Artificial Love (The Goodbye Trilogy #2) (5 page)

Chapter Eight

Emily

Johnny’s kiss was explosive. I was in shock. I listened to Michael scream at me on the other end of the phone but I was in love with kissing Johnny. He wanted to do more of it, too. I thought maybe telling him that I had no experience would make him back off of me but it did the opposite. It made him go straight to sex. I was appalled at how fast one could go from a heated kiss to sticking your penis into a person. Maybe that was Johnny, though. Maybe he was one of those guys that got around.

Rock band.

Beautiful women.

Lots of alcohol.

Yeah, I knew. I was at the bottom of a very long list. Nothing special and I supposed that fit right in with how I felt about myself in the moment too.

“So, where are you going to live?” Michael snapped out at me. I shrugged my shoulders and forgot that he couldn’t see me doing it. Johnny tapped me on the shoulder. He motioned for me to cover the phone so I could talk to him.

“I go on tour tomorrow for a week, well five days. Not far, just New Jersey and up to Maine and back down again. You can stay here while you look for a place.” Was he serious? A free place to stay for a week? I beamed at him. Johnny met my smile with a grin. I was feeling luckier by the minute.

I got back on the phone. New Emmy on the line now. Johnny made me feel right at home when he called me that. I loved it coming out of those gorgeous lips of his.

When Michael answered with my name in a resolved tone, I was the only one to speak.

“I can’t talk to you. You destroyed our marriage. I’m perfectly fine and safe. I have a place to stay in New York so you don’t need to worry your pretty little penis over me.” I clicked off the phone and then powered it down. Wow. That felt really amazing. He no longer had a hold on me. I thought about how I hadn’t made him his dinner tonight and had a brief panic attack until I realized that he wasn’t my responsibility anymore. I shouldn’t
have
to cater to people. I should want to.

When did I stop wanting to please Michael? It really felt like it was a long time since I saw our relationship as equal partners who equally did things for one another and was always considered in every aspect of the other’s life. Now, I pictured myself in that big beautiful home as the live in maid. It was wild how my perspective had changed so dramatically in a matter of hours. I was my own person and I might be getting a divorce.

Even though that left an awful taste in my mouth, I didn’t see it any other way. Unless…I worked harder to make him love me. Maybe seeing a therapist was a good idea. What the hell was I going to do here in New York City anyway? It all caught up to me now and I felt like such an idiot.

I started to cry. I put my head on my knees and covered it with my arms. I sobbed into my pants. At one point, Johnny had come over and started to rub my back. It was soothing but it didn’t take away the ache that I had failed in my marriage. I wasn’t good enough to keep Michael interested. Would I ever keep anyone interested in me?

“Maybe I should go back to him,” I sniffled when I looked up to see Johnny’s empathetic face.  It almost looked like he knew what it felt like to lose love. No guy would be giving me that look if he didn’t once feel the burning pain.

“Why? What does he give to you?” Johnny asked with a sincere interest. Perhaps he had even been to a therapist because I could imagine a doctor right now asking me how Michael makes me feel.

We were silent for a moment. Johnny stared at me, patiently waiting, while I stared off into space, my eye catching on a dust mote from the light. Never had dust looked so fascinating.

“I don’t know what he gives me. Material things, I guess. He buys me really beautiful things. I mean, they are exquisite,” I grinned as I looked down at the famous red sweater.

“What else? Like, does he take you places? Do you two laugh together? How’s your sex life?” He probed.

“Wow, you are really firing these questions off at me. Something tells me you know what it’s like to lose a spouse or you have been in therapy before,” I admitted shyly. I had to ask even though it wasn’t my business, but hell, he was asking me a lot of very personal questions, too. And that kiss? We went from hot and turned on to a therapy session? This day couldn’t have been any weirder.

“I am in therapy and I lost Julia. We were engaged. She got married a few weeks ago to a fucking dick face. I don’t know, I guess I just know what to ask to self-examine, or that is what my doctor calls it. Really, if you want him, go back,” he answered nonchalantly.

