Aryn's Desire: A BOLD Security Novel (Finding Submission Book 1) (5 page)

As our time in their room progresses, Dex walks me through some of the instruments he uses. He also has no problem showing me how they feel, either on my forearm or my hand, for some of the paddles and such.
 

I fought hard at first to keep the erection I’d gotten in the kitchen at bay, but there was something highly arousing feeling each implement and watching Dex use them on Raine directly.
 

It became evident quickly which items were her favorites and which ones were not. Oddly enough, the ones that were not her favorites, Dex gets very little pleasure using them on her and I had a new found respect for him after that. It seemed as though those objects were likely used in a punishment situation and while she didn’t object, scoff or safeword out of him using them, her body language spoke volumes and Dex listened to every word it had to say.
 

When he was done with some of the impact items, he moved on to some of the restraining items, like cuffs, something called a spreader bar (that was very fascinating by the way) and finally rope. When Dex got to that, Raine visibly melted into a puddle. I gathered quickly, before Dex told me, that it was her favorite item out of everything in this room.
 

When Dex was done, he helped Raine up and scooped her into his arms. “If you give me a couple of minutes, I’ll be back down, unless of course you want to go to bed?”
 

I shake my head, taking in all that I’ve seen has left my mind reeling in a million different directions. No way could I go to bed right now.

“I’ll be back down in a few minutes,” he states and leaves the room with Raine in his arms to carry her upstairs.
 

Once he leaves the room, I can’t help but wander around the room looking at the different things he has in here. Aside from the bench, he has an X shaped vertical stand. It is up against the wall, but it is not mounted to the wall. Hanging from the top of the X are cuffs, one on each arm of the X and then down at the bottom, there is the same. I get the vision of Raine cuffed to it, either facing the cross or facing out and seeing that is nearly my undoing.
 

To have a woman, held helpless and in the palm of your hand sends a thrill through me. This is a path I must follow. Just the idea of new possibilities is enough to have me wanting to go to a club right this minute and find myself my own little submissive girl.
 

“A penny for your thoughts?” Dex says from behind me and I turn slowly to face him.
 

“Why didn’t we just go tonight?” I ask him. “Why wait for Nashville?” My eagerness is evident.
 

“Two reasons. One - our favorite club is closed on Mondays,” he smirks at me and continues, “And two, walking into a dungeon isn’t something you do on a whim. Oftentimes club members who bring in ‘unregistered’ guests have to make arrangements before they can do just that. Other times, depending on the club, background checks are required before a guest enters the club. Plus, once you get there you have to sign paperwork. Among other reasons, like the fact that walking into a dungeon as vanilla as you were a couple hours ago would have scared the living hell out of you.” He snorts.
 

“I doubt that,” I counter.
 

“Oh, believe me. Going into a dungeon for the first time, even the second and third time, can be quite overwhelming. No two nights are the same. You either have different people all together or you have various different things going on that night. Like edge play or piercing play.”
 

I shiver. “What is edge play?” I ask.
 

“Knives, sharp instruments, things that can push you to the brink of fearing for your life.”
 

My eyes go wide.
 

“No, we’re not into that. While it intrigues me, I work very hard to not leave permanent marks on Raine. Temporary ones, however, are another story.” His eyes light up as he says this.
 

“You get off on this?” I ask him.
 

“Come on, let’s grab a beer.”
 

I nod absently as he ushers me from the room, and as he is closing the door, the lights go out. Once outside the room, I can finally breathe easier. Though I hadn’t realized I was having a hard time before, but seeing all that equipment, was…well, the ultimate rush of desire.

SEVEN

“YOU ASKED, DO I get off on that?” Dex says as he slides a beer across the breakfast bar to me. I nod. “Not necessarily. Or maybe rather, in a sense, yes. But the high I get from playing with Raine is more about giving her the things I know she wants. For example, Raine likes pain and a lot of it. But also with pain she likes pleasure and sensual things, like rope for example. Seeing her blossom, seeing her float, is the ultimate high, Beck. I mean, I can’t describe how it truly feels when I have her in the palm of my hands like that.”
 

He lets me ponder what he said as we both drink our beers.
 

I understand what he’s saying. It’s not about her being in pain, or being trapped by rope or some other restraint, it’s about the pleasure she gets in the process.
 

“It’s about giving her a chance to let things go. To free her mind of the burdens of her day, to let me take it from her for just a little while. Since Addison had the twins, Raine has been running ragged, between the band’s stuff and Addison’s too. She absolutely loves it, devours it. She was made to do exactly what she does and she’s damn good at it. But one of the things that makes her good, or maybe even better, is her ability to release it all. To walk in the door of our house and know that I will take over from there.”
 

“I’m not sure I quite understand that part,” I tell him, and it’s true. The bedroom or play room aspect I understand, but the lifestyle is still beyond my comprehension.
 

“She has very little decisions when it comes to the house. Things like, what’s for dinner? I tell her what’s for dinner if I don’t cook it myself.”
 

I scoff, “You? Cooking?”
 

“Shut it,” he smirks. “Or the bills? I pay them. I maintain our accounts, handle the bills and she doesn’t have to stress about it. But having all of that taken care of makes it easier for her to relax at night. Whether we’re in the playroom or not. Now that you know, I imagine you’ll see it much more from her. I know when we have other people over it’s hard for her to let go of our dynamic, and while it is still there, in the background, she has a few less rules to follow, or a better way of putting it is that she has less things she would normally ask permission for.”
 

“But isn’t that a bit controlling? To have a hand in everything she does or doesn’t do?”
 

“You’d have to ask her that. I don’t see it as such, but I also know she thrives on it. Certain things that I say or do mean a little more to her, like saying thank you to her is a big one. It reminds her that she’s appreciated, that what she’s done is appreciated. Though that is usually when it comes to me and no one else.”
 

