Anne Stuart (35 page)

He sank down over her, covering her body completely with his larger one, and through the stray tremors that still danced within her body she waited for him to sleep. But his hand threaded through her hair, his labored breathing slowed, and his teeth caught her earlobe.

It was then that she cried. Loud, noisy sobs, filling the room, which she made no attempt at quieting. He rolled off her, and she expected him to leave, and she didn’t care, she hated him, and she told him, noisily, as he simply pulled her into his arms, wrapping his body around her, wrapping the red covers around them, and held her during the storm of tears. He kissed her swollen eyelids, he kissed her mouth, he held her so firmly that she couldn’t run from him, couldn’t escape.

“
It’s not fair,” she wept against his strong, warm chest, the golden-brown hairs tickling her nose. “I don’t want to love you.”

“
I know you don’t, angel.”

“
I’m not an angel,” she howled. “I’m a whore, a slut, a worthless—” He put his hand over her mouth, hard, and for the first time she saw real anger.

“
No one can call my wife a whore,” he said tersely. “Not even you.”

“
It won’t work. I can’t marry you, Nathaniel.”

“
I’m not giving you any choice in the matter. You’ve compromised me,” he said, kissing the side of her neck. “You’ll have to marry me.”

“
You don’t understand. I’ve tried to tell you. I’ve been a whore all my life.”

“
All your life is a long time.”

“
Since I was five years old.” The words were out before she could stop them, and she waited, in silence, for his disgust, his withdrawal.

His arms were still strong around her, his voice measured, calm. “A child is not a whore. A child is a victim.”

“
Even when she’s been delivered by willing parents? And told to please the old gentleman, and do anything he asks of her, and not to cry, no matter what?”

The arms around her were like iron. Unbreakable. “Delivered to whom?”

“
The Duke of Castor.”

She felt the breath leave his body, the tension dissipate. “A royal duke,” he said. “It’s a shame he’s already dead. I would have killed him for you.”

The words were so prosaic, she felt dizzy. “Nathaniel,” she said weakly. “Ever since…”

“
Ever since then, you’ve been punishing yourself for something that wasn’t your fault,” he said, oddly, tenderly, stern. “But you’ve done it for long enough, my love. You’ll marry me. You’ll live a faithful, devout life from now on and even manage to make me seem like a wastrel.”

“
I can’t...”

“
You have no choice in the matter,” he told her once more. “You’ll marry me. Because, though you’ve been very foolish for a great many years, you’re far from stupid. And even if you wanted to keep punishing yourself, you’re too softhearted to punish me as well. Marry me, love.”

She stared up at him. He was mad, he was beautiful, and he was hers. As she lay there in the waning firelight, wrapped in his arms, anything seemed possible. “If you still want me in the morning,” she said, suddenly shy, she who had never been shy in her life.

“
I’ll want you on my deathbed, when I’m an old, old man.” She didn’t believe him. But she loved him, so she smiled through her tears, and twined her arms around his neck, and held him close. And she was the one who fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.

Emma stepped out into the dark and empty streets of London, alone. She expected she would have more than enough time to consider the rashness and possible ingratitude of her actions. Running away from Lady Seldane, a woman who had offered her care and comfort at the worst time in her life, was hardly the wisest course of action. She had taken her hospitality and her money and crept out of the house, leaving no more than a note of thanks and apology. Her motives were noble, but as she moved quietly down the icy streets of predawn London, she had lingering doubts.

Lady Seldane was too old and too crippled by her massive weight to thrive on a journey to Ireland, one that would necessitate traveling across the country, then embarking on a boat. The old woman stayed close to home for a reason, and Emma couldn’t see dragging her across the country when she hadn’t chosen to go farther than her daughter’s home in Essex for more than twenty years.

