Ascending Darkness (Shattering the Darkness) (35 page)

Caroline set me up with a psychologist friend of
hers that has helped me a lot to come to terms with my past and everything I’ve been through. I also hired her to work with the Foundation. She works with those special cases… those who have a difficult time seeing beyond the darkness.

I don’t feel a constant need to tell Breccan every detail of what happened to me, and he doesn’t
ask as much now. He said that since I am seeing a professional that he is happy I am not keeping it bottled up, but that I am always welcome to talk to him.

There have been a couple nights when a horrible flashback will wake me up and he will sit up with me and talk me through processing it, but otherwise there have been minimal bumps in our road lately. I can hardly believe I have only known him for six months and I am about to marry him. I feel a slight bubble
of panic threaten to burst out of me.

Just then Nikko tells me, “Look up.”

I do and I first see Brynn standing on the left in a beautiful pale, yellow summer dress (Avery wanted the theme to match my canary diamond and I agreed whole heartedly), then Rich, in white slacks and a pale yellow shirt open at the collar, on the right behind Breccan, and Bane sitting by his feet.

I finally look towards him and
my eyes lock with my Adonis…

My world tilts slightly and I grip tighter onto Nikko’s arm as everything settles into place; knowing that my future and everything I could ever want is standing
right
in front of me…

Breccan
is wearing a tailored white shirt, the top few buttons open, and tucked into pressed white slacks with a white belt; his feet are also bare. His eyes are filled with wonder and happiness, with a hint of lust and I feel my knees actually wobble a bit just as we reach him and the officiate.

“Who gives this young lady away?” the man who is decked out in white garb asks.

“I do,” Nikko
proudly states and places my hand into Breccan’s.

An electric charge runs up my arm and settles deep in my heart, then spreads out filling my soul
, as our hands touch.

I never break contact with those cerulean blue eyes that match the ocean
on the other side of us as we take our place facing each other.

We recite the words that have been said by millions before us; neither of us felt the need to write our own vows when the original was all we needed.

When the time comes Breccan places a one carat diamond curved wedding band next to the eight carat canary diamond engagement ring on the fourth finger of my left hand and I place his two carat diamond and platinum ring on his.

I spent weeks trying to figure out a design to perfectly suit him. He spent so much effort in
finding the perfect engagement ring for me that I had to find him something as equally as perfect. The day he had left the bar to go get my ring, he actually went to have it designed; the idea already in his head after that short amount of time. It had actually taken him a month to get it.

The ring I got for him
has four rows of diamonds across the top, all varying lengths, making it a rather thick band. And I must admit, it was a statement for any woman who decides to eye him up. It’s pretty hard to miss the statement our rings for each other make.

Pure possession.

And that is fine by me. Judging by the smile on Breccan’s face as we slip the rings on each other’s fingers… possession suits him just fine as well.

“You may kiss the bride,”
the officiate states.

At that
precise moment thousands of floating lanterns are released, above the ocean just on the other side of us, in celebration of the Loi Krathong Festival.

It’s breathtaking to see all of them ascending up in to the dark sky of the night…

My eyes leave the sky to smile up at my very own magnificent sight.

My Adonis
…

The rest of the world fades away as our eyes lock. He
pulls me into his arms and our lips lock together; sealing our vows…

His tongue teases at my lips momentarily until I part them for his entrance. I place my hands on his biceps
, pulling him tight to me and he wraps me up tight to him, lifting me off the ground. The kiss deepens and all of my nerves are alive with excitement and want.

The kiss abruptly ends when we both hear Rich yelling out cat calls behind Breccan.

I smile as he lowers me back onto solid ground. I place my lips by his ear and whisper, “We need a pit stop before the reception, Brecc…” then lean back and convey the full meaning of my message with my eyes.

I need your cock in me now!

“Agreed,” Breccan’s quiet voice rumbles back at me through the jubilation whoops and yells of congratulations from our friends and family.

“Breccan, I’m home!” I call out after walking in
through the door. Bane rushes up to me for his daily cuddles.

We had a house built on the outskirts of Paradise, a few months after our wedding. It’s a massive five story home. Well, mansion is really a better word. It is nestled up next to the coast. The west walls that face the ocean are all glass
fronted. The back yard has a large infinity pool and gathering area. Behind the pool is a large hill that leads down to the beach. We had a vintage looking wooden staircase constructed from our backyard down to the beach for easier access.

The front of the house has large pillars on either side of the door that is led
up to from a two mile long gravel driveway that circles around the front door and a massive fountain.

It all seemed a bit extravagant to me, but Breccan insisted that we have the best. It has worked out well for us
, truthfully. We are constantly having guests stay over and almost every holiday is spent at our house.

It’s been
three years since we got married. Brynn and Rich got married about a year after us and they are expecting their first child. Avery found the perfect man for him. His name is Javier and he is shit-hot, sexy as hell.

They met when Avery was doing some work in New Mexico for me, helping me
implement some new changes for
The Dove Foundation
. They are getting married next month and have already started the adoption process for their first child.

Nikko and Kara were married a few months after Breccan and I and they have settled just a cou
ple miles away from us. Also in a
slightly
less extravagant house.

