Authors: Mike Ripley
Tags: #london, #1980, #80s, #thatcherism, #jazz, #music, #fiction, #series, #revenge, #drama, #romance, #lust, #mike ripley, #angel, #comic crime, #novel, #crime writers, #comedy, #fresh blood, #lovejoy, #critic, #birmingham post, #essex book festival, #death, #murder, #animal rights
âAnd your relationship to â' he looked back a page â âMrs Asmoyah?'
âI'm her neighbour. N,E,I,G,H ...'
âThank you, sir,' said the taller one. âWe had gathered that. Do you know where we can contact Mr Asmoyah?'
âI think he's in Edinburgh, but I don't know exactly where. He's there on ... well, something to do with his firm.'
I gave them the name of Frank's law firm. The taller one seemed impressed.
âWhat's going on, officers? Come on, I'm practically family.'
Again they exchanged glances. Maybe the police college at Hendon was teaching telepathy these days.
âDo you know a man called Alec Reynolds, sir?'
âI know the name. He works with Mrs Asmoyah. Why?'
âThere's been an accident, Mr Angel, down in Kent, around midnight. We don't know the details, but it seems that Mrs Asmoyah and Mr Reynolds were involved in a road traffic accident.'
âWhat kind of accident?' I asked loudly.
âSeems they ran out of road and drove off a hill near the M20. Pissed as rats, by the sound of things.' This from the smaller one, who was not bucking for community policeman of the year.
âNo way. Don't believe it,' I snapped. âSalome drunk and anywhere near her VW? Not in the realms of possibility, man.'
âWe were informed that the car was a VW Golf, sir, registered to Mrs Asmoyah, and she was the driver,' said the taller one. âBut we don't know anything about charges of drunken driving.'
He glared at his partner. Good. He didn't like him either.
âIs Sal okay?'
âShe's in hospital in Maidstone, in a coma. I'm afraid her condition is serious.'
âAnd Alec? You mentioned Alec Reynolds. Was he ...?'
âMr Reynolds was a passenger in the vehicle. He was dead on arrival at the hospital. This is a very serious business, sir.'
You're telling me.
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As I didn't know where Frank was and I couldn't give them Alec Reynolds' address, the Plod soon lost interest in me.
They did give me the name of the hospital Salome was in, and the taller one told me that the accident had happened âjust off the M20 near Wrotham,' but they had no more details, they were just running errands for the Kent police.
And no, I didn't know why Salome was driving around Kent at midnight on a Saturday. As soon as they'd gone, I got on the phone to Directory Enquiries and asked for the number of the Maidstone hospital. I was dialling it when I heard the door of Flat 2 open, and I glanced over my shoulder to see Fenella, who had added pyjama trousers to her stripey shirt, and Lisabeth, in an ankle-length woollen dressing-gown, creeping down the stairs like they were doing a commercial for a new edition of A A Milne books.
I covered the mouthpiece and said: âSalome's been involved in a car accident. I'm ringing the hospital.'
Lisabeth's mouth dropped open and she swooned slightly against Fenella, who cunningly stepped forward out of the way so Lisabeth had to right herself.
âIs she all right?' Fenella whispered.
I shrugged my shoulders, and then the hospital came on the line.
They told me Mrs Asmoyah was âcritical' â hospitals are only generous with the truth when it's bad â and if I was her husband, father, mother or sole blood relative, I could visit her any time, but preferably after 7.00 am. Ask for Ward 4 â Intensive. Have a good night and try not to worry.
I passed this on to the assembled crowd â Lisabeth in her dressing-gown constituted a crowd by herself â and held up my hands to silence the chorus of âWhat'll-we-do-now?'
âWe go to the hospital and stay with her. I've told the police the name of Frank's firm, and they'll trace him. Don't worry, the police are good at getting solicitors out of bed on Sundays. But there's no way Frank can be back before tomorrow night, I reckon.'
Lisabeth nodded her agreement and said firmly: âQuite right. I'll get dressed.'
