AT 29 (6 page)

I waited in the night for my moment and spied a young officer on watch alone and unconcerned for his safety. I came from behind and slipped my chains about his neck. He struggled mightily, but he was no match for my strength. I lifted the keys from his belt and dropped them at my feet. Not a word was spoken between us as I released my hold and pointed for him to unlock my shackles. This, he did with fearful shakes for he did not know if I meant to take his life. For some moments I considered this course, but the officer shrank before me, so thoroughly cowed that I could not bring myself to end his
days. I gave him a look of menace. Then I slipped over the side and dropped to the cold water
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No alarms went out from the ship and, in the day that followed, as I footed through the forest and up into the hills that surrounded the bay, I saw no sign that I was being chased. I proceeded alone and hungry for two days. I was unwilling to eat the unfamiliar fruits I came upon and soon felt the strength leave my limbs. On the third day, cursing my fate, I returned to the sea intending to surrender. But, alas, when I came onto the sands the ship was gone
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In a state of desperate hunger, I came upon rocks to which shellfish were attached in great numbers. I harvested some with a stick and broke the shells upon the hard surface. I had no manner by which to make fire and, caring little, but for sustenance, gorged myself on the unfamiliar meats these shells contained. In this way, I fortified myself, remaining by the ocean for some days except to venture into the hills to find water to drink. It was a lonely time for I knew not where I was and had no knowledge that could aid me in finding my way
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After what I believe was a week's time, and though satisfied with my meager source of sustenance, I determined to venture inland where I hoped to find shelter and more variety with which to fill my hunger. I collected as many shells as I could carry, fashioned a stick and footed along the cliffs until I came upon an opening that rose up into the forest. In one way I was fortunate because the air of this land in summer is soft and warm. The cloth covering my legs, arms and breast was beginning to fall away, so rotted and dirty was it from the long voyage. Fire, too, became my quest as I, at last, determined to make my life alone in this land until I was captured or kilt
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After two days, I came upon a shallow stream. I followed it for a time until I found a pretty place where the water opened into a deeper pool protected on three sides by forest and on the other by a sheer stone precipice. I chose to make this my abode and set about collecting limbs, bark, grass and sticks with which to build a shelter. When this work was done I took to the pool to cleanse my body of the filth that had clung to me for too long
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Over the next week I used my knowledge to fashion a thatched cover of grass, mud and sticks over my abode, which had three sides and opened to the edge of the pool some twenty feet distant. In that time, I also returned to the ocean for more shells, which I husbanded in deep holes until I could find other sources of food. I also set about the task of making fire, which frustrated my efforts for days until I found proper wood with which to do the spin. My hands and arms ached, but it was the happiest moment of my forlorn state when smoke rose up
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With water, shelter and warmth I took my leave into the forest where I gathered sturdy limbs to fashion into spears. In the nights I had noticed an abundance of possums and determined to kill some for my needs. I scraped the ends of the sticks on rocks until I was satisfied. Then, after many failures, I learnt to throw my weapons with skill. I cooked the meats over my small fire, which I tended carefully lest it go out. The skins I used to repair my clothing and fashion a hat for my head

I lost all sense of the days, but I felt the coming of winter and wondered at my fate. It rained often and I was kept busy repairing my shelter and keeping my fire. When the rains abated I footed deeper into the forest, climbing ever higher into a region that opened upon a meadow of tall grass. In the distance, I noticed animals the size of deer,
but in a shape I had never before seen. I watched them graze and, though they occasionally lifted their heads to look my way, they seemed unafraid. I ventured closer and when I came near the edge of their group I flung my heaviest spear, impaling the smallest beast in the neck. The others rose up on massive feet, leaping so swiftly and far that I was left to wonder. Through great travail, I dragged the dead beast to my camp. The meat was tough with a taste that did not satisfy, but I was happy to have provisions and the furry skin gave me cover against the cold
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At this time, I began to sense a presence around my abode. It troubled me for days because I could see no reason for my foreboding. One morning, I awoke to find black men with spears sitting around my fire. When I came out into their presence they showed no fear and one of them stood and took me by the arm. The others went ahead while this man guided my way into the forest. In time, others showed themselves on all sides including women and children. After walking a very long distance, we came into a clearing where I was made to stop while the troupe, numbering about fifty, gathered round and commenced touching me. I made no move, fearing for my life, but it soon became clear they meant me no harm
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At nightfall, a great pyre was made. I was given delicious meats and fruits and the whole tribe danced near the flames, singing in a strange manner and lifting their eyes and hands to the heavens. Coupling, in the open and with no shame, took place around me and when I made no move to take up with the women who came to my side, I noticed even greater reverence toward me. I stayed among them that evening and in the days that followed until I decided to return to my own place. When I made my way into the forest I was surrounded and gently guided back

