Jocelyn watched him with more malice and hate than I would have ever thought him capable of. However it didn’t seem to work, and when it became clear that the stare would do nothing to deter Darragh, Jocelyn moved his eyes to the paper hovering in front of his face. After a long moment, a look of disgusted resignation fell over him and he raised a shaking hand to accept the offered page. I held my breath as he lifted and began to study it, having no idea where he was going with this. I knew he couldn’t actually read it, was he bluffing? Trying to throw him off?
But before I could speculate any further, he raised his other hand and quickly ripped the page in half, then again and again, having it in more than eight crumpled pieces before Darragh was able to lunge forward and stop him. The two men struggled as Darragh tried to wrestle the paper from him while Jocelyn did his best to shove the scraps out the open window. Finally, Darragh gave up fighting and reached out again, not for the papers but for the cord and pendant around Jocelyn’s neck, snapping it free and sending Jocelyn falling to the floor with a sharp hiss, fists once again smashed into his temples. Once Jocelyn as down, Darragh easily lifted all the bits of paper from the floor kinetically.
“Not wise, my friend,” he said as he turned to go. “Enjoy your morning. I will see you again in a few hours.” With that, he left the room, shutting the door behind him with a bang. “
Garda an doras
,” he ordered the two drones outside, and then he was gone.
Trying to remember to stay quiet, I ran over to Jocelyn and knelt down in front of his rigidly crumpled form. Pulling his ring out of my pocket, I put my other hand over one of his fists, hoping it would loosen enough for me to slip the ring onto one of his fingers, but he seemed completely unaware that I was touching him at all. But then I remembered he didn’t need to wear it; all he needed was to touch the stone. Putting the ring on my own hand, I turned the stone toward my palm, then slid the sleeve of his shirt back and took hold of his bare forearm, pressing the ruby of the ring into his skin firmly.
The effect was instantaneous. His eyes shot open as he gasped, slumping forward with a huffed sigh. I leaned forward into him, using my own body to keep him upright so that he wouldn’t collapse under the weight of his own shoulders as his mind quieted for the first time in almost twelve hours.
“Becca…?” he croaked quietly looking up. I shushed him quickly with a finger to my lips, but he ignored me, “You shouldn’t be here…”
“Yeah,” I whispered, “well neither should you. Let’s get out of here.”
Alex came over and helped me get Jocelyn to his feet then leaned in. “I can’t cast anything to them from in here,” he said. “We are going to have to get them to open the door for us. I’ll go over there and wait while you make a noise. When they open the door to check it out, I will cast an image of Jocelyn as he was before and slip out. Once I am in the hall, give me a second or two then follow me. From out there I will be able to keep them from seeing you open the door and come out. Good?”
I nodded and he took his place beside the door. There wasn’t anything in the room I could use to make noise, but Jocelyn took care of it for me, stomping his foot loudly on the stone floor. A moment later the door opened and one of the drones walked in and surveyed the room while Alex hurried out the door behind him. Seeing nothing out of place the drone left, leaving Jocelyn and I alone as we waited the few seconds Alex asked for.
Just as I was about to lead us out Jocelyn grabbed my arm. “Steven, we have to get Steven.”
“We have him,” I said, “he’s back at Lorcan with Bastian.”
“Is he all right?”
“He…” I hesitated looking away. “He was droned.”
Jocelyn didn’t respond but the look on his face was enough.
“Ready?” I asked.
“Yes, but how are we getting out of here?”
“I am going to port us back to Lorcan, but we have to get outside and on the other side of that fence first,” I told him pointing to the iron fence from the window. “That’s the border of the fortress charm, if we can make it to there, we are as good as home.”
