Atonement (12 page)

After she had walked away, I turned to John. “Um, are you trying to get me drunk, Mr. Rider?” He grinned mischievously, then his face got more serious and he leaned in to stroke my cheek.

“I’m trying to help you forget your troubles Ms. Stanford,” leaning in he gave me a sweet, gentle kiss with his oh so luscious lips. His scent was teasing my senses…um everywhere.

I pulled back first, looking deep into his eyes. I had great feelings for this man, but right now I couldn’t quite let go enough to make out with him. “John, will you just hold me, please. I’m not sure I can…” Part of me was trying to question
the drinks not being made in my presence. The other part of me was secure with John and ‘Ms. Mary’ being trustworthy enough not to dare tamper with my drink.

“Right now, I would like nothing better than to hold you and take care of you Reese.” Then he wrapped his arms around me and I felt… safe. The sadness started to creep back in, because I knew deep in my gut that not too long ago I felt safe in Tate’s arms, just like this, only with even more memories attached.

We sipped our ice cold drinks. John was right I
was
beginning to relax a little. After a little while he pulled his seat directly in front of mine, our knees straddling one another, and grabbed both of my hands. Looking deep into my eyes he said, “I want to get to know you better Reese. I know I love you and I want to be with you, but I also want to
know
you, as a person. Tell me something about yourself…please.” He was willing me to open up. I realized I really knew very little about him either.

We talked endlessly about our childhoods, our dreams and our fears. He learned that being an only child, I was absorbed in having love and approval from my parents. Also, that not having any siblings made my best friends ultimately be close enough to be sisters and that I would do anything for them. I learned that he had grown up with the best of everything except the love of his parents. His mom ran in the elite circle, putting everything but motherhood first, and his father lived to work and build his empire. His parents had divorced early in his youth, leaving him bouncing from one non-loving and uninvolved home to the other. He quickly learned to live for approval from achievements (like grades, friends, and being the lead quarterback).

“I had no idea you played football John! I bet the girls went wild over you being their quarterback in high school.” He just grinned that lazy, beautiful grin that made my senses flare.

I wish I had known him back then, but I would have been four years younger, he probably wouldn’t have known I existed.

We talked about his need for something bigger in life, like God. He wasn’t raised in church like I was, and really didn’t have a relationship with Him where he would pray (or like me, beg) for guidance. I told him I would take him to my church sometime, so he could see where I went growing up. Then he looked at me, his expression serious again…

“Reese, can we, um, get married there one day?” No trace of a smile on his face. Oh my, he was so sexy and so…incredibly sincere. I didn’t quite know what to say. I laughed at first. Then he pulled me into his lap, fisting my hair in his palm, pulling my head back for access to my neck. Everything was suddenly very sensual. ‘
When a Man Loves a Woman’
by Percy Sledge began playing on the surround sound. It was a seemingly magical moment. I was truly getting caught up with his lips trailing all over my upper body. He was hugging me tenderly. I could feel love pouring from him.

He picked me up and was carrying me. I wasn’t quite sure what was happening. I was suddenly overcome with lust for this amazing man. We ended up in one of the bedrooms downstairs. Although it was entirely different from when I had seen it last summer, I also knew right away that it wasn’t the room where Sam had attacked me. I pushed that thought far from my mind. I was completely in the moment with Percy singing to me how much a man can love his woman. I was thinking of John…only John, and suddenly that thought surprised me. He
was who I wanted to be kissing in this suspended moment of time. I was afraid, but also comforted with this awareness.

