Arcadio (10 page)

I wish now that I had found out what sweet Tomasso thought of me I wish now that I had asked him more questions, I wish now that I had asked all my listeners more questions. Even in the Show I wish that I had asked my gazers questions, we could have had some conversations, I wish that I had torn the lock on the door and torn the bars from the windows and invited people from the town to visit me in my jewel glass wagon. We could have had a conversation.
Quizás
perhaps I would not now have to sing so much if I had had some conversations. Sometimes we do not know who we are talking to like the
Biblia Blanca
story of the stranger walking on the road. And it was
Jesucristo
come again! Sometimes I do not know if being found is being lost, if who I find is who I lose, I only wander, looking and singing, everthing is taken from me ‘cept the love of
Jesucristo
, soon I will not hunt and search no more, I will set down somewhere in love of God and seeing
Jesucristo
at my side. If people that I find do not run away from me they sink away from me cold upon my breast. I'm always left alone again. At least I have been twice,
mi madre
and Tomasso.
Jesucristo
will not go, he will not go.

But in a town in the rain I saw in a shed a man looked like Hondo and I got under the shed and saw that twas Hondo Holloway.
Abrazo! Abrazo!
I cried—but don't hug me too hard you do not know your own strength—and we had a reunion. But oh you are ahuggin a sad individual, I says, since I lose you a terrible thing has happened, I am heartbroke, I said to Hondo. And I told Hondo the
desgracia
misfortune of the blessed little Tomasso. We cried and Hondo said oh my God, said what happened to my boy Tomasso. He was hungry I said acryin. Well didn't you give him something to eat? He ate! I cried. Tomasso ate! And yet the people said he died of hunger.
Hambre? Hambre?
I cried out crazy. Hondo help me; that he died of hunger? He never said that he was hungry!
Hunger!
I cried to Hondo.
Hunger!
Hondo said you goan go
loco
on that word. I don know any of the particulars of what happened but it would seem to me that God took Tomasso by starving him on earth, our food on earth did not feed him. So, I whispered to Hondo,
Jesucristo
in
La Biblia Blanca
said that you can eat and eat of this bread but you will still be hungry. Hondo said I believe Tomasso was meant to go to Heaven.
Virgen's
Heaven, I says.
Sí
, answered Hondo. He has joined with Sweet Janine. They both was meant to go to Heaven. Not for this earth, I says, and was acryin. You cryin? said Hondo. I guess a little I says. You? I guess a little, Hondo says. The boy's worth some of our cryin, some tears, I says. And the sweet girl too, says Hondo, and we cried together for Tomasso that we had loved so much and had gone on. But I did not cry so much for Sweet Janine because I never did know her. My face is full of tears, I says. And here's a big tear fell on my hand, said Hondo. I have had me some esperience with the sweet ones that make the big tears fall so you can listen to me, Hondo consoled me. It's fuckin hard to lose the little sweet ones in this old world. I shed my tears over that and am workin to make amends of forgiveness. So am I Hondo, I says. And we cried some more a little and thanked God and
Jesucristo
that we was together again.

I will not now tell you of my adventure with the Medium Gloria Ox, Hondo said to me, we will save that one for a rainy day. But this is one, I says to Hondo, a rainy day. Tis an espression, says Hondo. O.K. I says,
Jesucristo
another
gringo
espression. I will wait to hear of your esperience with Gloria Ox. I will only add that it was a misfortune a
desgracia
, said Hondo Holloway, and that she put me in touch with not one message. I bet that Gloria Ox is now in touch with all your money I says, I bet that was the message, I says. And, said Hondo, tried to run away into the night with it while I was waiting in the dark room without any of my clothes on. I said will you let me ask you one more question Hondo and Hondo says you can ask it. Was Gloria Ox a pretty lady, once she took off all them veils? An old trout, said Hondo—and a dead trout now. Oh my God you didn't not know your own
fuerza
strength again, I told him. I was only trying to get my Savings and Loan back, said Hondo Holloway. Well now you are double at-large, I says. And for the second time a posse is after you, my God two posses. We are deep in trouble, what shall we do? Go in a northwest direction like we started before the two
desgracias
hit us, said Hondo. Towards Ethelreda Johansson. O.K., I says. While I am huntin for
mi madre
and sometimes the Show I will help you try and find Sweet Janine's sister Ethelreda, I told him. But now we'll have to keep out eyes for
three
posses, two posses for you and one posse (an old one) for me,
Jesucristo
always somethin to keep out an eye for, either for somethin you're ahuntin or for somethin ahuntin you, my God what is this life what is this world? Where is the little sack of Janine's hair did Gloria Ox get that? I have the little hair, said Hondo, and here it is. And you will never guess where it was hidden. Now I don wan sing much of this part but I will say that Hondo was the best friend ever that I had and the only friend when you get right down to it. You wan hear.

