| | you. As far as my experience goes, we want to be united to each other more, to love each other better and better. You cannot think that your child is really severed from you. The yearning you feel is the pledge and assurance that it is not so. 12
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Maurice was a Broad Church clergyman, responsive to the skeptical and secularizing currents of his time, and this reference to reunion with the child is so hesitant that it seems to suggest a corresponding hesitation about the belief. Yet even the Broad Church Christian of 1864 probably still believed in an afterlife: the hesitation points to a greater undermining of faith than has yet taken place. It contrasts vividly with the detailed scenarios of reunion in heaven that we shall notice in the next chapter.
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The Butlers found it very difficult to accept Eva's death. In her old age, Josephine wrote to her son Stanley that Eva's death "had a horrible sting in it. She was 5 1/2, never had a day's illnesshealthy, strong, beautiful, our only daughterfather and I just adored her, and in a moment she fell, smashed , her head broken, and after hours of awful convulsions she died." 13 For the next twenty-five years she had never woken from sleep, she said, without a vision of Eva's falling figure and without the sound of her head hitting the ground ringing sickeningly in her ears. She dreamed constantly of Eva; and she worried about her silent, brooding husband. When a "ray of light" appearedpresumably a feeling that his grief was growing less intenseshe gave the credit to God with a passion that shows how desperate she must have been.
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Josephine claimed that this event was what turned her to the social work for which she is now so famous, her campaign against the Contagious Diseases Acts and her work on behalf of prostitutes and against licensed prostitution. Despite what she had said to Maurice, then, she did come to believe that her own growth in goodness was the reward of her loss, and when she claimed that she could not acquiesce in this, she was clearly fighting against herself. There is obviously no way of testing the truth of that belief, and if we say that she needed to believe it in order to be able to accept the death (even though she also, at first, needed not to believe it), that does not diminish its emotional importance for her. To the modern reader, this death may be the most painful of all those recorded in this chapter, because it cannot be locked up in its century: death in childbirth and child death from illness are so much less likely today, but accidents will be with us as long as there are children, and no modern parent can fail to hear the sound of that head hitting the ground ringing sickeningly in the ear.
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