“Hey, Kayla!”
Kayla turned around, stepping backward down the sidewalk as her friend Hannah hurried along the street to catch up with her.
“Hey, Hannah!” Kayla called back. She smiled widely as she tugged on her scarf. The fall wind had an unseasonable bite to it, putting a chill in the air sooner than expected. The scarf was an excellent find, as far as she was concerned. “How’re you today?”
“Ugh. My little brother is a monster,” Hannah said, scrunching her face. She huffed as she fell into step beside Kayla. “He dumped his chocolate milk all over my biology homework. I tried to wipe it off, but it’s smudged super bad. I’m going to have to try to read it and copy it out again during homeroom. Hey, I like your hat!”
“Thanks.” Kayla patted the bowler on her head. “I got it this weekend.”
“I would never be able to pull it off,” Hannah said wistfully. “I’m not cool enough.”
“You could,” Kayla said. “If you wanted.”
Hannah poked at her soft tummy. “Only if I got rid of this.”
“You’re fine.” Kayla had no idea what it had to do with wearing a hat, but she let it go. Hannah wasn’t big, per se, but she was thicker around the middle than a lot of girls in their class. Hannah liked to fuss over her size and constantly talked about going on a diet. She definitely put more effort into her hair and makeup than Kayla had done in a long time, and she was cute. Hannah often remarked that Kayla was lucky enough to be a natural beauty and didn’t have to worry about it, but Kayla didn’t care enough. They didn’t exactly see eye to eye on body image, so Kayla tried not to bring it up too often.
Grateful Hannah wanted to be her friend again, Kayla didn’t bother arguing with her over anything. She didn’t want to upset Hannah. They’d been close as children, but upon reaching freshman year, Kayla became a cheerleader and spent more time with the other girls on the squad. Kayla and Hannah had stopped running in the same circles for a while, and their friendship faded away.
It had all flipped around for Kayla at the end of sophomore year, and it turned out Kayla didn’t run in any circles anymore. She’d fallen short in the friend category. And there was Hannah, bright and happy, willing to be her friend again. Hannah had introduced Kayla to her new friend, Ernie, so there were two unexpected friends Kayla had. She didn’t want to lose them. It’d be terribly lonely if she did.
Kayla and Hannah chatted as they walked toward the school. Kayla kicked at fallen golden leaves lining the sidewalk. She listened as Hannah told the story about her younger cousin putting a frog in his mother’s bed. She laughed as they cut a path across the school’s parking lot. The mood was peaceful.
It didn’t last long.
“Hey, Cold Fish!”
“Oh, look, it’s the Ice Queen and her sidekick, Tubs.”
Mocking laughter filled the air when Kayla and Hannah walked past a certain group of students—the ones who used to be Kayla’s friends—some girls on the cheerleading squad and some boys who played sports. Jason, who had been Kayla’s first and only boyfriend, was at the forefront of the crowd.
Breaking up with him, combined with leaving cheerleading, had been a social death sentence for her. She didn’t care, but it made that group even more ruthless.
“Ignore them,” Kayla said, hooking her arm through Hannah’s.
“Easy for you to say.” Hannah looked at the ground in front of her.
Jason called out. “Nice hat. Looks a little dykey.”
Someone laughed cruelly. “Is that why she wouldn’t get with you?”
“Piss off,” Jason said angrily. “I’ll get you for that.” One of the boys ran away, and Jason quickly followed, chasing him. The crowd turned to them, laughing, and in the distraction Kayla and Hannah slipped by and walked up the steps to the school.
“I’m sorry,” Kayla said after they made it through the doors and the cruel words stopped following them. Kayla pulled the hat off her head, as neither girls nor boys were allowed to wear them indoors. She ran a hand through her hair, because despite the hat, the wind had ruffled the long ends into tangles. “It’s because of me they say those things. You don’t have to walk with me to school anymore. It’s not fair.”
“It’s nothing I haven’t heard before,” Hannah said, her voice devoid of its earlier cheerfulness. “I’d probably be hearing it anyway. But I feel bad for you!”
Kayla never used to be teased this badly, but Hannah had dealt with it for a long time.
