Authors: Kallysten
“What do you mean, thrown out?”
“The Majors apparently have built a case against
me. And tomorrow, they’re attacking.”
Every word she added only confused me more. It
didn’t help that we were in my bedroom and my mind insisted on reminding me of
that one kiss—and of the other things I had dreamed of sharing with her. I
gestured toward the hallway, and she took my hint, preceding me to the kitchen.
Coffee seemed a necessity, even if I despised the rations of insta-coffee that
all members of the Guard received.
“It’d be ridiculous for them to try to get rid of
you. You’re one of their best battle leaders.”
The microwave beeped, and I retrieved the two cups.
She answered while I had my back to her.
“I thought you’d be happy. You never wanted me to
be part of the Guard to begin with.”
I turned back to her so fast that coffee sloshed
over the edge of one cup and burned my fingers. I ground my teeth rather than
let myself curse, and glared at her.
“It’s much too early for mind games, Aria. I didn’t
want you in the Guard because I was afraid you’d get yourself killed. I was
right, wasn’t I?”
She took the cup I was offering her and glared
back. “I didn’t die. I was turned. You of all people should understand the
difference.”
If I hadn’t been so tired, I might have argued the
point and reminded her of everything she had lost when she had become a
vampire. The truth, though, is that I didn’t want to argue with her anymore.
That had never helped. Instead, I kept quiet and drank a mouthful of coffee.
“Will… There was nothing you could have done about
it. You do realize that, right?”
It was hard to believe such a thing, especially
seeing how I was the one who had placed Lorenzo in the position to become her
Sire. And if Lorenzo had still been around, I’d never have voiced what I said
next.
“I miss your heartbeat every time I look at you.”
She stared at me, eyes wide and bright, the cup
raised halfway to her lips.
“It doesn’t mean I haven’t accepted what you are,”
I finished, already regretting the words.
She found her voice again. “A vampire, like you.”
“No. A fighter. More than I ever was. I became what
I am today because I was forced to. You… you were born for it. It took me a
long time to understand that, but you prove it, every night.”
Again, she stared. She was touched. I could see as
much. What I didn’t see coming was the coffee-flavored kiss she pressed to my
lips before pulling away as fast as she had leaned in.
“Thank you,” she murmured. “And if you really think
so, I need your help.”
“With the Majors?” I asked, remembering her first
words.
She nodded. “The other Heads of Squadron approached
me tonight. They agree with you that the Majors would be stupid to get rid of
me. They… we also think the Guard has been declining ever since Bergsen died,
ever since you stepped back and let the Majors do as they pleased. That’s why
we want you back in. We want you to take over the Guard. What do you say?”
If anybody else had given me that speech, I’d have
laughed and sent them packing. But it wasn’t just about taking over the Guard.
It was about helping her keep the only thing she cared about. And it wasn’t
just anybody. It was Aria.
What could I say other than yes?
Despite the decades-old war against demons, Newhaven’s
schools had never closed for more than a few days at a time, something the City
Council, Board of Education, and Teachers’ Union were all claiming as their own
achievement. How much students learned, however, depended on many factors,
including whether they attended school regularly or were pulled out to attend
Cadet classes.
Aria had always been more interested in learning how
to fight than about history, and so her memories were sketchy on that subject,
but as she watched Wilhelm make his first speech to the Guard, she was rather
certain that few military coups throughout the ages had taken place as easily
as the one he had performed.
Hours after she had asked him to make a stand against
the Majors, Wilhelm had marched into the office they shared, all the Heads of
Squadrons at his back, and offered Carter and Stevenson an alternative. They
could leave the city, or they could return to fighting alongside the rest of
the Guard beneath one of the Heads of Squadron.
There had been some incredulous sputtering, some loud
demands that Wilhelm be arrested, some outraged calls of mutiny, but in the
end, they had needed to admit that their reign over the Guard was over. Both
had chosen to leave on a convoy of trucks on its way east. Aria was glad they
had, and not only because they had targeted her. Fighting by their sides would
have been awkward for everyone, and she, for one, would always have expected
them to try to regain control.
The thought of the Majors didn’t bother her for more
than a few seconds, however, not when she was witnessing such an extraordinary
event.
“He’s good, isn’t he?” Mary murmured, leaning in
closer to her.
Aria merely nodded her agreement. After the Majors had
been escorted back to their quarters to gather their possessions, Jonas had
suggested to Wilhelm that he ought to talk to the Guard to ease the transition.
The look on Wilhelm’s face at that thought had been pure distaste. And yet,
after some prodding, he had agreed that it was necessary. Before noon, word had
been sent out to every soldier in the Guard that an unprecedented assembly
would take place in the mess hall at three in the afternoon.
