing the way God made the Vampyr but the DeWinters can see the advantages.” Unable to meet my eyes, she stood and paced.

“I thought this DeWinter was Sebastian’s buddy,” I said, to avoid asking the most obvious questions.

“He’s a pragmatist. His priorities are the safety and power of his family, then America and then the rest of the Domain. Keeping the current Hegemon in power falls a distant fourth. However, as I was saying, I needed freedom of movement for a few years to accelerate the pace of my research projects. It also kept Sebastian too distracted to implement a few of his more disastrous plans and forced him to hold off on partnering with Julia. He needed me back, so he could pretend nothing had changed.” She stopped and looked at me. “What I didn’t plan on was
you
.”

Just then, the door opened. Ash slipped in and looked sheepish when he saw our identical expressions. He set down the case with the serum and made a beeline for his room.

“I’m telling him,” Caroline said as he passed.

“Nice timing,” he said back.

I waited. She came back to sit down again. “Avery, I’m sorry for dragging you into this without telling you everything. I just couldn’t imagine doing it. The way you made me feel … it was all so new, so wonderful! There were times you made me forget about all this and my plans.”

Though I remained bothered by what she’d done, she still captivated me with the joy in her voice and the faraway gleam of her eyes.

“There were so many nights I wanted to run away with you for real, that I became terrified I was going to give in to the temptation. I created plans for sneaking away in the night and disappearing because I couldn’t imagine telling you I was leaving. Remember how many times I tried to convince you that you shouldn’t become a Vampyr or that you should get away from me while you could? Would you have left me, do you think, even if I’d told you all this back in Princeton?”

I wanted to say that I would have, that this made all the difference but I had to tell her the truth. “Probably not.”

She squeezed her eyes shut for a moment. “I should have told you. I know that now. I just couldn’t believe that anyone would be part of this just for my sake. I made myself believe that you had to experience the shock of it—maybe it was those damn movies you made me watch but I was convinced you wouldn’t take the threat seriously unless it was shocked into you. I knew some of the traumas you’d be put through and I brought you here anyway. I don’t know if you can forgive me, or even if you should.”

Maybe she was manipulating me again by apologizing and taking so much blame onto herself but I also know what I was like when all this started. I would have treated all this like a role-playing adventure and gotten us both killed. It hurts to admit that but I know it’s true.

“When I knew in my heart that I needed you with me,” she said, “I worked you into the plan and convinced myself you were essential. I should have known that I loved you then but I didn’t want to excuse my selfishness by calling it love. That’s why I could never say it, no matter how much I wanted to.”

“But, I still don’t get why you won’t come with me,” I argued. “Why not get out from underfoot until the Clash of the Titans is over and then make more plans?”

“Because we still have work to do,” she said. The cutting edge of conviction in her tone and the resolve I saw in her eyes eliminated any temptation to treat her words as simple optimism. “When I made the decision to become a Vampyr, I had a number of reasons. Over these last fifty years, I’ve lost every single one except the desire to effect a positive change in the world with the resources we control. Geoffrey was right about my inability to stop caring I suppose but I can’t turn my back on the possibilities I see ahead just because the road is difficult. I need to feel that my life, when it’s over, meant something beyond simple existence. For whatever part I might have played in Sebastian’s condition, I intend to stop his plan and Julia’s, from succeeding—or die trying.”