Anita Blake: Vampire Hunter #16 - Blood Noir (41 page)

I was caught between the two of them. Two men strong enough to rip me apart, literally. It was like being a baseball bat in that childhood ritual where you try to be the hand on top of the wood. Except this bat was helping break free of one set of hands. I pushed at Richard, fought his grip, until more of me was cradled in Jason’s arms, and only one hand was left digging into my upper arm. Jason and I were on the floor, with his back against the side of the bathroom doorjamb. He held me as close as he could, even his legs wrapped around my waist from behind. I could feel his heart thudding against my back, taste his fear like something metal on my tongue. I didn’t have to be able to see his face over my shoulder to know his blue eyes were wide, his lips parted, and his skin pale. Richard was on his knees, staring down at us. His eyes had bled back to his normal brown. “I can feel how afraid you both are of me.”

“You tried to mind-fuck me, Richard. You tried to take my choices away.”

“I want you to want only me, Anita. I want it so badly that it drives me mad sometimes. I hate the thought of you with other men.”

I wisely kept my mouth shut, because I knew that he enjoyed watching me with Jean-Claude, sometimes. He liked sharing with Jean-Claude, sometimes. But, as with much of Richard’s inner life, file://L:\Azures L_Disc Shared Dowloads\EBooks\Anita Blake Series 1-17\(Book16] - Bl... 10/18/2009

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he didn’t want to accept it. If I’d asked him, he shared me with Jean-Claude because he had no choice. He did it rarely, because he didn’t like it. Right? Not necessarily. I thought he did it so rarely because he was afraid that he did like it.

“You’re hurting my arm, Richard.”

He looked at where his fingers had made imprints in my skin, as if he didn’t remember he was doing it. He let go, and sat back on his heels, still kneeling. He looked puzzled.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you,” he said.

“I know,” I said.

Jason just kept holding me, while his pulse started to slow.

“If Jason hadn’t interfered, you would have done anything I wanted. But I believed it, too, Anita. I believed in that happily-ever-after moment again. I thought marriage and kids and…”

“I felt you think it,” I said.

“But you thought it, too.” He looked at my face, and he was so sincere, so full of his truth.

“You made me think it, but it was your thought, not mine. I won’t apologize for that anymore, Richard. You got your first taste of your own version of the
ardeur
and you would have used it every bit as ruthlessly as you’ve ever accused any vampire.”

“That’s not fair,” he said.

“I felt what you were doing to her, Richard. You took away her free will, and filled her up with this false happiness,” Jason said.

“It’s not false.”

“It’s not her version of happiness, Richard, it’s yours.”

“You have no business interfering between your Ulfric and his lupa.”

“Maybe not, but I couldn’t stand there and feel what you were doing to her. Anita asked me to help her, and I had to do it.”

I touched his arms where they were still wrapped around me. “What do you mean,
had to
, Jason?”

“You’re my friend, and the main squeeze of my best friend. I couldn’t let him rape you like that.”

“That is not what I was doing,” Richard said.

“By definition of the law, using magic or psychic ability that takes away someone’s choice is rape.” Jason said it, but I’d thought it.

I felt Jason go quiet around me, and I think I did the same thing in his arms. “Did you just say out loud what I was thinking?” I asked.

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“Did I?”

“I think you did,” Richard said. He leaned in toward us, sniffing the air. I still found it a little unsettling when my lycanthrope friends did very animal things in human form. Jason drew us back, as if his back could push through the wall and gain us distance. “What are you trying to smell?” he asked.

Richard was on all fours now, sort of looming over us, with his hair falling in thick waves around his face, so I really couldn’t see his expression. I think Jason could. “Jean-Claude could have broken her free of me. Maybe even Micah or Nathaniel, because they have their metaphysical tie to her. Damian could have shared his coldness, his control, and drowned me out. He is her vampire servant.” Richard leaned past me, nearly pressing his chest against my face, so he could sniff Jason’s face over my shoulder. “But you’re just food. You’re Jean-Claude’s
pomme de sang
, but you’re nothing special to Anita.”