He didn’t ask me if I was sure I could do it, or if it would work – even though he was more than likely thinking it – which I appreciated, and a few moments later I was working the handle of the door like a safecracker, making sure that the worn old knob didn’t make a single sound as I manipulated it, opened the door for us, then closed it again. With Jocelyn finally free, the three of us made our way down the hall toward the door to the invisible staircase, which is when I noticed that Darragh was not as far away as I’d thought he was. When he left Jocelyn’s room I had assumed he would go back down stairs, but it seemed he hadn’t, instead having gone over to a room on the second hallway of the level we were on now. Good news was he was currently stationary, so there was no immediate need to panic.
When we reached the door to the stairwell, Alex opened it and stepped through, demonstrating for Jocelyn who seemed hesitant at first – not that I blamed him. Knowing I would have to close my eyes for the first part, I let the men go first while I followed, dragging my hand along the wall for support. We arrived at the first landing where we hesitated a moment as Alex and I looked at one another.
“Down further or back the way we came?”
“Let’s go down one more and maybe we’ll find a door with no drones somewhere out the back.”
He nodded in agreement and continued on with Jocelyn next to him and me following behind. Though not following closely enough it seemed, for I hadn’t even taken my second step down when my toe caught on the rim of my own discarded shoe, sending me sprawling to the floor with a short but piercing scream.
The cry seemed to echo endlessly from every surface of the manor and for a second, I was literally frozen with fear. The distant sound of feet and yelling brought me back to my senses, and as soon as Alex and Jocelyn managed to drag me to my feet, we were running down the stairs and out onto the ground floor. No longer bothering with caution, we bolted for the nearest door we could find which of course wasn’t nearly as close as we would have liked. As we ran, the sounds of shouting grew louder and were joined by the approach of abilities – not Darragh, but individual ones from several different directions which meant it wasn’t only drones who were chasing us down.
We reached the door we’d been aiming for and burst through, barely noticing the two drones who were standing guard outside just as the two at the front had been.
Jocelyn however, did seem to notice them, turning back and yelling as we ran, “
Lig aon duine amach!
”
I had no idea what he’d said, but whatever it was, it made the two drones turn back toward the door and shut it, then begin to slide a lock over the two handles as though securing it.
But relieved as I was at the “help” the drones were ironically giving us, something else had caught my eye when I turned back. It was small and white, and lay in the dirt up against the wall of the manor just a short way off from where I stood.
It was one of the small ripped bits of the page from Ciaran’s notebook.
Without stopping to think, I turned back and ran for the paper, knowing it may be our only chance to ever find the notebook and learn what Ciaran wanted us to know so badly. Slowing only when I slammed into the wall, I dove down for the scrap of paper then took off again just as I heard the sound of men banging from the inside of the now locked door, clamoring to get out.
“Becca!” Alex screamed from just inside the fence while Jocelyn looked on having already passed though.
“I’m coming! Go!” I yelled, already sprinting toward him.
My feet flew over the cold ground faster than they’d ever gone before, but suddenly as I rounded a large block of stone and displaced fence it all came to a jarring halt as my head snapped to a standstill causing my legs to fly out from under me. I tried to get up but I couldn’t; something was holding me back… holding my
head
back.
My hair.
Twisting around as far as I could, I saw that my braid had gotten caught on one of the protruding wrought iron spearheads that was sticking out from the rock I come around. With a desperate cry I tried to yank myself free but it wouldn’t come loose. The knot it had caused was too tight and the wings of the spearhead were preventing the hair from sliding off. I continued to struggle and tear at my hair, all the while thinking that this wasn’t happening; it couldn’t be real. We couldn’t have come so far only to fail now. I had to get free – I had to. Alex and Jocelyn couldn’t get home without me. They needed me.
The thought make me look up and there was Alex, barreling toward me with a panicked fire in his eyes. A split second later he slid up next to me and grabbed my braid with both hands and tried to wrestle it free from the stake, but it was too late. The loud snap of cracking wood rang out and I knew the men chasing us had broken through the door. Abandoning my braid, Alex reached to his belt and pulled out the knife from Mr Anderson and flipped it open. Three slices later and I was free and being jerked up to my feet.
