Anywhere (2 page)

I think she became the best friend I’d ever had on that very first day.

Now here we were four years later, just graduated, and supposed to be figuring out what we were doing with our lives for real—well, as soon as we were done traveling. And her life was looking like maybe it had a plan of its own.

The bathroom door opened, and Paige stood there aglow in the warmth of the early afternoon light streaming in through the window. She held the test in her hand, her eyes bright, her lower lip quivering. She looked down at it and then met my eyes.

“Skye?” she said. “I need to go home.”

two

“I’
m sorry.”

“Stop apologizing, Paige. Please.”

We climbed out of the taxi and shut the door. I looked up at Charles De Gaulle International Airport and had to hold back tears. I couldn’t believe we were already back here after only a few days. It wasn’t fair.

Paige started walking toward the doors, but I didn’t move. I just stared at the Air France sign. She turned back to look at me when she noticed I wasn’t alongside her.

“Skye? You coming?”

I didn’t want to. I wanted to be there for Paige, but I was in
Paris
and was supposed to stay in Europe for at least
three months,
not just three days. If I left now, when would I be able to come back? It had taken me years to save up for this trip, and I wouldn’t be able to afford to return anytime soon. Plus I could feel my mother waiting on the other side of the ocean. And Blaine. If I went back now, they’d just start in on me again.

I looked at Paige. I had to go. She was pregnant, for chrissakes, and she needed me now more than ever. This was bigger than anything we’d ever been through together—breakups, crappy boyfriends, mean girls, failing grades, difficult parents, broken engagements. Pregnant at twenty-two topped them all. And she was worried about how Danny was going to take it. She loved him, of course, but they hadn’t been together all that long—just a few months—and it’s not like either of them were thinking about getting married yet.

No, that had only been Blaine. And there was nothing technically wrong with that, but not everyone wanted to get married right out of college, no matter what my mother said.

“What are you going to do?” I’d asked her as we packed.

“What do you mean? I’m going to have a baby.” She’d stopped and looked at me. “You’re not suggesting I—”

“No! No. Of course you’re having a baby. I meant with Danny. What are you going to do about him?” I knew how Paige felt about abortions—the same way I did. It was a personal choice, but not something she’d ever do herself.

“I don’t know,” she said. “I don’t want him to feel trapped, you know? I want it to be his choice to be with me because of
me
, not because of the baby.” She sat down suddenly and I reached out to her. “Oh my god. I’m having a baby, Skye. This is so not how I thought it would happen. I mean, I’ve always known I wanted kids, but not this soon. My parents are going to freak.”

“Your parents are going to be fine.” I sat next to her, wrapped my arms around her shoulders, and gave her a squeeze as she raised an eyebrow at me. “Okay, YES. Your parents are going to freak…but THEN they’ll be fine. You’ll be fine. Whatever happens, it’s going to be okay. You know that, right?”

She leaned her head against mine and nodded. “Yeah, it’s just…”

“It’s life. One big surprise after another.”

“That
is
life.”

“I think the French have a phrase for that, too.”

“Smart ass.” She nudged me with her shoulder, reached up for my arm with both hands and squeezed. “What would I do without you?”

“Ditto.”

But here I was staring at the airport doors, thinking that maybe she needed to do
this
without me—go home by herself—because I was a total chicken and couldn’t face it yet. And
how could I do that to her?

One foot in front of the other. That was all I had to do. I could get on the plane. I could support my best friend. I could go to Paige’s house rather than my own. Yes. I could do that. I walked slowly through the doors.

The airport was cold after the heat of the Paris streets. Paige hurried over to the Air France desk. Her hands shook slightly as she handed over her passport and ticket. And all I wanted to do was put my arms around her again. She’d already called Danny to ask him to meet us at LaGuardia. She hadn’t told him anything else—just that we were fine but needed to come home. He’d been worried, I could tell from her side of the conversation, but she didn’t want to tell him over the phone. I totally understood that. Some things needed to be said in person.

Paige turned and stepped out of the way. I pulled out my passport and ticket, and pressed them against my chest as I stepped up to the desk.

And all I could think was that going back was making me feel trapped. I could see Blaine’s face—hurt, but hopeful that I’d changed my mind. I had no doubt that Danny would tell him I was coming back. And my mother—so disappointed and angry, sure that I’d made the biggest mistake of my life. My heart started pounding at the thought of seeing them again. I wasn’t ready. I hadn’t had time to sort things out for myself.

“Mademoiselle?”
the ticket agent said, a hand held out. “You need a flight today?”

I turned to Paige, almost unable to breathe. “I can’t go home.” The words came out of me before I could stop them. “I’m sorry, Paige,” I whispered. “I’m so, so sorry but I can’t go back there. I can’t. I just need to be anywhere…but there.” She reached out for my hand and squeezed it. “Oh my god, how can I do this to you? How can I make you go home alone? Am I the worst friend ever or what?” I shook my head. “Wait. Don’t answer that unless it’s
no
.”

