Authors: Jenny Milchman
B
arbara sat on the couch in her living room, staring at the sun coming through the blinds until her eyes watered.
After six o'clock in the evening, and the sun was still this high. The heat hadn't broken; it'd been weeks now. Barbara had sweated all day long, running after Nicholas, her face damp and armpits trickling. But she welcomed the temperature. The heat felt so toxic and punishing that it gave her cause to hope her body might rid itself of the contents it carried.
The call had come this afternoon, with Barbara listening into the earpiece, as stunned as if a dart had hit her. Although she'd known, hadn't she? Since that day they'd run out of juice.
She looked down at the album spread across her lap.
There weren't many photos in it, but she liked studying the few there were. The first ones especially, when her mother had still looked into the lens with a faint glow. Later, you could see the march of children and the years palpably on her face. Barbara was the oldest, and by the time her first sister had come along, lines were already being drawn. By the third, wings had been etched beside each of her mother's eyes, and her mouth was pulled in like a purse. After the fourth, Barbara's father had taken no pictures at all.
Barbara let the album cover fall shut. She glanced toward the dooryard, listening for the rumble of Gordon's truck; she cocked her ear toward the stairs, making sure all was quiet.
Nicholas had gone to sleep already, worn out by the exertions of the day, and also by a cold he was fighting off.
“Do you have a tickle in your throat?” Barbara had asked the little boy at lunch, while he was eating his third helping of ice cream. It was so hot out, surely a cold treat was in order. Plus, there was the need to put weight on the little boy. Barbara's own body was going to balloon, which would make Nicholas look all the skinnier. “Your voice sounds funny.”
Nicholas glanced up, his mouth wreathed in pink.
“Give a little cough,” Barbara had urged. “Let me listen.” She'd put her ear to Nicholas' thin chest. It sounded perfectly clear, but just in case she'd administered a dollop of cough medicine before bedtime. “Come on,” she'd coaxed. “Strawberry. Like the ice cream.”
“No more pink,” Nicholas had grumbled. “My tummy hurts.”
But Barbara couldn't have Nicholas coming downstairs tonight for his usual multitude of trips, which protracted bedtime by an hour. He wanted water, he needed to use the potty, could he have another kiss? What mother would refuse her child a kiss? And yes, Nicholas had already gone potty, once, twice, three times. But how badly would Barbara feel if he wet the bed because she refused to let him try again? They had struggled with training; Nicholas used to soil the linens and his clothes, seeming to take a strange sort of glee in the activity, which Barbara was glad about on the whole. She wouldn't have wanted her child to feel ashamed.
Tonight, though, she needed Gordon alone, with her own attention undivided. The need was pressing enough that when Barbara saw a full-scale protest begin to boil in Nicholas, she leaned forward and pinched her son's adorable little nose between her fingers. Nicholas' eyes widened, and he wagged his head wildly back and forth, curls flying. Finally he went still. His mouth popped open, and Barbara poured the fruity stream down his throat. She let go of his nose as soon as he'd swallowed, giving the kitteny tip a stroke to wipe away any redness.
“See?” she said. “Wasn't that yummy? And now I bet you won't even come down with that cold at all.”
She lay a sheet over Nicholas. It was so hot out that just the one layer dampened with the little boy's perspiration. She sat beside her son, looping her fingers through his dark hair to detangle it, and singing his favorites, one after another, softly, robotically, so that he wouldn't get up. Nicholas' gaze soon grew groggy and his lids fell as if weighted.
Barbara went downstairs to wait for Gordon.
She'd only been back to the market once since that dreadful visit two weeks ago, and so she had trouble finding in the sparse wares of the kitchen an evening appetizer to prepare for Gordon. She settled on squeezing lemons for lemonade. It was so hot out, a body couldn't think of eating much that was solid anyway. Barbara herself had hardly taken a bite in weeks.
The lemon juice ran down her fingers, stinging like a swarm of bees. She had torn her nails down to their beds. Her hands looked as ugly as her whole body soon would.
Earlier in the day, Nicholas had upended one of the living room chairs with a crash that shook the house. Barbara hardly noticed. Nicholas had torn a cushion, reaching in and scooping out handfuls of stuffing for snow, spattering his head and hers, while Barbara sat there and tried to imagine the future.
