And Then He Kissed Me (22 page)

“I want to tell you what really went down when we first met,” he continued. “I want us to have a chance, if it’s not too late. And in order for that to happen, I have to tell you about the past.”

“A chance?” Audrey faltered. Her insides twisted. Was Kieran actually talking about them being together in the present tense? She must have heard him wrong. “I don’t follow.”

“I mean I care for you, Audrey. But for us to have a shot, I need to talk about what happened. I want you to have the full picture—the
true
picture—of what occurred after we got together.”

A buzzing started in Audrey’s brain. A tide of emotions wanted to burst forth inside her. Surprise. Hope. And skepticism, too. They were all rolling together into one mass that was pressing against her heart. Vaguely, she was aware of Kieran saying her name, staring at her with concern.

“You want to be with me?” she finally managed to ask.

“Very much.”

Affection swelled, but she pinned it back. “But you have to tell me something in order for that to happen?”

Kieran nodded. “And I have to warn you, it won’t be pleasant to hear.”

Audrey’s throat felt suddenly scratchy. She wanted water. She swallowed.

Kieran watched her, his pale green eyes never leaving her face. Her mind raced under his gaze. He wanted her to hear his confession.

So that they could be together.

Confusion darkened her vision. The only question was: Did she want to be with
him
?

She still felt dizzy from their sizzling sex, the exquisite release he’d given her. But her jumbled emotions signaled a warning that anything more than a spicy romp in the grass was a bad idea. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if he just kept his secret and they stayed friends of a sort. Or colleagues. Dread chilled her as she wondered what he could possibly have to say.

Should she really give Kieran Callaghan her ear? Five years ago, she’d given him everything. And he’d ridden away without a glance backward.

Now, he was asking her to risk her heart again.

“I—I’m not sure this is a good idea,” she whispered.

“It may not be, but I can’t think of another way.” Kieran’s muscles were taut with tension just under his skin.

“I think you should take me home.” She held out her hand for her coat. He handed it over slowly.

She shrugged into it, ignoring the hurt creasing his face.

“Audrey, please. If you’ll just give me a chance…”

She shook her head. The truth was, she had given him a chance. And he’d squandered it when he left.

“Whatever happened, I think it’s best if it just stays in the past. We had our time five years ago. I’m not sure there’s anything left for us.” Her brain reeled as she spoke the words. Was that true? Did she even believe what she was saying?

Oh, but she couldn’t let this man try to win her back. Five years ago, maybe they could have worked out. But that was a long time ago.

Things were different now.

There was a prickling behind her eyes. She turned from him to blink away any tears. The pain surprised her. She wanted to feel more relief, more assurance that she was doing the right thing.

You are,
she told herself.
You are.

When she turned back, his face was shadowed.

“We should go,” she said, her voice hollow in her own ears.

Wordlessly, he nodded.

She slung a leg over the motorcycle and grabbed her helmet, fastening it while he climbed on. The engine rattled her mind, her body, shaking loose a torrent of thoughts. Was she making the right choice? Was this all a terrible mistake?

Afternoon light dappled the new leaves on the trees, but Audrey couldn’t find any beauty in it. The wind was raw in her face, her seat on the motorcycle lumpy and unforgiving. In front of her, Kieran’s back was as straight and hard as a two-by-four.

A lump rose in her throat. She studied his rigid muscles, his unbending frame, and told herself it wasn’t so bad.

She wasn’t the same Audrey Tanner she was five years ago, and this had proved it. Kieran’s steeliness wasn’t her enemy. It was her reward.

She should embrace it.

The motorcycle turned away from the sun, into the long afternoon shadows.

Audrey fought a deep, unforgiving chill that went straight into her marrow.

C
HAPTER
SIXTEEN

T
he next day, a mist hung in the air, turning the sky and trees the same flat color as the cement under Audrey’s feet. Not even the bright green asparagus cutout she’d spotted in front of Lumberjack Grocery—featuring a smiling mom, dad, and baby asparagus—could offset the flat, dull gray all around.

The thick, muddled air matched her mood more than she wanted to admit. Since her conversation with Kieran yesterday, Audrey’s thoughts had been clouded, her whole being more than a little off kilter. Her mind had replayed the fiery sex and his unexpected profession in the parking lot over and over, wondering what “truth” Kieran could possibly need to tell her.

There was a splinter of doubt embedded deep inside about the way she was reacting to all this. It rubbed her emotions raw with every breath. Had she made the right choice by not hearing him out? She still didn’t know, and the uncertainty was making her weary.

As she headed to the Dane County offices, she trembled at the memory of the intensity with which they’d come together next to the river. As hot as it had been, she wondered if there could be more between them. There
had
been more, five years ago, the first time they’d made love.

But that had ended in disaster and heartbreak.

She shook her head. She’d tried to ignore the soreness in her chest that had been there since they’d parted. But every time she thought about the emotions storming in the pale green seas of Kieran’s eyes or remembered his words of affection, the ache would start all over again.

Desperate to take her mind off of everything and needing time away from Kieran, Audrey had called in sick to the dealership and instead turned her focus to her recent conversation with Sonja and Caitlin. The idea of helping more people in White Pine become fit—not just high-school kids—was her one bright spot right now.

Earlier that very morning, on a whim, she’d decided to head down to the YMCA.

The soggy day had only looked worse in the dull morning light. But inside the clean, carpeted lobby, it had been a colorful mix of oranges and greens. She’d smelled chlorine from the pool, and it reminded her of hotels and vacations.

