Anticipation (20 page)

“Don’t tell me you’ve got someone pregnant?” Raf asked, suddenly very serious.

“No. Jesus. Where did you get that from?”

“You looked so worried. And let’s be honest, it could happen, right?”

“I haven’t touched another woman since Blue’s accident,” Eddie snapped.

Raf frowned. “What do you mean,
another woman
? As opposed to who?”

Eddie took a deep breath. “Blue.”

Raf shook his head in confusion. “What?”

“Blue stayed at my place last night.”

It took a moment for the import of what he’d just said to hit his twin. Then Raf’s eyes widened and he took a step backward. Distancing himself from Eddie and what Eddie had said.

“Oh, man.”

Awesome. That was the response Eddie was looking for. Not.

“How did that even happen?” Raf asked.

“How do you think?” Eddie said. “You want me to draw you a diagram?”

Raf rubbed the back of his neck, and Eddie could see his brother was working hard to process the news.

He got it. Blue had been a part of their lives for ten years, but neither of them had ever hit on her. They had never even needed to talk about it — they’d both simply known that sleeping with Blue would ruin a good thing.

“So you’re trying to work out what to do next?” Raf asked.

“No. I know what I want. But Blue doesn’t want to know about it.”

“What do you want?”

Eddie was suddenly too hot in his jacket. He yanked the zipper down and pushed the sides open.

“I want to see what happens. I think… I think there’s something there, you know?”

“And Blue doesn’t?”

“Blue wants to pretend it never happened.”

“Huh,” Raf said, but Eddie didn’t miss the way his brother’s mouth curled up at the corners.

“Don’t you dare laugh at me,” Eddie warned him.

“Come on. It’s a little bit funny.”

“No. It really fucking isn’t.”

Raf sobered. “You’re right. Sorry. I guess I’ve been waiting for this to happen for a while.”

“What, me and Blue?” Eddie asked, startled.

Raf shook his head. “No. Not Blue. I wasn’t sure you two would ever work your shit out. But I figured there’d be someone, eventually.”

“So what do you think I should do? About Blue, I mean.”

Raf looked startled. “Why are you asking me? You know Blue better than anyone.”

“You’re the one who knows how to do this long-term stuff. You’ve been with Lena. And now you’re with Maggie.”

“Maggie isn’t Blue.”

“Tell me about it.” Maggie was sweet and funny and warm; Blue would take out Eddie’s eye if he called her sweet.

“What did she say this morning?” Raf asked.

Eddie could feel his face heating as he remembered Blue’s words. “She, uh, pointed out that my track record isn’t exactly stellar in this area. And she said she valued our friendship more than good sex.”

“
Good
sex?” Raf asked, one eyebrow cocked.

“She was underplaying,” Eddie said flatly.

“You sure? Maybe you’re losing your touch.” Raf was trying not to smirk again.

“Come on, man, stop dicking around and help me out here.”

Raf glanced around the garage as though searching for ideas to offer.

“Honestly, I don’t know. Blue is tough. You know what she’s like. She’s so self-contained sometimes, it’s hard to know what she’s thinking.”

“You’ve gotta give me more than that,” Eddie said, hands spread wide.

Raf studied him for a beat. “This is real, yeah? For you?”

“You think I’d be standing here if it wasn’t?”

“At the risk of pointing out the obvious, you could have done something years ago if this was the way you felt.”

“I know.” Eddie scuffed his boot against a dark spot on the concrete.

“So why didn’t you?”

Eddie looked at his brother. Why was Raf even bothering to ask? He knew the situation. He knew Eddie, and he knew Blue.

“Because I give a shit, and I never wanted to hurt her.”

Raf crossed his arms over his chest. “So what’s changed?”

Eddie thought about it for a moment. It wasn’t just that the accident had driven it home to him in no uncertain terms how precious life was and how quickly things could change. It was more than that.

“I always wanted her. Always. But I knew I wouldn’t be good for her, so I kept my hands to myself. I know I’m not perfect now, but I’m ready. I think we could be good together. I think we could be pretty freaking amazing, actually.”

His face was hot again, but he was glad he’d articulated his feelings. Hearing himself say it out loud helped quieten the white noise in his head.

“You want my advice? Talk to her. Be honest. And hope that she’s honest in return. That’s pretty much the trick of making things work. Keep talking,” Raf said.

Eddie nodded, taking on board his brother’s advice. “Thanks, man. And thanks for not freaking out about me and Blue.”

Because there had been a part of Eddie that had been expecting that.

“This is Blue, right? It’s not like you could have forced her into doing anything she didn’t want to do. I figure you guys are adults. Mostly.”

Eddie managed a smile at his brother’s addition of
mostly
, tempted to point out that not only did Raf have a half share in the very expensive boys’ toy in front of them, but he also had a full slew of gaming consoles upstairs and a bunch of other fun stuff.

“I’m going to go shake the cob-webs off,” Eddie said.

He straddled the bike, and Raf passed him the helmet.

“Don’t go too crazy,” Raf said.

Which was bro-speak for
be careful
, Eddie knew.

“I might be the reckless twin, but I’m not stupid.”

Raf tilted his head to the side as though giving the matter serious consideration, and Eddie grinned inside the helmet as he started the bike. The sound of the engine coming to life was loud in the confined space and Raf cast an approving eye over the bike before walking across to the wall where control for the automatic door was located. Daylight streamed into the garage, and the moment the door was clear, Eddie lifted his hand in farewell before putting the bike into gear and gunning out into the street.

He had a lot to think about — but first, he needed to blow some air back into his brain.

Chapter Thirteen

“Do you think this is supposed to be a statement about domesticity or something…?” Maggie said, her voice lowered to respectful, art-gallery level as they contemplated the piece in front of them.