The place was the largest in the camp, but even so it
was packed from wall to wall, and the last to arrive were standing in the
hallway, peering over everybody else’s heads to get a glimpse of Wilhelm.
Standing on an improvised podium, he had started speaking at three o’clock
sharp, and had been doing so for almost twenty minutes now. Aria had never
heard him speak like this before; she had never imagined he was capable of
holding an audience captive with what seemed like such ease.
Still, she hadn’t listened to more than the first few
sentences he had offered the Guard, when cheers and clapping had made it clear
they accepted him as their new leader. Her mind, since then, had been drifting
between past and future, reminding her of everything she had shared with
Wilhelm up to that day, and of what she hoped to share with him in the future.
From his demeanor and what he had said, she knew he
had accepted command of the Guard more for her, to protect her, than because of
a desire to lead. She needed to thank him, she decided. And she knew just the
way.
* * * *
An hour after the end of Wilhelm’s speech, Aria
knocked on his office door. The office assistant had assured her he was in
there, but no reply came. She knocked again, with the same lack of result.
Frowning slightly, she rested her free hand on the door handle and pushed
gently. The door opened easily, revealing a darkened room.
“Will?” she called in.
“I asked not to be disturbed.”
Ignoring him, she stepped inside and found the light
switch. Bright light flooded the small room, revealing Wilhelm with his elbows
on his desk and his head in his hands. It was almost hard to mesh this image
with the one he had given during his speech. The strength he had exuded then,
with his impeccable dark uniform and a sword at his side, seemed to have
entirely disappeared. The sword was on the floor, as though he had let it fall
there, and his shirt was unbuttoned at the wrists and collar, making him seem
oddly vulnerable.
“I said—”
“I heard you the first time.” She crossed the three
steps to his desk and laid six white roses in front of him, before sitting on
the only chair facing the desk.
He looked at the flowers and let out a bark of
laughter as he sat back in his chair. He shook his head, clearly amused, and
she grinned at him.
“It’s a good thing I don’t believe in omens,” he said,
gesturing at the flowers. “Especially today.”
“I wouldn’t have brought them if you did.”
He reached toward the flowers as though to touch the
soft petals, but pulled back his hand before he did. When he looked up at her
again, his amusement had entirely disappeared.
“What brings you here, Aria?”
She closed her fist on her knee, where he couldn’t see
it. Why were the words so difficult to summon, suddenly?
“I came to congratulate you,” she finally said, though
it wasn’t what she had meant to say. “It was a great speech.”
For a few seconds, he stared at her in silence. His
expression couldn’t have been grimmer.
“Bergsen tried to convince me to talk to the Guard for
twenty years,” he said at last, very slowly. “I never wanted to, not any more
than I want these new responsibilities. I told them today that I would lead
Newhaven toward a safer future, and the entire time all I could think was that
I didn’t belong on that podium.”
The revelation left Aria dumbfounded. She hadn’t listened
to the entirety of his speech, but she had heard the tone of his voice, had
seen his demeanor, and had witnessed the reaction of the crowd. He might not
have meant what he’d said, but he had convinced everyone else that he did.
“You did belong there,” she assured him, putting all
her conviction in her words. “You were great. And you will be great as a
leader.”
She stood as she spoke without realizing what she was
doing, and went to pick up the sword on the floor with the same mindlessness.
He pivoted in his chair to face her as she stood next to him. She presented him
with the weapon, holding it in her open palms.
“You said I was born to fight, but you… You were born
to lead.”
Long seconds passed before he took the sword. He laid
it across the desk, and the scabbard crushed one of the roses.
“Of course you say so,” he said with a little sigh. “I
just saved your neck.”
She gave him the most serious look she was capable of.
“No, I say so because it’s true. I’ve watched you fight for years. I’m not the
only one who thought it was a pity you didn’t have any official title to lead
us to battle, because that’s what you did. Led us. Inspired us.”
A slight frown made it clear that he wasn’t convinced.
“Don’t be silly. I don’t—”
Aria didn’t want to hear it. She knew Wilhelm’s
special brand of denial all too well; she wasn’t interested in witnessing
another round of it. And she knew, also, exactly how to stop him in his tracks.
Resting her hands on each of the armrests of his
chair, she leaned down to him and covered his mouth with hers. She had caught
him mid-word with his lips parted. Without hesitating, she took the opportunity
to slip her tongue in to meet his. At first, he didn’t respond to her gentle
touch, his unnatural stillness and too wide eyes revealing his shock. As she
persisted in kissing him, however, as lightly, as sweetly as she had dreamed of
doing for so long, his hands came to rest on her hips and pulled her forward.
After some shuffling, she found herself on his lap, her knees on either side of
him, his arms around her waist and her hands clutching his shoulders.
