Aphrodite (10 page)

“It’s not your—”

“Before you write me off,” she interjected, locking her gaze to mine, “before you try any of that condescending, divine doublespeak, I want you to consider something.” She waited until she had my full attention before continuing. “You are sharing a room with my ex. You wander around the ship joined at the hip. I see the way you watch him, hear the way your voice dips when you say his name. I liked him.” Pain flashed in her eyes. “Do you think it’s easy for me to ask you anything? Do you think I would bother if I wasn’t terrified?”

She had a point. “No.”

“Then, please, don’t hedge.” She broke off when the bartender passed by and waited a beat before continuing. “You’re not with him.” She eyed me for a moment, and I realized she wanted me to confirm that.

“Not like that.”

Elise let out a relieved breath, her eyes trained on the crowd. “Then why are you on the ship at all? Is something dangerous going on, because when your kind get involved, people die.”

I hesitated, not sure what to share. But just then, Tantalus headed to our section of the bar, sparing me from making a decision.

“Well if it isn’t the two most beautiful women in the room.” Tantalus plopped down on the barstool next to Elise. “And me, right between you.” He flashed us a grin. “A guy could get ideas.”

“Ugh, you’re incorrigible.” Elise rolled her eyes in disgust and slid off the stool.

“Ah, well.” Tantalus propped his elbows behind him on the bar. “That one,” he pointed at me, “owes me a drink anyway, right, sweetheart?”

I had questions for Tantalus as well, so I pasted a smile on my face. “I suppose it’s the least I could do after your help last night.” I patted the seat beside me.

“Yeah, good luck with that.” Elise moved back. “I’ll catch up with you tomorrow.” She met my eyes. “I’ll give you some tips. Introduce you around. I’m sure Adonis did his best, but men miss stuff. They don’t always tell you everything you need to know.”

The question in her voice sounded subtle, but I read her worry, loud and clear. She knew something was going on and didn’t trust Adonis to tell her. “You’re
absolutely
right. Can’t wait to chat again.”

She swallowed hard, face paling. But she forced a smile on her face, flipped her hair, and with a wave, turned to forge her way through the crowd. I had a feeling Adonis would have some explaining to do when she caught up with him.

My eyes flicked over to Tantalus before I turned to the bartender. “Two shots of whatever’s in those blinky glasses over there.” I motioned down the bar where a set of shot glasses flashed in time to the strobe lights.

“You got it.”

I downed the drink then grabbed Tantalus’s hand. “Dance with me?”

“Hell, yeah.” Tantalus put his empty glass down and pulled me to him.

Mid-dance, I heard that oh-so-grating throat-clearing behind me.
Oh, crap.

“Can I cut in?” Poseidon asked in a dry voice. He, for once, wore a shirt. Though the garish Hawaiian print kind of made me wish he hadn’t bothered.

Tantalus rolled his eyes and looked over as if he was about to make some sort of sarcastic comment, then blanched when he saw Poseidon. “You’re a—”

The sea god narrowed his eyes and the waves within them churned with a frightening intensity. “Get lost, demigod.”

Tantalus took off.

“Shall we?” Poseidon held out his hand.

Chapter XIII

I SCOWLED AT Poseidon, allowing my irritation to overpower my fear. If I let myself think about being cornered by him on the balcony last night, I would lose it. “I’m sensing a pattern here. It’s kind of pathetic.”

“You wish.” He pulled me close, passing me through the shield surrounding him. “I’m here for a status update. You can resume”—he snorted—“whatever
that
was when I leave.”

I pushed away from him. “
That
was dancing.”

“Dancing?” Poseidon laughed, the sickening sweet scent of ambrosia bathing my face. “No, that was sex with clothes on.”

“Did you not know that’s an option?” I teased, pulling away from him. “I guess now I know why seeing you fully dressed is so rare.”

“Why mess with perfection?” The pulsing lights dimmed within our shield to a soft, flickering glow. I could still see the rest of the club, but my view looked filtered, as if I was peering through a frosted window. Even the music faded to a softer volume. Despite myself, I felt impressed. Shields usually functioned as an all-or-nothing deal. Tempering the effectiveness of a shield, such as blocking only some sight, some sound, and so on, took a level of control that took centuries to master.

