Apprentice (34 page)

Thankful for the reprieve I'd received, I snuggled up next to him. “So does mine.” To my relief, it really did.

I woke the next morning to the bustle of kitchen slaves. Rami was fast asleep, hair disheveled and his mouth slightly open, and I felt a wave of affection for him. Peeking through the bed curtains, I could see that the sun had been up for some time. When I'd proposed that we wait until just before dawn, I hadn't considered how short the nights were at this time of year.

“Rami, wake up.” I pushed his shoulder. “It's morning already.”

His eyes opened wide and then his face fell. “We can't do it now. Rabbi Yohanan says it's forbidden in the daytime.”

An alarming thought entered my mind. “If there's no blood on the linens, people will think I wasn't a virgin.”

“Most likely they'll assume the truth…that I was not able to do it.” Rami took his head in his hands. “And if you thought the teasing last night was bad…just wait until that becomes common knowledge.”

I would not let it happen. No matter what the consequences, I would not allow my brothers to humiliate him. “Then we have to break my virginity,” I said firmly, hoping the determination in my voice would convince him. “And soon.”

“You're sure, Dodi?” He sounded awed and surprised. “We won't be able to try again until you're healed.”

“I'm actually relieved to wait.” And because he'd been so forthcoming with me, I told him about Newandukh.

“Heaven forbid I should ever hurt you,” he said softly.

“Good, because the only way I can think of to break my virginity right now is for you to do it with your finger.”

Rami gulped. “I suppose so.”

I lay back down, closed my eyes, and spread my legs. Just as I began to wonder if he lacked courage or had changed his mind, I felt his finger at the mouth of my womb. He pushed in slowly and then halted.

“I think I'm there. Are you ready?”

It would hurt more if I were tense, so I tried to relax. “I'm ready.”

I felt him pushing again, and then suddenly, I let out a gasp as a sharp pain stabbed me inside. Tears filled my eyes but I didn't cry out.

Immediately his finger was gone and his other arm was around me. “I hurt you, Dodi, I know it. I'm so sorry.”

“Am I bleeding?” His concern was gratifying, but I had to know if the pain had been worth it.

“Yes.” He wiped his hand on the linen. “You are.”

I sighed with relief, both at the success of our subterfuge and because the pain was already receding. Maybe now it wouldn't hurt when we did use the bed.

But I didn't know what to think. I'd heard such different descriptions of what it felt like: kicked between your legs by a donkey, the prick of a bloodletter's blade, and—should I emit seed—extremely pleasurable. The only thing I knew for sure was that Rami's finger in my womb had evoked no desire in me whatsoever. And it didn't seem to have evoked any in him either.

Almost no one was awake except Grandfather, the slaves, and small children when Rami and I ventured out to break our fast. Rami was immediately surrounded by my numerous nephews, who insisted that he come play with them. Relieved that my husband would be too occupied to dwell on his failure, I went to talk with Grandfather.

No longer able to climb stairs, Grandfather now slept on the ground floor, in a room that opened onto the garden. The weather outside looked lovely, so I took his arm and helped him to a bench in the sun. Though winter was long over, Grandfather always felt cold. But once we sat down together, I didn't know what to say.

Grandfather surveyed my less than cheerful demeanor and sighed. “I surmise that your wedding night was not a pleasure for you,” he said. “That's true for many women, although it's also true that most come to enjoy it eventually.”

I couldn't deceive Grandfather. “Unfortunately it wasn't a pleasure for my husband either.”

“That is also not uncommon.”

Now was my chance to ask my earlier question to someone who might actually know the answer. “Why does father allow his students and sons to behave so outrageously right outside our bedchamber? Rami and I were almost paralyzed with fright.”

“That is an ancient problem,” he replied. “The prophet Isaiah says that Elohim will not spare those youths whose every mouth speaks impiety. And what does this verse teach us?”

I shook my head dumbly.

“We all know why the bride enters the huppah, but anyone who perverts his mouth to joke or sing about it…” Grandfather's normally calm voice hardened in anger. “Even if the Heavenly Court originally decreed a long life for him, it will reverse it and seal for him an evil decree.”

