Angel Eclipsed (The Louisiangel Series Book 2) (18 page)

“I’m coming with you,” Joshua informed me. “It’s my day off anyway.” I didn’t argue. I needed somebody to escort me through the building anyway. We walked in silence until we got outside, at which point Joshua grabbed my hand. “We need to talk.” He looked so relieved when I nodded, that I honestly thought he expected me to say no. He didn’t let go of my hand, instead leading me over to his car.

We drove in silence for a long time. I wasn’t really paying any attention to where we were going until we pulled off the road onto a dirt track. We finally came to a stop, and I realized where we were. I’d been here before once before, though I had not been awake at the time. Wherever we were, and it did seem that it was somewhere along the edge of Lake Pontchartrain as I’d suspected, this was Joshua’s place of escape. I had to pinch myself to make sure I wasn’t asleep. I looked over and caught Joshua watching me. Instead of explaining myself, I got out of the car.

I could hear Joshua following just behind me, but I ignored him, and continued on to the small dock, walking to the end. The sun was starting to sink in the sky, but we still had some time before sunset.

“Did
you
decide that I needed a new guardian angel, or did Leon?” Joshua asked coming to a halt behind me.

“Leon doesn’t know I’m your guardian angel,” I told him.

“No, but what he’d said to you at the precinct, that wasn’t the first time you’d heard it was it?” he said, his tone indicating he already knew the answer.

“No,” I admitted. “But he was only saying out loud the things I had been thinking. You got hurt,” I told him, simply. “You got hurt, and you got in trouble,” I added. “The fact is I couldn’t bear it if you got hurt again. I’m new to this, and I don’t know what I’m doing. You shouldn’t have to pay for that.”

Joshua stepped in front of me, and I blinked up at him. He was blurry. “I need to tell you something,” he told me. His hands reach for mine, and he held on tightly. “The thing is, you’re going to freak out about it. So, with that in mind, I’m going to do something else first. Just remember, that what I’m going to tell you is not going to be as bad as what I do.”

I stared blankly at him. What did that mean? What was he going to do? Before I could voice the questions, we were suddenly flying. We hit the water: he had thrown us both in. There was a feeling of déjà vu, and not the good kind. Once again, I found myself in Lake Pontchartrain, and once again panic set in. I broke through the surface, but arms wrapped around my waist, stopping me in my efforts to escape the water. “Joshua, let go!” I yelped.

Despite my wriggling, Joshua’s hands found mine and he tugged them back to me, pulling my back against his chest: his arms, and my arms, wrapped around my waist. “Stop struggling,” he told me, his mouth right by my ear.

“Joshua, this isn’t a dream! This is Lake Pontchartrain, and we’re really in it. And so are the alligators!” I yelled at him, continuing to panic. All of a sudden, he let go. I was out of the water in seconds, my hands and knees on the dock, doing my best to keep my terror under control.

Joshua pulled himself up beside me, and reached over. He tucked my hair behind my ears, forcing me to look at him. “I want you.” I stared at him, speechless. He merely grinned. “I want
you
,” he repeated. He leaned forward and the grin turned smug. “You’re still stunned. That means I can do this.”

He moved closer, his lips hovering over mine. I was still in too much shock to manage to do anything other than stare at him. So he kissed me. A real one this time – not one fueled by alcohol. His lips felt as real as they had when I’d kissed him when Dream Walking, and yet this was better. The warmth I felt when Joshua touched me was there, but it was more: it was heat. It surged through me, to all my extremities. If I could concentrate on anything other than his lips moving against mine, I would be wondering if there was steam coming off us.

Something took over me then. I’d like to say that it was my way of finding a release for everything I had been going through over the past few weeks. That maybe, subconsciously, my body had recognized the fact that right in this moment, I didn’t have to think about anything else. But I would be lying. Right then, I was just a girl who liked a guy, who was lucky enough to have him like her back.

The kiss deepened into something that certainly wasn’t appropriate between a human and an angel. I didn’t care. I leaned backwards, pulling Joshua with me, reveling in the feeling of areas of his body touching mine, of more heat passing from him. The heat intensified as his hand slid under my sodden top, skimming over my skin.