“To see how far it can fall, apparently.” I wrinkled my nose and plucked at the sleeve of his shirt, eying the retina-burning, orange Hawaiian print with distaste. “They have stores aboard this ship, you know. I’m sure we could find you something a little less . . .” I couldn’t even find an adjective bad enough to describe his current wardrobe. “Tragic.”

“And I’m supposed to trust your judgment?” He smirked. “You really have a thing for demigods, huh?” Poseidon pulled me back to him, moving against me in rhythm to the music. “I thought you agreed to look into this to help protect us, not feed your half-breed fetish.”

I wrinkled my nose. “If I give you a status update, will you leave?”

“Maybe.” He summoned a glass of ambrosia. “Want one?”

I stared at him in disbelief. Last night, I’d been too shaken to think about the cost of summoning something from nothing. He’d just thrown away all my hard work, tiptoeing around, using only a light level of charm, trying to avoid notice. If anything, Poseidon was making me look stronger than I was, since
he
stayed hidden behind a shield the whole time he was on board.

“No, thank you.” With effort, I kept my anger out of my voice. I didn’t want to set him off again. Instead, I tried to ignore the way he pressed against me, and filled him in on what I’d learned last night, about the timetable and the ship’s coordinates when the demigods would most likely go missing. “The next time the demigods will definitely all be together is for a modeling shoot on the cruise line’s private island tomorrow morning. I’ve got the room numbers and schedules you asked for. I left them upstairs, along with my notes, on the table on the balcony.”

Poseidon nodded. “I got them. I went by your suite first. You weren’t around, so I tracked your glamour. It wasn’t easy, given how little power you’re using to . . . what? Change the color of your dress?”

“Wrinkles. My clothes didn’t do well in the suitcase. I’m trying to avoid much notice.”

Poseidon’s lingering once-over seemed to indicate I was doing a poor job. “I’m surprised you’re not using something a bit more extensive. Going unnoticed is easier when you’re not so noticeable.”

“Says the guy who just appeared in the center of a crowded room.” Ocean-eyes and all. “I can’t hide that I’m a god from anything that can read power signatures, but I don’t have to confirm that I’m strong enough to bother with.”

“I doubt whatever is behind this is on board yet. I haven’t sensed a single signature that didn’t belong to you or a demigod.” Poseidon’s breath in my ear gave me goose bumps. “Given any thought to my offer?”

“Yeah.” I fought back a wave of nausea. “I’m not interested.”

He blinked, startled. “You’d throw your demigod away?”

Taking advantage of his surprise, I pulled myself free from his grip. “If you think he’s a threat, nothing I do will convince you otherwise. Though good luck explaining why you felt the need to sink a known ally of the
entire
pantheon to Persephone and the others.” I stepped away, or tried to. The shield didn’t allow me go farther than an arm’s length from the sea god. Instead of allowing fear to break my composure, I studied Poseidon for a long moment, trying to see past how angry and scared he made me.

He shifted under the intensity of my gaze. “What?”

“We’re not so different, you and I.”

He snorted. “You flatter yourself.”

“We’ve both been broken,” I kept my eyes locked on his, “and pieced back together. I know what it is to hurt, and—”

“Oh, this is rich.” Poseidon rolled his eyes, but I didn’t miss the flicker of pain in them. “Words of wisdom from the infant goddess.”

I took a tentative step forward. “I know what it’s like to feel as if you’re stuck in a role that’s not worth fighting anymore, but everything is different now. You can change. I did. It’s a new pantheon, and—”

“You think you changed?” The filtered lights made the sea god look as if he moved in stop-motion. “Why? Because you rebelled against Zeus?”

“He created me to be loyal to him.” When my back hit the shield, I gritted my teeth and fought back a wave of panic. “So . . . yeah. I’d say I’ve got some experience with change.”

