Anywhere's Better Than Here (29 page)

She didn't press him for details.

Gerry wasn't there when she woke and she curled over into his side of the bed to take up his warmth, but it was cold. He'd been up for a while then. After the night before, Laurie felt as if things with Gerry could definitely go somewhere. She didn't know where, but at least she had a glimmer of direction.

She got dressed as quickly as possible in the freezing cold room but was still exposed enough to feel as if she was made of glass. As she reached the bottom of the stairs she could hear the two of them outside. She went into the kitchen first and made a quick cup of coffee, for the heat as much as the caffeine. She wondered what sort of mood Jamie would be in today and also if the two of them had decided to go home. She hoped they had. She'd like a change of clothes, if nothing else. Her jeans felt damp.

She wished she was able to eavesdrop a little to gain purchase on the mood of the day but the door was too thick to hear anything other than that the two of them were talking. She could tell they must be sitting on the bench under the living room window. She pictured them holding their coffee, looking out on to the hills and the morning sky. It was a shame to disturb them really and she couldn't help but feel that with her there, things would probably not flow quite as smoothly. Still, it couldn't be helped. She was here and that was that. She opened the door, quite prepared to whimper pathetically as soon as the cold hit her, but it was as crisp as new money. Bracing – but clean and sharp.

‘‘Morning gentlemen,'' she announced.

They looked up at her and Gerry moved to give her his seat.

‘‘No, no. I'll sit over there.'' She pointed to a low wall that ran round the side of the house. She sat on the wall which was cold and sharp, but she wasn't going to be asking for a seat on the bench. It was impossible to get comfy but she acted like her bum wasn't damp or rapidly becoming numb and took a long drink from her coffee which was now lukewarm.

‘‘So. What's the story then?'' She tried to sound easy going, but she could hear a touch of panic in her own voice. Jamie glanced at Gerry.

Gerry smiled and looked to Jamie. ‘‘Well?'' His face was so kind and calm. He was like a different person to the Gerry of the night before.

She could see how Gerry could be an inspiration to all those young soldiers. You would think he had all the answers, if you didn't know him outwith his competent, daytime self. She liked this side of him, but she liked him more knowing he wasn't as grown up as he seemed. She liked the fact that other people would see him as this big, clever, calm guy. Yes, he was a bit lacking in ambition and he was doing something inherently pointless for a job, but you felt he knew what he was all about; he was a proper man. Probably particularly so to a kid like Jamie who maybe, probably, didn't have a father around, or at all.

Laurie smiled kindly at Jamie. ‘‘I think your family will be worried.''

‘‘My family?'' said Jamie, his head down. There was no charge to his words, more an accepting hopelessness.

Gerry nodded although Jamie wasn't looking at him.

‘‘What was that in the night?'' The boy glanced up at Gerry, then at the ground, embarrassed.

‘‘What do you mean?'' Gerry frowned, not following.

Of course Gerry's dream would have frightened the boy – alarming noises in a strange house in the middle of nowhere. Not mentioning the fact that until that day he'd never met Gerry before.

Laurie watched the light dawn in Gerry's eyes.

‘‘Oh,'' he said. He pressed his forefinger into the bridge of his nose. Laurie waited for him to say something, but Gerry just sat staring at nothing.

‘‘Jamie,'' Laurie said. ‘‘There are things you don't know about.''

Jamie all but snarled at Laurie.

‘‘This has got nothing to do with you.''

Laurie was taken aback by the venom in his voice. ‘‘Alright Jamie, settle down.''

‘‘This has got
nothing
to do with you.'' He jabbed a finger at her.

‘‘Okay, okay.'' Gerry held a calming hand out to Jamie. ‘‘Laurie is just trying to help.'' He put his hand on the boy's shoulder. ‘‘I think you should apologise.''

The boy sighed heavily through his nose. Then he glanced at Laurie and muttered an apology.

‘‘Thank you,'' said Laurie. She found it hard to keep the smug tone from her voice.

They sat quietly for a minute, each staring in different directions. Laurie thought the discussion was over, at least for now, but Gerry cleared his throat.

