*
* *
It had been a day and a half now and Jesca was still out. I had yelled at Monica, accusing her of over-dosing her with the sedative. I felt bad about it now. I probably sounded like a raving lunatic. I leaned my head against my closed fist and stared at Jesca’s body lying there, watching her chest rise and fall peacefully. I closed my eyes just for a split second. Well, I thought it was a split second. I shifted my body, leaned forward, and ran my hands over my face, hoping the movement would wake me up.
“Xander.”
Hearing my name called out in the dead silence made every hair on my body stand on end. I pulled my hands away from my face and stood in one swift motion. The room was dark, but I could make out the outline of a person by the door. “It’s just me.”
I couldn’t believe it. “Nate?”
How was he here? I imagined for a second that the last 48 hours was just a nightmare and I was really waking to Nate in the room with Jes and I. Nate moves closer. “No, it wasn’t a nightmare cousin. They aren’t nightmares anymore, they are reality.”
His words were so true, now more than ever. My throat tightens in response to his words. I looked over at Jes, wondering if she would stir upon hearing Nate’s voice, but she was unshaken by his presence. I had to be in a dream state.
Nate followed my gaze to Jes lying in the bed and stopped mid-stride. When he looked at me his eyes were burning with rage. “What happened to her? I told you to protect her!”
His condescending comment pissed me off bad. I strode over to him. “I am protecting her! You, you are the one that threw yourself into that wormhole with her father!”
Chest to chest, I continue to rant, “Jes and I could have held you until the others got to us. We could have fought Sam off of you and Ezra, but you didn’t give us a chance, you idiot! Sam would be the only one there right now and you would still be here helping us!”
My whole body was trembling with frustration and fear; frustration for his stupidity and fear of not ever seeing him or Ezra again. “What were you thinking? That you wou
ld be the knight in shining armor and throw yourself into the wormhole to protect us? What if we can’t get you and Ezra back? What if you both are stuck there?”
Nate shook his head and glared at me. “That would be perfect for you, wouldn’t it? You would have her and I would be out of the way.”
Son of a... I ran my hands through my hair, keeping me from taking a swing at him. I have no idea if I would have made contact with flesh, but it would have made me feel better. Trying to hold back, I lowered my voice to a growl, “No, Nate, unfortunately it wouldn’t be perfect. When you were playing hero, letting yourself, Ezra, and Sam fall into that wormhole, you ripped her apart!”
Confused by my words, Nate shook his head and looked at Jes. I
guess he realized that he had affected her. I could see that it had meant something to him; that she cared about him more than he realized.
I was jealous of the way he was looking at her, so I pulled his attention back to me. “Don’t worry cousin, I’m here for her. I will comfort her, take your place, and I will be the one to help her bring your sorry ass back. ”
I had hoped my comment would affect Nate, instead he ignored it and moved closer to Jesca. I moved with him, to the other side of the bed, and watched his every move. He sighed deeply, closed his eyes, and mumbled something. He said it so softly, I didn’t quite catch it at first. “What?”
Nate
’s eyes met mine. “She chose you. In Tokyo, at the safe house, when I came to find you before you left to meet Sam and Corinna.”
I felt my throat go dry instantly, remembering the exact event he was talking about. I had made the decision to go to Sam and Corinna before the intersection and act as a double agent. Try to stop Sam from fulfilling his mission under Michael Sanderson. I was in Jesca’s room and things between us got heated. I stopped us before we got out of hand. If this was one of the average women I was known to bed, I probably would have thrown caution to the wind and taken the intimacy to the next level. When Jes didn’t pull back, I knew I had to. Jesca would never be like those women. She deserved so much more. Hell, she definitely deserved better than me. Maybe that was the real reason I stopped her.
