Ashes (Book 2 The Kindred Series) (34 page)

She didn’t want comfort, she didn’t
want love. She simply wanted revenge. And she wanted not to feel,
not to care anymore. Fortunately, at heart, Cassie was a caring,
giving person. And that was part of what was destroying her now.
She didn’t know how to deal with her anger, her hatred. It was
eating away at her, driving her deeper into her hole, making her
hide from the world once more.

And it was destroying Chris that he
could do nothing to help her. This was not the Cassie who had
hidden from the world before, trying to keep her heart safe from
hurt and pain. That Cassie may have kept people at arm’s length,
but she had never radiated this fury. This hate. Chris couldn’t
even tune out her emotions, he had tried, but the force of her rage
broke through all of his barriers, beating against him. Beating him
down.

Chris shuddered. He was losing his best
friend, and there was nothing that he could do about it. She didn’t
want his help, she didn’t want anybody. And it was killing
him.

Devon wasn’t helping him either. He
could feel Devon, somewhere nearby, probably in the woods,
watching. Chris could feel his sorrow, his pain, his heartbreak. He
was also impossible to block out. Between Devon and Cassie they
were killing him, and there was nothing that he could do to stop
it. With everyone else he had always been able to keep their
emotions, and inner personality blocked out if he didn’t want to
feel them. But not these two. Not right now anyway. He didn’t know
what he was going to do if something didn’t change soon. Hell, he
couldn’t even sleep at night anymore.

He shuddered again, his hands tightened
to the point that it was painful. His grief over the loss of Lily
was being weighted down by their emotions. He had loved Lily; she
had been like a grandmother to him. She had raised him when his own
mother had retreated into an alcohol induced stupor, unable to
handle the life that had been handed to her. Unable to handle the
truth of what her husband and son were. Unable to love her son
anymore.

Lily had been his surrogate parent; she
had fed him, sheltered him, and loved him. A tear slid down his
face as his own pain momentarily became more overwhelming then
Cassie and Devon’s, allowing him a brief reprieve from them. He
lifted his head as the minister’s prayer ended. His attention
immediately focused upon the gleaming mahogany casket draped with
wreaths of flowers. It hovered above the hole, Lily’s permanent
resting place.

He shuddered again at the harsh
reminder that Lily would never again walk amongst them, loving
them, caring for them. A sob choked his throat; he could hardly
breathe through the constriction in his chest.

It was chilly for November, but he
could not feel the cold through the emotions swamping him. Grief
enshrouded the people surrounding him, some were openly crying,
others stood silently, stoically. Even his mother had come, and
though her breath reeked of booze and cigarettes, she appeared to
be only hung over and not intoxicated. Not yet anyway. She stood on
the other side of the coffin, her head bowed, and her sandy blond
hair spilling across her shoulders. At one time she had been a
beautiful woman, but years of hard living had aged her far too
early.

Seeming to feel his gaze, she lifted
her head. Sapphire eyes, identical to his, momentarily met his.
Though there was loss in her gaze, there was little else. She had
checked out of the hard reality of their lives years ago. She was
not capable of handling much anymore; she sure as hell wasn’t
capable of dealing with what her son was, or handling the loss of
his life.

Chris swallowed heavily, knowing that
not only had Cassie been completely orphaned by Lily’s death, so
had he. He had not been close to his mother in years, and he had
always known that he never would be again. But now he truly
realized that in his mother’s eyes, he was already dead. To her, he
was simply still breathing for a little longer; still walking for a
brief period of time, but it would not be much longer. She had
already dealt with the loss of her son, and was simply just waiting
for it to come true.

Chris tore his gaze away from her,
unable to handle the look in her eyes. Unable to handle the fact
that she already thought him dead when he was still very much
alive, and intended to stay that way for a lot longer. Dani and
Melissa sniffled beside him; Cassie stiffened, her head turning
slightly to look at them. Though her eyes were completely hidden,
he could feel the full force of her gaze on him.

Her jaw was clenched, her face hard.
God, he missed his Cassie. This girl sitting beside him was a
stranger, someone that he didn’t recognize. This girl was so very
hard, unyielding, unforgiving, and furious. All things that Cassie
had never been. It was as if the real Cassie had been abducted by
aliens, and this was the thing they had replaced her with. He hated
to think of her as a thing, but that was what she was now. There
was no trace of humanity in her anymore, no love.

His hands tightened even more as he
fought desperately against the urge to reach out and comfort her.
If she would just let someone touch her, someone comfort her and
hold her, he knew that she could come back. But she would not allow
such a thing. She wanted nothing to do with any of them anymore and
it shattered him to realize that she was just waiting to die. That
all she wanted was her revenge, and death. He wanted to bring her
back, but he desperately feared that it was too late. Desperately
feared she had been lost to him forever.

Hell, she didn’t even want Devon, the
one person (well vampire) that had been able to bring her to life
before. If she had shut Devon out, when Chris knew exactly how much
she loved and needed him, then what hope did he have of reaching
her? He had thought that Cassie and Devon’s love could survive
anything. He hated being wrong.

Though, he still held out hope that
Devon would finally be able to reach her. The only problem was that
she would not let him get close enough to do so.

Cassie stood suddenly, drawing Chris’s
attention sharply back to her. He was shocked to realize that the
funeral was over. Cassie moved stiffly forward, dropping a single
red rose on the coffin as it began to lower slowly into the ground.
He followed swiftly behind her, dropping another rose down as the
first shovel of dirt was tossed on.

Cassie flinched slightly at the sound
of the dirt on the coffin. For a brief moment he felt a flicker in
her walls, sorrow rushed forth to clash against the hatred. Chris’s
eyes widened, hope sprang forth. He was reaching for her when he
felt her walls slam back into place. Though he could not see her
eyes, he felt her gaze raking him disdainfully. His hand wavered in
midair before falling limply back to his side. Cassie lifted her
chin as she marched forward, her head held high, her hands fisted
as she moved gracefully through the departing crowd.

