chapter thirty
Just Right
Kay-Kay’s pace was even faster than usual, if that’s possible, and I thought I was going to drop dead right smack in the middle of Spring Hill. She’s all worked up over Logan and Marta. She heard through Irene, the assistant manager over at Landis Lane, that Marta and her pendulous breasts are going to the prom with Logan. According to Irene, Marta’s dress is more MTV Awards than Spring Hill High School prom. Kay-Kay had been holding out hope that she and Logan would make up and go together, but it seems that’s out of the question now.
Kay-Kay hardly said a word while we ran. I could tell she was dying to take off and leave me. “Go on,” I said finally. “You’re not gonna hurt my feelings if you take off.” In truth I knew if Kay-Kay went on ahead, I could slog out the remainder of the run without embarrassing myself.
“Are you sure?” she asked. I nodded, and Kay-Kay shot off like a rocket. She made it to the Episcopal church in record time and was headed toward the courthouse again. For the rest of the run I tried not to think about my own prom situation. Kyle hadn’t mentioned anything about it, and I wondered if maybe he already had a prom commitment. Kids are known to do that—make prom dates in January just to make sure they have somebody to go with when the time comes.
When I finally reached the courthouse again (also in record time, the
slowest
record, that is), Kay-Kay had finished her stretches. She was sitting cross-legged on the lawn and pulling up plugs of grass. In front of her was a small pile, and right next to it a bald spot. “Uh, I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” I said, huffing and puffing like the Big Bad Wolf.
“What? Are they gonna arrest me for pulling up grass? Well, I hope they do!” she said. “Let them just try!” I did not inform Kay-Kay about the difficulties of maintaining a good lawn, but it was killing me to watch her do that.
“I think I’m stuck,” I said, trying to get her mind focused on something other than Marta and Logan. “Since my surprise birthday party I’ve only lost three more pounds.”
“That’s because you need a weight-lifting program. You’ve hit what’s known as a plateau. Unless you change something, you’ll stay stuck.” I nodded and thought this over.
“Do you think they’re doing it?” A wrinkle creased Kay-Kay’s normally unlined forehead, and her blue eyes were cloudy today. I shrugged. “I
want
your opinion, Rosie,” said Kay-Kay sharply.
“Yes, I think they probably are,” I muttered, and plopped down in the grass beside her.
“I do, too. I also have a feeling about them. I think they’re it.”
“It?”
“I think she’s the girl Logan’s gonna marry.”
“Oh, Kay-Kay, they’re seventeen! They’re not gonna get
married
!” Even as I said it, it occurred to me that Logan was already doing an apprenticeship with a local plumber, and Marta didn’t exactly seem like the college-bound type. Maybe they would get married just because there was nothing else left to do.
“I knew before Mama left she was gonna go. I predicted it long before Daddy suspected a thing. I’m not, like, psychic or anything, but I get this sense about a situation, and I know how it’ll play out based on my gut feeling.” I was dying to ask Kay-Kay what her
sense
was of me, but I figured we’d already spent too much time focused on my problems. If I was going to be a true friend, we’d have to stick to Kay-Kay’s issues for a while.
“When I’m really obsessed about something, I dive into schoolwork,” I offered. “Until recently, I dived into carbs, too.” Kay-Kay didn’t laugh. She just plucked up another plug of government grass and added it to her pile. “Kay-Kay, stop!” I said, pressing my hand over hers. “This is sod. It’s expensive.”
“I just don’t know how I’m gonna get over this.”
“Maybe you should try going out with someone else. At least you’ll make Logan think you’ve moved on. Maybe that’ll shake him up a little.”
“Billy Gardner’s been asking me out forever. I reckon I could make a date with him.”
“Billy Gardner, as in, rich-lawyer-daddy, fancy-car, so-over-the -top
Billy Gardner
?”
“That’s the one,” said Kay-Kay glumly. “Are you and Kyle going to the Sundown Saturday night?”
“We’ve got a date, but Kyle didn’t say where we’re going.”
“You’re going to the Sundown. This time of year that’s about all anybody does. Maybe me and Billy can park beside you.” Kay-Kay’s voice was flat, not a hint of the usual rah-rah in it. I knew the minute we took off in opposite directions, I’d given her the wrong advice.
