As the Dawn Breaks (9 page)

“Katrina?”

“The bride…the one I walked down the aisle,” I explain.

“Oh, okay. I’ll get dressed and get out of here. Don’t worry about me,” she replies despondently.

“No, I want to walk you out. Wait for me and we’ll go downstairs together,” I argue.

“It’s oka—”

I cut her off with another kiss. And then another. “Please let me walk you to the door, Trystan. I want every last minute I can have with you.”

“Okay,” she concedes hesitantly, and I feel I’ve won a small battle, a
very
small one, because either way, our goodbye is inevitable.

I type out a reply to Katrina, letting her know I’ll be down in fifteen minutes, and begin throwing my clothes into my suitcase. As I quickly dress in jeans and a t-shirt, caring more about comfort than looks for my long flight home, Trystan gathers her swimsuit and dress off of the floor and disappears into the bathroom. The sinking feeling in my gut grows by the minute, but there’s absolutely nothing I can do about it, and that fucking sucks.

The smile on her face is forced, but I appreciate her attempt to act like she’s okay with everything that’s happening. “I’m ready when you are,” she says overly cheerful. I nod, at a loss for the right thing to say, and walk into the bathroom to brush my teeth and grab my toiletries.

Five minutes later, we’re walking out the door. Our fingers are interlaced as we ride the elevator down to the ground floor; spoken words are nonexistent, but in the silence, I’m suffocating from the messages we’re sending each other. Neither of us is ready for this to end—whatever
this
is—but neither of us has a choice.

The doors open and we exit. Each step we take is one closer to the end.

And then we’re there.

At the door she’s about to walk out of.

Out of my life.

Forever.

It seems impossible I could feel so many emotions in such a short amount of time, but they’re there. A fuck ton of them, like a pile of bricks weighing heavy in my gut.

We stop walking and I set my suitcase down on the ground. As we turn to face each other, I snatch her up in my arms, holding her as close as humanly possible to my body, tattooing the way she feels…the way she smells…all of her, onto my soul. She leans back slightly, lifting her soft hands to cup my face, rubbing gently across the stubble. “Knowing how hard this moment is, I’d do it all over again the exact same way,” she whispers, her bright green eyes swimming in tears.

Resting my forehead on hers, I smile softly then press my lips to hers, getting one last taste. “Me too, beautiful. Me too.”

“I’ll never forget the sunrise we shared. Take care of yourself, Leo.” And with one last squeeze of my hand, Trystan walks away without another look back.

I swallow back the lump in my throat and walk in a daze over to the bellhop desk, leaving my bag with them while I eat and check out. As I approach the restaurant, Katrina is standing right outside the door, her sapphire eyes big as saucers and her mouth hanging wide open. I know she just witnessed the entire scene unfold at the door, and I have no idea what I’m going to say about it.

“Well, that explains why you were late,” she says as she gives me a quick hug. I’m not quite sure if it’s jealousy I hear in her voice, or if she’s just pissed I’m late ‘cause I was with another girl. Either way, she can get over it.

“Sorry about that, Katie-bug. Let’s grab a table; I’m starving.” I choose to ignore the aloofness.

Nothing else is said until we are seated by a hostess and our drink order is taken. I need a beer; I don’t care what time it is.

“Are you going to explain?” she questions, prodding in a tone that sounds more like a demand than an inquiry, not letting the subject drop.

“There’s nothing to explain. I’m here to catch up with
you.
Tell me what you’ve been up to the last couple of years.”

“Leo, you just held and kissed a girl—a
pregnant
girl, no less—at the door, making it look like you were saying goodbye to the love of your life. So, unless you made a visit here I didn’t know about some months ago, I’m gonna go out on a limb and say that’s not your baby. Excuse me for being curious about what the hell is going on!”

I thread my fingers through my hair, already emotional and growing more and more frustrated, trying desperately not to get mad. This girl was my life for almost thirty years, and in a few short hours, I’m about to say goodbye to her again. “Katrina, it’s really none of your business; I no longer work for you. But if you must know,
no,
it’s not my baby, and
no,
she’s not the love of my life. I walked
her
down the aisle to marry
someone else
two days ago,” I grumble. “I met Trystan at your wedding, and we’ve been hanging out. She’s a beautiful, intelligent, funny girl, and if the circumstances were different, I’d love to get to know her better, but they’re not. Now, I’ve got two hours before I need to leave for the airport and go home. I’d really like to spend that time with you enjoyably, instead of bickering.”

