“She’s there?”
Thank God
. “Let me talk to her.”
“Uh, she’s not available now. Would you like to leave a message?”
“No. I want to talk to her. Put her on.”
“I’ll try.” There was a moment of silence and then Penny said again, “I do apologize for the delay. Lexi can’t speak right now. If you leave a number, she’ll get back to you.”
Yeah, right. “Never mind. I’ll try again later.”
He heard Penny sigh over the phone. “You can try. I’m just not sure you’ll have any luck.”
Adam swore silently. “Thank you for your help,” he said before hanging up.
Fuck it.
He threw off the covers and went to shower. She wasn’t going to answer. Not if he phoned every day, five times a day, for the next two weeks.
The spray of water did nothing to relieve his mood and the soap did not wash away his remorse. His disposition only worsened when a knock sounded on the hotel door.
“What?” he snapped.
“It’s me. Open up.”
Adam clamped down on his irritation and let Matt into the room.
“We leave in thirty minutes. Thought you might want to grab a bite first,” his friend said by way of greeting.
Adam checked his watch. Even if there were time, it was pointless phoning her again. She wouldn’t answer. He nodded at Matt and grabbed his briefcase. “Let’s go.”
Brodie followed him out of the room. “You going to talk about it?”
He pursed his lips. “About what?”
“About whatever the hell it is that’s bothering you.” Of course. Matt had to say something sooner or later.
Rather than riding in the elevator, they chose the stairs. Adam took them two at a time. “Nothing’s bothering me.” That should cut the conversation short.
“Cool,” Matt said amiably. “And by ‘nothing’, I assume you’re referring to Lexi Tanner.”
Okay
¾
maybe not quite as short as he’d figured.
“Do you know when last I saw you this bent out of shape?” Matt asked. “Ten years ago.”
The vigorous walk downstairs didn’t seem to affect Matt. His own breathing, however, was substantially heavier than usual. “You remember how I behaved ten years ago?”
Matt stopped Adam at the entry to the dining room. “Mate, you were fucked up. You couldn’t sit still. You couldn’t look me in the eye. You couldn’t smile. Same as now.”
Christ, not Matt too? Was the whole world conspiring to make him relive the last few months of Timmy’s life? Tough, he wasn’t going there again. He refused. He turned to his friend and forced his mouth into a tight smile. Anything to get the conversation back into the present. “Better?”
Matt grimaced. “Damn, don’t do that. You look like you just swallowed your own fart.”
This time, Adam’s grin was genuine, although he shook his head at Matt’s description.
“Better,” Matt approved. “Now tell me. What’s up?”
He suppressed a sigh. “I’m fine, mate. Nothing’s wrong.”
“You can feed the rest of the world that crap. I know you.”
“Don’t you ever mind your own business?” As if he needed to ask.
“Nope,” Matt confirmed as a waitress led them to a table. He had the grace to wait until they’d both helped themselves to food from the buffet before resuming his line of questioning. “What happened with Lexi?”
“Nothing,” Adam told him flatly. “It’s over.” Strange his voice could sound so even when his gut was tied up in knots.
Matt’s nod was full of sympathy. “You fucked it up.”
“Christ, give it a rest.” He knew he’d fucked it up. He didn’t need Matt rubbing it in.
“I can’t, and you know why? Lexi is the right woman for you. You’re an idiot to let her get away.”
Adam raised his eyebrow. He was an idiot all right, no denying that. As for letting Lexi get away…well, it wasn’t his choice anymore. She’d tossed him out on his ass
¾
and he’d deserved it.
“I’ve been working with her for over a month,” Matt said. “I’ve gotten to know her a little. She’s the one, mate. You and I both know it.”
Adam ate his toast in silence. Matt’s words were immaterial. Lexi detested him and he couldn’t blame her. He’d been a complete prick
¾
or should he say bastard?
“Does she know about Timmy?” There was none of Matt’s usual caustic humor in the question. Only a ton of empathy.
He chewed methodically, swallowed and stared at his plate. “Yes.”
Matt’s gaze burned his forehead. “Fix it.”
He glanced at his friend. “Fix what?”
“Whatever you did to screw up your chance with her.” His eyes blazed. “Fix it.”
Adam shook his head. If he could take back what he’d said, what he’d accused her of, he would. In a heartbeat. “It’s too late.”
“You want this, mate,” Matt said. “You told her about your son.”
He stared at Matt for a long moment. Everything had changed. The stakes were different. It wasn’t just about him and Lexi anymore. There was a pregnancy to consider now.
He shuddered.
A child
.
“Fight for her, Riley.”
An unborn baby.
“She’s worth it,” Matt insisted.
Fear gripped his spine.
Lexi and his baby.
“Mate.” Matt’s voice was sharp, snapping his attention back to the table. “She’s the right woman for you.”
He knew what he had to do. He’d known for a while now. Not that he wanted to, not on any level. Hell, he’d rather gouge his eyes out with a fork. There wasn’t a choice. If he didn’t act now, there’d be no way he could ever sort out this whole fucked-up scenario.