In this way I came to live with these strange people whose manner of life and odd appearance was unlike any I have ever known. After some months, I was able to communicate through their gestures. After what I believe to be two years, I spoke in their tongue. I have said they brought me into their camp, but these are people who never stayed long in a place. They moved about the land along the ocean, stopping for a time and then without any known reason, traveling on to another place. In this, they were like the nomads described to me by my fellow soldiers from their postings in foreign lands
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They ate almost anything, even crawling things, and were skilled in the hunt. When they came upon the kangaroo, which is the beast I came to know I kilt that day in the meadow, the women and children took burning sticks and made fire at the edge of the grassland. The men of the tribe formed a wide arc at the other edge and, with spears raised, waited for the frightened animals to come their way. In this way many beasts were kilt. And, not only the kangaroo, but small animals that looked like the porcupines of my youth. After these kills a great celebration took place, lasting for days with pyres and dancing and the coupling I mentioned
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At one of these feasts I gathered berries and went off to extract the juices and bring them to ferment. When all was readied I carried my spirits to the group and offered them drink. The debauchery that overtook them once these spirits took hold was, to me, a cause for fear. Thereafter, I was delivered of huge quantities of berries and made to bring them to ferment often. But I grew ever more feared that the drink would lead to peril so I withheld it, keeping only what I needed for myself. They accepted this as I came to know they held me as a great ancestral spirit to be treated with solicitude
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I took to their customs, shedding all that I once knew. I departed from this only when I could not endure the absence of drink, as I have described, and also song. In this, I entertained them when sitting around the fire. I regaled them with accounts of my homeland to which they listened with much interest. They particularly enjoyed my songs and entreated me to sing at all times of the day. The men approached me to teach them. I believed they desired to know my songs, but I soon learnt they cared not for the words or the melodies. It was my voice that captured them, and they tried to imitate me with their own. In time, when they could not sing with my voice, they contented themselves with the listening. I concluded that my singing furthered their affection for me
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It must be told that war and killing between clans was common. No English soldier ever tortured the heart of an Irishman with such unquenchable bloodlust. Neither woman nor child was spared. In this, I took no part, but I was required to be among those of my tribe when the dirty deeds were done. I placed myself as far from the bloodletting as prudent, but always in view of the enemy because it was intended that I be seen. This seemed wise because from the time of my being noticed, our clan was never visited with reprisal although our men went in search of blood many times
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As the years went by, I took to hunting and fishing in their fashion. I was allowed freedom to roam about the shores and grasslands where I found much success. I then prepared a great pyre, making sure to pile wet wood on top so the smoke would be seen. The gathering that followed lasted for days. With spits roasting sweet meats, the children were dispatched to find berries and I was visited with ardent pleas to make my fermented drink. I complied out of respect, but when the dancing and coupling commenced, even in my drunken state, I made no bond with a woman. This abstinence was hard to hold, but I contented myself with my fermented spirits as I feared jealousy from the younger men and was determined to keep my life
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On nights of bright moon they gathered in eerie song around the fire, often gesturing skyward. This, I concluded, was as close to spiritual worship as they possessed. My own distrust for religion prevented me from imparting these principles. They did have a strong belief in those of their ancestors who came before, judging me to be one of them. This belief in life returned was quite unknown to me, and I have spent much time pondering it. Their songs were most important. These, they taught to me with the expectation that I would sing them at night by the fires. I complied out of respect whenever they called upon me to do so
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I was surprised to find that disease was not common among them except for that which manifested from rotted foods. I was familiar with this, having observed the cruel vomiting that sometimes brought death to soldiers of my regiment and my fellow convicts on the voyage to this land. Yet death did not trouble them, and I came to believe they did not fear it, as retribution in the afterlife had no meaning
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I stayed apart from their women for the reason stated before and over the many years, with the benefit of drink, grew satisfied with my fate. I will not deny that the desire came upon me from time to time, and I thought to return to my countrymen because of it. Yet I feared capture and contented myself in my own fashion when the need became too great
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After many uncounted years, my chaste fortitude was broken when I fell in love with a young woman of the tribe. I abandoned my solitary habit when it became clear that she was accepting of me and the men did not give sign of protest. We joined together
and within one year she came with child, bearing a son with such anguish and pain that it kilt her. For a time I could not bring myself to look upon the child, so grieved was I at her death. My behaviour must have angered some; they did not react to it in the same way. I noticed a change in their manner and soon understood that their affection for me was diminished
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In an effort to regain my position among them, I spent time with the child who was being cared for by the old women and some others who had lost their men in battles. At first, all seemed well, but I could see that the child had my appearance and I feared that he would not be accepted when he grew older, especially since his mother died because of him and because of me. I also feared for his soul. I have said I am not a spiritual man, but I did wonder at the possibility of God's wrath, which had seemed severe upon me until I took up with these people. I determined that he might have a better life among my countrymen
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Unlike earlier times when I was guided back whenever I ventured too far into the bush, I was allowed to depart with little notice except some of the men debated whether I should take the child. To this, I delivered a stern determination and they relented. Ill prepared for child rearing, and uncertain of my own future, I brought the boy to a settlement at the bay first seen when my prison ship came to anchor at the end of our long voyage. There, I left him with a farmer and his barren wife, securing a promise that they keep the child with the Whitehurst name. Unlike my emptiness at the death of his mother, I felt no sadness in leaving him behind, as we had no bond, him being not yet a year old. I then made my way to the Yarra River and this towne
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In the years that followed, Jonathan Whitehurst never fully assimilated into the white community of his heritage. He was neither outgoing nor warm. He had little humor and avoided occasional communion, or even conversation, with the people around him. He slept outside most of the year, venturing to shelter only when the weather became too severe. When work was hard to find he set out for the wilderness along the shores of the Southern Ocean where he first encountered the Aborigines who worshipped him. He found solace in nature, away from his countrymen who meant little to him. He never tried to reunite with his son, left to grow on the farm at Apollo Bay. He thought only fleetingly of the child satisfied that he had done the right thing. Still, he knew the boy would endure prejudice because while the look of a white man predominated, some aboriginal traits were sure to manifest. But that was the boy's fate.

In the last years of his life, Jonathan lived alone in the bush where he felt most comfortable. Sometimes gold seekers and others would encounter him on a trail or see him from a distance as he walked along the precipices overlooking the ocean. When the wind blew in from the sea as it often did during winter, they could hear his song and they would stop to listen. Then his magnificent voice went silent and Jonathan Whitehurst was never seen nor heard again.