Though some people tried to approach
her, she easily sidestepped them as she hurried toward the waiting
limo. Most fell back, going to their own cars. He didn’t know if
they would bother to come to the house or not. Cassie had been
accepting of their condolences, but cool and distant. It was
obvious that they had been put off by her.

Luther walked beside her, stopping
briefly to speak with a woman before hurrying to catch up with
Cassie, apparently unwilling to let her out of his sight for a
minute. Chris didn’t blame him, none of them knew what she would do
if they left her alone for long. Chris didn’t put it past her to
take off on her own in search of Julian and Isla. No, they couldn’t
leave her alone; if they did it was very likely she would
die.

Mrs. Manz approached them, picking her
way carefully around the headstones. Cassie reached the limo,
sliding inside as the driver opened the door for her. “Christopher,
Melissa, Danielle,” Mrs. Manz greeted, nodding to each of
them.

“Mrs. Manz,” Chris said softly. Though
many teachers, and the principal, had come to offer their support,
none of the student body had arrived. Cassie had become the leper
of the school, but Chris had still expected at least a few of her
old friends to come. He had been wrong, and he hated them for it.
Though his hate was nothing compared to the fire that raged inside
of Cassie.

“How is Cassandra doing?” Mrs. Manz
asked quietly, her gaze darting worriedly to the limo.

“As well as can be expected,” Melissa
answered softly, though it was not true.

“What an awful tragedy,” Mrs. Manz
murmured; tugging nervously at the sleeve of her black jacket.
“Will you let Cassandra know that she doesn’t have to worry about
her assignments until she returns?”

“We will,” Melissa said
softly.

Mrs. Manz reached out, squeezing Chris
and Melissa’s arms gently. Apparently if she couldn’t console
Cassie, she was going to settle for consoling them. “Take
care.”

They nodded as she hurried away,
leaving them alone at the edge of the gravesite. Dark clouds had
rolled in, the wind had picked up, and the air carried the scent of
snow upon it. It was suiting that a storm was rolling in as it
seemed to fit the moods of the people gathered around him. “We
should go,” Chris said softly.

“Yes,” Melissa agreed.

Chris shuddered, huddling deeper into
his coat, it was not the chill in the air that bothered him but the
one in his soul. The sound of more dirt hitting the coffin spurred
him into movement. He didn’t want to be here anymore. He needed to
get away from here. But he also didn’t want to be near Cassie at
the moment. He didn’t think he could handle her anger any
longer.

Unfortunately, he didn’t have a choice.
She was his best friend, and she needed him. Even if she didn’t
know it yet.

***

Cassie stood stiffly in her living
room, unwilling to sit down, unwilling to move. Though not everyone
from the funeral had come here, there were still enough of them to
make her edgy and unsettled. Most of the people were from her
grandmother’s church. Though she knew that they were her
grandmother’s friends, she wanted them out of her house; she didn’t
want any more people in her life.

They milled slowly about, eating the
food that they had brought, conversing amongst themselves. They
avoided her now, apparently having decided that she was beyond
their reach, which she was. Melissa and Dani were standing by the
dining room table, talking with a few members of the church. Chris
stood by the fireplace, casting her worried looks every few
minutes. Looks that aggravated her more and more.

She simply didn’t want his worry, his
concern. She understood it, but she didn’t want it. Turning to the
window, she stared out at the darkening night. Snow had begun to
fall in spiraling flakes that floated lazily through the air.
Though it had just started, it was already beginning to build on
the lawns and trees. Trees that still had not completely shed their
leaves as winter had come much sooner than expected.

Lights swung into the driveway as
Luther pulled in. He had left shortly after the funeral, citing
that he had a few things to take care of. He had been disappearing
for brief periods of time since her grandmother’s death. Cassie
didn’t know what he was doing, and she didn’t particularly care.
There was nothing that she did care about anymore.

She watched as he made his way swiftly
up the driveway, blowing on his hands in an attempt to keep them
warm. She doubted that it worked. “Cassie, maybe you should eat.”
She glanced back at Chris, shaking her head briefly. She had no
appetite anymore. “You need to eat,” he pressed.

“I’m fine.”

He sighed softly before moving slowly
away from her. She didn’t want to cause him anymore anguish, she
knew that he was grieving for her grandmother too, but it was best
for him if there was distance between them now. It would hurt him
less when she was gone.

Her eyes scanned the dark night, though
nothing moved she knew that Devon was out there. She knew that as
well as she knew that the sun would rise tomorrow, the earth would
turn, and she would still be dead inside. Cassie rested her palms
against the cool glass, wishing for a moment that she could go to
him. That she could hold him.

She knew that she wouldn’t feel so dead
in his arms.

And she also knew that she couldn’t
allow herself to do that. He was the reason her grandmother was
dead after all, to forgive him would be a betrayal of her
grandmother’s memory. To allow herself to love him again would only
make what she had to do much harder. Her hand slid from the glass.
No, there was no room for forgiveness inside her anymore. In fact,
she wasn’t sure there was even room for her inside of her anymore.
Not with the unending waves of anger that filled her
constantly.

She almost welcomed the certainty of
her death, almost welcomed the release that it would bring her. She
just hoped that by the time it happened Chris and Melissa would
have distanced themselves from her. She didn’t want them to be this
devastated, this hopeless and angry after she was gone. Though she
wanted a release from this deadened existence, she wanted even more
for them not to have to feel this way too.

“Cassie.” She turned slowly toward
Luther, ignoring the plate he held out. Sighing heavily, he lowered
the plate. “Cassie, your guests are leaving.”