Another Shot At Love (33 page)

That was a lie, there were no “things” I needed to do. I just wasn’t in the mood to be around people, and I didn’t want to bring the group down with my sad face. Maybe if I watched the first episode of the alien TV show in my bag, I’d be in a better mood.

After being stuck in my car for fifteen minutes, I jumped out into the sprinkling rain. The sky above was dark and cloudy; another storm would blow in soon. I ran up the back stairs to my patio door and hurried to work the lock open. Inside, I flipped the light switch on and shed my jacket, leaving it to dry on the coat tree in the corner. The wind howled fiercely around the outside walls of the apartment.

Thirty minutes later, I sat in breathless anticipation as the teenage girl in the TV show learned the sexy, dark-haired boy in her science class was an alien who saved her life.

“Holy cow,” I whispered, waiting for them to kiss. It was coming…he had to kiss her!

I was so wrapped up in the show that I didn’t hear the knock at first. And then it sounded again on my patio door. “Son of a bitch,” I mumbled as I fumbled with the remote to stop the show before I missed something important. Finally, I got the show paused and stood. If it was Roxanna, I was going to shake her. It didn’t matter that it was six-thirty p.m. or that Cheer-Britney-Up Night was supposed to start in two hours; she’d interrupted my newest show obsession.

But it wasn’t Roxanna. The sight of Matt standing under the dim glow of my patio light, his hair soaked from the rain as he’d climbed the stairs out back, made my breath catch. His eyes gazed in at me intensely, dark and sexy, full of emotions I couldn’t read. I didn’t even try; I was through trying to understand men.

I don’t know why I hesitated—it was rude—but I didn’t open the door right away. I just stared into his eyes through the glass. Maybe I was waiting for him to disappear. And then the rain started pouring again and snapped me out of my daze.

I unlocked the door and slid it open so he could step inside. It was all I could do not to throw myself into his arms. But I didn’t. I helped him out of his wet jacket and busied myself with hanging it beside my jacket on the coat tree.

“Gen,” he said, his tone hesitant.

“Hi,” was all I could manage, still unable to look him in the eye. There was too much unsaid, too much tension and awkwardness now. After a moment of silence, I centered my attention on the wall clock over his shoulder, too afraid to look him in the eye, not certain I would like what I saw there. “I didn’t think I’d see you again.”

He raked his hands through his hair. I was mesmerized at how black his hair was when wet and how the ends waved a little. If he grew his hair out he’d have curls.

“I shouldn’t have taken off like that the other night. It was childish. I’m sorry.” The uncertainty in his voice was what finally forced me to look him in the eye. Worry creased his brow.

“Matt, I knew what I was getting myself into. I didn’t want a relationship either. I get that you’re not ready, but…” I took a deep breath and shook my head. “Honestly, I’m not up for this. My relationship with Brent was horrible; at least, it ended badly. This one was over before it even started and it’s my fault for feeling more than either of us wants. You were right to leave.”

I didn’t want to think of him as the kind of guy who ran when things got heavy. Wasn’t that how he’d explained his marriage to me? His ex-wife hadn’t been up for the grown up part of their relationship and now, with me, neither was he. I knew I wasn’t being fair, but I was still hurt. I turned to walk back to the patio door, hoping he’d go now because there really was nothing else to say. And my heart hurt.

I felt stupid, and empty. And if I looked at him, I might cry.

“No,” he said firmly, and spun me around by the shoulders to face him. He placed a finger to my lips before I could speak. “That’s what I’m trying to say—it wasn’t right for me to leave. I got…scared. Because this—” he gave my shoulders a little shake, “—us, this thing we have, it’s real. And you make me happier than I have been in years. I didn’t want to ruin things by moving forward too quickly. Losing you, Gen…I’m not okay with that.”

My heart hammered in my chest.

“I…okay.” I was stunned, and scared to answer. Yes, I was a coward, but I was too afraid to say anything that might change the way he felt, even if that fear was irrational as hell.

“I don’t want to be your friend, Gen.”

I swallowed and blinked at him. “You don’t?”

“No.” He stared at our feet. “I’ve never met anyone like you. You have this beautiful soul, this heart that is so big. And you see me. I can’t keep pretending that what I feel for you is as simple as friendship. I want more. I want to date you, to kiss you in the grocery store line whenever I feel like it—and I always feel like it.” He laughed and the smile reached his eyes. “You’re nothing I was looking for, nothing I expected, but you are exactly what I want.”

It was ridiculous how elated his words made me. Was this what soaring above the ground would feel like if I had my own wings? The immense relief was a testament to how far I’d fallen without realizing, without actually meaning to.

My silence must have worried him. He said, “I know I wasn’t looking for a relationship when we met, and you were just looking for a date to your sister’s engagement party. But for me, that’s changed. If you’re not ready, I understand. I really, really don’t want what we have to end. I want you to be a part of my life.”

I smiled, my heart caught in my throat as I touched his face, resting my fingers against the whisker-rough line of his jaw. “Ever since Brent, I haven’t been interested in dating. At all. And then I met you.”

I dropped my hand to his shoulder and rested my thumb against his neck. “And now that you’re here…I just…I want you to stay.”

And there was the lopsided smile and dimples I’d been scared I’d never see again. He reached for me. “Good. I was scared I’d lost you.”

Funny, but that’s what I’d been worried about, too.

And then he kissed me. I had to stand on my toes, my lips pressed hungrily against his. I didn’t want to come up for air, and when I grew lightheaded I realized I’d forgotten to breath. He ripped his lips away from mine and trailed kisses down to just under my ear.

