Anna's Healing (19 page)

“Ready?” he asked.

She nodded, placing her arms around his neck. Instead of putting her in the wheelchair, Samuel insisted on carrying her to the bathroom each day. Then
Mammi
would come in and help her take care of her toiletries and dress. The weeks in therapy had done little good, in Anna's opinion. She had not regained any use of her legs. She had learned to maneuver the wheelchair, become convinced of the importance of eating right and doing her exercises, and regained her ability to use the toilet. There wasn't a day that passed when she didn't thank the Lord for that.

At first she had been astonished that her
onkel
was not too embarrassed to carry her into the bathroom. He'd been such a quiet, reserved man the first few months she'd lived with them. He was still quiet, but their relationship was different. Perhaps when you walked through the valley of death together, you grew closer. Not that Anna had been so very near death, except for the bouts with pneumonia that had frightened everyone.

Today her lungs felt strong, and though she did not understand the turn her life had taken, she was able to be objective enough to recognize the changes that had been good. Each time she placed her arms around her
onkel
's neck and rested against him, Samuel would smile—a slow genuine smile. Was it for her? Was it a reflection of his heart? She didn't know. There was so much she didn't understand.

Mammi
helped her with her toiletries. Her clothes had been hung
in the bathroom the night before, and Anna was able to pull the dress over her head. She could now fix her own hair and even pin on her
kapp
. However putting on her socks and shoes was impossible. She would have tumbled right out of her chair if she tried, and then—if no one was there—she'd have to lie there on the floor until someone came. The thought frightened her. She let
Mammi
take care of those things. It wasn't easy for the old gal. She couldn't bend to the ground either. They were like two peas in a pod in many ways. She had to raise Anna's foot and place it on the side of the tub. Then she would fetch Anna's shoes and socks and put them on.

She was grateful for her aunt and uncle and grandmother. She appreciated the many letters from her siblings and parents, all of who continually offered to come and visit. But none of those things changed what she had become. She was a paraplegic, and that wasn't something she would ever get used to. Thoughts of going back to Indiana had faded away. Why? What did it matter whether she sat in a wheelchair here or there? Her life had become meaningless, and it seemed to her that it would always remain that way.

CHAPTER 28

J
acob wasn't in the kitchen when Anna rolled her chair into the room. Some days he joined them for breakfast if the work allowed. More often, he would eat a large breakfast at the bishop's and work in the barn or on the fences or with the animals until lunch. Those were long mornings for Anna. Her time with Jacob was special, though she didn't want to focus on that either. She wasn't ready to examine her feelings, which she realized were as futile as wishing she could fly.

“Chloe should be here by ten, and she scheduled the van for half past the hour.” Her
aenti
set a hot mug of coffee in front of her. Anna never drank the stuff before… it seemed her life was divided into before and after the accident. She'd always thought of coffee as an old married person's drink. But now she found the warm beverage helped to jumpstart her brain and even improved her attitude a little.

“I don't like the van,” Anna confessed.

“
Ya
. The old ways were better. Though I agree with the necessity of using the tractors.” Samuel paused before adding, “If you had been driving a tractor instead of the horses, maybe you'd still be able to walk.”

“I don't think so. If the tractor had turned over on top of me, it could have killed me. The horses ran away, and maybe that saved my life.”

They had spoken of the accident many times, but it seemed as if Samuel hadn't been able to let go of his sense of guilt. He heaped a large pile of scrambled eggs on his plate, and then he passed the bowl to her.

Anna took one spoonful and passed it to her
mammi
. No matter how little she ate, her clothes grew tighter. She'd struggled with her weight before the accident, but in the last eight months she had lost that battle. Her entire body had changed, had rebelled against her and what had happened. It had embarrassed her when she'd needed newer, bigger dresses, though her
aenti
seemed happy to sew them for her.

“I'm glad we still take the buggy to church,” Anna said.

“And to weddings and funerals.”
Mammi
pushed up on her glasses.

“The buggy is what I like best.” Anna stirred the food on her plate. “Even when we have to strap my chair on the back, it's soothing to ride behind a horse.”

“I'm surprised you aren't a little bit afraid of them.” Erin set a tray of hot biscuits on the table, sat down, and began to fill her own plate.

Once she'd done so, her
onkel
said, “Let's bow.”

Anna wasn't sure what others prayed about during this silent time. She prayed that
Gotte
would help her through one more day. That seemed monumental enough of a request. And she tried to remember to be thankful for the food.

“Amen,” Samuel said.

He smiled at his wife as she passed him the bowl of grits. Erin had also changed since the accident. Hadn't they all? Where before she was painfully thin, she'd put on a few pounds and they looked good on her. There was now color in her cheeks and she moved with more energy. It had occurred to Anna that being needed had changed her
aenti
into a different person.

“Anna loves the horses.” Samuel picked up the conversation where they had dropped it. “You should have seen her last week when Jacob took her to the barn.”

Anna blushed at the thought of Jacob pushing her wheelchair across the yard. He'd done so four times now, and each of those trips was burned into her memory. On the first they'd been watching the sunset when a bobcat loped across the yard in front of them. Anna had heard about them but never seen one. The cat moved gracefully, the sun bouncing off its brown coat. She'd been able to make out black-tipped ears and whiskers before it darted out of sight.

On the second time they had gone to the edge of the field so she could see the progress of the crops. The ache in her heart had been terrible then. She'd wanted so badly to stand up and walk down the rows. She'd insisted they go back inside, and though Jacob was obviously confused by her mood change, he'd quietly agreed.