I let his hand travel further upwards, and then he let out a guttural groan. The noise, though far from unpleasant, flicked a switch in me. Unfortunately, it was the off switch. Feeling like the biggest bitch for leading him on, I rolled out from under him and scooted away. I could feel my face heating up, but this time, it wasn’t from Joshua’s touch. I was embarrassed.

What Hurts The Most?

“I’m sorry,” Joshua apologized, causing me to look at him. I blinked at him, feeling my face heat up even more. He rolled up into a sitting position. “I know the rules. I took it too far, I’m sorry.” Just as quickly, he shook his head. “Actually, I’m not sorry. Not for kissing you, anyway. But I am sorry that I made you break a rule.” My body may be able to move at super speed, but my brain did not. I was still trying to process what had just happened. “Unless you’re sorry I kissed you?” Joshua asked, suddenly sounding the most vulnerable I had ever heard him.

Quickly, I shook my head. “No, I’m not sorry,” I told him.

His infamous smirk suddenly appeared. “Good.”

My brain sprung into life. “You know,” I realized.

“I know a lot of things, darlin’,” he assured me. “Including the fact you think I’m hot.”

“The dreams,” I prompted him. There was a moment where I thought my reaction was going to be much more panicked. Joshua seemed to sense that I was still contemplating bolting as he shuffled to my side and reached for my hand. I found myself staring at it, visualizing the heat as it radiated from his hand up my arm. It was like an anchor. An anchor to safety. As I looked over at Joshua, those wonderful cobalt eyes fixed firmly on me, the panic subsided somewhat. I sank back, lying down, and glared up at the sky.

“So it really was you in them?” he asked, finally.

His tone made me look over, and at the sight of that smirk, I rolled my eyes. “Not all of them, perv.”

There was some more shuffling, and he lay down next to me, joining me in staring at the sky. He nudged me with his elbow. “I’m going to guess that the ones where you made an appearance as a blonde are the ones with the real you.”

I stared at him. “How did you...? Oh,” I realized, blushing. “I’m sorry.”

Joshua rolled over onto his side and propped his head up with his hand. He was frowning slightly as he stared at me. “What are you apologizing for?” he asked carefully.

“You know,” I shrugged, wishing the ground would swallow me whole.

“No, I don’t have a clue what you’re talking about,” Joshua said.

“That I’m not as willing and skilled as your dream version of me,” I admitted quietly.

“Let me make one thing perfectly clear,” Joshua said. “I’d take the real, blonde, you over anything my brain could conjure up.”

“Even if I’m never going to be able to do half the things that your dream version of me would do?” I asked in a small voice. I kept my eyes focused on a whisper of a cloud above me, unable to look at Joshua. I didn’t even want to hear his answer.

Joshua’s head appeared above mine. “Even if,” he told me, firmly.

Maybe for now, but I didn’t doubt his feelings would change over time. I wouldn’t blame him. “You’re still my charge,” I admitted softly. “Apparently you haven’t accomplished what you’re supposed to, which means you still need a guardian angel, and that’s still me.” I told him.

“I never wanted anybody else,” he responded, still hovering above me. “You’re the one that made that decision for me.” I stared up at him trying to find the words to explain myself. After a while of nothing more than water dripping from his head onto my skin, Joshua exhaled softly, his breath tickling my face, before sinking down onto his back beside me.

“Leon did say something to me,” I admitted eventually. I stretched the fingers out on each of my hands, and rubbed the palms against my thighs. “It wasn’t just that though. I feel pain, Joshua. Every time I remember Lilah, killing her, and killing Paige… It’s like,” I frowned. “It’s like getting a paper cut, only it’s a paper cut to every cell inside me. It’s a physical agony to the guilt I’m feeling. Even when I’m not thinking about it, there is this constant throbbing in my chest. It’s taken until now to work out how to function with this, and there are things that can ease that pain a little, but whenever I actively think about it, those paper cuts are back. If something were to happen to you because of me, I wouldn’t survive it.” My words had become thick, like they were having trouble moving from my throat and out into the air.