The sweetness of the kiss she had initiated was gone,
replaced by fire. She had dreamed of this moment, but she had never
imagined—she had never dared hope—that Wilhelm would match her passion and need
like this. How could she have known, when for years he hadn’t said more than a
few words to her?
She felt herself melt in his arms, felt her fears and
insecurities disappear, felt herself become lightheaded and breathless and a
little giddy, until she was sure she had to be dreaming. She had to assure
herself this was truly happening; she needed to. Pulling away, she tentatively
rested her hand on Wilhelm’s cheek. It was as soft, as strong beneath her touch
as she had thought it would be. Just an inch from her fingertips, his eyelids
batted a couple of times before opening on hazel eyes she had never seen from
this close. Golden flecks seemed to light up the brown, making them sparkle.
Then he blinked, and the fire was gone.
“No,” he said, so quietly she thought she misheard
him.
Before she could ask what he meant, he lifted her off
his lap and back onto her own feet. He let go of her as though his hands were
burning. Pushing the chair away from her, he stood as well and walked back so
that he was standing across from her with the desk between them.
“This… We can’t do this,” he said, gesturing to the
space between the two of them.
There was a haunted quality to his eyes, and Aria
would almost have believed she had forced him to kiss her. She knew better,
though. He had been a more than willing participant.
“Come on, Will,” she said, both disappointed and a
little annoyed by his reaction. “No more games.”
* * * *
It had never been a game for me, not when she was a
child and all I wanted was to keep her safe, and not when she had grown older
and my feelings for her had evolved into something entirely different. To hear
her speak of games stirred something inside me, and anger that hadn’t filled my
chest since the days after her turning returned to life. Back then, I had been
mourning my lost chance at telling her how I felt. This time, I had stepped up
to the plate for her, done something I had promised myself I wouldn’t do. And
by doing so, I had lost her, again. And again, it was all my own doing.
“I’m not playing,” I said, staring hard at her.
“I’ve never played with you.”
“Haven’t you?” she shot back. “What do you call
this, then? You kiss me and then—”
“You kissed me. And it was a mistake for me to let
you—”
“Why the hell would it be a mistake?”
She looked and smelled as frustrated as I felt
myself, but I was convinced I was right. I had to be. Everything I knew told me
I was.
Sometimes, being right can be the worst possible
feeling.
“You’ve asked me to take command of the Guard. I
can’t get involved with you, or with any soldier, for that matter. It would be
unbecoming. People would—”
“What people?”
She walked by the corner of the desk and perched
herself on the edge of it, arms crossed.
“What…” I shook my head at her. Couldn’t she
understand? “The Guard. Soldiers. The other Heads of Squadron.”
Her expression remained blank. “You mean, the
people who have known for years?”
“Known what?”
“Oh Will, you’re not that naïve, are you? They know
I… have feelings for you. And they think you return them.”
I guess I was that naïve. Or maybe I had never
allowed myself to see what was obvious. But now that she had said it, I could
see she was right. They knew. It just didn’t change anything, and I told her as
much.
Her eyes narrowed and she slid off the desk. Slow
steps took her to me. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t tempted to retreat.
“Aria—”
I don’t know what I’d have said. She didn’t let me
finish.
“I’ve wanted this for five years.”
I didn’t have time to wonder what ‘this’ was. She
looped her arms around my neck and kissed me again. And again, I let her.
Because I, too, had wanted this for too long. I just couldn’t let it last.
Taking hold of her arms, I gently pried them away from me and broke off the
kiss.
“Aria,” I tried again, and again she didn’t let me
talk.
“I’m not going to stop now, Will. Not because you
happen to be my new boss.”
Just a day earlier, her insistence would have
delighted me. Now, though, it only etched deeper in my mind how close I had
come to having the woman I loved.
“I could send you away like the Majors,” I said, my
voice breaking down on the last word.
She laughed. “Right. And you could step into the
sun and see if you tan while you’re at it.” Her features turned serious again.
“You want to get rid of me? Okay. Tell me, right here, right now, that you
don’t love me. Tell it to me, in those words, and I’ll leave as soon as the sun
sets.”
I couldn’t say it. Of course I couldn’t.
She smiled, certain that she had won, and started
leaning in toward me again. Just at that moment, someone knocked. We stared at
each other for a few seconds. A second knock broke the moment. I stepped away
from her and back behind my desk. Sitting down, I passed a hand through my
hair.
“Come in.”
Three Heads of Squadron walked in, ready to discuss
what would happen on the walls that night. There were a couple of looks thrown
in Aria’s direction, but not much surprise. She had been right about them
knowing. That didn’t mean I was ready to accept she was right about everything.
“We’re done here, Aria.”
She threw me a heated look on her way out. “We’re
anything but done, sir.”
I wasn’t sure whether to take that as a promise or
a threat.