But there was another, more important reason to escape. Emma needed to break all ties with her past. Most particularly with anyone who knew Killoran. She needed to carve out a new life for herself, a place with no connection to Killoran or to Maude Darnley. Or to Emma Langolet. She would find a safe haven, north somewhere, as far as her limited pocket money would take her. She would find work if she could, or she would sell the broken diamond necklace she’d sewn into her petticoat. The diamonds that Killoran had insisted she keep. She would make a life for herself, far away from his memory, from the impossible yearning. She would build a happy, simple life there, and no one would ever find her.

Emma hadn’t had much to pack. Her black silks had arrived from Killoran, but Lady Seldane had steadfastly refused to allow her to wear them. “You’re not in mourning,” she’d sniffed, and Emma had decided not to enlighten her about Uncle Horace. “No need for you to look like a crow.”

Instead she’d provided a young girl’s wardrobe for Emma, full of pale, flattering colors better suited to an innocent. Emma didn’t feel innocent. In truth, she was glad she didn’t. Never would she regret lying with Killoran, no matter what the consequences. Even if a part of her hated him, another part was still torn with love.

The streets of London were dangerous. She had learned that much, but in the past few weeks she had grown soft. Distracted by the danger to her heart, to her soul, she forgot about the danger to her life. She failed to notice the shadows behind her, the footsteps dogging her.

Until it was too late. And she was caught.

“
Wake up, damn your eyes!” The stentorian bellow ripped through Killoran’s skull, and he sat bolt upright, blinking, reaching automatically for his smallsword. His intruder had torn open the curtains in his bedroom, letting in the blinding winter sunlight, and through the miserable pounding in his brain he could see only the short, massive outline of his uninvited guest.

“
Sleeping at this hour of the day! God knows you were never an example of rectitude, but this passes all bounds. Did you plan to drink yourself into oblivion every day, or did you discover a faster way to kill yourself?”

His eyes focused, but his brain refused to believe what he saw. Lady Seldane never left her house. She certainly wouldn’t be storming around his bedroom, at midday, haranguing him.

But then, who else would have the nerve to do so?

He shoved himself upright in bed. He slept in the nude, but Letty Seldane was a bawdy old lady, and she did nothing more than glare at him before continuing her diatribe.

“
Everything has fallen to pieces, disaster is in the offing, and you sleep like an innocent, despite the fact that you must have the blackest conscience in Christendom. Have I been mistaken all these years I’ve known you?”

“
I have no idea,” Killoran murmured, stretching with just the right amount of laziness. He had no intention of letting Lady Seldane know just how alert, how wary, he was. Nor just how much his head hurt. “What
have
you thought of me all these years?”

“
That you’re not nearly as blackhearted a rogue as you pretend to be.”

“
You wound me, Letty!” he protested. “I assure you, I’m just as evil as I appear. Heartless, soulless, amoral, and wicked.”

“
Then it shouldn’t bother you that Emma appears to have run off.”

“
And you let her go?”

A lesser woman would have blanched at his tone of voice. Lady Seldane was up to it. “I thought I had persuaded her to accompany me to Ireland. Some time at my house in County Sligo would have provided a nice distraction. Given her some peace, some time...”

“
I don’t suppose the fact that your lands are adjacent to the old farmhouse where I grew up was a factor in this decision?”

“
Do you accuse me of being a matchmaker?”

“
You’ve never stooped so low before.”

“
And I’m not about to now,” she said with great dignity. “I happen to like that gel. I wouldn’t relegate her to your tender mercies—unlike you, I’m possessed of morals. I’m certain there’s someone, young and decent, who’ll make a perfect husband for her. You must be twice her age.”

“
Are you trying to offend me, Letty? It’s usually a difficult thing to do, but I will confess I drank a bit too much last night, and my temper is uncertain. I am fifteen years older than Emma, but a Methuselah in the ways of sin.”

“
You’ve been drinking too much every night, according to rumor. I’m certain your abrupt desertion of Emma had little or nothing to do with this sudden lapse into maudlin degeneracy...”

“
Nothing,” he snapped.

“
But it’s not you I’m concerned about. It’s Emma.”

“
Then why are you here? Send someone to chase her down and bring her back. You must have some notion of where she went. Don’t bother me with matters that don’t concern me.”