Joshua didn’t respond straight away. I thought maybe my voice had become too choked and he couldn’t understand me. Then he moved his body flush against mine, his arm closest to me snaked up behind my neck, while the other reached over and pulled me to him. While I relaxed into his chest, his hold around me remained firm. “I’m sorry I’m the cause of your pain, darlin’.”

“But you’re not,” I told him. I brought my hand up, resting it over his heart, just inches from my nose. “The fact that you are alive makes me feel,” I chewed my lip searching for the word. I finally settled on one. “Fortunate. Even though I killed Lilah to save you, I don’t regret doing it because you’re still here. You’re not the cause of my pain. If anything, you’re my drug. You’re like an analgesic: being with you dulls it.”

“I’m your drug?” Joshua said slowly. I could feel his chin rubbing against my head as he nodded his head. “I think it’s safe to say you’re certainly my drug. You’re intoxicating,” he admitted inhaling deeply.

My heart swelled but it didn’t take long for that feeling to deflate. I sighed. He might find me intoxicating, but I was completely, and utterly, addicted to him. I tried going cold turkey to give him up, and I’d failed.

Joshua’s hand grabbed my own, and he gave it a squeeze. “Don’t,” he requested.

I shifted my head to look at him, and found that his eyes were closed. I frowned. “Don’t what?” I asked.

“Don’t retreat into your head,” he instructed. He raised his head and looked down at me with an intense gaze. “And don’t say what you’re about to say.”

I pulled a face. “How’d you know what I’m about to say?”

“We can’t do this. It’s against the rules. If I fall I can’t protect you,” Joshua recited at me.

I pulled away from him, sitting up so I could glare down at him. “Don’t mock me,” I snapped at him.

Joshua pulled himself up slightly, resting his weight on his elbows, and looked at me with a surprisingly calm expression. “I’m not mocking you, darlin’.”

“Really? Because it sure sounds like it,” I retorted. “Michael was pretty clear on the rules. Lilah fell because she broke them: Lilah fell because she slept with her charge.”

Joshua’s calm expression evaporated and was replaced with one that told me I’d somehow offended him. “Just so you’re absolutely clear on this, Angel,” he said taking the time to enunciate each word. “When I say I want to be with you, I’m not just trying to get you into bed with me. I know you have your rules, and even if you didn’t, I’m not about to push you into something you are not ready for.” I opened my mouth, ready to object, but he held his hand up. “Michael may be adamant that Lilah fell because she slept with her charge, but according to you he is also adamant that there is no possibility that Lilah succeeded in raising Lucifer. Lilah seemed pretty convinced when she said that in order to release Lucifer she wouldn’t have been able to fall. You can’t be completely convinced that both of these are true when they contradict each other?”

 “I can’t risk it,” I admitted. “Michael showed me what happened. I lived that memory of him killing his brother.”

Joshua cocked his head as he studied me, a small frown appearing on his face. “But you still think Lilah released Lucifer?” he said.

“I still have to trust Michael,” I responded.

“That’s not what I asked,” Joshua said, with a quick shake of his head. “Do
you
think Lilah released Lucifer?”

I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, nodding. “I want to be wrong, I really do, but I have this feeling,” I explained, gesturing to my stomach. “I can’t shake it. I watched Lucifer die through Michael’s memory. I really, really want to believe what Lilah said about not falling,” I added. “But I also can’t forget the fact that she kidnapped you - she sent you out in the middle of a hurricane and made you crash your car - and pulled me away from my post which affected the strength of a protective shield around New Orleans, in order to trick me into killing her. As much as I want to believe her, I can’t help but think there was an agenda.”

Joshua got to his knees and leaned over to me, resting his hands on my thighs. “Do you like me?”

What kind of question was that? Of course I liked him. “Yes,” I told him, once again feeling my face heat up.

I expected him to smirk at my response. Instead, he nodded slowly. “Forget about Michael, forget about Lilah, and forget about any other celestial being. Do you want to be with me?”