“I’ll be fine,” Kayla said. The bullying was hard to take, but she’d feel worse if she had stayed with Jason, whom she’d never liked more than as a friend but had stupidly given into peer pressure to start dating. She thought it would make her fit in better, but it hadn’t helped with how she felt on the inside. She hoped the rest of them would forget about her and move on.
“I don’t understand why you broke up with Jason,” Hannah said as they walked toward the hallway where their lockers were located. “He’s so hot! He’s the hottest guy in our grade.”
“Didn’t you hear him? He’s not the nicest one.”
“Was he mean when you were dating him? Like, to you?”
“No,” Kayla admitted. “But that crowd always picks on someone. It’s not cool.”
“No, it’s not,” Hannah said. “I wished someone who looked like him would like someone who looked like me.”
“Someone will,” Kayla said. She thought of Ernie, who had a bright smile and adoring eyes whenever around Hannah. But Ernie wasn’t conventionally hot, and it went unnoticed by Hannah. Unsure of rocking their new friendships, Kayla didn’t get in the middle of it, but she truly hoped Hannah woke up and noticed it someday. “Wait for someone nice to like you, someone you want to be with. There are plenty of nice people around.”
Hannah went quiet, and Kayla could practically hear the unspoken question hanging on the air.
Fortunately, Hannah asked the question gently. “And he wasn’t someone you wanted to be with?”
Kayla was aware what people said about her. That she was a prude. A Cold Fish. All because she didn’t want to have sex with Jason. While they were together, she’d been as truthful as she could be in explaining—she wasn’t interested in sex with him—and he’d taken it the wrong way and started spreading nasty rumors. Others in the class took it and ran with the new nicknames. As if there was something wrong with it. Wrong with Kayla.
As if she hadn’t felt like an outsider already, starting the school year hadn’t been easy or any less confusing.
“No,” Kayla answered, which was at least part of the truth. As sweet and nice as Hannah was, she wasn’t going to bother trying to explain it to her either. Hannah obviously wanted to be with someone, would probably fool around with and want to sleep with him too. She wouldn’t understand Kayla didn’t care about that sort of stuff. She hadn’t minded being close with Jason, holding hands and some kissing, but when more started to happen, she
did
freeze up. She wouldn’t give in, and now their grade and probably the whole school thought she was a weirdo. She didn’t want the one close friend she happened to have thinking the same.
They’d arrived at Kayla’s locker, and she pretended to focus on fumbling with the lock instead of looking Hannah in the eyes. “No, I didn’t want to be with him like that.”
“At first I didn’t get it,” Hannah said. She snorted. “But now I think I do.”
Kayla looked up sharply. “You do?”
“Yes.” Hannah pulled a face. “He is a Grade A
jerk
.”
The hopefulness that someone would be able to understand her sank, but she appreciated Hannah being supportive—or at least thinking she was. Kayla’s smile wasn’t forced, because she had a surge of affection for this friend of hers. “Turned out he really is.”
“Then you’re better off without him.”
“Hey, ladies,” Ernie said, coming from behind them. They both turned to him and at the focused attention, he nervously adjusted the glasses on his nose, like he was surprised they were his friends. Kayla didn’t understand why, because it wasn’t difficult being friends with a sweetheart like him. Smiling, he asked, “How are we this wonderful autumn day?”
Kayla and Hannah gave him matching flat looks, and he winced. “That good, huh?”
“The usual asshat crowd,” Hannah said.
“That sucks,” he said. He got his fair share of teasing, due to his brilliant mathematic mind paired with being called four-eyes. High school could be so unfair.
“Yes, it does,” Hannah said, matter-of-factly. “What also sucks? Having to go recopy my bio homework. I should go do it before I run out of time.”
“I’ll walk with you,” Ernie said brightly.
Hannah nodded, and hiked her backpack straps on her shoulders more securely, face grim as if getting ready to march into battle. Kayla understood, because some days facing the school hallways was exactly like that.
“I’ll see you guys later.” Kayla opened her locker and shoved her hat inside. She gathered the books she needed for her morning classes, hoping to get to homeroom as quickly as she could. The teasing happened less when there were teachers around, and it would be a nice break. “I’ll see you for lunch?”
“For sure,” Hannah said. She and Ernie made their way through the loud crowds milling around in the hall waiting for the bell to ring.