We ran toward Jocelyn like we were being chased like hell itself, reaching him just as the men from the manor were pouring out of the breached door. Grabbing both Alex and Jocelyn’s hands I reached out and melded with the Porter I had felt earlier and funneled as much of my power into it as I could, willing to wait until the last second to leave if it meant making sure we would all make it back. As I continued to pump energy into the Porter’s ability something drew my eye up to one of the windows on the top floor of the manor where I saw a shadowy silhouette come into view. His features were shrouded, but his bright green eyes gave him away and I found myself meeting them steadily as I realized that he was in fact the one I was taking the porting ability from. His eyes seemed to want to say something but as the men came running down the lawn I knew our time was up and I shut my eyes and let go, sending us hurtling across the country in the blink of an eye. Yet, as the three of us landed safely in the Inner Chamber at Lorcan and were met by relieved greetings of the residents there, the lingering sound of Darragh’s imparted voice echoed through my mind.
“
Nice to finally meet you, Rebecca…
”
CHAPTER 32
I wasn’t sure how much time had passed, but what seemed to be both an instant and an eternity later, I found myself sitting on the side of my bed in my own room, totally alone for the first time in longer than I cared to remember.
Even though it had only happened a short while ago, our return to Lorcan was little more than a blur. The moment that Alex, Jocelyn, and I had appeared on the floor of the Inner Chamber, the questions began as everyone we knew seemed to want something from us.
“What happened?”
“Are you all right?”
“What do you remember?”
“Drink this.”
“What happened to your hair?”
“Are you hurt?”
“Were you seen?”
“You look awful!”
“Are you hungry?”
On and on they went until I didn’t even hear them anymore, simply nodding when it seemed appropriate and existing in a haze. Eventually I somehow came to be in my room, having vaguely remembered hearing something along the lines of “
she needs rest
” just before the flurry of inquires stopped, finally leaving me in peace.
Peace and quiet anyway, which I quickly found was not the same as peace of mind.
If anything, the sudden silence only seemed the make the tension that was straining in my chest worse, allowing the memories of the morning’s events to drift in my mind like ghosts, haunting me from the inside out. I’d not had this problem that morning, on the contrary, I had been calm, collected, and focused. There had been a job to do and I had done it. I’d remained focused and sure, and because of that – and fair helping of luck – we had come out of the ordeal not only with the people we’d set out to rescue, but with the key to finding Ciaran’s notebook.
However, sitting alone in my room was not the same as being ushered off to battle, and I was finding that my calm confidence was gone, and all I had in its place was the memories. Unsettling and even frightening memories that I’d collected that day but had been too preoccupied to fully process at the time. Things such as the sight of Jocelyn laying in unbearable pain on the floor as Darragh looked on completely unconcerned. Or the sound of my scream as it echoed through the stairwell, and the feeling that stabbed in my gut when I realized what I’d done. Or the panic I’d felt the moment I realized that my hair had gotten stuck and that couldn’t free myself. And of course the worst of them all, the chilling look of nothingness in Steven’s eyes when we found him, and the replying one of devastation in Bastian’s when he realized that he brother’s mind had been lost. I leaned forward on my knees with something between a sigh and a sob.
Oh God… poor Steven…
At some point during the chaos of our return, I managed to hear that Steven had been taken to a secluded room on the far side of Lorcan to be tended to and examined, and that Bastian and a horridly distraught Chloe had gone with him. I wanted to go see him. I wanted to be there for my friends and do whatever I could to help, but for some reason I also couldn’t bear the thought of leaving my room.
Feeling utterly defeated and wretchedly alone, I hung my head and ran my hands up over my face and through my…
Oh… that’s right. I’d almost forgotten.