Kyle picked me up at seven. He looked delicious in a pair of jeans, a pink polo shirt (without the horse) and flip-flops—he even has nice
feet
. I wore brown slacks, a white T-shirt, and new sandals, which killed my feet but looked great with the new pedicure Mildred had given me. We stopped at the Swan on Riverside Drive for some Chinese takeout, which we
took
to the Sundown Drive-in. I had the small-sized low-fat lo mein, and Kyle ordered so much food I couldn’t really tell what he was having. We were just getting started on what promised to be a perfect date (my intestines were fully cooperating) when I saw Logan and Marta cross the parking lot. The two of them appeared to share epidermis.
“It’s a shame,” I said, just making conversation.
“What?” Kyle mumbled through bites of an egg roll.
“That Logan and Kay-Kay broke up.”
“Oh. Yeah.” Kyle seemed far more interested in his egg roll than Spring Hill High School couple gossip.
“Well, it’s just a matter of time before Kay-Kay is officially with someone else anyway. She’s got a date tonight with Billy Gardner, ” I announced.
“The show-off with the car Billy Gardner?” I nodded and tried to smile like this was a good thing. “Aw, man! What was she thinking? Why, he’ll be stuck to her like that shiny stuff he puts in his hair all the time. What’s it called?”
“Gel,” I replied, glancing up at Kyle’s soft, product-free curls.
“
Oooh
. Yeah.
Gel
.” He said the word as if it were a sign of infection.
Just then, a shiny black Escalade pulled up beside Kyle’s Suburban and honked. Kyle groaned and rolled down the window.
“Hey!” Kay-Kay called.
“Hey,” Kyle and I replied in unison. Billy gave a salute and winked, and Kyle mumbled something under his breath.
“Hey, Rosie! I have to go to the little girls’ room! Come with me!” Kay-Kay shouted loud enough for the whole entire parking lot to hear. I’d practically induced dehydration just to avoid the Sundown restroom, but judging by the silly grin on Kay-Kay’s face, she’d been into the wine coolers again, and with Marta and Logan and Bluebirds lurking all around, I couldn’t let her go alone.
Kay-Kay stumbled out of the car and hugged me. “Hey, Rosie. What-cha doin’?” I expected the sickeningly sweet scent of alcohol, but instead, Kay-Kay reeked of Polo cologne.
“What’d you do? Use the wrong tester over at Belk’s?”
“He hasn’t even touched me, and I smell like his stinky old perfume, and this shirt has to be dry-cleaned!” she complained loudly. “What boy wears this much perfume, is what I want to know. His smell alone is enough to drive a girl away.”
“
Shhh
,” he’ll hear you, I warned, glancing back toward Billy’s car. Thankfully, the windows were up, and he had the motor running. “Kay-Kay, how much did you drink?”
“Just two wine coolers,” said Kay-Kay, holding up three fingers.
“Is Billy drinking and driving?”
Kay-Kay shook her head. “He stole the liquor from his parents. I knew I’d need something to get me through this date. I swear, he’d rob a convenience store if I asked him to. God, I miss Logan.” Kay-Kay swayed, and I glanced up to see the happy couple pass by. Unfortunately, Kay-Kay saw them, too.
“I’m gonna go tell that big-booby girl what I think of her!”
“No, you’re not!” I said, grabbing her arm tightly. A gaggle of Bluebirds drifted by. Luckily, they didn’t see us in the darkness. “
You
are going back to the car, and you’re not drinking anything else. Do you hear me?” Kay-Kay pursed her lips together and gave me the look she’d probably given her father back when he took her Frosted Flakes away. “I mean it,” I warned.
“Then
you
can’t have any more Pounds-Away!”
“I quit Pounds-Away. I told you that already,” I replied.
“Okay, then you have to start lifting weights!” Kay-Kay extended her little finger. “Pinkie swear. And you can’t take it back.”
Reluctantly, I hooked my finger around Kay-Kay’s. “Do you really have to pee?” Kay-Kay shook her head. “Okay, I’m going to the concession stand to get you a Coke and a hotdog. You go back and wait in the car.”
“Nuh-uh, I’m coming with you!”