“
You’ve been paying her bills, Killoran. That gives you some concern in the matter. You know there was no need, but you insisted. It suggests you might have a bit of human feeling left, after all.”

“
Simple guilt,” he replied.

“
That’s even more difficult to believe. You’re not a man to succumb to guilt. Listen to me, Killoran, and listen well. She needs help, and if you’re not the man to provide it, I’ll have to look elsewhere. My blasted youngest daughter chose Saturday to give birth to her first child, and the gel decided to be tiresomely sentimental and demand my presence. When I left for Essex, the plans for our discreet little journey to Ireland were in place. When I returned, I found a note from the wretched child, saying she needed time on her own, that I wasn’t to worry, and that she’d be fine. She would let me know where she was in a little while.”

“
Then why are you worried?” A nagging, horrified thought struck him. “She isn’t pregnant, is she?”

Lady Seldane picked up a delicate Chinese vase and flung it at his head. It bounced off the bed curtains and landed on the floor. “You stupid, idiotic man!” she fumed. “Doesn’t a person of your experience know how to avoid such things? Of course you do—I’ve never heard of a trail of by-blows from you, and you’ve certainly bedded the majority of beautiful women here in London.”

“
I know how to avoid such things,” he said, realizing he sounded faintly sulky. “I just... didn’t.”

“
Carried away, were you?” Lady Seldane nodded knowingly, slightly mollified. “Most unlike you, Killoran.”

“
Why do you think I sent her to you?”

“
Because she terrified you, didn’t she? Got beneath that cold-as-ice exterior of yours. No wonder you panicked. And don’t give me that look. It don’t work with me, and you know it. You can’t call me out, and you can’t intimidate me. I’ve known you too long and too well. You care about the girl, you who pride yourself on not caring about a damned thing.”

“
Age has addled your wits.”

“
Yours as well,” she snapped back. “Are you going to be sensible and go after her? Or are you going to leave it up to me to find a new champion? Trust me, most men wouldn’t be foolish enough to let someone like her slip through their fingers.”

“
Send Nathaniel after her. He specializes in Damsels in Distress. He’s more the heroic type. I have no intention of having anything to do with her. She’s better off that way, and we both know it.”

Lady Seldane nodded. “Nathaniel. He’s a good man, from all I hear. I just wonder how he’ll be able to stand up to Darnley.”

There was a sudden, furious roaring in his ears. “Darnley?” he echoed hoarsely.

“
You don’t think a man like Darnley is going to give up, do you? He’ll be after her in no time, and she has no one to watch over her. She’s a brave gel, but she’s unused to treachery. Other than what she’s learned of yours, of course. She wouldn’t stand a chance against a creature like Darnley.”

“
What makes you think he even remembers her existence?”

“
You made certain of that, m’boy. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s already gone after her. I’m afraid you set your trap too well, Killoran. He’s more interested in your protégé than you at the moment. Of course, once he tires of her, he’ll be back to cause you trouble, and you can dispose of him then—if you’re willing to wait. However, I wouldn’t think a dedicated villain such as you would be willing to leave Emma to a creature like Darnley. The things I’ve heard about his habits could shock even a jaded old woman like me.”

Killoran had already thrown the covers back from the bed and begun to dress. Lady Seldane watched him with detached interest. “Why did you take so long to come to me?” he snarled. “You know I counted on you to watch over her, to see that she came to no harm.”

“
I arrived home late at night, and it wasn’t until this morning that I discovered she was gone. If you hadn’t been spending the last week or so intent on self-destruction, you would have remembered the danger Darnley poses.”

“
I didn’t forget.” He yanked on a cambric shirt with furious speed. “I’ll find her, damn it, and bring her back to you. It shouldn’t take long, and if Darnley’s anywhere near her, then I’ll finish with him. I should have done so years ago.” He sat on the bed and began pulling on his boots. “And this time you’d better keep an eye on her. Don’t let her go until you’ve found the right man to marry her.”