Authors: Devin Morgan
“What is it about this guy?” Her thoughts just wouldn’t leave the question alone.
“I’ve met men just as handsome, a lot more mature. Not so troubled. And never have
I experienced this kind of obsession with anyone. What is it about this particular
guy?”
“Hey Sarah.” Bonnie stepped onto the empty elliptical next to her. She was dressed
in baggy gray sweats and a white T-shirt with a gray Tai Chi symbol on the front.
A few light brown stray hairs sneaked out of the rubber band holding her pony tail
in place and gathered around her face. “How you doing today?” She made adjustments
to the machine before beginning to walk slowly. “You look a little stressed.”
“No, just thinking about work.” Sarah honestly enjoyed her new office space however
she still missed the daily contact with Bonnie and the rest of the therapists from
her old co-op. Their weekly meetings to discuss issues had always been a great aid
in diagnosing her clients. She wondered just what they would think about Carlos.
She laughed. “Isn’t that what we are always thinking about?”
“Yeah, I guess you’re right.” Bonnie picked up her pace as her legs warmed up. “How
have you been? I haven’t seen you since the opera. Have you had any insights about
our intermission conversation?”
“Not really but otherwise, I’ve actually been feeling a lot better. I honestly haven’t
had one of those deep waves of self-doubt since the last regression you did on me.
I know we didn’t get past infancy but somehow, I feel more settled. And I’ve been
so busy since the opera I haven’t had much time to think about love and romance, but
I do want to find some answers about that for myself.”
“Honey, I didn’t think it would take more than a couple of sessions to give you some
resolutions on the self-doubt thing. The romance thing?” She laughed. “That might
just take a little bit longer.” Her legs stopped their perpetual elliptical motion
as she spoke seriously to her friend. “I know you dealt with Jeff and your divorce
in therapy a long time ago, but it took you until recently to really deal with yourself.
How long have I been saying physician, heal thyself.”
“I know. I knew it then but I didn’t want to confront it. Sometimes I think therapists
are the worst ones for dealing with their own issues. The divorce just made me question
myself and my decisions. I hadn’t questioned myself like that since I was a teenager
living with my parents and it was frightening. Anyway, I’ve felt so much more confident
lately. It’s as if I’m finding that assured part of myself that’s been buried for
so long. I owe it to the work you’re doing with me.”
Bonnie looked embarrassed. She interned under Sarah and it felt a bit strange to have
their roles somewhat reversed. She changed the subject, “what’s new with you? Anything
going on?”
“A new client, a parolee Colleen referred to me. Actually he’s my first case like
this and it’s really interesting.”
The word ‘parolee’ captured Bonnie’s interest fully. “Sounds like
it could be a really different type of case than either of us has had before. Can
you tell me anything?”
Sarah would have liked to discuss it but thought better of sharing anything about
Carlos. The two women were no longer colleagues and she didn’t feel it was appropriate
to be discussing his sessions. “No, not really.” Seeing her friend’s disappointment,
Sarah asked, “You tell me now, what’s going on with you?”
“Work is pretty much the same. Oh, I saw that new vampire movie last night. Have you
seen it?”
Not again! She just couldn’t get away from it. Sarah didn’t want to admit that she
had seen the movie so she evaded the question. “Did you like it?”
“The guy who plays the lead is amazing! He’s a really young guy, but I couldn’t believe
how many older women were in the theatre.”
Sarah decided this was a good time to ask some questions. “Bon, what is it that attracts
women to vampires? I don’t get it.”
Bonnie moved a lever forward, upping the resistance on the machine while she thought
about it. “I don’t know really. I guess they’re something that’s so forbidden, so
alien. And they are tortured. They don’t have a choice to kill or not. They just have
to do it, kind of the original bad boys.” She laughed. “I guess it’s the difference
between a vegetarian and a meat eater. You eat what you have to in order to survive,
whether you like it or not.”
Sarah looked at her watch. “Wow. I’ve got to speed it up. If I don’t, I’m not going
to get the miles in and I don’t want to be late for my next client.”
“No worries.” Bonnie nodded to Sarah, then plugged in her headphones and closed her
eyes.
#
CARLOS HAVARRO, transcript, Session 5, March 12
It was gray and cold as the court prepared to ride out to the hunt.
Being one of the undead, I was neither helped nor hindered by the frigid air. I simply
did not feel it however those courtiers standing, waiting to mount, stomped their
feet and blew warm breath into their chilly hands; frost gathered in the warm gusts
from their breath. Gratefully they shared a stirrup cup to cut the early morning chill.
At last, Elizabeth and Thomas joined us. The silver feather in his hat shimmered in
the early morning sunlight; his proud black hunter neighed as they drew close. Her
white horse pranced, throwing his head and great mane showing impatience to be off.
I reached for their bridles. I held them securely in my hand. “Mistress Elizabeth.”
I bowed. “Thomas.”
“Aris, my friend.”
And that is how I met her. My Elizabeth. My only love.
Sarah waited patiently for him to continue.
Fear possessed me as I courted the maid. What would become of us? I felt her affection
for me grow stronger. Mine could be no more than it already was. She occupied my every
thought. When I was not with her, I felt in a suspended state; simply existing for
the moment I would see her again. Her touch was more to me than blood.
I no longer visited the Catacombs where the others of my kind resided. I wished there
to be no chance that she know what I was. I rejected my own kind, willing myself to
be human once more. Pretending. Hoping. Weeks passed in a blur of banquets and masques,
hunts and chilling walks along the Thames, mulled wine and blazing fires.
I could stand our separation no longer. I made my decision, I would ask her to be
my wife. I searched for her and found her in the gardens where I pledged my undying
love. I opened my heart. To my joy, she accepted me. Openly. Wholeheartedly, she returned
my devotion. We vowed to marry.