To not to know your own
fuerza
give Hondo Holloway some problems.
Por ejemplo
for example he was ascared of so much that he become the lonesomest man in the world. Why would anybody want to let him give them an
abrazo
, hug em? They might get all their backbones cracked. Why would anybody want that? I got to help you learn about your
fuerza
how much you can take ahold of anything or somebody, I says. If Hondo tried to scratch hisself he tore the blood from hisself, if he tried to open somethin he tore it all to pieces, if he…well finally it was like he was tied all up in ropes or like he was a frozen man he was so ascared to touch somebody. Pore Hondo had so much soft lovingness to give to everbody but he did not know
la mensura
, what you call it, measure? He did not know one pound from one ounce. What was pore Hondo going to do? Sometimes if he opened a door he pulled it down. Lots of things was broken around him. What was Hondo goin to do? And people wouldn't come too close to him, what was he goin to do? He was in the worst jail of all, I told him, worse than anything in Missoura or in anywhere I told him, all locked up. But what am I goin to do? Hondo asked me. I will help you Hondo, I told him. Through
Jesucristo
who helps everbody and everthing. And I told Hondo about the blind man that He made to see and the deaf man and the lame ones to walk—
los ciegos y los sordos y los cojos
. How will
Jesucristo
do it? asked Hondo. We will ask
Jesucristo
to make you
suave
gentle, I says.
Jesucristo
I prayed please to make Hondo
suave
, Hondo, a gentle man who does not know his own
fuerza
strength. And
Jesucristo
give me back the message—steal the curl of hair from Hondo. What? I says. What? asked Hondo. Nothin', I says. But now I knew that
Jesucristo
was
La Médium
, the Medium that was giving me the message that would save Hondo's
mi compadres
life. And so one night when Hondo was asleepin, from his open hand that had fallen open in his sleep I stole the Bull Durham little sack that held the hair and hid it in my breast. When he woke up he was already so
suave
gentle that he resigned himself to the precious loss and for a long time cried just like a baby. But we went on and Hondo now was such a soft man that lambs run to him in the fields and even a butterfly sit on's shoulder onct, twas far in Oregon and the butterfly was yellow. And his
abrazos
was as soft as Jesuses must have been. Hondo seemed just like a saint. Sometime he cried again to lose the little curl but we went on and sometimes more than ever now he cried for Sweet Janine that he had never meant to choke to death he only was alovin her and did not know his own strength. I did not go to, I did not go to do it! cried pore Hondo Holloway. But we went on. We slept against each other in the fields and when the frost fell over us we held each other keeping warm and it was just as tender. But in all our tendernesses never did I reveal myself to Hondo.

In every town we come to, Hondo Holloway would go to the Mayor's place and read down the list of people of the town to find Johansson.
En fin
in one town there was Johansson. Hondo said there is the little Savings and Loan Bank this is the bitter town of Sweet Janine my heart is heavy and bitter. Never mind I says to Hondo when you have made forgiveness amends to Ethelreda your bitter heart will not be so heavy. But of course it will always be a little heavy and still a little bitter until you dig back up the money under the Missoura jail and give it back to the Savings and Loan Bank of this town. One thing at a time please Arcadio, answered Hondo, first the forgiveness amends. When we went to the door and big Ethelreda opened it and
suave
Hondo said to her who he was, with one blow of her big hand she killed him down to the ground and I run for my life.
Jesucristo
I called out, save the soul of Hondo Holloway and forgive me for stealing the curl of hair I was only following the message that you give to me, what is this world? Pore Hondo Holloway. Oh God and
Jesucristo
I do not understand the working of your ways sometimes
señor
, with
fuerza sin mensura
Hondo murdered accidentally and
suave
he was knocked down dead.