It was a little hard to speak firmly while being wrapped arm and leg by one man, and nearly kissing the chest of another, but I did my best. “He’s my friend.”

I heard Richard take in a huge, noisy breath. He jerked back, as if something had hurt. “He’s more than that now,” he whispered.

“What are you talking about?” I asked.

“Can’t you feel it, Anita? He’s your wolf to call.”

Jason tensed against me, and I said, “What?”

“Before, he smelled of pack; now he also smells of you. The same way that Nathaniel does, or Micah.”

“I live with them; of course, we start to have a family smell.”

Richard shook his head. “No, Anita, never try to argue sense of smell with a werewolf. It’s as if a little piece of you rides around in their skin. Micah always smelled that way, but Nathaniel…his scent changed. Damian’s scent changed. Now, Jason smells like he has your touch like a perfume against his skin.”

“I’m holding her, Richard, that’s what you’re smelling,” Jason said. Richard shook his head again. “No, Jason, I know the difference between proximity smells and changed smells.”

“I couldn’t have made him my wolf to call, Richard. I’d remember doing it.”

“You don’t remember most of the last two days, Anita.”

I thought about it, tried to argue it wasn’t so, but a hard, cold lump started forming in my stomach. The moment my stomach started reacting, I knew the truth. I tried to push past the fear and use my own abilities to test the theory, but I was too panicked. Had I bound Jason to me like that and didn’t even remember doing it? And if I’d done that without remembering, what else had I done?

What else had all of us done? Shit, shit, shit.

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“I remember it was dark,” Jason said, “and you called me. I remember trotting through these tall trees that I’d never seen. I thought it was a dream.”

“That’s what I see inside my head now, since Marmee Noir fucked me over. Tall trees and shadows and darkness.”

“You called me, not
this
me, but my wolf. You called me.”

I hugged his arms. “I’m sorry, Jason, I’m so sorry. I did to you what you just saved me from.”

“Being able to call him as your wolf is probably what broke you free of Marmee,” Richard said. I looked up at him. “What do you mean?”

“She controls cats, including tigers, but not wolves. Why didn’t she just keep you, if she’d mindrolled you that completely, Anita? Maybe because when you called a wolf to you, she couldn’t fight you both.”

“She’s the night made flesh, Richard; trust me, Jason and I aren’t powerful enough together to kick her out of anything.”

“Thanks a lot,” Jason said.

I patted his arm. “You know what I mean,” I said.

“The connection between a vampire and their animal to call is more than just the strength of the two. It doesn’t just double your power, it makes both of them more than just the sum of their parts, Anita. It’s like…” He seemed to grope for the right word, and finally settled for, “Trust me, Anita, both the vampire and the wereanimal gain a lot more than just combined powers.”

“Is that how it is with you and Jean-Claude?” I asked.

He nodded.

“So if Anita hadn’t bound me to her, then we might still be trapped by the Mother of All Darkness?” Jason asked.

“One of the reasons Jean-Claude sent me was to use wolf to break Anita free, but you’d already done it.”

“But I’m compelled to touch Micah and Nathaniel, and you. Jason and I like each other, but it hasn’t changed since we woke up.” I turned in Jason’s grip and tried to see his face as I asked, “Has it changed for you?”

“No,” he said. “I might have been disappointed before I felt Richard’s version of the
ardeur
. Now I’m just grateful.”

“You have a lot more control over your powers now, Anita. A lot more than when the
ardeur
first rose, or when you marked Damian and Nathaniel. I mean, we didn’t even know you could do that, then.”

I nodded. It made sense, sort of. “So I can make people my beast to call, without being compelled to move in with them?”

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“I think so.”

That actually made me feel better. Good that something did.

He stood up. “I’m going to get Jamil and Shang-Da, and fly back to St. Louis.”

“Anita needs you here,” Jason said, “it’s why Jean-Claude sent you.”