The third time was what her uncle was referring to, when they'd gone to the barn. She did still love the horses. When Jacob took her to the horse stalls, and she was able to feed Snickers and Doodle a treat, it was as if a small part of her had healed.

It was the last trip with Jacob that stood out in her mind the strongest. He'd pushed her out to the mailbox, which sat near the two-lane road. She'd been so happy to be away from the house, to be somewhere different, that she'd felt a curious lightness. She'd felt free. On the way back, a red-tailed hawk dove down in front of them, caught something up from the grass, and soared away. Its majesty and beauty had stunned them both, and they had remained there for a few minutes hoping it might return.

Jacob seemed to enjoy those walks as much as she did, though she couldn't imagine why. Surely he had more important things to do than push a wheelchair around the yard. He had even suggested she allow him to put her on the tractor so they could head off toward the tank on the back side of the property to fish. Jacob often put preposterous ideas in her mind.

“She fed Snickers by hand,” Samuel continued. “That horse is becoming spoiled.”

“I'm not afraid of Duchess or the workhorses, and I do prefer them to the van or any
Englisch
vehicle. The horses, they did me a favor.” It was Anna's opinion that if the horses hadn't thrown her, she would have continued driving straight into the storm. She would have died after being sucked up into the tornado. The horses' instincts had saved her, though at a terrible cost.

“We could have helped you into Chloe's car, but she wasn't sure she could get you back out. The van is a good compromise.” Samuel continued to shovel food into his mouth, pausing once in a while to swipe at his beard.

“We're fortunate Mayes County offers such a service,”
Mammi
said. She sipped her coffee slowly as the steam rose up from her cup.

Conversation died as each person focused on their plate.

The door to the mudroom banged open, followed by the sound of Jacob stomping his feet on the rug.

“Sorry I'm late.”

“No problem, Jacob. Sit here. I'll fetch you a plate.”

He sat across from Anna, saying good morning to
Mammi
and assuring Samuel that the animals had all been cared for. “The cow was in a mood this morning. She tried to kick me once.”

“Sounds like Bella. She's been cranky the last few weeks.”

“But she still gives
gut
milk,”
Mammi
added.

“Speaking of which, I thought we might make a buttermilk pie this afternoon,
Mammi
.”

Anna nearly winced. She loved her
aenti
's cooking, but she had to find a way to eat less or burn up more calories.

“Going to town today, huh?” Jacob winked at her as he heaped food high on his plate.

“
Ya
, in the van.” Anna squirreled her nose, feeling like a moody child and not caring how silly she looked.

Why did it matter? She was convinced that he thought of her as a little sister. He no doubt felt he needed to protect her, but he didn't care for her, not the way she cared for him. Her mood continued to drop as she considered a day away from the farm. She wouldn't see him at lunch, and he'd likely be gone by the time she returned.

Jacob was still working for Bishop Levi a few hours in the afternoon when Samuel could spare him. The weather had been good and the crops were coming in well. There was work on any farm, but Samuel and Levi seemed to have more than their share. All but one of Levi's sons had farms of their own, and Samuel had no sons. They had both adopted Jacob, who appeared content to split his time between the two places.

Soon the men were gone, Jacob pausing to whisper, “Enjoy your day in town and stay out of trouble.”

What trouble could she get into from a wheelchair?

She tried to control the blush creeping up her neck, but if he noticed he didn't mention it. Instead, he thanked Erin for the breakfast, wished
Mammi
a good day, and hurried out after Samuel.

As the calories settled into her stomach and the dreams of the night before fell away, Anna's mood improved. By the time there was a knock at the door, she was actually looking forward to the trip she had dreaded on rising.

CHAPTER 29

C
hloe waited by the door after knocking briskly. She worried that her friend might have changed her mind. Anna suffered from depression and boredom. Chloe had done a lot of research on spinal cord injuries and paraplegics. Both said this was normal and might or might not pass as the injured person grew accustomed to their new life.

Chloe had visited once a week since the accident. At first Anna had been happy to see her, but then she'd decided that Chloe was visiting her out of pity. One day Anna had said as much. “I don't need or want your sympathy. You don't have to keep coming to see me.”

Those had been a rough few months through the darkest part of winter. Perhaps that was why Chloe had begun calling her mother again, several times a week. She needed someone to talk to, someone who understood about loss and pain and suffering. They didn't talk about Chloe's dad during those conversations—about his illness or his death. But her mother counseled her to have patience, to pray, and to keep visiting her friend.

When spring arrived Anna's mood had improved, and she seemed to look forward to Chloe's visits as long as they stayed at her uncle's farm. She'd always found an excuse when Chloe discussed them going to town together. One night Chloe remembered her promise in the fall, after they had gone to see the Amish quilts. They had set a date to
see the quilts Chloe's mom made, but that plan had fallen away with so many others after Anna's injury.

Now it seemed to Chloe that it would be good for Anna to enjoy an afternoon away from the farm. She'd spoken with Erin about it twice, and Anna's aunt had agreed that it would be a good idea. But each time Chloe had tried to plan it, Anna had dodged and hedged and generally become difficult.

When Erin opened the door, Chloe blew out a sigh of relief. They were still going. She could tell by the smile on Erin's face.

“It's
gut
to see you, Chloe.”

“You too, Mrs. Schwartz. How is Anna today?”

“I'm fine, and I can hear you.”