We moved over to the bed, he gingerly laid me down on top of the comforter, never losing contact with my lips. I was relaxed from the vodka (wondering how many shots had actually been in that drink) and amazed still at how at ease I was with him, when he started rubbing my leg with his left hand, and caressing my breast with his right. I sighed, realizing how much I was enjoying this. He looked down at me with a smoldering look of lust and love, then he surprised me again and started unbuttoning my cotton sundress. He pushed both sides of the top part back, exposing my new expensive bikini top. Oh God, this was getting intense. Then he took his shirt off, his chest exuding masculinity in the low light of the bedroom. Glaring at me for a moment, his breath caught. Then, he leaned in kissing the tops of my breasts that were trembling under his touch with my increased breathing. Slowly, he pushed each cup of my bathing suit down releasing one breast at a time. It felt like he was moving in slow motion. Looking in my eyes with guarded apprehension for a brief moment, he took over each nipple, slowly, easily consuming each one, giving full attention to my response. I was sighing appreciatively with each stroke. We were caught up so heavily in this incredibly seductive moment of time. His mouth moved back to mine and his tongue licked and sucked at mine, nipping time and again at my lips. I could feel myself winding up. Then I felt it…a vibration in my dress pocket. It took a minute to realize what it was, until I recognized the feel. It was my phone. My breathing stopped. I was suddenly comprehending what was happening. I was about to become too intense with John,
and my phone vibrating from a call had to bring me out of it. I couldn’t believe I would do this. It was too soon after Tate. Then reality hit again…Tate. Oh, what am I doing?

I leaned back and looked up at John. I knew I couldn’t continue at this pace, or I would give in to the desire to be with him right now, and surely regret it later.

“John, we have to stop. I…I’m sorry.” I was. I was so very sorry. I was notorious for doing this. It wasn’t fair that I allowed him to get this far, and then I cut him off. I knew that, but I also knew that if I didn’t, I would certainly regret it.

“Reese, we’ll have a lifetime of these moments. It’s okay, really. Only in the future, hopefully not so distant, we can finish what we start.” That smoldering look was back. I was sure if he stared at me much longer I would cave.

I broke the connection and looked down at my phone. There was a missed call from Elle, and a voicemail. I was sure she was checking up on me, probably to tell me Tate was finally gone from our hotel. I whispered “John, I need to check this, I’m sorry.”

“Go ahead Reese, I’ll run upstairs and get us another drink.” He was getting ready to leave when he paused. Turning back to me he said, “no one else is here right now, are you okay?” He was making sure I didn’t mind being alone for a few minutes downstairs on his yacht.

“I’m okay, go ahead. Leave the door open please.” I smiled at him.

Once he was out of reach, I called Elle back. “Hey, I saw you called, I’m at John’s. Is Tate gone?” Dang it. What if this was Tate calling from her phone again. How big of an idiot can I be?

“Did you not check your message Reese?” Elle was breathing hard, and sounded a little frantic. “Tate left urgently to go to the hospital. His father has had a heart attack here in San Diego. They’re not sure if he’s going to make it Reese. Tate was really upset. I just thought you should know in case you wanted to go see him.”

While Elle filled me in on what happened and how Tate reacted, my knees went weak. I hurt for Tate. I heard her tell me which hospital he was in, and I went numb. It was really close to here.
Should I go?
I almost felt like I should and at least let him know I cared about him enough to know what happens with his family. I was torn, but in the end my heart directed me.

“Reese, are you there? What are you thinking?” asked Elle.

“I’m here. I’m just fighting with my decision to go or not,” although I already had my answer.

“Reese, you need to go. You two have such a history, and you still care about him, I know you do. This is a big deal. His dad is his rock…even if he did push him away from you one way or another, he loves him.” Elle was pleading her case.

Just as I thought, I had already resolved to go. “Okay, I’m going. John will have to take me though…that’s going to be…weird.” Oh crap. I hadn’t thought of that. I could just get a cab.

“Call me when you know something. And, Reese, if you need me to come get you and go with you, I will. I love you, call me.” With that, Elle hung up.

I was dreading telling John because I know he wouldn’t want me to go. As he walked back in the room, he saw my eyes were watering. “Reese, what is it? What’s wrong? I knew I shouldn’t have left you alone down here. Oh God, Reese I’m
so sorry.” I was shaking my head as he came closer to me. He put his hand to my face, searching my eyes.

“John, it’s not that. I…I need you to take me to the hospital, or I can call a cab, okay?” I whispered, hugging him tightly.