Hugging my arms around my chest, I stood and walked over to the mirror above my dresser, not sure what I would find, but knowing I would have to do it sooner or later. It took a few seconds longer than it should have, but when I finally looked up at my refection it was pretty much what I’d expected, and at the same time a whole lot worse. There were scrapes and bruises that I had no idea I’d gotten, and a tear in my shirt that I also couldn’t recall the origin of. But bumps and cuts aside, the biggest change was of course my hair – or rather, the lack thereof. The long brown waves that had hung down to the middle of my back were gone, replaced by chunky uneven spikes, ranging from about an inch and a half to two inches long, and were sticking up all across the back of my head. The sides were a bit longer but not by much, and dotted all around my face were a few sparse long pieces that were each still their original lengths, having been pulled free of the braid by my frantic clawing before Alex took his knife to it.
In a word, it was a mess.
I knew it was just hair and that it would grow back, but something about it seemed to be mocking me, as though it were trying to put a visual image to what I felt like inside, and before I could stop it, I felt my nostrils start to flare and a hard lump build in my throat. But I couldn’t cry; I had no right. With everything that could have happened that day, and even amongst the things that had happened, I was truly no worse for wear. I was alive, relatively unscathed, my brother and my Anam were both safe, and my mind was still whole and completely my own. Out of all the people in our little group, I was one of the lucky ones. I should have been grateful and been doing what I could to help the ones who truly needed it, not giving myself a pity-party. I should have felt relieved and fortunate, not empty and broken. But as much as I knew all of that was true, for some reason all I could bring myself to feel was scared and alone.
But suddenly, as though I’d spoken the words aloud, a warm pulling sensation began to fill my chest and seep into every corner of my body. I heard the door to my room open, but I didn’t turn because I knew who it was. When the door shut again I heard the quiet click of the lock and a moment later Alex stood behind me, slowly wrapping his arms around me, securing my whole upper body gently but firmly to his chest. As we both looked at our reflections in the glass, I lolled my head back to rest in the curve between his neck and shoulder, and knew that we were not the same people who had woken up the morning before. We were different, and it was more than my cut hair or the deep bruise that had formed on Alex’s cheek. It was something deeper; something permanent. And though I wasn’t sure how, I knew that though the change had been hard, it was also for the better.
Bringing a hand up to the frayed bits of my hair, Alex rubbed his palm softly over the tattered strands, tilting his head down until his cheek rested on my temple and his lips brushed against my ear. “
Tá tú thar a bheith álainn, cuisle mo chroí
.”
I closed my eyes with a sigh as I felt new tears threaten to build under my lashes. A lot of the words were unfamiliar, but I didn’t need to know their meaning to know that they were exactly what I needed to hear. I turned in his arms and reached up, pulling his mouth down to meet mine in a kiss that filled the empty cavern in my chest and flushed away my fear like it had never been.
As our embrace began to grow more passionate, I knew that the unconditional love I had for Alex was all I really needed. Despite everything we’d gone through that morning, and the sorrow and suffering that I knew were going on in other parts of Lorcan, the moment we were in was what I let in and surrounded myself with. It was a moment of all-encompassing love, unyielding support, and total devotion, and best of all, it belonged entirely to us.
It wasn’t long before our kisses grew deeper and began to hold new and promising undercurrent and I knew – we both knew – that we were ready. But what I hadn’t expected was the realization that I hadn’t been ready until that moment. We’d been talking about it and trying for weeks to make it happen, but only now did I see how unimportant all the concerns we’d previously had were. It wasn’t about the place, or the time, or what had happened that day. It didn’t matter if the bed had a huge four-postered canopy, or only a bare frame without even a headboard, nor was an enormous, luxury suite any better than my small, two room apartment in Lorcan. None of those things mattered, and strange as it seemed, it was almost as though some small part of us had known that all along. Know it, and whether we realized it or not, had been telling us to wait for this very moment to finally give in.
Everything we did, from the interplay of our mouths to the heaviness of our breathing, began to build as each act fed and grew from the last. However it wasn’t a frenzied or desperate build, but slow and deliberate, allowing for every touch, every move, and every sound to be savored and explored to its fullest extent. There was no rush. We had all the time we wanted, and we both seemed more than happy to take advantage of the fact.
