Anthology of Ichor III: Gears of Damnation (32 page)

I turned off the TV and forget about my altruistic crusade.

~*~

I worked at a CD store in the mall, sandwiched between an ice cream shop and a shoe store. Across from us were a toy store, a candy store, and a full-of-everything-mothers-don’t-want-their-children-to-know-of store. I clocked in seconds before I would be late, which is pretty consistent for me because I ride my bike and watch the morning news.

I got behind the counter and fished out my safety pin name tag so that all who could read would address me properly. I am nobody’s son, boy, homie, dog, or lad—my name is Gardner, but it’s my name.

I said “morning” to Melissa because she never says hi first. She dresses as if life were a perpetual funeral, but she nodded my way, so she must have been in a decent mood.

Randy, the manager, clapped me on the back like idiot older people do to younger people. “Just in time, as always.” He was smiling, kind of like Ronald Burgess.

“
Yep,” I said. “Always here for the dough, sir.”

Randy stared at me for a moment as though he’d confused himself with Medusa. “You know, there are a lot of people that would enjoy working here.”

“
I know, sir. That’s why I’m never late.”

He favored me with one more long look, until I thought snakes might actually start popping out of his head, then he walked off, muttering. I caught something that sounded like casserole.

I pinned my name tag to my shirt and thought up a bunch of nasty words I would never actually say to Randy’s face because afterward I would be unemployed. The thought was nice, though, because it made me feel as if I’d one-upped him.

Teresa, another coworker of mine, joined Melissa and me behind the counter. “Hey, Gard.” She’s the only one I tolerated calling me Gard, because since the first day we met and she did, it sounded natural.

“
Hey, Teresa.”

She isn’t sullen like Melissa, but also not one of those perky-comes-across-like-a-ditz girls, either. She’s what I think of as “normal.” No great secrets motivating an attention-grabber style; no crazy parents giving her a woe-is-me complex; no neurotic tendencies or delusions about the Big Game of Life. I figure she grew up in a stable enough household and learned to read, write, and speak the eccentric expletives of the American language at customary ages.

I slid a piece of cherry gum into my mouth and got the radio going for the store.

Teresa was spacing out, looking just over my shoulder. I whistled two notes which brought her back. “What’re you thinking about?” I said.

“
Mackenzie,” who was her cousin. “I can’t believe she got her nipples pierced.”

“
When was this?”

“
Last night. Can I get a piece of gum, Gard?”

“
Sure,” I said, retrieving the pack from my pocket. I held it out to Melissa after Teresa had grabbed a strip.

She shrugged a
what the hell
and joined the conversation. “My brother has his nipples pierced.”

“
Really?” I said, wondering why a man would want to pierce his nipples.

“
Yeah, but he has about twenty other piercings, so it was coming.” She leaned against the back counter next to Teresa and crossed her legs. “Wonder what that would feel like.”

Melissa is big on makeup, dark colors, that is, but a puritan when it comes to piercings. She doesn’t even have her ears pierced.

I scratched my chest because my nipples began to itch.

Teresa grinned. “Got yours done, too?”

“
Show me yours, I’ll show you mine,” I said, returning her smile.

“
In your dreams, Gard.”

“
I’d rather do it while I’m awake, if that’s fine with you.”

“
We work together,” she said, dropping her eyes to fiddle with her tank top, over which she wore a maroon shirt. “It’s unprofessional.”

“
Randy seems ready to fire me…”

“
Close, but no cigar.”

Through the entrance I saw a mother and son walking hand in hand into the ice cream shop next door. The boy held a white teddy bear. My stomach growled. On a whim, I decided to try my luck with Teresa.

“
How about I take you out to dinner, for a start?”

Melissa rolled her eyes and made a loud pop with her gum before leaving the scene.

Teresa quit fiddling with her tank top and favored me demurely. “Where do you have in mind?”

~*~

Being the romantic I am, I borrowed my mother’s car and took Teresa to a local pizza place.

It was a lot of fun, to tell you the truth. Much more so than I thought it would be. Up to a certain point, that is. When Teresa had agreed to dinner, I’d immediately began to think of where in the world I could take her, not where in the world I would
like
to take her. Money, money, money, my friends. I was apprehensive about my decision. To top off borrowing my mother’s car, a pizza joint for dinner didn’t sound too impressive, but I was relieved when Teresa hopped in and smiled.

“
I’m disappointed,” she said, appraising the interior.

My cheeks reddened and in my mind I stammered an excuse. I knew the night would be terrible, would royally suck and that I should never have asked her out in the first place, because if it did royally suck, I would have to face her tomorrow at work…and the next day, and so on.

I swallowed. “Why?”

She smiled again. “I was hoping to get a ride on your bike.”

With that my cheeks began to regain their normal color. I chuckled.

Teresa watched me as I drove for a moment. “So, you got the car but didn’t feel like dressing up?”

She wore tight blue jeans and a small jacket over a v-neck top. A necklace with a hanging gem I thought emerald hung just above her breasts and gave me a reason to stare for several seconds. Her long hair was slightly curled and resplendent earrings hung from each of her lobes.

I wore what I had all day: shoes that could use a wash, jeans, and a white tee.

“
I would’ve wore my spandex suit,” I said and shook my head as though I’d never experienced a great regret in life, “but my dryer broke and I’m stuck with this.”

She laughed. “Really?”

“
Hell yeah, ‘really.’” I slapped my forehead. “And because I don’t have my spandex suit, I couldn’t wear my neon bow tie or floral-patterned high tops.” I tsked several times as she continued to laugh. “I mean, seriously, what the heavenly father!”

That got her laughing even louder, and I felt good.