He yawned and as he brought his arms up to stretch, his shirt lifted up to expose tight stomach muscles. I think I turned pink because Johnny lowered his arms, which caused the shirt to go back down and I looked up to find him chuckling. Johnny was…sexy. He was also very intelligent. I felt really comfortable with him. I wished he would kiss me again. It was incredibly nice.

“Well, it has been a long night. I would give you my bed but I had sex in it last night and you probably don’t want to sleep in that,” he winced.

I gaped at his brazenness. “Okay, yes. I will most definitely take the couch.”

“Good night, Emmy,” he sang. He had a beautiful voice and dammit, I didn’t want him to go to bed. I needed to talk about Michael and his questions. I did want to answer them and I wanted Johnny to… what? He said he had sex in his bed the night before. Obviously, he had a girlfriend despite the shrine to Julia. I tossed the thought of the fluke kiss out of my head and lay down on the couch in the fetal position with no pillow or blanket.

One thing was for sure. Johnny was a terrible host.

“Good night, Johnny,” I muttered as I fell into a deep sleep.

In the early morning hours, I woke up to horns honking and the freezing fall cold coming in through an open window. My teeth were actually chattering and since I had no blanket, I was desperate. I tiptoed into Johnny’s room and he was obviously nice and warm since his bare chest was on display while he rested peacefully. I stopped short, admiring the detailed guitar tattooed across his chest. Gees, didn’t that hurt? My feet were so darn cold and I knew if I didn’t get warm soon, I was going to go crazy.

I tapped on Johnny’s warm bare shoulder. It was smooth and my taps turned more into strokes as I tried to wake him. His eyes flittered open and he backed off from my face being right in his.

“Sorry,” I whispered, as my teeth continued to chatter.

“Jesus, you’re freezing,” he recognized with concern. He pulled up the blankets and motioned me to crawl in right next to him. Yes, it was a king sized bed and I could have curled up under the blanket away from him. That was my plan when I woke him up to ask but this felt more right.

My cold feet immediately went to his. He jumped a little and swore. I giggled as I kept on chattering and shaking.

“Wow, you’re an ice cube. What happened?” he asked, his mouth right on my cheek as every part of his body was touching mine. I was so thankful he didn’t have a morning erection like Michael sometimes did. That would have been a bit awkward.

“My host didn’t give me a blanket last night and I guess we left the window open,” I said. I actually had nothing to do with the window but I had learned a while ago that when I blamed Michael for anything, I always said we forgot. ‘Honey, we forgot to mow the lawn.’ Or ‘Michael, it looks like we forgot to change the light bulb in the garage.’  I wouldn’t dare say that
he
forgot to do those things because he would be upset with me all day long. He would tell me that I wasn’t thankful enough for what he gave to me. I didn’t appreciate our fine home. Blah, blah, blah, blah, and blah.

“What do you mean ‘
we’
?” Johnny chuckled and blew hot air on the back of my neck. “
You
didn’t open the window.”

“I know but I didn’t want to blame you for
all
of the reasons why I’m dying of hypothermia right now,” I said dryly. Johnny erupted in laughter. He held on tight to me as he shook. I relished in it because it was nice to hear him laugh and when he moved, it caused the friction needed to get me warmer. Soon, his laughs died down and I stopped convulsing.  I felt his hands rub up and down my thighs and it felt so good to have someone, anyone touch me. I mimicked Johnny’s breathing and soon we were back to sleep, totally entangled in one another’s body. It was glorious.

Chapter Nine

Johnny

I heard a whimper from the other side of the bed.
Female.
I turned my face to see long, silky beautiful hair totally messed up in snarls and dread looking knots surrounding a beautiful face. A beautiful sweet girl named Emily. I watched her whimper again. She was still sleeping and was totally screwed up in all of the blankets, leaving me with none. I looked down at the little piece of top sheet that covered half of my left shin and foot. Well, that foot was semi- warm.