“Can I speak with a personal trainer?” she’d asked. Briefly she wondered if she was being too brash—did you need to make an appointment before you saw a trainer?—but the woman behind the front desk simply nodded.

“Sure thing,” she replied. “Let me get Greg.”

A few minutes later, a short, compact man entered the lobby, bouncing on the balls of his feet as if he were warming up for a race.

He held out a hand to Audrey. “Greg Freeman. How can I help?” She shook his hand. He continued to bounce.

“I have a few questions,” Audrey said. “I was hoping I might be able to speak with someone about training?”

His gaze flitted up and down her body. Assessing, she realized.

“Are you training for something specific? Trying to build up to a new fitness level?”

“I—actually, I was thinking about
becoming
a personal trainer. But I wanted to talk with someone who was actually doing it. I know you’re busy, so I’m happy to make an appointment if that’s helpful. Or maybe buy you coffee for your time?”

To her delight, he had twenty minutes before his next client, so in exchange for an energy drink out of a vending machine, he let her pick his brain about which certifications would be necessary, whether she should specialize in a specific kind of training, and how she should go about getting clients.

Greg’s chatter was as nonstop as his bouncing. Audrey listened and took notes, pausing only when Greg mentioned how much the certifications cost.

“It’ll probably run you about a grand,” he said, pounding back the last of his energy drink. “There’s certification and there’s testing, too. And sometimes you need specific equipment. Heart rate monitors, for example.”

Audrey’s heart sank. She decidedly didn’t have a thousand dollars lying around for any of this.

“Don’t let the cost get you down,” Greg said, reading her expression. “Some places offer scholarships or financing. I funded mine by entering a bodybuilding contest. I took second, which was almost eight hundred bucks in prize money.”

His comment instantly ignited an idea in her mind. She could feel herself grinning as she thanked him profusely for his time.

Now, a manila folder under her arm, she was headed into the Dane County offices to see about making her dream a reality.

Her phone rang just as she reached the building’s front doors. She fished the cell out of her pocket, then held back a groan. It was Casey, who had been trying to reach her for days. She’d ignored the calls, largely because she knew Casey would ask about Kieran, and Audrey didn’t want to talk about him. What had happened on Sunday was surprising and confusing—but it was also private.

She could still feel Kieran’s mouth on her breasts, could still feel his warm hands on her flesh, could still feel him stretching her until she thought she’d crack wide open. She shivered. She could never tell Casey about any of that. And the parts of Sunday’s fight she
could
tell Casey about would just have her sister saying what Audrey had already come to terms with—that there was no hope for her and Kieran in the present.

Still. She had to speak to her sister at some point. She hit talk, silently praying that Arvid Faltskog would be working the county desk when she was done with the call. Arvid was always efficient with paperwork—even if he was grumpy about it.

“Hey, Casey,” she said, forcing brightness into her voice. She stepped into the building’s foyer, out of the dreary day.

“I’ve been trying to reach you. Where have you been?”

I’m fine, thanks for asking,
Audrey thought. “Oh, just busy,” she said instead. “I’m on my way right now to enter the Asparagus Queen pageant. Wish me luck.”

There was a pause. “Why would you do that?”

Audrey looked down, staring at the swirls in the marble floor. Whites and browns intertwined in the rosy stone like ribbons of marshmallow and chocolate.
There are sweet things everywhere if you just look,
she thought to herself.

“Technically, I qualify,” Audrey replied carefully, “since I’m between the ages of twenty-four and forty, and I have lived in White Pine for more than five years. Those are the rules.”

“Those may be the rules, but it’s still a pageant. Honestly, are you going to wear a gown and give a speech?”

“I will wear a dress,” Audrey said. “And if the judges ask for a speech, I’ll tell them how much I love White Pine.”

Casey surprised her by giggling suddenly. “No ventriloquism, though, right? Because that would be
nuts
.”

Audrey stopped walking. “Are you seriously bringing up Mr. Chippy right now?”

Casey laughed harder. “I’m sorry, I know I shouldn’t. But…I haven’t heard from Mr. Chippy since that Hawaiian vacation he took to find some
coconuts
.”

Audrey tried to summon irritation at being teased, but instead she laughed at the shared memory of how she’d uncovered a chipmunk puppet at a garage sale when she was eleven, and convinced herself she was a ventriloquist. Casey had helped her write a whole skit with “Mr. Chippy,” which she’d performed at her middle school talent show. Needless to say, the kids loved the endless jokes about nuts—but the teachers, not so much.

“My nuts are so cold, I’d better hide them in this
wood
.” Casey hiccupped, losing it now.

“Casey!” Audrey cried, laughing even more. “Come on. I’m serious. I want to do the asparagus pageant.”

“You
know
Chippy’s momma always had her cheeks full of nuts.”

Audrey clapped her hand over her mouth to hold the laughter back. “Oh my God, stop it right now.”

But the sisters wound up giggling to each other for several more moments. When she could finally breathe again, Audrey was instantly lighter and more clear-headed. Her sister could be prickly at times, but she was also the only person who could make Audrey laugh until tears leaked from her eyes.

On the other end, Casey exhaled. “Listen, do what you want, but I just worry about you, Audrey. The pageant is fine, but I just want to make sure it’s not a distraction from finding a real job. And by real job I don’t mean this silly dealership thing.”

Audrey clutched the phone, wondering how she could explain that part of her actually agreed, and that the pageant was all part of a much bigger plan. She was going to enter the Asparagus Queen pageant—and take back her career by using the prize money to pay for training certifications. After all, it wasn’t as if she were desperate to get back to the dealership anytime soon and face Kieran on the showroom floor.