I made no effort to hide my frustration. “Father teaches that Gehenna is made deeper for anyone who speaks obscenely, but that didn't stop them either.”

“I'm sorry, child.” Grandfather took my hand and squeezed it. “A teacher has only so much authority over his students, and he loses it if he forbids them something he knows they intend to do anyway.”

“Just as a judge should not impose a law if he knows the people will disobey it,” I said with resignation.

“Your brothers mean no harm. They merely act the way others did at their weddings.” Grandfather gave me a wan smile.

I consoled myself that they would probably tire of bothering us by the time I finished bleeding.

I bled for two days, and then found a chance to talk to Rahel privately near the kiln, where she was inspecting some recently fired pottery. Without giving details, I explained what happened, and what didn't, on my wedding night. “Can you teach me a spell to unbind him?” I asked. “Just in case.”

Rahel put down one bowl and picked up another. “You don't need any spells, Dada, not yet.” Then she chuckled. “It took Mari the entire seven days of wedding banquets before he could deflower me. Rami sounds like a similarly sensitive soul.”

“Really?” That was a relief.

“You were clever to break your virginity right away. I thought my poor husband was going to die of shame once everyone knew I was still a virgin three days after our wedding.”

“What did you do?” Rahel's voice suggested that she had done something to rescue my brother.

“Rami said your hand on his leg aroused him,” she said softly. “Well, if you put your hand right on his member, that should unbind him better than any spell.”

To my surprise, I felt a sudden heat below, merely thinking about touching him there. That gave me the idea that I could tell Rami what he
should do to kindle my desire. Hadn't he told me that men got aroused by thinking about using the bed?

So I would make him think about it.

It was easier said than done, however. The night I finally stopped bleeding, I doused myself with perfume. But though the wedding guests were quieter and we spent a great deal of time kissing, Rami was still unable to become sufficiently aroused. And despite my earlier determination, I felt too shy to either touch him or ask him to touch me in such an intimate manner.

Worse, when I asked if he liked my perfume, he replied that his sister wore the same fragrance. His sister! I reminded him of his sister. I found Rav Josiah among the guests and he willingly exchanged the rose perfume for the etrog blossom scent I'd worn before.

The next day I chastised myself for being such a coward. Despite my lack of experience in such matters, I suspected that the longer Rami suffered this problem, the more intractable it would be. I'd inscribed more than a few bowls whose incantations demanded that demons and evil spirits unbind a certain man and never attack him again.

That night I encouraged Rami to come to bed shortly after the evening meal. My brothers chortled and made a few lewd comments as we left, but thankfully nobody followed us. Rami didn't seem particularly eager and in fact gave up after far less kissing than the previous night, despite my new perfume. But I had my plan of action ready.

“Rami,” I said gently. “Before the wedding, my sisters-in-law explained what kinds of things they liked their husbands to do in bed.”

As I'd hoped, he was intrigued. “What did they tell you?”

“Let me show you.”

“Very well.” But there was skepticism in his voice.

I took a deep breath and placed his hand on my breast. “They recommended squeezing my nipples, and kissing them too.”

Rami had no difficulty discerning what to do, but I was completely unprepared for the astonishing sensation his fingers created. Pleasure shot from my breast, down my belly to that secret place below. My breathing quickened and I couldn't suppress a soft moan of desire.

He pulled his hand away. “Are you hurt?”

“Don't stop,” was all I could whisper.

He brought his hand back to manipulate my nipple and then surprised
me by leaning over to kiss the other one. The heat between my thighs flared, and I felt an intense yearning unlike anything I had ever known.

My heart was racing and my breath was coming faster. Desire coursed through me, and the aching between my legs intensified. I didn't understand how his fingers and lips on my breasts could have such delicious effects below, only that I yearned for more.