“You’re the
best
friend ever, and I’ll be fine.” Paige laughed and it was such a relief. I couldn’t stand it if she was mad at me. “I’m just getting on a plane and Danny’s picking me up. I just texted him. And maybe it’ll be better for us to be alone anyway, so we can really talk.” We scooted out of line and she studied my face. “But what are you going to do? Are you really going to travel around by yourself?” She looked around the airport as if trying to figure out which one of the other travelers might try to take advantage of me. “Are you going to be okay?”

Was I?

I had no idea.

I mean, yeah, I was capable and intelligent, but a woman traveling around Europe on her own? I would have been lying if I’d said it didn’t scare me a little. Or maybe more than just a little. But at the same time it sounded like just the thing I needed to do. To prove myself. Maybe to find myself, as stupid as that sounded. Definitely to figure out how to make my life my own.

I needed this. I was going to be more than okay.

“Yeah,” I said. “I’ll be fine. You?”

She nodded even as her eyes filled up with tears.

“Oh, Paige.” I pulled her into a tight hug and she wrapped her arms around me. We stood there as people passed by on either side, in streaks of colors and melodies of many languages. Light filled the immense space, giving everything an ethereal glow.

Paige squeezed me one last time. “I should go if I’m going to make my flight.” She pulled away and turned toward the long hallways leading to the gates.

“Paige?”

She turned to look at me again, this time dry-eyed. “I’m okay, Skye. Go explore. Send me pictures. And if you don’t text me every single day I’m calling every US embassy in Europe until they find you.”

I smiled and nodded. She was going to be fine.

She walked away, and I watched as she melted into the crowd. I pulled out my phone as I turned toward the doors and headed outside.

ME:
The French have words for this too: Au revoir, mon ami.

PAIGE:
Smart ass. I’m going to miss you.

ME:
Me too.

PAIGE:
Be good. Have fun.

ME:
U2. Let me know how it goes?

PAIGE:
You will be the first to know. I love you, Skye.

I stepped outside into the late afternoon sunshine and looked around. Business suits, chic linen, summer dresses, and shorts. Colorful and monochrome. Hurried and relaxed. Such a mishmash. So many people going somewhere. Anywhere. Who-knew-where.

Where was I going?

Gare de Lyon.

Alone.

three

O
kay, so the difference between deciding you’re going to be fine traveling alone and actually doing it is a lot bigger than you’d think. My resolve lasted long enough for me to catch the shuttle to the train station and walk inside.

First of all, Gare de Lyon is amazing. Carvings of statues in warm beige stone grace the outside next to these beautiful, arched windows. And then there’s the huge clock tower on one corner. It looks like a train station straight out of a fairy tale.

But then I stepped through the doors. It was so huge there were palm trees growing inside, and it looked like an airport, with people hurrying this way and that. Everyone seemed to know exactly where they were going. Everyone but me, that is.

I stood there alternately staring at the departure board and then around the station, trying to figure out which train would take me where I wanted to go. The question was where
did
I want to go?

While I’d been dreaming of this trip for years and had imagined numerous different routes to take, I’d never actually settled on a particular path. And since Blaine had decided we’d get married this summer and I’d gone along with it, my dream trip never got completely planned.

On the plane ride over, Paige and I had decided that we’d go to Italy first, so I was sticking to that. Now, however, I had to actually pick a city. And all the choices up on that board were stupidly making my eyes water at the fact that I’d be making this decision—and all the rest of them—alone.

What had I been thinking when I’d figured that I could do this on my own? Seriously. This was probably the worst idea EVER. And after all the things Paige had talked me into in college, that was saying something.

My phone rang, and all I could think was
Please let this be Paige
. I was in desperate need of her adventurous spirit at that moment.

But the screen said: MOM. “Shit.” I stared at it, but it’s not like I couldn’t answer it. I was an ocean away. She’d think I’d been kidnapped and sold into slavery if I didn’t pick up. “Hi, Mom.”

“What are you
thinking
? Have you completely lost your mind, Skylar Grace Whitcomb?”

Dear god, she was
opening
with my full name.

“Paige’s mother called a few minutes ago to tell me that she’s on her way home ALONE. That you are staying in Europe ALONE. You cannot do this. I never agreed to this, Skylar. You get yourself on a plane and get home now.”

I was an ocean away. I was an ocean away.

“I can’t do that, Mom. I’m already on a train heading out of Paris.” Or I would be as soon as I picked a destination. Milan? Florence? Venice? I started walking toward the trains. Maybe I’d just hop on a train and see where I ended up. Okay, NO. That’s something Paige would do, but I needed to know where I was going.

“It’s not safe, Skylar. You cannot travel by yourself!”

Why did my mother have to sound exactly like the voice of my self-doubting subconscious? Couldn’t I get a different one?

“Mom, I’m fine. Really. And I’ll text you every day so you know I’m safe. Okay?”

“No, that is NOT okay. And what happened with you and Paige? Did you two have a fight? I’d have to say I’m not surprised. She’s not like you, Skylar. You two have been a bad fit from the start, and I’ve kept my mouth shut about it until now. But just because you fought doesn’t mean you have to be stubborn and stay in Europe. This is completely thoughtless of you, putting yourself at risk like this after all those months I was sick with you.”

I was an ocean away.

“We didn’t fight, Mom. Paige needed to go home for personal reasons.” And I needed to stay here for the same. “But it’s nice to know how you feel about her.”