Then she shocked the hell out of me and told me she loved me. Those words instantly filled the emptiness I had been starving for since my grandmother passed. Even though the emptiness was filled, I couldn’t help wondering what motivated her to say it when she did. I was leaving. Was it fear of possibly never seeing me again? I was on the verge of asking why now and not before, in the cabin, when Nate interrupted us. He had come to find me and tell me that plans had changed and it was time for me to go to Sam now.
Nate saw her and I standing there in her room. The way his shoulders sunk and his face hardened, I knew he read the emotions between Jesca and I like a book. I have to give him credit, Nate held his anger. I don’t think I would have been strong enough to do that. When I told him that I needed a moment to say goodbye to Jes, it wasn’t to piss him off. A part of me was afraid that it might be the last time I saw Jesca. I needed to know before I left, if she told me she loved me for something other than fear. My hope was that our kiss would soften the block she had put up around her mind long enough for me to feel who truly had her love; Nate or I.
I don’t think she was aware that she had let her block down for that brief moment. From that kiss, I learned that she was afraid she would never see me again and that is what motivated her to tell me she loved me. I didn’t want to believe it. I figured that once I returned to her after we stopped Sam and Corinna, and sealed the wormhole, she would reveal that it was more than a fear that moved her. It didn’t turn out that way. The moment she opened her eyes this morning, her thoughts were open to me. The person she was thinking of was Nate.
I shook my head recalling the pang I felt when I heard her thoughts. I could have kept my damn mouth shut and left him in the dark about how Jes felt, but I didn’t. “She chose me in that fleeting moment
, Nate. The moment when she thought she would never see me again. I needed to know why she said it, so I kissed her.”
I sensed Nate’s energy in the room change to sheer rage and his hands balled into fists. He tried to hide it, but I could see it behind his eyes that he was ready to lunge at me across the bed. “I kissed her because I needed to know why she chose me before I left.”
I looked down at Jes. “She was afraid that I would never come back. That I needed to hear it.” I look up and away from her. “It was pity, Nate.”
Nate’s hands slowly uncoiled. I continued, “These feelings she is having , they are new to her. She doesn’t know what she wants right now.”
Nate shook his head and looked back at Jes. “It is just the physical link that attracts her and I to each other.”
It felt like a confession on his part. He didn’t get it; he was completely blind to the fact that it wasn’t just the link. Yeah, that little nugget of knowledge from Jesca’s thoughts was one I wish I hadn’t heart, but I did and it sucked. “Look at me damn it! I know you love her and it is not just the Copula link!”
Nate grits his teeth and his eyes narrow as he leans over the bed toward me. “Why do you care? She is here with you now. You are going to comfort her and replace me.”
“I am not going to stand by and watch you destroy her! You did not see her when you disappeared into that wormhole, I did! Her whole world, you and Ezra, were pulled from her! She lost it Nate. Monica had to sedate her. That is why she is laying here like this. I had to carry her out of that forest, because two people she desperately loves were pulled from her!”
Nate’s face softened at my final words, slowly lowered his body to sit on the edge of the bed, and reached his hand out to her face, barely grazing the side of her face with the back of his hand. I turned away from them and crossed my arms, not able to take watching him touch her tenderly any longer.
Suddenly, I felt a warm presence behind me. When I turned around, Nate’s close proximity threw me off and I stumbled backward. “Xander, when I made the choice to let go and fall into the wormhole, I did it to protect both you and her. I’m not just trying to do the right thing for Jesca. I am trying to do the right thing by you. You are my blood.”
I hated that he had to be so good. Why would someone who literally just discovered that I was his blood cousin and the guy that is in love with his “partner” want to protect me. I asked him in a skeptical manner. “You, protect me?”
Nate nodded. “Yeah, why is that so hard for you to believe? You are linked to me and you are my blood. That means something to me.”
Nate shook his head. “You may think that I am naive and too good to be true, but I’m not and this is who I am. Yeah, that’s right, I can hear your thoughts. And, believe me, if I could get my hands on you right now you wouldn’t think I was ‘so good’.”