She wasn't stupid, and as old-fashioned as their life might seem to some, Barbara considered herself a modern woman. She had subscriptions not just to
Good Housekeeping
, but also
Ladies Home Journal
and
Redbook
, and she took out books the librarian recommended, by female writers like Doris Lessing and even that horrible Erica Jong, although Barbara had returned that one before the due date. Barbara believed that women who wanted to should work, although she herself couldn't imagine spending that much time away from her son.
And she knew that far away, in the nation's capital, a battle had been waged and won, or lost, depending on who you asked. But the effects of that war hadn't made their way to Cold Kettle, and Barbara couldn't see how they helped her. The idea of traveling with Nicholas to Albanyâor worse, Manhattanâthen actually undergoing such a procedure, was laughable. She might as well have planned a trip to the moon.
Plus, Gordon would never allow it. She wouldn't have to tell him, she supposed. But that still left the problem of Nicholas.
A stinging droplet of sweat entered her eyes, and Barbara licked away the film above her lip. Her sweet boy wasn't a problem. This new factor that had caused Barbara to judge him thus made her look down now, seized by an internal hatred so fiery, the temperature without felt chill.
The front door opened and Gordon stepped in.
“Whew,”
he said, pulling his shirt out of his waistband and using it to fan his belly. “Beastly out. You've kept it nice and cool in here.”
“I didn't open the blinds all day,” Barbara said, her mouth numb. She forced her hands, which had made their way into small, knotted fists, to uncurl.
Gordon set down his toolbox and sniffed the air. “Dinner almost ready?”
Barbara's legs straightened and she stood up. It felt as if the movement were accomplished at someone else's behest. “How about some lemonade first?” Her voice came out smooth, lacking intonation.
Gordon went to settle down in his chair, then stopped with a frown. “What happened?”
Barbara spoke over her shoulder as she entered the kitchen. “Nicholas had a marvelous idea for a game. I'll sew the cushion tomorrow.”
“Looks like more than a mending will be needed,” Gordon said. “This is my favorite chair.”
“Don't scold,” Barbara called automatically. “Your son is creative, and that's important, especially for boys.” She brought back a glass freckled with condensation and handed it to Gordon.
He took it, drank, then said, “Does creative have to mean destructive?”
Barbara stared at him. “Why don't you leave the care and keeping of Nicholas to me, and you can tend to whatever goes on at the shop?”
Gordon's features bunched and his grip tightened on the slick glass. Barbara took it out of his hand. “Go,” she urged. “Sit in my chair tonight.”
After a moment, Gordon allowed her to scoot him in the right direction. “I guess I will,” he said, a note of confusion in his voice. “You're sure doing something right, Barb. Onlyâ” He glanced at his wrist. “âseven o'clock and you've gotten him to sleep already.”
Barbara started to look up at the ceiling, but ducked her head so as not to jinx things. She didn't see how she could dose Nicholas again with her husband at home. He wasn't as observant a parent as she, and might not register the incipient signs of a summer cold. Those could be such a misery. Barbara sat down on the couch in front of Gordon.
He frowned again. “Shouldn't you be seeing to supper?”
“Gordon,” Barbara said.
He leaned back, flattening his palms on his thighs. “It's hot, all right, but I've still got the appetite of a crocodile.” He wrinkled his nose. “What's cooking?”
“Gordon,” she said again.
He shook his head. “Can't really smell it yet. Maybe you need to turn the oven up? Or are we having one of your salads?”
“Gordon?”
He gave her a smile. “Never could see how a bowl of rabbit feed equals dinner, but I'm so hungry, I'll eat anything by this pointâ”
“Gordon!” Barbara shrieked, so loudly she was sure she'd break through Nicholas' medicine-induced haze, send the little boy running downstairs, and lose this last chance she had. “The doctor called today. We haveâ” The words were some kind of bracing fluid on her tongue, like lye or bleach. She spat them out disgustedly. “âanother on the way.”
Gordon's whole face went red. It was alarming in this heat. Her husband rose, he stumbled. “Darling,” he said, crouching down before her. “That's whyâ” He broke off to nod. “You've been acting so strangely.” He placed a hand on her stomach, then snatched it back, staring wonderingly at his palm as if it had touched God.