I looked back over at Emily. Ah. Sweet and nice fucked up Emily who left her cheating husband and doesn’t know what she’s going to do. Shit, I wasn’t any different. Cheating wife or not, I had no fucking idea what I was doing with my life either. Dr. Fuck Noodle reminded me at every session that I needed to come up with a plan.

What was it?

Take a dump, take a shower, drink coffee, wake up sleeping beauty, and head to Dex’s place to head off on the road.

Luckily, we were just going to Hartford for our first stop so we wouldn’t be in a big rush to get there. There you go, Dr. Nut Sack that was my plan. Thank you fucking much.

I eased out of the bed and when my feet hit the hard and cold floor, I winced. Yes, Emily had come to bed with me because she was so damn cold. I held her. I blew on her. She made me laugh in the middle of the night. I hadn’t laughed…in years. She said something funny about dying from the cold and I fucking laughed. I looked back at her with a shocked expression. Her serene sleeping face instantly made me feel something. I was grateful for her. Then I was hard. Dammit. I closed my eyes. Not every girl was a sexual prize. Emily probably didn’t even notice that I was half naked when she came to bed. If she had, she didn’t use me for sex. She used me for protection. That made me felt important, even if it was for only a few moments. She was innocent, sweet, and she needed me. She came to me as another human being because I could help her. I could save her.
That had to be progress.
I made a mental note to tell the good doctor when I returned in a week.

I walked into the bathroom and started the hot water. I went to the drawer to take out the picture of Julia topless. We had taken a bunch when we were on the road a couple years ago… when we were still together. It was the only way I could get off in the shower. I propped it up on the sink and undressed while I stared at her flawless skin and penetrating eyes.

“You got married, Jules,” I said aloud. “Are you happy now?”

I winced. That line of foreplay talk was not going to help me along. I shook my head, got in the shower, and looked at her again.

“Hey baby,” I cooed. I watched the picture and started to take myself in my hand. Nothing.

“I love your tits,” I said and gave a groan as I mentally took in each familiar nipple. I bit my bottom lip and started a stroke. Nothing. I was totally limp. A knock came at the door and before I could move the photo or even say ‘Don’t come in’ - Emily was already coming through the door.

“Sorry, Johnny,” she said on a yawn. “I have to pee so badly. I promise I won’t flush.”

I was instantly hard. I looked down in amazement.

“Uh…yeah. Hey. So, did you sleep okay?” I asked as I started to work myself again.

“Oh, it was so much better after I came to lay with you. You were wonderful, Johnny. Thank you so much,” she announced in a morning voice that was so fucking hot.

“Yeah,” I said, just about to explode, my breaths heaving. “You were an icicle.”

She laughed. It was a low raspy morning laugh as she hummed in agreement.

“Can I make you some breakfast?” she asked. I could hear what she was doing, too. My ears were only meant for her. She was pulling out the toilet paper and I lost it. It felt like it took forever to pulse to a satiated state. I hadn’t experienced an orgasm that intense in years.

Did I just get off on a conversation about Emmy being cold? I thought about the photo of Jules and while the pang of hurt was still there in the right side of my chest, she wasn’t the most attractive person in the world. Certainly, not after that.

“Johnny?” Emily asked again.

“What, oh. Emmy you don’t have to,” I said. “Plus I don’t have much in the way of food. I’m going on tour today, remember?”

“Alright, let me check anyway.” I heard the door shut softly and I let out the biggest breath. But I felt alone. I didn’t want to be alone. I quickly cleaned myself so I could get back to Emily. She was starting to have a pull on me. It wasn’t sexual. I just wanted to talk to her about what she wanted and get to know who she was. It was a different feeling.

I suppose it was like when I met Dex. He and I hung out for two weeks straight, playing Madden. I learned a lot about his life and I answered questions about mine, too. With Jules, it was always about her. And probably if you asked her, it was all about me. I think we competed for something but I wasn’t sure what it was.

I walked out of my room to the smell of cinnamon and apples, coffee, and home. Emily had one of my big Love Sick Ponies shirts on and nothing else. So unlike her normal etiquette, she normally asked me to breathe every time she needed something.