âNot now,' I said patiently. âFirst thing in the morning. We'll leave at nine.'
Fenella's eyebrows shot up.
âOkay, eight,' I conceded. âBut one of you'll have to stay here in case Frank calls.'
âCan I help?' said a voice behind us, almost scaring me to death.
It was the reclusive Mr Goodson from the ground-floor flat, who was something in local government, though nobody knew quite what, and who was never, ever seen at the weekend. He was standing with his flat door open about four inches to preserve his hundred percent record of letting no-one, except presumably Mr Nassim, see inside. From what I could see of him â mostly his spectacles and his left arm around the door jamb â he appeared to be wearing a red silk kimono. I bet myself it had a dragon on the back.
âAre you doing anything tomorrow?' Lisabeth asked, and for a moment I thought he was going to slam the door on us.
I explained quickly about Sal's hospitalisation and how we wanted someone to keep an eye, or an ear, open for Frank. He said of course he'd do it if I gave him the phone number of the hospital.
I said I'd leave it pinned to the noticeboard above the communal phone, and he said that was probably best and good night.
We all said good night and Fenella added, âOh, and thank you,' and ignored Lisabeth's warning glare against fraternising with the enemy.
I pointed up the stairs. âC'mon. Up the little wooden hill to Bedfordshire.'
Fenella giggled. Lisabeth kept up a barrage of whispered questions. What was Sal doing in Kent? How did the accident happen? Was anyone else involved?
I parried most of them until we got to their door, then I put a finger to my lips and shushed them.
âTomorrow. I need my beauty sleep, even if you don't. Eight o'clock, on the dot.'
Fenella put a hand on Lisabeth's arm. âI'll set the alarm for seven,' she said sensibly.
âI'll set mine for five-to. Night-night.'
âDon't let the bedbugs bite,' whispered Fenella as she closed the door.
This was followed by a âWhat did you say?' in what, for Lisabeth, passed as a whisper, but probably registered on a seismograph somewhere in California.
Actually, I set my alarm for 7.00 as well, and by quarter past I was standing outside Frank's and Sal's flat with my trusty nail-file doing the business on their Yale lock. It's one of the old-fashioned files with a curly bit on the end for doing your cuticles, and I've always had better results from it than bending any amount of credit cards.
I wasn't too sure what I was looking for, so I wasn't disappointed at not finding anything obvious. The bedroom showed all the signs of Salome throwing some things into a bag in a hurry. The bed was covered in odd stockings, T-shirts and stuff not wanted on voyage, so to speak.
A wardrobe door was jammed open by the sleeve of a dress, as if Sal had kicked it shut on her way out. I opened it out of curiosity more than anything and there, in between the high-heeled shoes, was Sal's executive briefcase. It was a real leather one, the clasps held by two sets of combination tumblers each with three digits.
A real thief would have taken a screwdriver and levered off the clasps. I didn't want to do anything so drastic, so I flipped the combination until it read Salome's birthdate. (Rule of Life No 8: Never disregard the obvious.) Then I slid the catches sideways and â nothing happened. (Rule of Life No 9: No Rule of Life is inviolate.)
Most people would have keyed in their birthday as one of the few six-digit numbers â if you put a zero in front of single figures and for the months up to October and just the last two digits of the year â they can remember apart from their telephone number. I'd ruled that out, because London numbers are seven-digit and Sal's and Frank's private radio phone had something like 27. So if it wasn't Sal's birthdate, how about Frank's?
I knew the day and the month and made a stab at the year. The catches snapped open, and I was left feeling annoyed that Frank really was that much younger than me.
The case contained one office file and a brochure. The file was a standard office file with a Prior, Keen, Baldwin label stuck in the top right corner. Written on the label in felt tip was: âCAWTHORNE â CONFIDENTIAL.' The brochure, a coloured affair of four A4 pages, looked at first like a holiday advertisement. But I knew there was something unusual about it. The cover photograph was of three guys in full army kit â camouflage dress, boots, black berets, black make-up and all waving rifles â jumping off a wooden bridge that appeared to be under shellfire.
