Angels in the Snow (12 page)

“I still think that forked tree would have made a more interesting Christmas tree,” Alex said, gesturing with his spoon. “Just imagine. Two stars. Or better yet, Santa on one and a star on the other. The two sides of Christmas.”

“You could start a new trend.” Robbie laughed. “I can see it now. Alex's Forked Christmas Tree Lot. And if you sold ornaments, you'd really clean up. People would need twice as many of them.”

Everyone laughed except Charles and Jennifer, although she did look a little interested.

“That's a thought-provoking point,” Joe said. He reached for more bread. “Christmas in America does have two distinct sides. Like you said, Alex, there's the birth of Jesus, and then there's Santa Claus.”

“Christmas is like a big birthday party,” Lucy said. “It's Jesus' birthday, only everyone gets presents.”

“Shouldn't we give Jesus something back?”

At Judith's question, everyone turned to stare at her. “Well,” she continued, “isn't that what the Christmas spirit is? Spreading goodwill to all of mankind in His name?”

“You're right, of course. It's too bad we can't all continue to give that gift the entire year,” Marilyn said.

“I doubt most people will give up that Santa side of Christmas,” Charles remarked. “Everyone wants their gifts on Christmas morning. Besides, the retailing industry would collapse without Christmas. We'd have an economic disaster on our hands.”

He bit into his sandwich hard. What a naive and self-righteous bunch they all were. Was he the only realist in the group?

“You can combine the two,” Marilyn stated in a gentle, nonjudgmental tone. “Every salesclerk and shopgirl who works on commission needs that Christmas shopping frenzy. Besides, there's nothing in the world to compete with the joy a parent feels watching their children Christmas morning. My point is that spreading happiness in whatever way we do it—and whatever season of the year we choose to do it in—is the gift we give to the baby Jesus. We just need to try to do it the whole year long.”

She was right, of course, and Charles knew it. But a devil seemed to goad him to challenge her words. “I'm sure my kids would love me to spread even more happiness their way—and thereby spread more money their way. Retailers would love it, too,” he added sarcastically.

Marilyn looked at him with a patient expression on her face. “Perhaps they'd like something from you that money can't buy.”

There was an awkward silence. To Charles's relief—and amazement—it was Alex who stepped in to fill it.

“Like permission to quit school and become a full-time musician?” he suggested hopefully. But he laughed as he said it, and even Charles could not be angry.

“Like taking me mountain climbing,” Robbie said with a meaningful look at his mother.

Marilyn grimaced. “When you're older.”

“Marilyn is afraid of heights,” Joe explained. “Even driving through the mountains is an ordeal for her.” He reached out to grasp her hand. “Robbie, on the other hand, has no fear of heights whatsoever.”

Marilyn gave her son a mock glare. “When he helped his father repair the roof, I had to leave the house. It was just too traumatic for me.”

“Oh, Mom. I did fine. Dad told you I was really careful.”

“I know. But it's so high and steep. And accidents
can
happen. Just look at how we skidded yesterday. If it weren't for that tree on the side of the road, we might have gone right over—” She broke off with a shudder.

“Well, we're all right now, so don't worry about it,” Joe reassured her.

Charles concentrated on his meal as conversation continued on around him. Judith was slowly drawn in. Jennifer abandoned her sulky mood as well, pulled against her will into the warm banter among the Walkers. Only he held himself apart. Though he ate, it was only to maintain a semblance of normality; his stomach was knotted with conflicting emotions.

Joe Walker's wife adored him. His children loved him and listened to him. They
wanted
to do things with him. Now Alex had fallen under his spell, and judging by Jennifer's laughter, so had she.

Charles stole a glance at Judith, then swiftly looked back at his plate. She was smiling, too, involved in a lively conversation about the merits of a school voucher system. When had she decided vouchers were a good idea?

His family rarely shared a meal as absent of conflict as this one. This was exactly what he'd wanted for them. But the amiable atmosphere at this meal existed in spite of him, not because of him.

For a moment he wondered if
he
was the problem, if
he
was the cause of his family's disharmony. Yet if it weren't for his insistence, they wouldn't even be here. No, he was the only one of them actively
seeking
some sort of solution for all their problems.

But as Alex broke into an impromptu version of the Chipmunks singing “All I Want for Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth,” causing everyone else to dissolve into laughter, Charles couldn't escape the sinking feeling that no matter how hard he tried, he could never re-create the happy scene before him.

Never.

“D
addy.”

Charles looked up automatically at Josie's plaintive call. There was something in her worried tone that wouldn't allow him to just stare at his open book any longer. Joe also looked up from his spot near the hearth surrounded by the other four children. Robbie and Alex were carving wood chips. Lucy and Jennifer—friends again—were stringing popcorn, while offering the boys free advice on their efforts.

“It looks sort of like an ear,” Jennifer stated.

Alex looked up at her, but his reply was mild. “It would have to be a really deformed ear.” He held it against his head so that it poked out through his hair.

“You've gotta have two,” Robbie advised. “
I
gotta have two. Would you make me a pair just like that?”

They all laughed.

“Here. Catch,” Lucy ordered. She threw one kernel of popped corn at each boy, but despite their diving efforts with mouths opened wide, the popcorn fell short of its goal. She laughed. “Okay, second try.” But this time she threw a handful at each of them.

Amidst all their good-natured shoving and scrambling for the popcorn, Joe rose and crossed to Josie's side.

“What's the trouble, sweetheart?”

Charles watched as she took her father's hand, then climbed up into his lap. “Fluffy is still sick. She won't eat or drink or anything.”