This time I didn't use words to tell him what to do. While his lips remained busy on one breast, I took his hand and forced it down my torso and over my hips, to rest between my legs. As he stroked the skin of my inner thighs, I gasped and squirmed sensuously. Desperate to quench the fire that was now burning just beyond his reach, I sought his hand and urged it upward.

Either someone had instructed him or it was instinctive, but Rami's fingers expertly explored my hidden crevices and folds. I had never imagined that such delights existed. Every time he tongued my nipple, a jolt of heat seemed to shoot directly down to where his hand was kneading the mouth of my womb. My excitement threatening to overwhelm me, I whimpered and groaned whenever he found a particularly sensitive spot.

He quickly discovered how to bring about my greatest response, and further caresses made my ardor flare until I was lost in desire. I was panting now, and with each breath came a blissful moan. Just when I thought I was going to die of rapture, my body was seized with paroxysms of ecstasy. I cried out and thrashed around the bed, but Rami kept his fingers working until I could bear no more and abruptly pulled away.

“That was incredible,” I whispered when I was finally calm enough to speak. “Nobody told me…”

He closed my mouth with a kiss, one whose fierceness was utterly unlike the tame kisses we'd shared earlier. I reached down to stroke his thigh and was rewarded by his sudden intake of breath. He made no effort to remove my hand, so my fingers crept slowly upward until they found his member, rigid and throbbing in my grip.

In a moment he was on top of me and my legs were straddling his buttocks. Then he was inside me, pushing and withdrawing with increasing strength. My passion was instantly rekindled, so that each time he drew back, my legs urged him back in. My breath came faster and I moaned with pleasure as he reached my full depth.

Almost immediately he felt even bigger and harder, and he began
driving into me again, and again, seemingly in frenzy. A second time I was overcome with ecstasy, and soon afterward he cried out softly and collapsed on top of me. Overwhelmed by the experience, I had no sense of how long we lay there coupled together, my heart pounding in my chest and my womb throbbing below. I had emitted seed not once but twice. Not only was there no pain, Mother's description, “extremely pleasurable,” was utterly inadequate to express what I'd experienced.

“Dodi li va'ani lo.” I nuzzled Rami's neck and murmured the verse from Song of Songs in his ear—“My beloved is mine and I am his.”

“How sweet is your love, my bride,” he whispered further verses back to me. “Your love is finer than wine.”

A pleasant lethargy was seeping through me, and I barely noticed when Rami's weight lifted off me. I dimly felt his arms encircle me and pull me closer before I slipped into sleep.

Mutual need forced us awake well before dawn, when we had plenty of time to assure ourselves that our earlier delights were not a stroke of luck but were, in fact, easily repeated. All that day we gazed at each other in wonder, and as soon as the sun set, we hurried to our nuptial chamber to revel in our newly discovered pleasures.

I was happily contemplating my future as Rami's wife while Zahra and I packed our things for the move to his home, when Zahra abruptly stopped and grabbed her belly. She did it again a short while later, so I observed her closely until a sudden suspicion filled me with dismay.

“Zahra, would you lift up your tunic?”

Her face blanched and it was soon evident why she was reluctant to show her body. Zahra was pregnant. While I watched, a tiny ripple of movement gave evidence of the baby she carried. My heart sank when I realized who the father had to be.

“Keshisha?”

She nodded, her eyes wide with fear. “I swear I did nothing to encourage him. Don't sell me, I beg you.”

“When is the baby due?” I asked. Only married Jewish women used the
mikvah
, not slaves, and I'd been too preoccupied recently to notice that Zahra hadn't been
dashtana
.

“In early Elul,” she choked out.

“Stay here until I return,” I ordered her.

All thoughts of marital happiness fled. I had neglected my duty to
Yenuka. Right under my nose, my brother Keshisha had continued to lie with my maidservant, and this was the result. It didn't matter who encouraged whom. I had no choice but to find my eldest brother, admit my failure, and hope he'd know how to remedy this fiasco.

It was a relief to find the two of them together downstairs, discussing beer making. I didn't dare make my announcement in public, so all I said was, “I need both of you to come up to my
kiton
. It's important.”