“No, he created you to be
obedient
to him.” When I tilted my head in confusion, smugness permeated the sea god’s voice. “You never wondered why he didn’t bother to make you
want
to obey?”

Where was Poseidon going with this? “Because he didn’t
care
what I wanted? Why bother with the extra effort of—”

“What? You think that it would be
more
work to ensure you didn’t spend every waking moment of your life trying to find a way around how he made you?” He smirked and shook his head as though astounded by my stupidity. “He didn’t have to bother with giving you a personality, Aphrodite. You were disposable; he could have made you an empty shell. Do you actually think the personality you received was an accident?”

“
Stop
it.”

“He liked a challenge.” The colored strobe lights glittered against Poseidon’s teeth. “Even when he had a sure thing. Unquestioning compliance would have bored Zeus, and you—”

“Stop!”

Poseidon gripped my arm so hard I saw stars. “You’re nothing but Zeus’s plaything. You haven’t changed, Aphrodite.” He gave me a rough shake and I cried out in pain. “You did exactly what you were designed to. He just never anticipated losing. And, don’t flatter yourself—you had nothing to do with that, either. He lost because he didn’t see Demeter’s sacrifice coming.”

“I said
stop
.” I tried to pull my arm free, my shriek surprising even me. It wasn’t until clarity dawned in Poseidon’s expression that I realized his speech had been almost imperceptibly slurred. He let me go so fast I stumbled into the shield surrounding us.

“Wait.” Poseidon reached for me, his hands out in a “calm down” gesture, befuddlement written across his face.

“
Don’t.
” I backpedaled to the side and away from him in a futile attempt to find a weak spot in his shield. My breath came in sharp gasps. “You’re—” I tried to say “wrong,” but the word wouldn’t form. No, no! I wouldn’t believe him. I tried again. “Everything you just said is—You’re just—”

Poseidon lowered the shield and I fell backward, crashing to the floor.

“You’re scum!” I scrambled to my feet, cradling my arm. The people near me stopped dancing. “Nothing but slime.” I turned and stumbled out of the club, shoving past everyone until I could break into a run. When I reached the door to my suite, I stopped, realizing I didn’t have a key.

“Come on!” I slammed against the door over and over again. Poseidon was wrong. He’d never been in my head. He didn’t know what fighting every instinct Zeus gave me
felt
like, day in and day out.

But wasn’t I still letting Zeus define me? I let the things he’d done control my reactions. He pushed left, so I moved right. In the end, everything I did still led back to him.

“No!”

“Aphrodite?” A hand touched my shoulder.

I jumped with a scream, backing into the door with enough force to hurt. When I registered Adonis standing there, I went limp against the wood, hand to my chest, struggling to draw breath into my lungs. “Don’t
do
that.”

“Are you okay?” Adonis’s gaze latched on to my arm, which was fast turning into a mottled purple mess, and he drew in a surprised breath between his teeth. “Did Poseidon do that? Why isn’t it healing?”

“I can’t—” I gasped again. “I can’t breathe.”

“Here.” Adonis unlocked the door and reached for me, but I jerked away from him.

“Don’t.” I stumbled into the room. “Oh, gods, he’s right,” I admitted, voice breaking. I stepped out of my shoes, moving on autopilot into the dark room, stopping when I reached the half-wall separating the kitchen and dining room. “He’s absolutely right. He could have
made
me love him.”

“What? Aphrodite, what happened back there? What did Poseidon do?” Adonis flipped a switch and light flooded the suite. “Did he—”

“Zeus could have
made
me love him.” The flat of my hands pressed against the countertop. I stood hunched over, elbows locked, hair falling in my face as I stared down at the matte, white surface, breathing hard. “He could have just made me.”

“That would have been horrible.” The confusion in Adonis’s voice would have been comic under different circumstances. “But I don’t see what—”

“I could have been
happy.”
A sob worked up my throat, but of course, I couldn’t cry. “I wouldn’t have known any better. Do you know how much easier that would have—” Adonis put a hand on my shoulder and something in me snapped. “Don’t
touch
me!
”
I pushed off the counter as I spun to face him.