Barbara felt a tickle of nausea inside her. “We can't have thisâ” She stopped. “We can't have it, Gordon.”
It took him a moment to respond, and when he finally did, it was with a smile. “Not much choice in the matter now, is there? But don't you worry. I'm making good money.”
Barbara shook her head. She caught her husband's hand in hers, then dropped it as if it singed, this object that had touched her belly. “No,” she said again. “I can't be a mother to two children. Nicholasâhe's so smart, so energetic, he takes up all of my time. I can't give him what he needs if there's anotherâ” Again she broke off. “âif I have to think about anyone else.”
An expression that Barbara couldn't read crossed her husband's face. Just as quickly it was gone, and Gordon let out a chuckle.
“Don't be silly,” he said. “You're a wonderful mother.”
Barbara bowed her head. Was that perspiration or tears striking the floor? In a short time, all sorts of emissions would be coming from her body. Barbara used the pointed toe of her shoe to wipe the wood clean.
“This is good news,” Gordon said, touching her again, although this time on her shoulder. His hand seemed to clench with a terrible, thieving grasp. “And anyway, it's a little late for second thoughts, isn't it?” Letting go, he gave a ringing clap of his hands, while Barbara cast an alarmed look up at the second floor.
“Now,” Gordon went on, “I think I'm going to fix you a little supper for a change.”
T
he entrance to the basement lay just outside the kitchen. Ivy might get a chance to catch a glimpse of her motherâor the man.
She looked down at Mac.
Quiet
, she mouthed.
The dog aimed his snout at the floor in what looked like a nod.
Ivy felt a charge inside her. They could do this. They
were
doing this. She walked forward, Mac beside her.
As she drew close to the kitchen, Ivy heard a sound so familiar she nearly dropped all attempt at concealment and rushed into the room. It was the murmur of her mother's voice, low and understanding. When Ivy had to hang out at the hospital, waiting outside her mother's office for a ride, this was the voice that drifted through the door. She couldn't hear specific words, of course, just the low cadence of comfort. It was the same tone her mother had used when Ivy was little, a lullaby of long ago.
Mac's body trembled, giving off a doggie scent. Then he began walking, not exactly toward the basement, but definitely away from where Ivy had been headed, lured by the sound of her mother's voice. Ivy should be smart enough to recognize when her dog was leading her. She squared her shoulders, turned, and followed.
Ivy kept her back to the living and dining area walls so that she wouldn't be visible to anybody in the kitchen. They were going to have to slip through the basement door, though, and during that moment, either her mother or the big guy might see them. Ivy would just have to hope for a little bit of luck.
As the flight of stairs came into viewâthese just normal compared to the ones that led to the second floorâIvy saw that she and Mac had indeed gotten lucky. A light was on, so their way downstairs would be illuminated. She set her foot on the first step as quietly as she could, then descended two more quickly. Mac hesitated for a fraction of a second, but Ivy knew there was no real debate. She could've been walking into a snake pit and Mackie would've followed, rather than stay up there without her.
The basement was enormous. It ran underneath the whole house, although the space was mostly empty. It consisted of smooth, gray concrete walls and floors, with hidden systems here and there that resembled the cockpit of an airplane or something, and which only her dad knew how to use. Plus thin, looping pipesâthose were the radiant heatingâair transfer somethings because the house was way well sealed, propane tanks, and a hot water heater that never ran out no matter how long Ivy showered.
In a far off corner, their mountain bikes and her dad's kayak were stored. Ivy caught a glimpse of shadowed frames, the dolphin hump of the overturned boat, and blinked. Her hand reached down to stroke Mac. They used to explore trails in a blotchy, uneven line, the four of them. Her dad ahead, her mom keeping pace with Ivy, and Mac running back and forth between. They didn't do things like that anymore; her dad took clients out instead. How long had it been?
Taking a trip down memory lane,
Darcy scoffed.
When you're supposed to be escaping
.
Ivy's hand left Mac to begin rooting around in her pocket. She pulled the keys out, not taking care to stifle their jingle. If nothing could be heard from room to room upstairs, down here was like a full-fledged bunker or something. Her dad joked that if the apocalypse came, they would be able to ride it out quite nicely in the basement.