I went on, all alone again, trying to figure out now who I was ahunting for and seen again that was, as always, as in the beginning, my mother. You wan hear? And when something tickled on my breast oh my God and
Jesucristo
twas the little curl of hair of Sweet Janine that first was carried by Tomasso that Hondo give him and now twas in my care.

Feelings for the Show come over me again and I wondered should I come back to the Show. And I looked again for posters on the trees with great head of a lion
feroz
, Heracles, and in the towns I went through asked the people if they had some
noticias
of the Show but nobody did.

THE
THOUGHT
WAS
beginning to occur to me—thought it twas a thought but as I thought about it more I begun to see that it was God and
Jesucristo's
thought athinkin for me—the thought was to go towards the Missoura jail. I would take the curl of hair back to Old John, tell Sam Policheck, the jailer, that Chupa was my mother and that I was the half blood brother of Tomasso that he brought up when his mother left him, and dig for the Savings and Loan that Old John would show me where, return it to the little Savings and Loan Bank in the bitter town of Sweet Janine and so clean the bitterness from the heart of Hondo Holloway and get him into heaven—not
Virgen's
Heaven because of Gloria Ox and I don't know what others. Then I was sure that God and
Jesucristo
would forgive the sins of Hondo Holloway. This was my mission given to me by God and
Jesucristo
in my thoughts. And I would see the old Missoura jail where all those that I loved had all been at one time or another! You wan hear. And I could ask some information from Sam Policheck about
mi
madre
when she was a prisoner there for stealing a green dress with sparkled fringe and ask Nan Policheck about Tomasso and his jail cell school and try to make amends of forgiveness for Hondo for digging the hole of excape. So I was agoing on towards Missoura.

I walked through towns and slept in sheds and under bridges, headin for Missoura. I was full of joy that I was goin there. Since I was on the mission given to me by God and
Jesucristo
in my thoughts, they looked after me and led me on, you wan hear.
Feroz
dogs come after me in some places and in a valley of a place I don know the place some
ladrones
robbers fell upon me and tried to beat me but I had great strength like
Santo Pablo
Paul in
La Biblia Blanca
, and I repulsed them, like
La Biblia
says. And I went on, towards the Missoura jail. There was great rains in some mountains, I don know where, and I was drenched and freezin cold but then the sun come out and dried me off; and I went on. And findin myself in a whole bunch of little black bullfrogs just coverin the whole ground one time, I run up in a tree and set there all one night and oh the groanin of those black bullfrogs was so terrible to hear,
demonio;
but in the morning they was gone and I went on, towards the Missoura jail.

And so I got to the Missoura jail in the very footsteps of God and
Jesucristo
that led the way. Where is it? I asked them when all I saw was houses of a town. Look yonder I thought I heard God and
Jesucristo
my leaders say. And there was the Missoura jail, up behind the MKT rayroad depot. When I knocked on the door, a man opened it and he had white lips and a cap that looked like a miner's cap and the man was lopsided because of a ring of heavy keys ahangin at his groins. I said I am a friend of Old John's and have come to see him. Then you better hurry, says the man, because Old John is breathin his last breaths. Please take me to him before he breathes the last one, I says. And the man says are you a priest? And I says I have come because of the thoughts of God and
Jesucristo
and my name is Arcadio what is yours
Señor?
And said Sam Policheck. The Bohunk, I thought but did not say it. At last I have found you, I said, Sam Policheck. I have many things to ask you and to tell you. If you want to see Old John with still some breath in him, said Sam Policheck, then you'd better not make small talk and hurry back to his cot in the cell where he has been confined for many days since the excape of Hondo Holloway through a hole, which has exhausted him to death to help dig. I am not making small talk Mr. Policheck, I says, and we can be friends for we have much in common and I have many things to tell you and many questions to ask. Where is the hole that Old John dug for Hondo to excape in is one question. All cemented up, it is now a hole of pure Instant Cement and the same hole that Tomasso went out through says Sam Policheck, but if you expect to see Old John abreathin I'm tellin you we better hurry. To the confined cell under the ground because of the two excapes that he assisted in.