Ask Eva (14 page)

Chapter Twenty-three

‘W
hy exactly do you need
all
the newspapers?’ asked the librarian next day.

‘School project,’ I said. I knew she’d get suspicious, so I gave her one of my best smiles.

Ella and I took the huge stack of newspapers to the big comfy chairs at the end of the room.

‘Here,’ I said, handing half of the papers to her. ‘And don’t get distracted by photos of cute babies.’ (Ella has a thing about cute babies.) ‘Go straight to the jobs pages and find something suitable for Nurse Witch.’

For a while, neither of us said anything as we flicked through the papers.

‘OMG,’ said Ella after a bit. ‘Look at this. The local hospital is opening a new ward, and needs ten new nurses. Maybe that would suit Nurse Witch?’

I shook my head. ‘That wouldn’t be fair to sick people. Imagine waking up after an operation and seeing Nurse Witch standing over you with a needle and a pair of rubber gloves? You’d have an instant relapse.’

Ella giggled. ‘I guess you’re right. And I suppose that means she wouldn’t be any good for this one
– matron needed for boarding school – must love children, and have a kind, caring attitude.’

I laughed too. ‘There’s probably a reason Nurse Witch chose to join the army in the first place. Even though she’s a nurse, I guess she figured out early that she doesn’t have a kind or caring bone in her body.’

‘Maybe she should have a complete change
of career?’ said Ella. ‘What about this one here – they’re looking for a night watchperson at the old mill?’

‘Let’s see,’ I said, leaning over so I could see better. ‘Nurse Witch would be a great watchperson. One look at her and even the scariest criminals would run away screaming. She’d be so … or maybe not. Look what it says at the end –
duties involve working with guard dogs
.’

Now we both laughed so much, the librarian glared at us over the top of her ugly red glasses.

‘OMG,’ said Ella. ‘Can’t you just imagine Nurse Witch huddled in a sentry box, with a big pack of German shepherds barking madly outside? I think I’d pay money to see that.’

After a bit we stopped laughing, and continued to flick through the newspapers. Soon I got distracted and started to wonder what it would be like to be grown up and looking for a job. All the ones here seemed kind of boring and time-consuming to me.

Who’d want to be an accountant or a lawyer?

What’s fun about cleaning and ironing?

Why weren’t there any ads for chocolate-tasters or trampoline testers?

And then Ella nudged me so hard, I let out a tiny squeak of pain.

‘Sorry,’ she said. ‘I just got excited.’

‘Why? Did you spot an incredibly cute baby?’

She rolled her eyes. ‘No. I’ve found the perfect job for Nurse Witch.’

Without another word she handed the paper to me, and pointed at a big ad in the bottom corner.

‘OMG!’ I said. ‘You genius! That’s
exactly
the right job for Nurse Witch. It’s totally perfect.

She’d actually get
paid
for being a bully. The more strict and horrible she is, the better they’ll love her. There’s no time to waste – we’ve got to make sure she applies before they give the job to someone else.’

I was already shoving the papers into an untidy pile. Ella stood up and helped me.

‘Er … how exactly are we going to get Nurse Witch to apply for this?’

‘We photocopy the ad, put it in front of her, and cross our fingers.’

‘You think that’ll work?’

‘Who knows? All we can do is try – and maybe we’d better cross our toes too – to be sure to be sure.’

Ella keyed in the code, and we walked up to the reception desk. It felt kind of weird going in to the nursing home without Lucky under my arm. Nurse Witch stared at us.

‘You two again!’ she said. ‘Haven’t you got any homes to go to?’

‘Of course we have,’ I said, smiling sweetly. ‘It’s just that we like spending lots of time with old people. Who knows how long they’ve got to live, so we think it’s important to be really, really nice to them.’

Nurse Witch sniffed. ‘Well run along and try not to annoy the residents too much,’ she said. ‘I’m busy.’

She didn’t look very busy. I leaned over the desk and saw the book she’d just put down.
Finding a new career – AT ANY AGE!

I nudged Ella, and she remembered her part of the plan.

‘Oh, look,’ she said, pointing down the corridor. ‘I think I see someone breaking a rule.’

While Nurse Witch turned and looked down the empty corridor, I slipped the photocopied page on top of her book.

‘You’re imagining things again, Ella.’ I said. ‘Now let’s run up and say a quick hello to Gigi before it’s time for our hockey practice.’

When we came downstairs twenty minutes later, Nurse Witch was on the phone. Her hand was half-over the receiver, and her voice was weird – all fake and posh. She was speaking quietly, but we could still hear what she was saying – ‘I’m calling about the advertisement in the newspaper – yes, I’m highly qualified – twenty years of nursing experience – an interview tomorrow at six? – Yes that sounds perfect.’

‘Time for us to get out of here,’ I said.

‘Absolutely,’ said Ella. ‘We so don’t want to be here when Nurse Witch starts to ask awkward questions about the sudden appearance of that ad on her desk.’

So we skipped and laughed our way out of
the nursing home like the bold kids Nurse Witch always thought we were.

Chapter Twenty-four

B
y the next Friday night, life in the nursing home was starting to change in a big way.

Gigi was cuddling Lucky when she told us the good news.

‘Nurse Witch is leaving,’ she said. ‘She’s got another job and she’ll be gone by the end of next week.’

‘That’s totally amazing,’ said Ella.

‘What happened?’ I asked, trying not to smile.

(Ella and I already had a fairly good idea of what had happened.)