‘‘When I was in the army -'' He paused and seemed to be ordering his thoughts. Laurie wondered if he'd ever told anyone apart from her and the doctors what was going on with him. What was he going to tell Jamie now? A Disneyfied version of events where he had done something unpleasant but necessary? Or would he break down into tears again and give Jamie a rambling, distressed version? Neither option was very good.

He looked fairly calm, but she was prepared to step in if she needed to. Honesty was great and all that, but there was no point in needlessly upsetting yourself, especially for an essential stranger.

‘‘Well. I saw some … that included some,'' he cleared his throat, ‘‘difficult events that I found very …'' He sighed but didn't go on.

Jamie looked suddenly concerned. It was very difficult to get a handle on this kid. He was so changeable.

She didn't want to step on Gerry's toes, but it seemed important that the boy had a bit of an understanding. ‘‘Traumatic. I think that's what Gerry's trying to say.'' She looked at Gerry and he was looking away off to the hills, his eyes wet. She noticed that the hand holding his coffee cup was fairly steady. That had to be promising. Maybe the whole notion of a problem shared was true to an extent.

Jamie waited. Now there was no trace of aggression at all.

She shook her head. ‘‘Any more than that's up to Gerry, I think.''

‘‘There's time for that, isn't there?'' Gerry asked the boy.

Not if I can help it, thought Laurie, picturing a bath and her pyjamas. The thought of spending Christmas up here was horrifying. She had no idea if Ed would have chucked her stuff out by now or not. But she reasoned that if that happened she'd be able to go to her dad's house and stay there for a bit. She could just tell him the flat had been sold or her flatmates had lost their jobs or something. As hellish as going to her dad's would be, at least it would be warm and there was a telly to watch all the terrible Christmas programmes on.

‘‘Okay,'' She looked at the two of them. ‘‘So what's the plan then? We can't stay up here forever.''

‘‘Don't sound so cheerful about it,'' said Jamie, back to annoying teen again.

She tried to appear practical. ‘‘But we can't stay here. We don't have enough food for one thing.''

‘‘We could hunt. There'll be rabbits up there.'' He indicated the trees behind the house.

‘‘Hunt?'' laughed Gerry. ‘‘Very survivalist.''

The boy was hurt. ‘‘I could do it. I've done it before.''

‘‘You've hunted before? Where?'' asked Gerry.

The boy shrugged. ‘‘In the country, with my Grandad.''

Laurie thought back to a documentary she'd seen on serial killers. They always seemed to start off killing small animals. Oh God, had she been right not to trust Jamie?

‘‘With your Grandad?'' Gerry asked, almost inaudibly.

‘‘Yeah. A little bit.'' He was clearly lying. He probably just wanted to look manly to Gerry.

‘‘Anyway,'' said Laurie. She needed to get them back on track and back to the City. ‘‘What would we hunt with? There probably isn't anything to hunt with here.'' If they left soon they'd be back for lunchtime. She knew she should probably be worried about what was going to happen with Ed and her flat and her job and everything. But all she could think about was getting washed and warm and clean and eating something nice like a baked potato – definitely not a rabbit.

‘‘Actually, there is some stuff,'' said Gerry. ‘‘There was anyway, years ago.''

‘‘Look,'' she said, sick of trying to be subtle. ‘‘I want to go home. I've had enough of this. It was a stupid idea in the beginning and I don't know why I ever came here.'' She looked at Gerry. ‘‘We need to get Jamie home before we get into trouble.'' She looked at Jamie. ‘‘Jamie, we need to help you get in touch with a social worker or something and get your home situation sorted out and we,'' she flicked her index finger between herself and Gerry, ‘‘have got some stuff to sort out. Don't we Gerry?''

Gerry looked at her with a peculiar little smile on his face. Maybe he thought it was funny that she was referring to herself and Gerry as ‘‘we''. Maybe he thought that their going home would be a natural time to draw a line under things between them. Maybe he had no intention of ever taking her home and she'd have to try and hitch out of here. She waited, but neither of them said anything.

‘‘Well? What's happening?'' She stood up, on the verge of shouting. They both looked at her as if they were going to laugh.

She felt herself begin to cry. ‘‘I cannot be bothered roughing it, when I don't fucking need to! And besides which, it's Christmas Day tomorrow!''