“I noticed it tonight,” I tell him. “Little things that you’d say or do would make her blossom in a way that I’ve never noticed before. She glows under your praise.” I press my lips together. “It almost reminds me of a child seeking approval.”
 

He shrugs. “In some ways, I think that’s what she’s doing, whether she knows it or not, but you also need to know that she has her own reasons for doing things like that. She never got that approval and praise growing up. So I think it would only be natural that she’d want it now.” He sighs, “I understand where your concerns stand, believe me, they were mine too in the beginning of all this, but she explained it to me, explained why she wanted or felt she needed it. Again, communication is vital in this type of relationship. Without her telling me that she wanted that kind of thing from me, I’d have never known. Without her telling me when something I do or say doesn’t have the impact that it intended to have, I’d never know where to stop.”
 

I run my hand over my head, feeling the prickles of my freshly buzzed head as I do. “I don’t think I’m ever going to understand all this.”
 

Dex smiles, “So does that mean you want to try to understand it?”
 

“The bedroom side of things? That I get. Spicing things up and adding some kinky in the bedroom is all good, but the relationship side of it, I don’t know if I’ll ever understand that.”
 

He nods. “Good, because I’m still learning and understanding it myself. Things are smoother now. We’ve managed to work through the majority of our everyday life with what works and what doesn’t. So we go a lot longer between incidents of frustration or even irritation. But the bottom line is that it all comes down to communication. We talk about anything and everything. Oftentimes we spend time after dinner discussing her day and mine, things that happened, and she leaves nothing out, with the exception of names because she’s held to confidentiality outside of Addison. It’s usually at that point where I decide on the best course for the night. Sometimes it’s snuggling on the couch watching television or a movie and other times it involves the playroom, and sometimes, depending on whether she’s done something wrong or handled something in a way she shouldn’t have, punishments.”
 

I shudder. “Why would you want to punish her?”
 

He gives me a sad smile. “I never want to punish her, but sometimes it’s necessary. Like if she’s home, and I’m not - though rare - she has a plan for the day, things to do around the house or errands to run and if she doesn’t get them done for reasons other than work interference, that usually involves a punishment of some sort.”
 

“What if you give her too much to do?”
 

He smiles then answers, “Her lists are too small not to finish in the time frame I give her. Because I’m usually the one at home all day, I usually run the errands, clean up the house, so on a rare day when I’m out of the house right now, it’s simple things, like cleaning up her office.” He shudders. “That is all on her.”
 

I smile and finish off my beer. “I’m sure I’ll have a thousand and one more questions about all of this.”
 

“No doubt, but just remember, every relationship is different. Our relationship is the way that it is because it works for us. What works for us might not work for you, or anyone else for that matter. But let me assure you, she’s happy, we’re extremely happy and there are days that I just have to turn my Dom side off and be with her, just her. No roles, no rules, no punishments, just her and I. Though those sides of us are always on in one fashion or another, it’s freeing to let it all go too. But we both get twitchy, for lack of a better definition, if it goes on for too long.” He gives me a smile then takes our bottles and puts them in the trash. “Another?”
 

I shake my head. “I’m good.”
 

“Overwhelmed?” he asks.
 

“Yeah, a lot.”
 

He snorts. “Don’t worry. Like I said, it’s different for everyone. You may find a submissive who doesn’t like what Raine likes, or maybe doesn’t want a lifestyle relationship, but wants to play hard.” I nod and stand up as he continues. “Do some more research. Wikipedia is a good place to start.” I scoff at him. “Don’t knock it. It’s one of the rare sites that have a lot of accurate information on the lifestyle. Plus, when you’re ready, there are sites out there specifically for meeting others in the lifestyle, maybe even a submissive, or a Top?” He grins at his question.
 

“Hell no. There is no way I can do what Raine did tonight,” I say with conviction.
 

He looks skeptical as he says, “But you need to know, I got lucky and met Raine and we had a mutual desire for this. If you’re going in looking for someone to Top, you’re going to need training and lots of it. Depending on who you find, oftentimes you’re required to submit first, learn both sides of the dynamic before you’re able to move over to the other side.”
 

A shiver slides up my spine at the idea of being a bottom. I don’t like it at all.
 

“Just remember to keep an open mind about all of it. Regardless of what you see, hear or otherwise, just because someone else is into it, doesn’t mean you have to be.”
 

He hits the light switch in the kitchen and we walk into the living room and head toward the hallway where his playroom is and my bedroom. “You know I’m never going to look at that door the same way again, right?”
 

He laughs, “I know, but now you know, and now you have an idea and a decision to make.” His laughter fades into a smile. “Good night, man.”
 

“Night.”

EIGHT

“MORNING,” DEX SAYS as he slides me a cup of coffee.
 

“Mornin’,” I yawn.
 

“Sleep alright?” he asks and I raise my eyebrow at him. “What?” he retorts.
 

“Since when do you care about how I slept?” I tease him.
 

“Shut it,” he growls and rolls his eyes.
 

“Yes, I slept fine. Just not long enough.” I look around for a clock. “What time is it anyway?”
 

“Just after ten,” he snickers. “Late night?”
 

I snort and take a sip of my coffee.
 

When I’d crawled into bed last night, I wasn’t really tired and my mind was reeling from all that I learned from Dex. I couldn’t get to sleep. So what did I do? I spent almost three hours working my way around Wikipedia and their lifestyle pages on my laptop. With all the information Dex had given me, I couldn’t help but research further. It became a mission to read everything I could possibly find on the subject and while I can’t say I’m an expert by any means, I was able to learn a lot more.