She was freaking adorable and I knew I was sporting a cheeky grin. I wanted to wrap my arms around her but I couldn’t. That one kiss, that one cuddle was just to make her feel better. There was nothing between us. She was married and I was in love with another married woman. What was it with the fucking institution of marriage? It was atrocious. It was out of control and last but not least, it was a definite cock blocker.

Emily smiled to me. “You had the ingredients for pancakes. Flour, sugar, and a couple of eggs. There were only frozen apples in the freezer and they were really freezer burned but I think I got them back to fresh with the cinnamon,” she explained.

I couldn’t believe my eyes. My kitchen table was covered in food; French toast, pancakes, an apple sauce on the side, a few eggs in a dish, and coffee. Emily had just made a twenty dollar breakfast at the local bistro in less than fifteen minutes.

“Well, fuck me,” I said as I ran my fingers through my hair. Emily stopped frozen and looked up to me with a fearful look.

“What?” I asked.

“You want me to fuck you?” she whispered, still looking afraid, maybe even like she was going to run far away.

I laughed so hard my stomach hurt and I saw when she started to smile at my laughter.

“No, Em. It’s an expression. It means wow or holy shit, I guess,” I shrugged as I sat down and went for the coffee.

“Fuck me means wow?” she asked incredulously. “That makes no sense.”

I thought about it. No, it really didn’t but it still was the
only
way I was describing this beautiful arrangement of breakfast made in my kitchen. My kitchen had never even seen a handmade breakfast before and all those ingredients Emily found? Yeah, not my doing.  My mother came over a year ago and bought me the staples. She said I should get out of my funk with loving Jules and learn to cook. I remember when she left, I called the pizza place and ordered two large Supremes, sort of as a ‘fuck you’ to that idea.

I ate so much I was stuffed. Emily sat and watched me until she started in on her plate. We didn’t say much and there was a lot that needed to be said. The closer it got to the end of breakfast, the more anxious I got that I would never see her again. She started to grab the plates to clean and I put my hand on hers to stop her.

Emily looked down at my hand with interest and slid back down into her seat. When her eyes found mine, there had to be at least fifty questions in them. She smiled at me.

“Are you goin’ back to him?” I asked in a gentle tone.

“It depends,” she answered.

“On what?” I asked

“If you were serious about me staying here for a week so I can find a job and my own place,” she answered and her eyes fell to the table. I took my fingers and lifted her face up so she could not only hear but see that I wanted her to stay.

“Look for a job first. You have a place to stay as long as you need one,” I said. “By that, I mean, please stay, Emily.”

She nodded her head with the biggest smile. I smiled back to her.

“Is it weird that I will kind of miss you?” she asked. Her face turned a shade of pink. Was she interested in me? Just after one kiss and one cuddle? Did she want more? An uncomfortable pain shot to my stomach and Julia was right there, smiling at me, too.

“Not weird. I’m sure you will get lonely. I will leave my cell phone number so if you have any issues, just call me, okay?” My answer was monotone, almost robotic. Now, I wanted to run.

“Okay, Johnny. Thank you,” she answered, mimicking my tone. She caught on to people’s moods, their reactions fast. She probably had to with her dickhead of a husband. I was growing to dislike him by the minute.

“I will leave the key and please, there’s only one rule. No husbands allowed in my place,” I demanded, which was weird because I hadn’t known I would even make that a stipulation when I opened my mouth. But fuck that noise, that douche was not allowed here.

“Done,” she answered and got up to clean. When I followed her to help, she shooed me off with a kiss on the cheek. “Get out of here, rock star. You have a tour to get on.”

Her smile didn’t reach her eyes. She would be lonely and I felt bad. I felt bad for her in a lot of ways. At least she would sleep in a bed, warm and safe, tonight. I reminded myself to change the sheets before I bid her a goodbye and made my way to Dex’s place. I was on time and that, plus my smiling face made everyone do a double take. Yes, something most definitely had changed because of Emily.