As our explorations furthered and clothing began to come off, Alex’s Sciath eventually joined the pile of discarded items, and when it did, the entire experience was lifted to a whole new level. With all of his emotions exposed and swirling around us like mist over water, I was able to truly let go of all the little self-conscious worries and fears I’d been harboring about what we were doing – and about to do – when I saw that he had them all as well. The shy reluctance, the coy embarrassment, the anxious nerves, all of them mirrored perfectly in his own web of feeling, and yet instead of compounding on each other and worsening my inhibitions, the simple knowledge that I was not alone seemed instead to free me of them almost entirely.
Of course I’d thought about Alex and I together many times in the past, and so obviously I’d had some ideas as to what our first time might be like, but what I hadn’t realized was that there was just no preparing for something like this. It didn’t even seem possible for the range of emotions and sensations that coursed through me to exist all at once, and yet there they all were. There were some that melded together and complemented each other seamlessly, and others that were completely contradictory, having nothing at all to do with one another. It was beyond understanding and at the same time made more sense than anything I’d ever experienced.
There were times when all I did was think, and times when I couldn’t think at all. There were moments when it felt so amazing I wasn’t sure I could handle anymore, and moments when I felt like I was only a second or two from getting a cramp. It was amazing, tender, breathtaking, and beautiful, while also being awkward, clumsy, uncomfortable, and strange. And even though it wasn’t always easy or graceful, and there was no five star suite or majestic castle, there was the two of us sharing with one another something we’d never shared with anyone before. And as it turned out, that was all we needed for it to be perfect.
Knock, knock, knock!
“Come in,” Jocelyn called from behind his office door that evening.
I entered the office to find him sitting in his desk chair, though he didn’t appear to be doing any work. “Shouldn’t you be… I don’t know… sleeping or something?” I asked with a grin as I approached the desk.
“Now? It’s almost 7 o’clock. If I sleep I’ll be up all night.” I cocked an unamused eyebrow at him, but I could tell he was joking. “I’m fine,” he said with a small smile after a moment, “I took a nap earlier.”
That was good to hear, but I was still concerned. “And you’re… OK?”
I didn’t elaborate, but the slight softening of his eyes told me he knew what I meant. “Yes,” he nodded, glancing down, “I’m fine. Mild headache, but that will pass.”
“Good,” I said, sliding my hands into my pockets. A short silence followed, but happily it wasn’t awkward – perhaps the very mildest version of “almost” uncomfortable, but that was still a vast improvement for us – and I took a seat on the arm of one of the large wingback chairs across from his desk.
“And while we are on the subject of my predicament,” he said, looking up, “thank you for coming for me.”
What had he thought I was going to do?
“No problem,” I smiled.
“You shouldn’t have done it,” he added, trying to sound more severe though it didn’t stick, “but, thank you.”
“I pursed my lips with a wry squint. “I’m sorry, am I being thanked or reprimanded? I can’t quite tell.”
“Both,” he grinned, then paused, a shadow falling over his eyes. “I just wish there had been something I could have done for Steven. If only I could have…” but he stopped, letting his thought hang.
“You were a little preoccupied at the time. It’s not your fault.”
“I know that,” he admitted, “but I can’t help but feel bad. Not only was I unable to aid him when he needed it, but even now there is nothing I can do to help.”
“Actually, that was what I came to ask you about. Is there really nothing at all we can do for him?”
“I’m afraid not,” he answered as though he hated the feel of the words on his tongue. “Memories once lost, are lost forever. I do plan to look into the matter as extensively as we can, but in all honesty, I don’t hold out much hope.”
“So what do we do until then?”
“We care for him here until we can either find help for him or find definitive proof that is there no help, in which case we will go from there. Unless of course his parents would rather he be returned home, but from what I can see, I don’t think Bastian is going to present them with the option.”
“Good,” I mumbled to the floor.
“Though on the subject of Steven, there is one new development you should know; Chloe will be joining with the Order.”
“Wait what? Since when?”
“Earlier this afternoon, actually. She came to ask me about it, and I couldn’t turn her down, not now.”