“She has a wolf that she’s metaphysically tied to in you.” He held up a hand. “I’m not jealous; okay, I am, but not like your face says, Anita. The
ardeur
has risen for me for the first time. I need to get home to Jean-Claude before it happens again. We’re just lucky that my version is narrowly focused.”

“You mean just on Anita,” Jason said.

Richard frowned at him.

I patted Jason’s leg, trying to tell him not to help too much. “It may not be that narrow a focus, Richard. I’d be careful around any woman you’ve had serious thoughts about. Not just sex, but marriage.”

“I’m not—”

“Please, Richard, you want to be married. It’s been my experience that when someone wants to be married that badly, they find someone.”

“I want it to be you,” he said.

I sighed. “I know, but that’s not what I want.”

“Are you really serious that you’ll never marry?”

I looked up at him. “If you mean monogamy and till death do you part, then no.”

“Someone will come along, Anita. He’ll sweep you off your feet, and you’ll want what I want, just not with me.”

“I think Anita is like me, Richard,” Jason said. “I think she likes to keep her options open.”

Richard shook his head. “I’ve got to get out of here.”

“Richard,” I said.

“No, Anita, if Jason hadn’t interfered I would have done exactly what you accused me of. Hell, if we’d been in Vegas, I could have talked you into marriage. I can still taste how compliant you were. I’ve never felt you so willing, so…weak.” He shook his head, and took a step back from us. “I don’t trust myself not to try again. That’s the truth, and I need to get farther away from you until it’s not the truth.”

I’d have liked to argue, but couldn’t. He went to the door, then paused with his hand on the knob. “I love you, Anita.”

In that moment, still wrapped in Jason’s body, I said the only truth I was sure of. “I know.”

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He nodded, opened the door, and went out. Jamil and Shang-Da would do what their Ulfric told them to do. It was back to being just us again, but now it was just us and the most powerful vampire on the planet hunting me. Somehow I wanted more help.

Again, it was as if Jason read my mind. “We need more help.”

I cuddled in against his body, and he hugged me with arms and legs, and for once it wasn’t sexual in the least; it was more like two scared kids huddling in the dark when they knew the monster under the bed wasn’t just real, but was holding a grudge.

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52

WE SAT THERE
for a few minutes after the door closed. Jason was still wrapped around me, and I leaned back against him. He leaned his head against the side of my face. It was as if both of us let out a long breath we’d been holding. I should have felt worse that Richard had left, but after that momentary fear, I felt better—calmer, at least.

“Why do I feel calmer?” I said.

“Because I’m not afraid of getting my ass kicked by my Ulfric for being another wolf who’s metaphysically tied to his lupa. He could have taken it like you were cheating on him with me. He outweighs me by more than fifty pounds, Anita. Most of that’s muscle.”

I snuggled against him, stroking his bare legs where they were still wrapped around my waist.

“Yeah, neither of us would win if it came to a fair fight with Richard.”

I felt him smile just by the movement of his lips against my temple. “You think like a guy, Anita. Richard would never fight you the way he would fight me. Enjoy that part of being a girl.”

I ran my hands over the surprising smoothness of his legs, and realized that there were tiny, fine hairs on his legs. So blond, so delicate, that you couldn’t really see them unless you touched them. I played my hands along those fine hairs, a gentle back-and-forth. I’d found that touching helped me think lately. Micah said it was the beast in me. Maybe, or maybe I would have always been like this if I’d let myself. It was a chicken/egg kind of question. I let it go, and just enjoyed that it helped me be calm.

“I’ve spent most of my career having to fight bad guys who didn’t give a shit that I was a girl, Jason. It changes how you look at things.”

“If you say so, but if Richard hurts you physically, it’s by accident. If he hurts me, it’s on purpose.”

“A lot of his anger was from me, literally. I think he’ll be a lot more reasonable now.”

Jason nuzzled his face against my hair. “If that was your anger, then I’m with Richard, you have amazing self-control.”