Very
slightly.

That was Kara’s idea. Nikko was only more than happy to give her what she wanted
, though.

All of o
ur days are now filled with happiness and new beginnings. I haven’t had a nightmare or flash back for about a year and a half now. I still see a psychologist about once a month just to touch base.

I walk further through the house
, Bane following by my side, down the massive corridor that leads out into the back, knowing that is where Breccan will be. He wanted this location for the breathtaking view; saying it helps to center him and be thankful for everything we have.

I couldn’t agree more.

“Dove, we’re out back!” I hear him yell when I reach the doors.

I step out and see Breccan and Rich at the grill. Nikko is helping Kara put her feet up in the lounger. She’s only two months along, but he does
not
want anything happening to their child.

Brynn and Avery are lounging by the pool and Javier is bringing them drinks.

“There better be a virgin margarita for me there, Javier!” I yell at him.

“Ah, of course, Harper! I have to keep you ladies happy!” he laughs
with his heavy Spanish accent, that only adds to his allure.

“They are so
fucking
good, H,” Brynn tells me.

They all started calling me ‘H’ a while ago. Now that everyone knows about my past, it no longer bothers me. Actually, I rather like to hear them say it.

“Thank God. I’m so fucking miserable,” I say taking off my light jacket and letting the cool ocean air, caress my bare shoulders. “I’m sick of these fucking hot flashes. First, I’m cold. Then I’m hot. Fuck this shit,” I look at Breccan to see him smiling at me, “You get to carry the next one, asshole.”

“Awe, but, dove, I wouldn’t look near as beautiful as you,” he smiles
that panty dropping smile at me.

I flip him off and waddle over to my friends.

I’m due any day now and I’m miserable. We tried forever to get pregnant. The trauma that was done to my uterus by that fucktwat made it difficult for us to conceive. I still have my ovaries, but with all the scar tissue it was hard for an egg to implant.

I was pregnant twice before this one and we lost them both.
I felt defeated with losing the two plus the one I lost all those years ago; it brought forward some powerful insecurities. I was giving up on the idea of trying again, until Kara, Charlotte and Brynn came and talked to me. They really helped me with the grieving process.

Breccan was a mess and could hardly deal with it for himself. I was scared every single day that is was going to be the end of us. I had hit an all-time low and didn’t see a way out.

I finally made it through with the help of friends and family. Though, Breccan seemed to have a more difficult time with it. Nobody was able to get him out of his funk, it lasted six months…

He was always angry and spent long hours at the office. When he came home he would still make love to me, but it wasn’t the same. It was like he was searching desperately for a way through his depression and was hoping that
I
would be that way. That made me feel worse… and better… all at the same time.

He wasn’t with me, because
he
wanted
to be. He was using me to heal himself. But then… he was using
me
… and not someone else. It was a very bad time for us.

When I peed on the stick seven months ago and
finally discovered I was pregnant, I didn’t tell Breccan. I was two months along and didn’t notice that my periods had stopped. I was so concerned with grieving for the loss of my children and the fact that Breccan
wasn’t
, that it took me that long to realize something was off.

He noticed me getting a bulge when I was about five months along and finally asked me about it.

I broke down and told him how I was terrified to tell him or anyone, because I didn’t want to put them through it all again. I told him how I had been going to the doctors’ appointments alone and trying to avoid tight fitting clothes so others wouldn’t notice.

He broke down that night as well, apologizing profusely for putting me through that and making me handle this pregnancy by myself. It was
an extremely painful night. I felt so horrible for keeping it from everyone, especially him.

We went to my next appointment together and have been on the right track ever since. The doctors discussed multiple possibilities with us and we have decided that a C-section is the best option. They told us there is a high likelihood that my uterus could rupture during labor due to the scar tissue and I
could bleed out. No way was Breccan going to allow that to happen after everything we’ve been through, so we scheduled the surgery and it is a week from tomorrow.

Breccan comes jogging over to me and helps me sit down onto the lounger by holding my hands and giving me support. Once I sit down, he does exactly as Nikko did for Kara
, and gently places my feet up on the lounger for me.

“Thanks, babe,” I tell him.

He bends and gives me a quick kiss.

“How many do you want, dove?” he asks just as Javier places a drink in my hand.

“You’re an angel,” I tell Javier then look to Breccan, “Three. This little bastard is hungry.”

Brynn busts out laughing
every time I refer to the baby as that. We found out we were having a boy and just to irritate Breccan, I give him horrible nicknames.

“Dove,” Breccan scolds me.

“Love you!” I sing to him with a big smile.

“He can hear you. Watch your mouth,” he scowls at me and I just stick my tongue out at him.

“He’ll learn eventually about his mama’s potty mouth. May as well start now,” Avery comes to my defense.

“Yeah!
Exactly!” I agree pointing to Avery and looking at Breccan smiling.

“Love you, too, dove,” he shakes his head with a smile
, bends to give me a light kiss that makes my body ignite and walks back over to the guys at the grill.

“Never again are we allowed to knock these crazy women up at the same time,” I hear Rich tell them.

“We heard that!” Brynn, Kara, and I all scream back at them.