‘It’s all very mysterious,’ said Gigi. ‘I
overheard Nurse Witch chatting to one of the care workers. She said that she found a piece of paper on her desk, and it had a job ad on it – an ad for an instructor at one of those boot camp places. I can’t figure it out at all. How did that paper magically appear – with the ad all circled in bright red pen?’

I tried to look innocent. ‘Who knows?’ I said.

Gigi looked at Ella and me with a big twinkle in her eye. ‘There’s something you’re not telling me, isn’t there?’

‘We might have got a
small
bit involved,’ said Ella. ‘And luckily it seems to have worked.’

And then I had a horrible thought. ‘Maybe we didn’t think this through properly,’ I said. ‘Who’s going to replace Nurse Witch? And how can you be sure that the new matron won’t be as bad as her, or maybe even worse?’

‘No one
could be as bad as Nurse Witch,’ said Ella.

‘You don’t need to worry,’ said Paddy wheeling himself over to join the conversation. ‘The residents committee is going to be a big part of the selection process. Gigi and I are going to be on the interview panel, and I’ve already got my questions ready.’

‘I like a man who’s prepared for anything,’ said Gigi, giggling like a little girl.

‘OMG, Gigi!’ said Ella looking horrified. ‘Are you flirting?’

‘Absolutely not,’ said Gigi firmly, but when she turned away, I noticed that her cheeks had turned a pretty shade of pink.

Gigi was falling in love – how totally cute was that?

Two weeks later, Ella and I walked up to the door of the nursing home.

‘Come on,’ I said to Lucky who was running along beside us. ‘Time for your cuddling
session.’

We let ourselves in and went up to the reception desk. Everything was different – and nicer. On the desk, there was a big bowl of jelly-beans. On the wall, where Nurse Witch’s list of rules used to hang, there was a photograph of an old lady sky-diving. From the lounge, there came the sound of laughing and singing.

‘Hello, Nurse Wilson,’ said Ella, and the smiley lady shook her finger at us.

‘Please call me Sylvie,’ she said. ‘Nurse Wilson makes me sound so old and starchy. Ella, I know you already, but who is your young friend?’

‘My name’s Eva,’ I said.

‘It’s very nice to meet you, Eva,’ said Sylvie as she came around to our side of the reception desk. ‘And who is this darling, darling dog?’ As she spoke, she bent down and picked Lucky up, and cuddled and kissed her.

‘You’re so sweet, I could eat you up with a spoon,’ she said.

‘Yip!’ said Lucky, almost like she understood.

As Ella and I walked towards the stairs, I sniffed the air. ‘What’s that smell?’ I said. ‘It’s almost like …’

‘Nail varnish,’ said Ella. ‘Sylvie has arranged for a nail artist to visit every two weeks.’

She pushed open the door to the downstairs lounge, and I could see a line of old people examining nail varnish samples, and holding out shaky old hands, all ready to be beautified.

‘OMG!’ I said to Ella as we went upstairs. ‘I thought you were exaggerating, but you totally weren’t. Sylvie is like an angel from a fairy-tale. Gigi and her friends must be so happy.’

‘They are,’ said Ella. ‘They love Sylvie. Everything’s perfect – except for one small thing.’

‘What’s that?’

‘Gigi and her friends are all excited because I
said we were bringing Lucky to see them today. They’ve already drawn up a rota, deciding who will cuddle her, and for how long.’

‘That’s sweet,’ I said. ‘But I’m not seeing the problem here.’

‘A few minutes once a week doesn’t seem like enough time for the old people to spend with pets. I wish you and I had more time. I wish we could bring Lucky to visit every single day.’

I smiled and pulled a leaflet from my pocket. ‘And that’s why I’ve brought something to show them.’

Gigi used the fancy new machine to make us hot chocolate, and then she went to the jar to get a handful of squishy marshmallows to put on top.

Ella sighed as she took the cup from her granny. ‘I think I want to live here,’ she said. ‘Are teenagers allowed?’

‘Now that Sylvie’s here, who knows?’ said Gigi. ‘Anything could happen.’

‘Anyway, girls, what news have you brought us from the outside world?’

I handed her the leaflet.

‘My mum picked this up at the market the other day,’ I said. ‘And she immediately thought of you.’

Gigi took the leaflet and looked at it for a long time. Then she handed it to Paddy who read it and passed it on to Hannah.

‘
Someone
rolled over my reading glasses in his wheelchair,’ said Peggy, glaring at Paddy. ‘So I can’t see the leaflet properly. What’s it about?’

I sat beside her and explained. ‘It’s about a group called “Pets for Good”’ I said. ‘It’s run by volunteers who bring their pets to visit people in hospitals and nursing homes.’

‘What do we want that for?’ asked Peggy. ‘We’ve got you and Lucky.’

‘I’m glad you see it like that,’ I said. ‘But Ella and I have busy lives. We’ve got school and sport and hanging out to do. But these people could come every morning, and stay for an hour or two.’

‘Would you and Ella still bring Lucky to see us?’ asked Peggy.

‘Of course we would,’ I said. ‘We’ll still come any chance we get – but you’ll love these pets too. They’re specially chosen because they’re really gentle and loving. And all you’ve got to do is persuade Sylvie that it’s a good idea.’

‘We’re on it,’ said Gigi jumping up and taking the leaflet from my hand. ‘Come on, Paddy. This is a job for the residents association.’

‘OMG!’ said Ella, as soon as Gigi and Paddy had left. ‘Did you see the way those two looked at each other? I think they might actually be dating, and I can’t make up my
mind if it’s totally gross or totally sweet.’

‘It’s totally sweet,’ I said. ‘Your granny’s got a boyfriend, Ella. Get over it.’