Joe pressed a kiss into her tousled curls as they both gazed down into the box at the injured rabbit. “He was hurt pretty bad by that lynx, sugar. It might take him a long time to get better.”

“She's a girl,” Josie corrected him. Then she stared up at him, her face solemn. “What if she can't get better?”

Joe hesitated. He glanced up, meeting Charles's gaze. In that moment Charles recognized that for all his relaxed ways with his children and Charles's, the man didn't have all the answers. There was no easy way to respond to a question like Josie's. Not when the questioner stared at you with such an innocent, trusting face. He was glad the task didn't fall to him.

“If she doesn't get better, then I guess she'll go up to heaven.”

Josie digested that a moment. “To heaven? With the baby Jesus?”

Joe nodded. “As I recall, Jesus especially loved animals and little children.”

Stupid move
, Charles thought with undeniable relish. He should never have mentioned little children.

As Charles expected, Josie's eyes widened with fear. “Jesus wants little children in heaven, too? But . . . but I don't
want
to be dead!”

Joe hugged her tighter. “You don't have to worry about that, sweetheart. You're staying here with your mom and dad and brother and sister. But you know what? You don't have to be afraid of heaven. Remember when Moonbeam and her kids moved last year? Summer and Spring were both afraid they'd hate their new home and that they'd never make any new friends. But guess what—now they love their new home and they have a bunch of new friends.

“Well, heaven is like that. It's like moving to a new neighborhood. Before you get there, it seems really scary. But once you're there, it turns out to be a pretty cool place.”

Everyone had stopped to listen. Josie looked from her father down to the ailing rabbit, pondering his explanation. Charles glanced at his own children and was surprised by the thoughtful expressions on their faces. Religion wasn't often discussed in their house. They knew about Jesus, of course, about heaven and hell, and Christmas and Easter. But not in personal terms. Death hadn't touched them in any close way.

“If she goes to heaven . . .” Josie trailed off, trying to figure things out. “Will her leg still hurt her up in heaven?”

Joe shook his head. “No, it won't hurt.”

“Will she have any friends there?”

“I bet there're lots of other rabbits already there.”

The little girl sighed, and Charles felt her relief as profoundly as his own. “I hope she doesn't go to heaven, Daddy. But if she does, well, I guess that's okay, too.”

“Do you really believe animals go to heaven?” Of all people, the question came from Alex.

“Of course they do,” little Josie said. She stared at him as if daring him to deny it.

Joe smiled. “I've always believed that heaven is our reward for living a good life on earth, and if that's so, then it must provide whatever makes us happiest. Can you imagine a happy existence without the beauty of animals and plants?”

“What would heaven be like for you, Alex?” Marilyn asked from her spot, curled up on one of the couches.

Alex thought a moment, holding the jackknife idly in his hand. He was getting big, Charles realized. Almost a man. Yet when he smiled shyly at Marilyn, then ducked his head in embarrassment, he was the same little boy dressed as an angel who had sung so loudly at that Christmas pageant those long years ago.

“Heaven would be filled with music,” Alex began. “Not just church music—you know, pianos and organs and stuff like that.”

“He wants to bring his electric guitar with him.” Jennifer laughed, sounding accepting of her brother instead of her usual mocking.

Alex realized it also, for he shrugged and grinned. “Guitars, drums, amplifiers. Maybe God likes really loud music.”

“He liked the little drummer boy,” Judith offered. “Remember in the song? Baby Jesus smiled when the little drummer boy offered him the gift of his song.”

Mother's and son's eyes met, and watching from across the room, Charles felt a physical ache deep in his chest. Judith's love for their son fairly radiated from her, and Alex's returned emotion was just as apparent. Like a blow to the heart, it struck Charles that no one ever looked at him that way. It was a devastating realization.

“What would heaven have in it for you, Mom?”

At Alex's question, all eyes turned to Judith. For a moment she hesitated. Her eyes veered briefly to Charles, then just as quickly away. She shifted in her chair and finally smiled.

“Well, let's see. Heaven would have to have my parents—and eventually my children—”

“We know that,” Jennifer interrupted. “We want to know what other things your heaven would have in it.”

“That's not an easy question.” Judith laughed. “Can I think about it a little while?”

“Well, I know what I want in heaven,” Jennifer replied.

“Lots of stores?”

“Shut up, Alex,” she said with a mock frown as everyone else laughed. “Okay, I
would
want lots of nice clothes . . .”

This time everyone howled. Despite her own gales of laughter, however, Marilyn saved Jennifer. “It seems to me the Bible is full of references to fine robes and raiments of silk. So Jennifer isn't so far off the mark.”

“You see?” Jennifer exclaimed. “It's not so funny after all.”

“Okay,” Joe said. “Heaven has to have animals and plants. Lots of music. Nice clothes,” he added with a grin at Jennifer. “I know I want it to have great food. Corn bread. Baklava. Sugar peas. Bagels.”

“That's a weird combination,” Lucy said, making a face.

“Oh, yeah? Well, what would you want?”

The girl grinned. “Popsicles and . . . and lots of baseball diamonds!”

“You could be the first woman in the major leagues. The
real
major leagues!” Robbie added with a dramatic look upward.

“Yeah! Baseball in heaven.”

“My dad used to play baseball when he was a kid,” Jennifer said. “Didn't you, Dad?”

Charles nodded as all eyes turned to him. “That's right. I was pretty good in high school.”

“What would heaven have in it for you, Charles?”