“Yes, but-”

“No buts, darlin’,” Joshua cut me off. “Everything you’ve told me has always come back to one thing: sex,” he said. My face once again flamed. “I kissed you just now, and correct me if I’m wrong; you still have your wings?” He waited for me to nod. “I told you before and I’ll tell you again, this isn’t about sex. I want to be with you and, I think we can do that without you losing your wings. I also think that when the time comes, and you are ready for us to sleep together, by then we will have worked out how we could do that so that you don’t face any consequences of that. I do think that time will come, and I will wait until then.”

Once again he had rendered me speechless. I didn’t share his confidence that we could ever truly be
together
, but his words, and confidence, had my heart doing flip-flops. “I,” I cleared my throat, surprised my words sounded so thick. What I wanted to say, I couldn’t get myself to voice. Instead, I leaned forward and kissed him.

When we eventually pulled away, Joshua smirked at me. “I knew you thought I was hot,” he muttered, his voice as soft as the fingers that were playing with my hair.

I rolled my eyes. “How on earth you manage to fit through any door with an ego that size, I’ll never know.” I took another deep breath. “We can’t tell anyone, Joshua,” I told him. “I’m not willing to take the risk.”

“I know,” he responded. “So, what are you doing for dinner?”

I blinked at him. “When I said we can’t tell anyone, I thought it would go without saying that we can’t really be a couple in public?”

Joshua leaned in. “I know,” he repeated. “Trust me.”

I reined in my skepticism and shrugged. “I’m doing whatever you’re doing?”

* * *

We spent a little longer at the lake, waiting for our clothes to dry out a bit more before we headed back into the city. Joshua was not about to let us get back in his car with soaking wet clothes again. I didn’t care. For the first time in a long time, wrapped in Joshua’s embrace, the sun beating down and a gentle breeze coming in from over the water, I felt at peace. When we finally started to drive back, I asked Joshua if we needed to get changed, but he assured me that we were fine in what we were in. Although I trusted him, I was a little bit dubious, especially when we didn’t head to his place.

He eventually pulled up outside a familiar blue house, and I couldn’t stop a large lump forming in the back of my throat. “Why are we here?” I asked him thickly.

He looked over at me and looked concerned. “We don’t have to be here, Angel,” he told me, gently. “If you don’t feel like you can see your aunt, we can go back to mine. I just know she has been worried about you, and I know she would love to see you.”

I gave him a small smile. “I don’t look like death warmed up?” I asked him.

Joshua sat back and looked me up and down, tilting his head slightly. A smirk slowly formed. “Drowned rat dried out?” he offered at last.

“Thanks,” I muttered, although I couldn’t help but grin at him. I got out of the car and made my way up to the front door. Joshua was right behind me, and when I paused before knocking, ready to request that he didn’t say anything to Sarah about what had happened when Tabitha had hit – or since – he slid past me and opened the door. My mouth fell open as he just walked in, calling Sarah’s name.

I stepped in after him, when I heard Sarah responding from the direction of the kitchen. “Through here, Josh,” she called.

“Since when are you and Sarah on first name terms?” I asked him in surprise.

“Since he has been coming round for Sunday dinner to fill me in on why you’re too busy to visit me,” Sarah responded for him, appearing in the kitchen doorway. She stepped forward, rubbing her hands on her apron, and wrapped her arms around Joshua. I stared at them, wide-eyed, as he hugged her back.

“Told you I’d get her here eventually,” Joshua informed her.

“I never doubted you,” Sarah responded with a squeeze. “Now,” she stepped back and eyed him. “You go set the table, and if you help yourself to any more than one macaroon, I will know.”

“Yes, m’am,” he said, giving her a cheeky grin, before disappearing through the door Sarah had appeared from.

I continued to stare at my aunt, my eyes wide and blinking rapidly. She took a couple of paces towards me, her hands on her hips. “I don’t care how old you are, or even that you’re immortal, if you still lived under this roof, you would be grounded right now,” she informed me. “What’s more, if you don’t come here and hug me, I will make sure Michael grounds you when you get back to the convent.”

I did my best to rein in my shock, and moved towards her, allowing her to envelop me in her arms. When I stepped back, I gave her what I was sure was a sheepish smile. “So, um, what exactly has Joshua been telling you?”