Apocalypse for Beginners
Read Apocalypse for Beginners Online
Authors: Nicolas Dickner
Copyright © 2010 Éditions Alto
English Translation Copyright © 2010 Lazer Lederhendler
Published by arrangement with Éditions Alto,
Quebec City, Quebec, Canada
All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without permission in writing from the publisher, except by a reviewer, who may quote brief passages in a review.
Published in Canada by Vintage Canada, a division of Random House of Canada Limited, Toronto, in 2010. Distributed by Random House of Canada Limited.
Vintage Canada with colophon is a registered trademark.
LIBRARY AND ARCHIVES CANADA CATALOGUING IN PUBLICATION
Dickner, Nicolas, 1972–
Apocalypse for beginners / Nicolas Dickner; translated by Lazer
Lederhendler.
Originally published under title: Tarmac.
Issued also in electronic format.
eISBN: 978-0-307-39943-4
I. Lederhendler, Lazer, 1950– II. Title.
PS8557.I325T2713 2010 C843’.6 C2010-902047-2
v3.1
For Z and G
N.D
.
—
For David, my son
L.L.
“The future ain’t what it used to be.”
YOGI BERRA
Contents
1. Vaporized
2. The Pet Shop
3. The Randalls
4. Purely Accidental
5. A Disturbing Logic
6. Teach Yourself Russian at Home
7. Struck Down by Fate
8. Einstein’s Twenty-Five Suits
9. The Last Great Mania
10. Cold Fusion
11. Perfectly Livable for Extended Periods
12. Termites
13. Please Avoid the Verbs To Be and To Have
14. Grenzmauer
15. Kaboom!
16. The Dawn of a New Era
17. Megalemons
18. An Ordinary Component of Everyday Reality
19. Einstein was Wrong
20. Tora! Tora! Tora!
21. A Little Prayer
22. The Illustrated Encyclopedia of Psychiatry
23. A Fairly Optimistic View of the Universe
24. Pa Rum Pum Pum Pum
25. Mayhem at the Saint Vincent De Paul
26. Chimps in the Closet
27. Hunter-Gatherer
28. Disturbing News
29. Amenorrhea Mysteriosa
30. Randall Thinking
31. One Day at a Time
32. Texture
33. In Friendly Territory
34. Anything that Burns
35. I am Shiva
36. In the Baths of Rome
37. The Most Natural Event on Earth
38. Spices and Colouring
39. Marcus was Here
40. Television is the Enemy
41. The Ophir III
42. Banished from Eden
43. Details on Page 47
44. Satellite TV
45. The Beginning of the World
46. Plutonium
47. A Tiny Oasis of Warmth
48. Crumbs and Foam Rubber
49. The End is Nigh
50. More Reliable than a Package of Ramen
51. The Most Unpleasant Publisher in the Known Universe
52. A Rapidly Expanding Niche
53. Mission
54. Greyhound
55. Menu for Travellers
56. There Were No Good Old Days
57. Labyrinth
58. Poor Chuck Starts to have Problems
59. Supercharged
60. You are Leaving the American Sector
61. May I Borrow Your Gas Mask?
62. The Great Primal Soup
63. Cul-De-Sac
64. 1945
65. An Impossible Angle
66. An Increasing Tolerance for the Unlikely
67. Raid