EVER SINCE
she was a small girl, Kayla had loved dancing. She started in gymnastics, which she liked but never enough to care about competing. When she was eight, she pleaded with her mother to put her in dance classes. She fell in love with it and never looked back.
It helped with cheerleading, because she’d kept up with gymnastics too, and it wasn’t a surprise when she got named to the JV squad as a freshman. But dancing had won over her heart, and she could give up anything as long as she had that.
Dance was her retreat when the world was too stressful—a getaway from too much pressure. All she had to do was go to a dance class, get lost in music washing over her, taking over her mind and soul and limbs, and let it all go.
After the hellish week she’d faced at school, the ceaseless teasing from Jason and his crew, Friday night was the best relief to let it all drain away. An hour of dancing, and she was rejuvenated, ready to face another week.
When the last beat of the song thrummed into the air, Kayla’s body flowed into a paused position, bent at the waist with her arms gracefully in the air.
“Brava!” Miss Desharnais said, enthusiastically clapping her hands. Miss Desharnais was the dance instructor for the Contemporary Dance class held at Greenville Community Center. She’d always been one of Kayla’s favorite dance instructors. “
Brava, mes belles danseuses
!”
The seven dancers broke their end poses, bodies relaxing and smiles gracing their faces. If Miss Desharnais broke into French, forgetting to translate into English to praise them, they knew to their bones they’d done a great job.
“With that perfection,” Miss Desharnais said, accent particularly thick with emotion, “you are dismissed. I shall see you next week!”
Kayla walked to the cubicles at the back of the class where her jacket and bag were stored, immensely pleased with her dancing. She’d pushed hard this class, sweating out all the built-up toxic feelings, and with her body coming down off the adrenaline rush, she was more at peace than she’d been all week.
Grabbing her jacket, she was surprised to see someone in the reflection of one of the many mirrors in the dance studio—Althea stood at the door, watching. Or so Kayla thought, but when she turned swiftly to look, Althea wasn’t there.
Kayla grabbed her coat and backpack, rushing from the studio and into the hall, hoping to see Althea. She wasn’t around, so perhaps she’d imagined Althea being there, or mistook her for someone else. A friendly face watching dance class was nice, even if they weren’t exactly friends.
Kayla went into the changing room to get out of her sweaty clothes and put on comfortable dry ones. She slipped off her black leggings, the flowing green tulle skirt she liked to wear while dancing, the tight-fitting, long-sleeved shirt and the helpful sports bra. She wasn’t the most fashionable dancer during practice, but she loved how she didn’t have to worry about what she looked like and could focus on dancing. Cheerleading practice always seemed the exact opposite.
Leaving the change room in comfortable sweatpants and a hoodie, she put on her coat and wound a scarf loosely around her neck. The evening air tended to have a bite to it, so she made sure to have her mini gloves available. She was surprised to see Althea in the hall as the door closed behind her.
Althea looked bored, head lolled against the wall, until she saw Kayla. She looked as surprised as Kayla felt.
“Hi,” Kayla said. “I thought I saw you here.”
“Oh, uh.” Althea looked embarrassed. “I’m here to pick up my younger brother.”
“Darnell, right?” She hoped she remembered his name correctly, relieved when Althea nodded. “Oh, is he in the kids’ sports class? It started tonight?” The community center had a gymnasium, and over the weekend there were sessions for children to come and play sports. It started in the fall, but was intended for when the harsh winter settled in over the town and there wasn’t as much opportunity to remain active if dependent on the outdoors.
“It did. My dad is trying to get him into a routine for it. He wants him to stay active over the winter. He doesn’t want to play on any official winter sports team.”
“No?” Kayla smiled. “Doesn’t want to be a superstar like his big sister?”
“I’m not a superstar,” Althea said. Her lips twitched like she was trying to suppress a smile. “He plays football like my dad did, but his season is done.”
“This will help him keep fit until then,” Kayla said.
“That’s the plan.”
They stood there awkwardly for a moment, Kayla trying to grasp at something else to say.
“I better go,” Kayla said slowly. “But, uh, good luck at your away tournament this weekend.”
Althea’s face brightened considerably, morphing from unsure to pleased. “Thanks! I didn’t think you’d know about that.”
“I still follow the school’s sports,” Kayla said. “Sort of, anyway.”
“But you haven’t come to a game.”