It was then I truly began to fear. How could I husband such a delicate human? I sought
out Sebastian. When he learned of my plight he gave me courage to tell Elizabeth what
my life truly was. It was not allowed
to reveal ourselves to humans without a purpose and the council’s permission. I petitioned
to meet with the high council to beg leave to explain myself to my Bess and to take
her as my life’s mate. I awaited their response. My plan was to plead my case with
such eloquence, all would agree. Thankfully, my plea was accepted. I was placed on
the docket for the next gathering.
I knew that as a maid of the court, Elizabeth would need consent from the crown to
marry so I approached Wolsey to petition Queen Katherine. He was her majesty’s champion
at court. His hatred of the Boleyns gave them a common cause. He stood as her friend.
I knew she would listen to him. I was but a knight yet Elizabeth was simply a maid-in-waiting
to the Queen, a match even the crown could smile upon. He bade me have patience, it
would take time yet he would approach her Grace.
While we waited for compliance from the crown, I made false excuses to my lady and
to the royal court to take my leave for a time. I went below, into the Catacombs,
to the court of the undead, the seat of law for my kind. I tarried for one week. Two.
I was put off while those of more importance to the council were granted audience.
I was surrounded by fear the council would not grant my desire, fear that when I told
Elizabeth the truth, she would either think me mad or scream and run from me forever.
Or perhaps, both. My patience wore thin. Three weeks. Four.
At last I was called before the oldest ones of all, the King and Queen of the underworld
from whom we are all descended, Khansu and Akira. At first, I was told by no means.
But I held fast. I used all my wits to plead my case; I told all my reasons for requesting
such a rare dispensation. My great age. Never finding love. This human, the first
to touch my depths after centuries of being alone.
After days more of deliberation, I was granted permission to introduce her to the
life we lead. To bring her below. No words could express my joy.
I rushed to the palace seeking Elizabeth to tell her all there was about me, about
my kind. I knew our great love would overcome any obstacles,
even life and death.
I came upon Thomas Wyatt as I left the stables. He was glad to see me after my long
absence. He slapped me on the back as we made our way to the palace and his rooms.
He left me no room to speak, he was alive with all the news of the court. He barely
took a breath in between words.
We entered his chambers and as he poured wine, I asked for Elizabeth. He became a
changed man. He no longer met my eye. His shoulders slumped. He became suddenly silent.
“Where is Elizabeth, Thomas.” Fear was clear in my voice. “What has happened while
I was away?”
He paused a moment before he spoke, “Aris, Elizabeth is gone. Wolsey sent her to the
court of the Emperor where she was to be married to a man of high status. Queen Katherine
petitioned the King and he agreed. She set sail on a merchant ship.” He faced me.
“One week out, the ship was wrecked in a storm and all were lost. Another merchant
found the debris floating with all hands dead.”
My legs disappeared beneath me, I fell to my knees. Thomas grabbed me by the shoulders
and lifted me to my feet. My body stiffened. I raised my eyes to heaven and roared.
“No. It cannot be. I will kill Wolsey with my bare hands.”
My friend guided me toward a chair by the fire. As I sat, he placed a wine filled
goblet in my hand. “Drink this. It will help calm you.”
I knew complete despair. “Nothing will ever calm me. I have lost the only woman I
will ever love. Oh Thomas, what will I do?” My voice was a whisper. “What will I do?”
We spent the long night sitting silently, gazing into the fire. At first light, I
stood and walked to the window. As the sun rose, I relinquished my dream of ever having
love in my empty eternity. I vowed that Wolsey would forever be my enemy. I pledged
I would one day find a way to repay his treachery.
#
“Carlos, Carlos.” He hadn’t moved since she broke the trance.
“Where are you?”
“I’m right here Sarah. At least I think I’m right here.” He stirred on the leather
chair. “It’s hard to lift my arms right now. Is that normal?” There was a sound of
distrust in his voice.
“Yes, yes. It’s perfectly normal. You were very deep in the state and it takes a few
moments to recover completely. There, see? You’re wiggling your fingers now.”
“Whew. That was so freaky. I was really there. What’s this all about, Sarah.” He raised
his arms over his head to stretch as he turned to look at her. “Am I nuts?”
“No Carlos. You’re not crazy.” She reached toward him, taking hold of his hands. His
touch was ice cold exactly as it had been at the end of their last session. She let
go of him quickly. “Here, come and sit up. Let’s sit in the sun by the window.”
As they settled in he winced. “Man, I have a rotten headache. What’s that about?”
“That sometimes happens after a deep session. It will pass in just a few minutes.”
“Okay, so what is all this crap?”
“Carlos, I honestly don’t know. I know that your subconscious is talking to us through
your session. If you believe in past lives, it can be a past life that is surfacing.
If you don’t, it’s just pictures from your subconscious. Either way, it’s a step toward
your healing. If we can just find where your anger stems from, we can make it so much
easier for you to calm it.”
“Stems from? Hell, it stems from my old man beating the crap out of me and my whole
family. Haven’t you read the file that follows me everywhere I go?” His eyes were
angry as he answered her.
“Yes, I read the file. It’s more than that.” Her voice had a soothing effect on him.
“In past life regression work we find the place where the intense emotion originates
and we work on it from that place. If we can change the outcome of that experience
in your subconscious mind with hypnosis, then the uncontrollable emotion will be released.
You will no longer be driven by it.” She leaned in to him. “What do you experience
when you begin to lose control?”
He sat quietly, his dark eyes staring down at his boots. Finally, he spoke. “Like
I need to kill something to just keep breathing.” He whispered the words so softly
she almost missed their meaning.
“Kill something? Do you mean someone?”
“Yes.”
“Does it frighten you to feel like that?”