“I thought she wasn’t powerful enough?”
“She’s not, but with you able to use and strengthen abilities the way you can, she could turn out to be a worthwhile help. In truth, she already has been; just look at what you were able to accomplish at Adare with her help. Besides, with Steven the way he is now, she just wants to do something, to feel like she’s of use to him in some way, and I couldn’t deny her that.”
I nodded, happy that Chloe would at least have something to put her mind on other than Steven’s condition. That was bound to do her good.
“And Bastian?” I asked. “I assume he’ll be staying too.”
“Yes, and he is welcome to join us for as long as he’s here, or even longer if he chooses. He is a powerful asset, and has more than proven himself as far as I’m concerned.”
We lapsed into silence again, but then I remembered something. “Here,” I said reaching into my pocket and pulling out the small scrap of Ciaran’s journal that I’d run back for at Cuniff. “It’s from the journal.”
“Yes,” he said, taking it from my outstretched hand, “I’d meant to ask about that. Going back for it like that may have been the most foolish thing you have ever done.”
“Yeah, I know.” I shrugged. “Though in my defense, I wasn’t really thinking clearly at the time, and it did work out in the end, so…”
“It didn’t work out so well for your hair,” he said, nodding toward the headband I was wearing in a lame attempt to flatten it enough to be seen in public. “But,” he added begrudgingly, “we did make it out, and you’re right, having this will help us a great deal. All we need is for Min to make up a call charm with it and Ciaran’s journal will be at our fingertips. Let’s just hope we can get to it before Darragh realizes we can.”
I meant to let it go, but the words slipped out before I could stop them. “Even if he did, I’m not so sure he would stop us.”
“What do you mean?”
I hesitated, thinking back to the moments before we ported away and the odd feeling I’d gotten that I realized only now hadn’t fully gone away. “He saw us, you know. Darragh saw us as we were about to get away and he didn’t do anything. Why didn’t he stop us? It would have been easy enough to do with all the abilities he has, so why didn’t he?”
Jocelyn pondered for a moment, appearing to taking the question seriously. “I don’t know,” said finally. “Perhaps it had something to do with the fortress charm, or maybe there was truly nothing he could do. But whatever the reason, we are all home, and I am willing to be happy enough with that for the time being if you are.”
I thought for a moment before nodding with a sigh. “Yeah, I guess.” I agreed.
For now
…
“And who knows,” Jocelyn added, looking down at the scrap of paper, “maybe Ciaran’s journal will have something we can use to help Steven.”
“We can only hope.”
A short while later, I was on my way up to the room where Jocelyn had said Steven was being housed. The location was a bit out of the way, but that was undoubtedly by design so that it would be far enough away from students who wondered the more open parts of Lorcan for classes during the day, thus sparing everyone the worry of a random chance encounter with someone who wouldn’t understand.
As I turned down the hall leading to the room, I ran into Bastian who looked as pale and haggard as I’d ever seen him.
“Bastian,” I greeted him, trying to smile.
“Becca, oh good, I’ve been meaning to come see you. How are you? I heard you had some trouble, are you all right?”
“I’m fine. Still a little tired,” I added for honesty’s sake, “but otherwise good.”
“Dear God, your hair,” he said stepping to the side to get a better look.
I ran my hand over it a bit self-consciously. “Yeah… Got it caught on a pole. No biggie though. I’ll get it cleaned up at a salon and it’ll be fine.” I said it as casually as I could, unwilling to let the man who’d just lost his brother waste pity on what was little more than a bad haircut.
“Well I’m glad to see you are all right – the parts of you that wouldn’t grow back anyway,” he said with a ghost of a smile. “And who knows, short hair can be fun. You may even end up liking it.”
“Maybe,” I said, but quickly moved on to another subject. “So, how are you doing?”