Set in a white alcove, the upright vacuum cleaner had clearly been well-used. Its cord was wrapped neatly around the on-board holder, the body of the unit angled slightly to show off its profile.

For the life of her, Blue couldn’t work out what it was supposed to represent.

“Maybe it’s about modern art sucking?” Blue said just as quietly.

Maggie smothered a laugh. “Please don’t make me laugh or I’ll never stop.”

From the moment they’d arrived at Maggie’s friend’s exhibition, they’d been carefully avoiding making eye contact with one another for too long or saying too much. One look at the first piece of “art” had been enough to tell Blue what they were in for: a plain white canvas, it had been displayed next to a blank space where, notionally, another canvas might hang. And next to that was a neat, canvas-shaped hole that had been cut into the plaster.

The artist’s statement had talked about “voids” and “the act of creation” and “the expectations of the viewer.” As someone who had studied more than her fair share of the great artists, Blue had no patience for this kind of self-indulgent wankery. She wanted to see skill and craft. She wanted to see ideas and talent. A hole in the wall did not satisfy her criteria for any of the above.

The exhibition had only gotten worse from there, culminating in the vacuum cleaner installation. Or whatever it was called.

“Here’s a plan,” Blue suggested hopefully. “We blow this joint and go grab something to eat. There’s a great new cake shop on Gertrude Street I’m gagging to try.”

Maggie’s eyes lit up. “I heard about that. Just let me find Justin so I can let him know we’re leaving.”

“Make sure to let him know which piece you’re buying,” Blue said, deadpan.

“My God, can you imagine Raf’s face if I came home with one of these?”

“My mind is boggling so hard it needs cake to sustain it. Go tell your friend he’s the next Pollock and let’s get out of here,” Blue said, giving Maggie a nudge to get her moving.

Maggie was about to oblige when an older man dressed in a grey dust coat walked past them, his gaze intent on something behind them. They turned together, just in time to watch as he gripped the handle on the vacuum cleaner, tilted it back, and wheeled it away.

Returning it to the janitor’s closet, Blue presumed.

It was too much. The first bubble of laughter almost exploded out of her mouth. She didn’t even try to smother it — it would be like trying to put a lid on Mount Vesuvius. Maggie was almost doubled over, she was laughing so hard, both hands pressed to her mouth in an attempt to maintain gallery etiquette. When it became clear neither one of them was going to stop being amused any time soon, they made their way in unspoken unison to the nearest exit, emerging into the busy street that ran alongside the gallery.

“Oh. My. God,” Maggie said, leaning against the wall and wiping tears from her eyes. “I think that’s the funniest piece of performance art I’ve ever seen.”

That set them both off again, and for a few minutes there was nothing but the sound of wheezing as they both lost it.

It felt good to laugh, but at a certain point Blue felt a dangerous pressure building behind her eyes and she realized that it wouldn’t take much for her to either slide over into outright hysteria or burst into tears. Or, possibly, both of the above.

One hand pressed against her sternum, she took deep breaths and avoided looking at Maggie for a few seconds. The last thing she needed was her friend asking questions. Not today, when she was still so off balance and terrified over what had happened with Eddie. There was a very real danger that the whole disaster would simply tumble out of her mouth, and that was the last thing she wanted.

“Oh, I needed that,” Maggie said, using a knuckle to wipe the tears from the corner of her eyes a second time.

Blue let her hand fall to her side. “We ready for cake now?”

“I still have to say goodbye to Justin. Give me five minutes.”

Maggie slipped into the gallery. Blue considered the closed door for a beat, then turned and wandered a little farther along the street to check out the other businesses. There was a gentleman’s hat maker, another small gallery and a shop selling religious paraphernalia…

Blue slipped her hands into the back pockets of her jeans and tried not to think about Eddie, something she’d been endeavoring to do from the moment Maggie arrived on her doorstep.

She wondered if he was still angry with her for the way she’d walked out on him. Then she wondered what it would be like, seeing him again on Monday. Finally, she worried that no matter what she did, no matter what rearguard action she fought, it would never be possible for them to get past what had happened.

She was gnawing on her thumbnail — a very old, much despised habit — when Maggie rejoined her.

“Right, done. We’re free. Let’s celebrate with deliciousness,” Maggie said.

“Promise me you didn’t buy anything,” Blue asked as they began walking toward the street where Maggie had parked her car.

“Cross my heart and hope to never read another Georgette Heyer book in my lifetime,” Maggie promised, one hand held up in the classic pledge position.

“That is a hardcore pledge,” Blue said.

“I thought so.” Maggie rummaged in her bag for something as they turned onto the next street. “I keep meaning to ask you — what happened to you last night? Raf and I showed up at Mojo and I’d just spotted you on the dance floor when you disappeared.”

Good grief. Had Steffi left a single stone unturned when she’d been issuing invitations last night?

“I, um, had a bit of a headache. So I grabbed a taxi home.” She shrugged to show it was no big deal. “If I’d realized you guys were coming, I would have hung around.” It felt crappy to lie to Maggie, but it wasn’t as though she had much choice.

Maggie glanced at her, her expression curious. “I thought you left with Eddie?”

“Wh—what? No.” Blue shook her head emphatically. “Where on earth did you get that from?”

“Raf. He went out to put my coat in his car and said he saw you guys jump in a taxi together.”

Blue’s brain went completely blank. She could feel telltale heat creeping into her face and she cast around for some way to excuse her lie, very aware of Maggie’s close regard.

And still nothing came.

Maggie’s eyes widened. “Wow. Okay,” she said. “Got to admit, I didn’t see that coming.”