“No, you’re not!”
Kay-Kay latched onto my arm. “Yes, I am,” she said, giggling.
Slowly, we made our way through the parking lot. Kay-Kay smiled and waved to each and every car we passed as if she were the Rose Bowl queen on New Year’s Day.
A Volvo station wagon was parked just in front of the concession stand, and clustered around it were a dozen or so Bluebirds. They practically glowed in the dark with their brightly colored sundresses and matching handbags. “Keep walking and
don’t
say anything,” I told her. Kay-Kay let go of my arm suddenly.
“There must be an open bar and a buffet!” Misty shouted.
“Ignore her,” I whispered, but Kay-Kay didn’t listen. Before I could stop her, she took off in Misty’s direction. It was one of those slow-motion moments, and I just stood there, helpless, wondering what my small-but-very-kick-ass friend might do. Unfortunately, I never found out. Kay-Kay was down before she got there, splayed out on the gravel like a face-first snow angel.
After a trip to the restroom (to pick pebbles out of Kay-Kay’s bloody knees) and the concession stand (for that sobering hot dog and Coke), I got Kay-Kay back to Billy’s SUV. She climbed in and leaned her head against the sleek leather seat. Within seconds, her eyes were closed.
“If you give her another wine cooler, I will personally sue you,” I whispered. Since Billy’s daddy was a hotshot Nashville lawyer, I figured he’d understand legal threats better than physical ones. “It would be really bad, especially considering the liquor came from your dad’s house.” Billy nodded meekly.
“You’re right. It would be bad. I’m sorry.” Billy’s silky shirt still had the
Size M
sticker on the breast, and on the floor next to Kay-Kay’s feet was a huge bouquet of now-wilted hothouse roses. Clearly, he had gone to a lot of trouble for their first date. “I just wanted her to have a good time,” he explained.
“Then next time take her to Harvey’s Gym, and y’all can work out together,” I said, handing him the hot dog and Coke. “I don’t think she’s gonna eat this. You can have it if you want. And you might wanna get some paper towels out of the men’s room. You know, in case she gets sick.” Billy smiled at me and nodded enthusiastically.
“You look different,” he said just as I was about to close the car door.
“Really?”
“Yeah, you’ve lost weight.”
“Thanks.” I hesitated, wondering whether or not I should give Billy the advice that was ready to dive off the end of my tongue. Kay-Kay snored softly now, and her mouth hung open a little. “Um . . . Billy, you should know that Kay-Kay’s allergic to Polo,” I whispered.
“You mean my cologne?”
“No, the sport with horses and sticks. Yes, your cologne.”
“Oh, no! Really? I knew I should’ve worn Euphoria instead.”
“Um . . . she’s allergic to
all
men’s cologne,” I added (I was fairly certain Billy would never be able to restrict himself to one conservative spritz, no matter what the brand).
“Got it,” he said, and saluted me again.
“I thought you’d left me!” said Kyle when I returned to the car. “What’s going on next door? Did Billy name their first child yet?”
“Sorry, there was another wine cooler crisis. I think it’s okay now, though. Billy seems nice, and I told him we’d sue him if anything happened to Kay-Kay.”
Kyle smiled at me. “You’re the one who’s nice. Mama always said Kay-Kay was a little lost, you know, since her mother left. I’m glad she’s got you lookin’ after her instead of those buzzards.”
“Oh, it’s not all one-sided. Kay-Kay looks out for me, too.”
“You mean with your mom?”
“Not exactly . . .” I hesitated. “We . . . um, run together every morning before school. Kay-Kay helps keep me disciplined with my weight-loss plan.”
“I didn’t know you were a runner. We should go together sometime.”
I thought of my flatulence issues, which had hopefully disappeared for good. “Uh, we’ll see,” I replied.
“You’re not gonna get
too skinny
?”
“One can only hope,” I joked.
“But you don’t wanna end up looking like those girls in the tabloids! They look plumb awful, if you ask me. I bet if they were in a third-world country, folks’d be sending them UNICEF donations.” I burst out laughing, and Kyle took my hand and squeezed it slightly. “I think you’re just right. Not that I’m trying to tell you what to do or anything,” he added.