The brochure had a splash title: âTHE EXHILARATOR â TRY IT.' Club 18-30 it was not.
I stuffed it inside the file, closed the briefcase and put that back in the wardrobe. There wasn't time to read anything then, so I nipped back to my flat and found a Virgin Records plastic bag to hide them in. Then I told Springsteen not to invite any strangers in, or any of his friends for a party, put my flying jacket on and jogged downstairs to wind up Armstrong.
Fenella must have heard me, as she appeared at her door as I reached the first landing.
âWe'll be with you in one minute precisely,' she said precisely.
âHoly God, you mean the Kraken is awake?'
I don't know if Fenella knew what the Kraken was, but she knew who I meant.
âUp and dressed. She's just cutting some flowers from the window-box in the kitchen â to take to Salome.'
I had a sudden pang of conscience that I really ought to tell them that the funny-looking herb on the left of their kitchen garden was not really an obscure form of ivy and on no account must they attempt to smoke its leaves. But that could wait.
Armstrong started up first go and I dialled around the local radio stations to try and catch if anyone was doing anything stupid on the roads. There were no warnings of fun runs, protest marches, street carnivals or charity pram races, so it seemed safe to cut through the City and head for Kent direct, rather than heading east and using the Dartford Tunnel.
Lisabeth agreed with my navigating for once, but then she and Fenella were sat in the back like royalty, ready to wave to the crowds, the deserted Houses of Parliament and so on. But as it was Sunday morning, there were few admiring fans about.
I slipped an old Eurythmics tape into the cassette deck I have installed where Armstrong's meter used to be and adjusted the speakers so the full effect came in the front rather than the back. I spent most of the journey wondering why Annie Lennox could make âgirl' rhyme with âthrill' but nobody else could. The last thing I wanted to do was debate the horrific possibilities of Salome's condition with Les Girls.
It was only as we came into Maidstone and I started looking for hospital signs that I began to suffer the nervous whirling pits way down in my stomach.
The hospital had a flower shop inside its main entrance and I subbed Fenella a tenner to get a decent bunch of flowers (I knew I should have told them about their pot plant) while I tried to chat up the nurse on reception.
Normally, I'm pretty good with nurses, although that's a terribly chauvinist thing to say. It's not meant that way. All I mean is you have to accept that they really have heard it all before â the jokes about taking samples, wearing black stockings, so forth, so fifth. (Though I do have a friend â Bunny â who always insists on a female doctor or nurse if he has anything wrong of a private nature. But then Bunny's idea of a subtle chat-up is a sock full of sand.) In my experience, most female nurses' idea of an erotic evening is sitting in front of the TV with their shoes off and an endless supply of cups of tea. So I try not to try it on, even though I could get mileage out of being an Angel myself.
âGood morning, Sister,' I said. Well, it never hurts to promote people.
âStaff Nurse,' she said, without looking up from the notes she was writing.
âI'm so sorry. We'd like to see Mrs Asmoyah if that's possible.'
She looked up and smiled. She reached for a pair of glasses, but I didn't think it was because she was dazzled by my teeth.
âAre you her husband?' she asked, consulting a clip-board.
âNo, just a friend,' I said too quickly, before I realised that she had almost certainly not been on duty when Sal was brought in.
âThen I'm afraid you can't see her. She's in Intensive Care.'
Just then, Lisabeth and Fenella appeared, looking suitably subdued and carrying a huge bouquet.
âBut these are her sisters,' I said, thinking on my feet.
Lisabeth and Fenella did a double take between themselves, but fortunately kept quiet.
âWell, I suppose you can wait in the IC reception area,' she said doubtfully.
I jerked my head towards the stairs, having already clocked the sign saying âIntensive Care 4th Floor,' and Les Girls followed me without breaking step.