Nate looked back at Jesca, his words were gentle now. “I know you love her.”
“Yeah, I do, but I know you do also.”
Nate and I both stare at each other with a silent understanding between us that even though we both love her, we would make sure nothing ever happened to her even if that meant standing on the side lines watching the other have her love.
Before things became more awkward and uncomfortable between us, I changed the subject. Even though I had been hulled up with Jesca, I could feel changes happening out there in the world. “I can feel things are already changing here since the intersection. My gut is telling me we need you and Ezra’s man power. We need you both
, Nate. ”
Nate motioned to slugged me in the chest
and when his hand made contact, I felt the aching blow. How the hell? I wished I would have known that when I wanted to deck him earlier in the conversation. I rub out the dull pain while he talks. “With you and Jes being linked to me, it will be easier for you to find us.”
“Yeah, well how are we supposed to find you
, smart ass?”
I remember everything around Nate being engulfed in the darkness that had been lingering in the corners of the room. “Between Balthazar and Sebastian, you will figure it out.”
When everything had slid into blackness, I slipped back into consciousness. I opened my eyes and scanned the room quickly. I still felt the remnants of energy in the atmosphere, but I wasn’t sure if it was Nate’s still lingering from his visitation or another’s. I looked to my right and standing next to me with his arms tightly crossed over his chest was Ezra staring down at Jesca. It was strange coming out of one dream state and immediately falling into another.
Ezra didn’t greet me, he got right to the point. “I need you to do something
, Xander.”
He proceeded to tell me that I needed to leave the facility, head into the city, and find an ant farm. He demanded that a note be attached stating one question: “Will you take care of them while I am gone?”
Everything he was asking for sounded insane, ludicrous. I argued with him, telling him that it was a ridiculous request especially under the circumstances, but Ezra completely ignored me. His entire focus was on Jesca lying in the bed as he moved to sit beside her still body. The way he looked at her, I knew my words were lost to him so I stopped commenting on how crazy he sounded.
He gently rested his hand on top of Jesca’s, lowered his head, and closed his eyes. His lips were barely moving with nothing above a whisper being spoken. He could have been speaking to her or praying for her, I didn’t quite know. Ezra was an impossible one to get a read on. I couldn’t break into his thoughts at all. Must have been all the years of practice. He stayed that way, bent over her still frame, then lifted his head to look at me before patting Jesca’s hands and rising from the bed. He walked around the bed, and squared up to me. His voice sounded worn. “I know it sounds crazy Xander, but when she wakes she will
feel lost. The ant farm…” Ezra’s voice wavered, but he quickly cleared his throat to try and cover the emotion in his voice. He covered his mouth with his hand to conceal any emotions that tempted to overflow. He removed his hand and scoffed. He shook his head and moved his gaze back to meet mine. “That damn ant farm.”
He crosses his arms over his chest and releases a cleansing sigh. “Seeing it will bring her clarity when she wakes. She needs that clarity
, Xander. I know you don’t want to leave her. Just please call for one of the others to retrieve one. Please.”
I wanted to argue again. Tell him that sending a team member out for something like ant farm could be an unnecessary risk, but his plea was bordering desperation. I nodded, bringing a silent relief to his face. Ezra turned from me and walked toward the darkest corner in the room and disappeared. After that, a soft knock brought me back to consciousness. The room was no longer dark, but rather lit by a side table lamp. I looked to see if Jesca was awake, but she was still sedated. The knock came again and I moved quickly to the door, opening it a crack. It was Monica. Before she could get a word in, I told her that I needed one of the crew to go out and find and ant farm. She looked at me like I was insane, just like I expected. After much arguing and me caving, letting Elisha into the room to bring food and other supplies, Monica sent Angela and Balthazar to hunt for the ant farm. I honestly don’t know where and the hell they found it, but they pulled it off and had it to me within an hour. I set it up and wrote the note just as Ezra told me.