“Tell me to stop,” he whispered against my tingling skin and the sinewy muscles of his back tensed beneath my fingers. I opened my eyes and found him gazing at me with such intensity, I sucked in a breath. The need I felt was written in the taught lines of his face. “You should tell me to stop.”

I shook my head and whispered, “I don’t want you to stop.”

He swept me up into his arms and I clung to him as if letting go would destroy me. Maybe it would. I wasn’t interested in finding out. I kept my eyes closed until he set me down on my bed, the comforter and sheets still rumpled from the night before. He claimed my lips again and any doubts I’d had melted away. This was right. I felt it.

I wouldn’t let this moment be wrong.

Chapter Twenty-Four

Our kisses grew urgent and my lips devoured his with a passion that took me by surprise. I couldn’t get close enough, couldn’t taste enough of him. When his hands grasped me by the hips and settled me down over his lap, I pressed into him so I could feel the evidence of his need against the thin cotton of panties under my dress. I moaned, but it sounded so distant; my ears were ringing.

The sensitive flesh between my legs was already slick, the cotton rubbing against me had me near orgasm already and everything hummed.

“Not yet,” I moaned, mostly to myself. I hadn’t felt a man’s touch in so long and my body took over. I needed to feel him inside of me and that need had me tearing at his clothes.

He chuckled and covered my hands with his. “We have time.”

Then he picked me up by the waist and laid me back onto the bed. I whimpered in protest, but he settled a moist kiss to my lips, silencing me. Soon, I was lost in the heat of his kisses before I realized my dress was gone. I lay in the dark in my bra and panties, shivering.

His silhouette shifted in the dark of the room as he shed his own clothes. Though I wanted to see him, I was glad for the dark and the courage it gave me to reach for him, pulling him down so I could feel his bare skin against mine. Every muscle in his body was taut under my fingertips and the darkness allowed me to lose myself in the sensations; the anticipation of joining with him burned inside of me.

“In the drawer,” I gasped against his lips and he understood, fumbling with the top drawer of the night stand. Normally, I might have been embarrassed at the prep work, because I’d bought the condoms with the intention of seducing him and now he knew that. But it also didn’t matter now, because he’d come to me, not the other way around.
He wants me too
, I thought and smiled.

He tore open a wrapper and fumbled with it; he was just an outline in the dark.

He leaned over me again and his fingers touched the insides of my thighs. When he lowered his face to my belly, I squirmed beneath him. I clenched my eyes shut with the first flick of his tongue against my stomach. My lips parted to pull in a gasp of air.

“Beautiful,” he whispered against my flesh. His hands lifted my butt off the bed and his lips touched the cotton of my panties, kissing me through the material, nipping at the flesh beneath, and I moaned.

“Please, Matt.” I had to beg him; the waves of an orgasm were growing in intensity with each touch of his tongue through the wet material. He didn’t listen, though. Instead, he snagged the cotton aside with his thumb and placed his mouth against the center, rubbing his tongue against the sensitive nub, and I cried out.

I almost blacked out at the waves of warmth that cascaded over me, through me, blanketing me in a fuzzy cocoon. I didn’t think anything could ever feel so good, until he was inside of me, so deep and so complete that all I could do was hang on because I was lost. Every thought was lost. All I knew for certain was the fireworks and heat, the feel of him sliding out before pushing deep inside again.

The second orgasm was just as intense as the first one, but this time it left my whole body limp in his arms. I pressed my mouth against his shoulder as the sensations crashed into me, clinging to him as he lay spent on top of me.

I was too weak even to smile. He shifted above me, capturing my lips in a gentle, passionate kiss that stole my breath. He moved his lips to kiss my nose before rolling over on his back and tugging me against his chest. “That painting…”

“Yes?” I said and rested my cheek against his racing heart.

“Thank you.”

I closed my eyes and his heartbeat lulled me to sleep.

Sometimes the morning after is awkward. It wasn’t with Matt, though. I stirred from a deep sleep, wholly aware of the man beside me, warm and firm. My body was still wrapped around his and, when I opened my eyes, I gazed upon his face, relaxed in sleep and breathtakingly beautiful. My palm on his chest rose and fell with every breath he took.

With the morning light slivering through the curtain and slanting over the bed, my stomach fluttered. I breathed in the very male scent of him and my loins warmed with the memories from the night before. The way he’d touched me, kissed me—God, I’d been missing that my entire life. The man was perfection.

He must have sensed me watching him because his arm closed around me, pulling me closer into his chest. He kissed the top of my head while I lay with my ear to his chest, listening to his heart beat at a lazier pace than mine.

“You’re adorable when you sleep,” he murmured and I froze. He chuckled softly and ran his fingers through the hair at the nape of my neck. “Did you know you talk in your sleep?”

“I…do?” I knew I did. Mostly, I did it when I was really tired. Or drunk. This time, it was because we hadn’t gone to sleep early—I hadn’t wanted him to stop kissing me. His lips were a miracle. And then I’d awoken in the middle of the night to feel those lips again, on my neck and, well, I spent the rest of the night naked.

He rolled me over and slid his naked body down against mine. His lips brushed my nipple then flicked the tip with his tongue.

“Yes, you do,” he said, then moved to the other breast.

“What...did I...say.” I was panting now, and squirmed beneath him.

“You said my name once, which was really, really adorable.” Matt’s mouth was now at my navel. There was no point in trying to force back the shivers that traveled down my spine, making my stomach muscles contract.