Adonis backed off, hands in the air. “Okay. I’m—”

“Do you actually think you’re better than he is? Than any of them?” All my anger and confusion and fear focused on a safe target. I couldn’t hurt Adonis, and he couldn’t hurt me. And wasn’t that what I saw in him? Gods, how pathetic. “You’re the exact same. None of you think I’m
real.
That I can feel. That I’m some
one
not some
thing.
But you’re wrong. I’m real, and I—”

“Whoa. I
never
said—”

“You were supposed to be different.” Breaking off, I gasped for breath. “But you’re not even
nice.
” I swallowed hard. “I was
so
close to giving in to Zeus. To giving up. But then, you . . . I thought you believed in me, trusted me. And no one had ever—” I took a deep shuddering breath. “But it was all lies.” I leaned against the half-wall, hoping the steadiness would offset the spinning room. “You don’t believe in me, you don’t even
know
me.”

“Aphrodite . . .” Adonis moved toward me, but stopped when I flinched. He held his hands up, taking a step back. “You need to—”

I talked over him between gasps of breath. “Do you want to know what Poseidon has over me? What he thought I might be willing to—” If I could just breathe, I might finish this sentence.

“Will you just—”

“You!”

Adonis froze. “What?”

I slid down the wall until I reached the floor, and drew my knees to my chest. “He threatened to kill you, unless I—”

“No.” Adonis stumbled backward, his hands going to his head, as if he was ready to plug his ears if he didn’t like what he heard. “No. No! You didn’t.”

“Of
course
I didn’t, you jackass.” I was going to pass out, or suffocate, or something if I didn’t catch my breath soon. “But I considered it. And for what? You don’t see me. No one sees me; they just see the
thing
Zeus made. But I’m more than that. I’ve
got
to be more than that.” I drew in one sharp breath after the other, in rapid succession, trying to get my lungs to fill with air. “I’m real. I know that I’m—”

Adonis knelt beside me, pushing something into my hand. “Breathe into this.”

I shoved the plastic bag away. “Never try first aid again.”

“Right. Bad idea. It’s supposed to be paper, isn’t it?” He pocketed the bag and tapped at the screen of his phone. “Okay, so this says you need to—”

“Adonis.”

He looked up from his phone, gold hair falling into his eyes. “Yeah?”

“Stop . . . pretending to”—I broke off with a gasp—“care.” I looked up at him, my voice pleading. “Just—I need you to go away.”

“Aphrodite, I can’t leave you alone right now.” He waved his phone. “I think you’re having a full-fledged panic attack, and if I leave you alone—”

“
Please.”
The rapid beating of my heart pounded against my chest so hard I felt like if I looked down, I’d be able to see the organ trying to break free from my flesh. “I—just—please!” I raked my hair back, hands trembling. “I’ll heal. I need—I just need—”

“Aphrodite . . .” He knelt beside me.

“Leave me alone!”

My hoarse shriek had him jumping backward, startled. “Okay, okay.” Adonis climbed to his feet. “I’ll be right upstairs if you need me.” He paused when he reached the staircase. “Oh, and Aphrodite?” The demigod turned, his gold eyes locking on mine. “I’m not pretending.”

I waited until he walked all the way up the stairs before I tilted my head against the wall, and closed my eyes.
What’s wrong with me?
Gods didn’t get panic attacks, not like this. I’d woken up from nightmares, sick and gasping with fear, but within a few moments, my healing would kick in and the worst of it would stop, leaving me unsettled, but
functional.
This was different.

Realm sickness?
I wondered again. Surely this went beyond minor discomfort.
Worry about it later; breathe now.

Right.
All the knowledge mankind had accumulated over the years for self-coping with panic attacks clicked into place.

Deep breaths, Aphrodite,
I coached myself.
In one, two. Out one, two, three, four.
I focused on breathing from my abdomen and eventually calmed down. Was anything I’d learned tonight any worse than what I’d already gone through? Poseidon’s revelation put a different spin on my entire life, sure, but Zeus’s manipulations were all in the past.