Gerry stood up and reached a hand out to her. ‘‘Laurie, look …''

‘‘No Gerry! I'm not listening to any more of your shit. This was all a stupid idea. We shouldn't be out here. I want to go home!'' Her voice rose to a mortifyingly squeaky level. ‘‘I'm fucking freezing!'' She backed away from Gerry.

Jamie laughed. ‘‘Boo hoo! Poor princess Laurie can't hack a bit of cold.''

‘‘What do you know about anything?'' She pointed at Jamie. ‘‘You're only a kid! And you,'' she pointed at Gerry, ‘‘you're no better! It's like being with two stupid little kids, playing at being men! It's fucking ridiculous! You both need to grow the fuck up!'' She'd gone too far, but it was too late. She couldn't bear to look at Gerry.

She threw her half-empty coffee mug over the wall and then climbed over after it and started trudging up the slope towards the trees at the top. Neither of them tried to stop her and why would they? What a drama queen! How embarrassing, she'd behaved like a bloody teenager. That's what came from hanging around with an adolescent and a mentalist.

‘‘Laurie, come back! Laurie!''

‘‘Fuck off Gerry!'' She shouted back over her shoulder. She refused to turn round and look at him.

But after only a few minutes, she couldn't stop herself from glancing back at them. They were both on the bench and they seemed to be chatting companionably. Bastards, she thought miserably, wishing she'd brought some food with her. God knows how long it would take for her to be able to go back down and face them again.

She woke to the sound of a car making its way up the main road. All she'd done was sit down for a rest – she must have drifted off. What time was it? She stood up. It was so quiet here she could make out the driver changing the gears as the car climbed the steep gradient. She wondered idly if she'd be able to run down in time to get a lift back to somewhere she could catch a train or a bus back to civilisation. But then she remembered that she had pretty much no money with her. She supposed she could hitch or if the worst came to the worst she could phone her dad or her brother. It would be hard to explain but she'd rather put up with a grilling than stay here another night.

The car came to a stop at the bottom of the cottage's track and then turned slowly in. Oh God! Who the fuck was it? The police? She scrambled to her feet and clambered back down the hill to the cottage.

‘‘Gerry! Gerry!'' she called out uselessly. Would the police have a wee car like that? Surely not! More likely it was a social worker come to get Jamie. Would there be time for them to hide in the woods? She clambered over the wall into the garden, noticing absently that her mug from earlier was no longer there.

‘‘Gerry! Gerry!'' She flung the door open, nearly hitting Gerry in the face with it.

He grabbed her. ‘‘What is it Laurie? Are you hurt? Are you okay?'' His face paled.

Laurie felt a brief flare of satisfaction.

‘‘There's somebody coming Gerry, quick! Do something!''

‘‘What? A car?'' He was completely unruffled and made no move to run.

‘‘Gerry? Come on!'' The childish panic in her voice embarrassed her but she couldn't help it. She tugged at his sleeve.

He smiled at her and nodded. ‘‘It's okay Laurie. It's all okay.'' That must be the army training, she thought fleetingly even as she began to realise he wasn't going anywhere. She pushed him out of the way and stood at the foot of the stairs trying to see into both the bottom rooms as she called out wildly.

‘‘Jamie! Jamie! We have to go! Quick, grab your coat! Quick! Where are you?''

He appeared and came smoothly walking down the stairs towards her.

‘‘It's okay Laurie.'' He smiled at her calmly. What the fuck was going on? Had they been kidnapped by aliens? Who were these two unflappable automatons? Maybe he didn't realise what was going on, maybe he thought she was playing a prank. ‘‘I'm not joking Jamie, we have to go. There's a car coming!'' He stood on the last step and smiled down at her. She plucked at his cuff. ‘‘Come on!''

He shook his head. ‘‘It's alright Laurie.''

‘‘But Jamie, they'll take you back.''

‘‘It's okay.'' He shook his head, smiling as if he pitied her.

She felt like wiping that smile off his face. She turned to appeal to Gerry, knowing already that it was useless. She could hear the wheels turning on the gravel. Gerry turned to look over his shoulder out of the front door.