His eyes glazed over as he did his best to answer. “I… I don’t know. Honestly, I’m not even sure if I’ve fully realized yet… I just wish there was… but I know there is nothing…”
“I know,” I said, hating the hopelessness in his eyes. “But that doesn’t mean we are going to give up. In fact, Jocelyn’s wondering if there may be something in Ciaran’s journal that could help him.” The minute the words were out of my mouth I realized that I probably shouldn’t have said them. Much as I wanted to help Bastian’s pain, the idea of giving him false hope was even worse than seeing him suffer.
Though luckily, he didn’t seem overly excited at my news, instead giving me a small smile. “Hopefully. And thanks to you, we will be able to find out.”
I wasn’t crazy about the credit, but I didn’t argue. “Have you told your parents yet?”
Something flared in his eyes and I almost regretted asking. “No,” he shook his head, “and I don’t plan to. I have no idea what they would do with the information if they got it, but the prospects make me too angry to even consider. From now on, Steven is done with them – we both are.”
Odd how one statement could make you sad and proud all at the same time. But as it was obvious the subject needed changing once again, I didn’t belabor it, instead turning to an observation. “You look like you need some sleep. Why don’t you go back to your room for a while and let me sit with Steven?” I offered, assuming he would rather Steven not be alone just yet.
“I do need a rest, and was on my way to bed now as it happened, though Chloe is back with Steven, so you don’t have to worry about him. I don’t think she is going anywhere soon,” he said, but his tone had become more sympathetic than sad. “Thank you for the offer though. It really does mean a lot. Actually, I’m not really used to this, but it’s… really nice.”
“What is?” I asked, not following.
He hesitated but didn’t look away, his eyes very sincere. “Having a friend.”
I smiled as he walked off, glad that he’d come back with us and was finally going to be able to have the life he deserved – though admittedly the circumstances could have been infinitely better. And speaking of friends, there was one I hadn’t yet seen who I was very much worried about.
I continued down the hall, taking the turn where Jocelyn had said to, and the moment I rounded the corner I was met by the heartbreaking sight of poor Chloe. She was sitting on the floor against the wall a short ways down the hall, with her legs hugged to her chest and her chin resting on her knees, eyes fixed on the open door across the hall from her. My stomach felt as though it sunk a bit lower with every step I took in her direction. What would I say? I wasn’t sure. What
could
I say? That was easy: nothing. But even so, I was still determined to try.
She didn’t look up as I arrived next to her and slid down the wall at her side. Scooting as close to her as I could, I wrapped my arm around her shoulders, and at least felt a bit of relief as she leaned toward me, resting her head against me with a small sniffle. We sat quietly for a long while, looking to the room opposite us where I could see Steven seated on the bed and staring unblinking and unseeing at the wall.
“Don’t you want to go in?” I asked her gently, not sure why she was sitting on the floor in the hall when there were open chairs in the room that would have been closer to him and far more comfortable.
“They don’t want us to go in until they’ve finished checking him,” she rasped, her voice almost nonexistent. “Said it might not be safe.”
I wasn’t sure who “they” were or who it might not be safe for, but I didn’t question. “You know we’re going to do everything we can for him, right?” I asked as I tilted my head toward her, leaning my cheek against her hair.
She nodded again with another sniffle.
The need to find words that would somehow help her or ease her pain was like a virus eating at my heart. But I knew those words didn’t exist, so I gave up, and resigned myself to simply sitting with her as long as she needed me, holding her in a comforting arm as she stared in at the man she loved but couldn’t save.
I would do it though. I would find a way to help Steven, no matter what I had to do. I would make sure he got to have the life with Chloe that he was so pointlessly robbed of, and no matter how many times they told me there was no way, I wasn’t going to give up. I was the most powerful Holder there’d ever been, damn it, and I was going to find a way. These people were my friends, my family. And no one hurts my family.
It seemed almost impossible, but I had everything I needed: I had Alex. I had Jocelyn and Ryland. I had the Order. And no matter what was coming our way, what battles may be looming in the future, or how long it took me, I was going to make sure that, come hell or high water, we all made it through.
Together.