Ivy set off across the football fieldâsized floor, Mac's claws ticking beside her. She walked at her usual pace, confident and brisk, and it felt good. It had been hard to creep around upstairs, trying to be quiet.
There was a gift-wrapping station down here, a long, broad table and shelves filled with rolls of colorful paper. Ribbon too, in the sheerest, prettiest gold. Her mom was gearing up for Christmas, and the thought gave Ivy a pang, then made her lift her chin.
She and Mac passed a stack of bins that contained old clothes, toys Ivy used to play with, and picture books. She should look through these things. Not now, of course, although the doll-sized outfits did beckon. Neatly folded, laid flat, with no person inside to give them form and life. As soon as this was overâwhatever
this
wasâIvy was going to make a point of coming down here. Read the books. Ask her mom to tell her which dresses Ivy had worn to what.
She walked past two barrels where her dad was aging some kind of nasty liquor even the most daring of her friends probably wouldn't touch, then caught a glimpse of the outside door. Cold air breathed from around its frame.
Ivy paused a moment to picture their route. This exit led out to the side of the property: fields, then the creek, woods that climbed a mountainside. The circular driveway in front of their house wouldn't take long to reach at a run. If both cars were here, and her mom's happened to be behind her dad's, Ivy would have to pull around the Jeep since she didn't think she could handle reverse very well. The long road down would be a breeze, though, she promised herself and also Mac, whose tongue lolled as he brushed up against her. They would stop at the icky Nelsons' first. Maybe their phone would work. Or else the Nelsons could come up here and help.
Help how?
a small voice inside her asked, but she ignored it just like she tried to do with Darcy. Ivy needed to get some grown-ups involved. Then everything would be all right.
She tugged at Mac and they crossed the remaining space to the door.
Mac started to whimper.
The sound was startling in the huge space. Aside from the white noise of the systems down here, it was totally quiet. Even though she knew Mac couldn't be heard back upstairs, a rush of chemicals coursed through Ivy's body, making her heart leap and her limbs feel shaky.
Plus, Mac was still doing it.
“Shh,” Ivy begged, but Mac only yelped louder.
Ivy placed her hand on the exterior doorknob. It was freezing cold, and she could just imagine what it was going to feel like outside. She looked down at her dog.
Maybe he didn't want to leave her parents alone. Her mom anyway; her dad must've gone out somewhere. That was the only explanation for his ongoing absence. And then a man had come, and was doing who-knew-what to her mom. Except her mom was talking, using her therapy voice, so things had to be basically okay, didn't they?
She got down beside Mac. “It's all right. We're just going to go and get some help.”
Mac buried his snout in her shirt, the fabric going sheer beneath his nose and tongue. Ivy gave his head a pat, then twisted the doorknob and stepped outdoors into the frigid air.
Mac lingered behind in the heated confines of the house.
Ivy started in surprise. “Really, Mackie? You're going to stay there without me?”
It was darker out here than she'd pictured; the sky moonless and starless. The first of the motion sensitive lights hadn't come on yet. Ivy actually found herself glad for once that her dog had his phobia. Even though Mac wasn't much of a protector, she wouldn't have wanted to go any farther without him.
Mac seemed to come to his senses then, taking two loping steps to catch up.
Ivy scrubbed his head again. “Don't get me wrong,” she said as they began to walk. The driveway lay some distance to the right. “I would've been very proud of you if you'd decided to stay by yourself. It would've been so”âshe had to hunt for the wordâ“
evolved
. But I love you, Mackie, don't you know that?” Another pat, though her fingers felt stiff and numb as she delivered it. She was starting to shiver, tremors that slowed her down. “Just the way you are.”
Now that they were outside, whatever she'd left behind in the house didn't seem quite real. It was more like she'd imagined there being a problem. Except that Mac was still whining. He hadn't let up since they'd crossed over the basement threshold. Other than that, Ivy might've simply been going over to Melissa's, just like any other night.
Without your coat in November?
Darcy's voice jabbed her, and then the enveloping darkness assailed her, too. Where were those lights? It was so quiet out here, a pressing, crushing silence. Ivy broke into a run that felt a little flailing, almost panic-stricken. She yanked on Mackie's collar, and he started to trot.