With hands as cold as ice, he reached in his briefcase for his mobile phone.
“You phoning her?”
Adam almost laughed out loud. He shook his head. “Travel agent. Change in plans, Brodie. I won’t be flying home with you when this trip is over.”
* * *
“You gonna tell me what’s got you so pissed?” Daniel asked. “You’ve been a bitch for weeks now.”
“I told you, I don’t want to talk about it,” Lexi snapped. She’d been mooching around the whole morning, wallowing in self pity.
“Yeah? Well, tough. Where’s AJ?”
She looked up sharply. “What’s he got to do with it?”
“You tell me.” He unwrapped a chocolate-chip muffin, broke off a piece and set the rest on her desk between them. “I know he’s been away. That the problem? You missing him?”
No. She wasn’t missing Adam. She was positively pining for him
¾
which only made hating him more difficult. Misery plagued her like an impenetrable cloud. She couldn’t see through it, couldn’t find a single thing in her life to take away her grief.
Even the sibling program, which was about to be launched and was running more smoothly then she’d ever dreamed possible, had lost its sparkle. She found it impossible to get excited about much when her heart had been wrenched in two.
On a rational level, she knew Adam wasn’t the asshole he’d acted like that night. She recognized the real man behind the façade. The gentle, tender Adam, whose capacity for love knew no boundaries. The damaged Adam, who feared intimacy of any kind because he equated love with pain. He’d lost the person who meant more to him than anyone else. Years ago, he’d been free to love and to be loved. To lavish affection on those closest to him. His payment for that love had been death and divorce.
She knew his reaction to the condom issue had been an impulsive response to a situation that had the potential to increase his torment. She’d pushed him that night. Pushed him to a point of emotional helplessness. Perhaps, if he had not been so vulnerable at the exact moment he’d remembered the condoms, the situation would never have spiraled out of control.
Instead, Adam found himself in the very situation he’d never wanted to be in again, at a time when he had no defenses. He’d instinctively done the only thing he could to protect himself
¾
he’d attacked.
She didn’t condone his behavior, not by a long shot. On a rational level, though, she understood it. That didn’t make anything about her response to his behavior rational.
Understanding it did not ease the pain he’d inflicted on her. Not one tiny bit. It didn’t stop the tears or the ache or the emptiness inside. It didn’t dampen her anger or lessen her incredulity at the way things had panned out. It also didn’t give her false hope that their relationship stood any chance of succeeding.
Worst of all, it didn’t help her love him any less
¾
which made everything a million times more harrowing. Despite how she felt, she and Adam were history. They had no future together
¾
he’d made that perfectly clear.
“It doesn’t matter,” she told her brother. “It’s over.”
“What’s over?”
Duh! Men. How dense could they be? “We are. Him and me. Our relationship. Okay?”
Daniel looked astonished. “What happened?”
She took a piece of his muffin and stuffed it in her mouth. She didn’t want to talk about it. It was too bloody painful. She chewed, swallowed, stared at the remaining muffin.
“Lex?”
“We had a major blow-out,” she admitted reluctantly. “He walked out on me.”
“He did?” Daniel frowned. “You guys looked pretty tight. I thought this was a sure thing.”
“Yeah?” she snapped. “Well it wasn’t.”
“Lex, I’m not the enemy,” Daniel reminded her quietly.
She couldn’t help it. Her eyes filled with tears and she had to gulp down a lump in her throat. “I’m sorry, Dan.” She knew it was unfair to take her aggression out on him. He wasn’t the baddy. “I just feel pretty shitty right now.”
He nodded. “Yeah, I can see that.”
She sniffed and blinked back her tears.
“Tell me about the fight.”
What could she say? She didn’t want Daniel to know about the terrible deed Adam had accused her of.
“Lex? What happened?”
It hurt too much to remember. She shook her head.
“Lexi…”
He used his no-nonsense big-brother tone of voice. It was useless trying to sidestep him. If she got away from him now, he’d just turn up on her doorstep later to get the rest of the story.
She took a shaky breath. “We weren’t really fighting at first. We were just talking.” They were more than talking. They were breaking through some of the barriers Adam had wrapped around himself. They were making progress.
“About?”
“It’s not important.” Yes, it was, but she wouldn’t break Adam’s confidentiality by telling Daniel. “Suffice it to say it was a sensitive subject.”
“And?”
“And Adam was a little upset.” She’d pushed him on issues that were deeply personal and deeply painful. “So was I.” Much as she’d tried to remain calm, Adam’s allegations had gone too far and she’d lost it, shot her mouth off in a truly spectacular fashion
¾
perhaps her grandest performance to date.
“So you fought?”
If he called hauling out the heavy artillery and blowing apart their relationship fighting. “Yes, but not about the issues we were discussing.”
“I don’t understand. What did you fight about then?”
Her cheeks began to burn. How did she explain the finer points of all this to her brother? She could barely comprehend it herself. What would he say?