She looks down at her hands in her lap, uncomfortable and remorseful, and I immediately feel bad. This is
not
how I pictured this lunch going. “Look, I’m sorry I snapped at you. It’s been an emotional week,” I apologize sincerely.

“I understand. I shouldn’t have pushed,” she replies. “It’s just hard. You were a huge part of my life forever, and then you disappeared, vanished. I mean, I understand why…I still can’t
believe
why, but I get it. Then, I don’t see or hear from you for two years, not a word, nothing, until you show up at my wedding. It’s been a roller coaster for me too.”

Palms-up on the table, I lay out my hands and then dip my chin, indicating I want her to put hers in mine. Once she does, I squeeze them tightly. “Let’s start this conversation over, Katie-bug. Tell me how you’ve been. I want to hear the good things; tell me your plans as Mrs. Lucca Ellis.”

So, for the next couple of hours, we do exactly that. Katrina boasts excitedly about the music school she’s opening in Miami in the fall, which will cater to inner-city kids, and how Lucca is even more fantastic than she originally thought. He earned his Master’s online over the last couple of years, while teaching during the day, and he got a job coaching baseball at his old high school. She’s thrilled to be out of the high-paced city life, far away from the memories of the life she left behind.

Her happiness is my happiness. Truly. I did what I did so she could have this life, even if it wasn’t the route I should’ve taken to obtain it for her.

But we don’t discuss that, or
him
.

Robert Green is never mentioned.

After lunch, Katrina offers to take me to the airport so I don’t have to take a cab, which prolongs our time together. I briefly talk about my current situation; there’s really not much to tell. We exchange numbers, and I give her an email address I have under a different name to keep my anonymity. I don’t have to explain to her why.

She stops the car in the departures drop off area and pulls me into a warm embrace. “Don’t be a stranger, Leo. Even if you don’t come back for a while, send me a message every so often to let me know you’re okay. You know I’ll worry.”

“I’ll be fine, Katie-bug,” I reply, kissing the top of her head, “but I promise I’ll keep in touch.”

“Thank you again for coming. I can’t tell you how much it meant to have you there.”

“I wouldn’t have missed it for the world.”

After one last hug, I climb out of the car and walk into the airport. Three hours later, I’m thirty-five thousand feet above the Atlantic Ocean, popping a pill to help me sleep during the twelve hour flight home, a sleep filled with dreams of a certain green-eyed beauty whom I’ll most likely never see again.

IT’S TRUE WHAT THEY SAY.
People come into your life for a reason—some are a blessing, while others are a lesson. I’ve learned some can be both.

Brandt Howard was overwhelmingly a
lesson,
one I’m glad I learned earlier, rather than later in life. You can’t make someone be what they don’t want to be, no matter how much you hope and try. He never wanted to be a real boyfriend, and he definitely didn’t want to be a father, so when he returned from his European getaway two summers ago, I relieved him of both burdens. He and his selfishly driven inclinations couldn’t resist the offer I placed in front of him. He could sign away the rights to the baby, and I wanted nothing except the promise he or his family would never fight me for her. One quick trip to an attorney’s office, and the document was signed and filed with the county courthouse, freeing me of the invisible line he’d kept me dangling from for far too long.

But he unknowingly gifted me with the most cherished blessing I could ever have—
my
daughter.

Leo Basille was, without a doubt, a
blessing,
one that walked into my life at the precise moment I needed him. He’d been a man who overlooked my obvious flaws and consumed every fiber of my being, if only for a couple of days, but a couple of days that changed my life forever. He taught me what it was to feel appreciated, cherished, and respected. Gentle but strong, soft but savage, he awakened a hunger inside me I’d never known,
a hunger for intense passion that still resonates in me today, but has yet to be sated. However, I know it’s in me, I know how it
should
feel, and I won’t settle for less again. I deserve a man who makes me feel as beautiful as he did. I own that right.

Unfortunately, in the wake of Leo leaving, I learned a devastating lesson as well. Things that seem too good to be true almost always are. When I found the one person who stimulated my mind and soul as much as my body, it would be someone who lived on the other side of the earth, with no desire to relocate, or apparently keep in touch. I haven’t heard a word from him since the day I walked out of his hotel, even though my cell phone number hasn’t changed, nor has my address. Despite the myriad of pointless tears I’ve cried over him, I meant the words I said to him before I left. Knowing everything, I’d do it all over again. In a heartbeat.

And I still wake up every morning to watch the sunrise. Every damn morning.

“Rora, wait for mommy!” I call out after my wobbling toddler, who only has eyes for the shore breaking directly in front of her.