It was hard to make out shapes in the dark, but she thought that was her mom's car, in front of the Jeep. At first Ivy felt only relief: she wasn't going to have to reverse. But then it hit her. Her dad's car was here. There were definitely two hulking shapes, including the higher outline of the Jeep. Her dad hadn't gone out. So why was he leaving her mother alone to talk to that horrible man?
And why weren't the damn motion sensitive lights her dad was so proud of coming on? In addition to feeling assaulted by the cold, Ivy realized that her nerves were absolutely frizzled, contributing to the shakes that now had hold of her body.
Not to mention the fact that Mac was still whining, high in his throat, which was starting to bug Ivy.
“Shh,” she hissed. The admonishing pat she gave him was clumsy, even a bit rough. The car keys bit into her hand, so hard was she clenching them.
The first of the lights flared onâ
finally
âjust as Mac's whines exploded to a completely unfamiliar lone bark.
Ivy came to an abrupt halt, brought up short by her dog before her feet registered the danger, and dug into the earth.
Illuminated in the center of the bright cone of light was the utterly still figure of a second man.
The sky pressed down, a suffocating layer of gray.
The man faced her, blocking Ivy's path to both cars.
She gave several rapid blinks of her eyes, trying to adjust her vision to the sudden onslaught of light.
The man's coat was unzipped and he wore the weirdest green outfit underneath. Other than that, he was actually kind of good-looking, in a bad boy sort of way. Old, though, like at least forty. His hair was buzzed, and he had some tats that started at his throat and traveled down beneath the collar of his shirt. He looked muscular, like he worked out a lot. Way too strong for Ivy to be alone with out here.
She had her dog. She wasn't alone.
Mac had already let out a loud
woof
. Only one, but Ivy hadn't known her dog was capable of making such a sound. Now he seemed back to his old self though, shrinking against Ivy, black lips pulled over the pointed tips of his teeth.
“Keep a grip on your dog,” the man said flatly, “or I'll shoot him.”
Mac's throat trembled with a dying rumble beneath Ivy's hand.
Ivy's fingers dug into his fur; they hooked around his collar. But when her voice came out, it sounded surprisingly normal. Or not normal for her actuallyâmore like Darcy's perpetual jeer. “Mac? He's not going to hurt a fly. Can't you tell that?”
The man lifted a gun almost lazily, and Ivy took an instant, twisted step back. She'd never had a gun held on her before.
Shocking,
Darcy intoned.
Most kids have by this age.
It looked just like in the movies.
“You might as well learn now that there's no place for you to go,” the man said. “Don't try something like this again. If you do, I'll get there before you. Every single time.”
How long had the man been standing here, just waiting for Ivy to make a run for one of the cars? Couldn't be too long; he didn't look cold. He must've been watching her the whole time she was walking through the basement, and slipped out just before she did.
Ivy's skin, already raised and warty, broke into a million stinging bumps.
“Whoâare you?” she asked stupidly.
Stupid because it was a dumb thing to do, just ask the bad guy for his name.
There were two of them, she realized. The big dude plus this guy.
Ding, ding, ding,
Darcy said inside her head.
And stupid also because she knew who he was. Sort of.
He looked like an older celebrity or something, like the guy who played James Bond in the movies. Super buff. Maybe he was part of some hipster band her parents listened to? Somebody recognizable anyway. He could almost have been someone's hottie dad, the kind that made you a little bit psyched when you had to babysit his kid. Like Emily Randall's husband. One way or another, this guy looked familiar. The only weird partâtotally out there strange actuallyâwas that he was at her house.
The man thrust the gun in her direction. “Back inside.”
Ivy hesitated. If she made a run for the car, he would outpace her, especially given Ivy's unfamiliarity with driving. It would take a little while for her to start the engine and get going. Unless Mac interfered, let out another uncharacteristic bark, maybe even worse than that. But Ivy couldn't count on such a thing from her pet, and anyway, what if the man really was willing to shoot Mac? She couldn't imagine anybody hurting an animal, but Mackie's early life proved there were people who would.
The man took a menacing step in her direction, gesturing for Ivy to go ahead.
Better to wait, see what he wanted, look for a less risky way out.
Silently in the dark, Ivy stuffed the keys back into the pocket of her jeans.