At the pizza place, we sat across from each other in a booth with a medium meat lover between us. I drank Coke; she drank lemonade. She was amazing, and I hoped I didn’t look totally recycled next to her.

“
Wow, Gard, you don’t play around.”

A quarter of the pizza was left in the grease-stained box; I had eaten over half of it. “Yeah,” I said. “I’m really hungry for some reason.” I was, too, and it was weird because I kept seeing that little boy with his mother walking into the ice cream shop. The image had stayed with my mind all day and with it brought an empty feeling to my stomach, as though I hadn’t eaten in days.

“
Well, that’s fine with me because I don’t know how much more I can eat.”

“
Can
or
will
?” My stomach felt as if it were imploding upon itself. I practically inhaled another bite of pizza.

“
Can,” she said. “I’m lucky that way; I’ve got a fast metabolism. It seems that sometimes I have to eat and eat just so I don’t lose weight.”

A couple entered, looking to be in their twenties. The girl wore a cast on her left foot and walked with the aid of crutches.

I swallowed my previous bite. “You look good, anyway, whatever you secret is.”

“
Thank you,” she said and brushed some stray hair away from her face. “You look good, too…even without your spandex.”

“
Oh, you’re funny,” I said, and turned at the sound of the Cast Girl, who bumped into a table and dropped a crutch.

The guy apologized and bent to pick it up.

“
Well, fuck, Jason,” Cast Girl said. “Would you mind watching where you’re going? Why didn’t we just order in?” She snatched the crutch from his hand and slid into the booth. “My ankle is killing me—”

And something very disturbing happened when she said that. My own left ankle, on which I had walked, run, and jumped for twenty-two years and some change, became laced with a whip of pain so abrupt it was like lightning.

I cried out and my knee slammed into the bottom of our table. My drink spilled and Teresa let out a startled yelp. I slumped in the booth and brought my leg up. I reached for my ankle with both hands, but before I could even touch it, the pain was gone.

I grasped my ankle, anyhow; looked at it; seemed normal. Rubbed it; felt normal. Squeezed it; didn’t hurt at all. It didn’t throb or start to swell.

The weight of stares fell upon me. I glanced around and saw people turn their faces once my gaze reached them. Teresa was watching me, also. I sat up and slowly set my foot on the ground, then pressed down as if working the pedal of a car. It felt fine. I stared at it for a moment, wondering what in the hell had happened. I probably would’ve stared longer, but Teresa was speaking to me.

Looking up, I said, “Huh?”

“
I said, are you all right, Gard?”

I nodded and began to mop up the soda with napkins, wanting some more time to formulate my thoughts. “…Yeah, I’m good.”

She regarded me silently.

I felt I should explain myself in some way, half-assed though it would be, because if I were to watch Teresa cry out and stare at her ankle as if it had sprouted a mouth and began to talk, I wouldn’t have accepted her assertion that she was fine, either.

“
Charley horse,” I said and cleared my throat. After a pause, which she didn’t fill, I added: “One…hell of a charley horse.” I kept my head straight and shot my eyes toward the Cast Girl quick enough that Teresa didn’t see.

“
Okay.” She laughed nervously. “Well, where were we?”

“
Umm,” I said, not hungry any longer. “You were complimenting me on my sex appeal even without spandex.”

“
Sex appeal?” She smiled. “I don’t know if I put it quite like that.”

“
You’re sure? I could have sworn…” I tilted my head and tapped my chin, then after a few seconds focused on her again. “Yes; I remember clearly now. You said, ‘Gard, you’re sexy enough to induce me with spasms, even without your spandex.’”

“
Did I?”

“
Uh-huh; I believe you did.”

She giggled and I finished the pizza because, while I wasn’t hungry, I was distracted. So I kept my mouth full and watched her as she talked, but my eyes became unfocused several times. I don’t think she noticed.

As we got up to leave, I glanced at the Cast Girl again, expecting my ankle to buckle under my weight, causing me to crumble to the floor. It held up, though, and we left without incident.

I drove Teresa to her apartment and we made small talk, although I know I didn’t contribute much. I worried that if I spoke too much I would tell her about what was going on in my mind, and I didn’t want to freak her out.

I walked her to her door because I wanted to
appear
as normal as possible while actually
feeling
as abnormal as ever. She held her house keys, but didn’t move to open her door.

“
I had a really good time,” she said, standing close to me.

The faint peach scent of her perfume wafted over me, and her eyes were gleaming globes I couldn’t avoid. I was torn between the prospect of possibly lengthening our evening and dashing to the car, to then peel rubber my entire way home.

“
Me too,” I said. Her hazel eyes were set on mine and I knew that at any other time her gaze would’ve reduced me to a state of amorous helplessness. Her lips were full and slightly parted, in preparation for an expected kiss that I didn’t feel capable of delivering.

“
Sooo,” she said, keeping her eyes on mine. “You feel like pizza again anytime soon?”

“
Yeah.” I sounded distant, at least to me, but Teresa didn’t seem to notice. I kept seeing that little boy and his mother, but more specifically, the teddy bear that he held. It became transparently visible between our faces. Not just in my mind, but really between us, as if some hologram were being projected. My head felt as if it had been filled with air and were about to float from my shoulders and ascend upon a path to some astral void.

I had the strangest thought that if I weren’t to get a grip on the situation fast, the bear would float over and become Teresa’s face. The image of Teresa’s sensuous body magically topped with a head of a teddy bear suddenly seemed so horribly possible to me that I took her face with my hands and kissed deep.

For that moment I was fine. My head didn’t swim with the mystery of my transient pain at the pizza place. I no longer saw the teddy bear before me or in my mind. I was absorbed with the kiss; that sweet kiss that granted reprieve.