“Of course, what’s wrong? Is it one of your friends? Did something happen?” John was suddenly upset and worried, so I hesitated telling him…

“Reese...what is it?” He held me back, looking into my eyes.

“I just spoke with Elle. She said Tate had been waiting on me at the hotel until he got an urgent phone call. His father had a massive heart attack and is in critical condition…he may not make it. He’s here in San Diego.” I was staring at the floor now. I hated to have to tell him I wanted to go to be there for Tate, but I needed to do this.”

John raked his hand through his hair, and slowly began pacing the floor. I walked up to him, trying to calm him and reassure him. “John, this doesn’t mean anything is different for Tate and me…you know that right?” He was studying my face. What was he thinking?

“Ahh, Reese. I would keep you here and never let you leave if I could. I worry every time you leave me it won’t be the same when I see you again. I just want you to be all mine so bad. Please promise me you won’t change your mind after seeing him…I…I’m scared to death Reese. Please.” He grabbed my shoulders and pulled me to him kissing me hard and with so much passion. I melted into his embrace.

“John, I don’t want this to end, okay? I just want Tate to know that after all we’ve been through the last few years, that I do still care for him. You understand that don’t you?”

“Okay…I do. And, to be fair, I love you for it Reese. You have a heart of gold. I’m so thankful. Walking over to the chest of drawers in his bedroom he pulled something out. “I need you to do me a favor…it’s something very important to me.” I was instantly frozen. The box in his hand was small, velvet, and square. He bent over and when he turned around, he grabbed my right hand, slipping something on my ring finger. I gasped and he was rubbing my finger tenderly. When he lifted my hand up to kiss it, I sucked in a deep breath. He had left a beautiful diamond ring on my finger. Only, immediately I realized it wasn’t an engagement ring, not to mention it was on the wrong hand. I let out a slow breath when that realization hit. Instead, it was a platinum ring with diamonds in the shape of J&R. It wasn’t at all gaudy. In fact, I wasn’t sure if I had ever seen anything so beautiful. I couldn’t imagine what it cost.

“John…what…” I let out a long sigh. “I don’t know what to say.” I was staring, speechless at my ring finger.

“Say you’re mine, Reese. Say everything I have ever wanted is standing in front of me to have forever. Say that this is just the precursor to you and me officially being married one day.” I started to speak but he put his hand gently over my mouth. “Please don’t freak out Reese. I know you’re not even 20 years old yet, but I’ll wait. Just promise it’s me you want.” He was kissing me again, this time with renewed vigor.

“John,” I said between kisses. “This is so beautiful, but you didn’t have to do this. I…I do care about you, and I do love you.” I paused, looking at him quizzically now. “So it’s not an engagement ring?”

He shook his head “not yet”…then he had to feel me tense up because I’m not sure about the ‘not yet’ part. “I promise, not until you’re ready.”

After a long pause I said, “Okay”. He reared his head back staring at me.

“Seriously? Thank you Reese. Thank you for wearing it. I want the world to know that we are each other’s future.” He said grinning from ear to ear.

I knew ultimately he meant Tate. He wanted Tate to know that I had accepted this ‘pre’ engagement ring from John. Deep down I knew it was too soon. My instincts told me not to wear it. My heart still hurt over losing Tate. But John was so excited and so happy, I couldn’t crush him. I just prayed Tate didn’t see it. I wasn’t up for the inquisitions…not yet.

“John, I have a question though. Why did you drive me to that jewelry store earlier, if you already had this?” I was confused.

John’s face turned red, and he seemed torn whether he should explain. “I…well, I wanted to see how you would react. I made a quick decision that if you didn’t act too nervous about it, I would go ahead and…” he was looking up at me now, “I would go ahead and buy the real engagement ring.” He softly touched my face. “I see you aren’t quite ready for that yet…I just get a little crazy being so near you. I’m trying to rein it in, but seeing you, and feeling you makes it so difficult. With that, he gave me one soft kiss and hug, and grabbing my hand, we left to drive to the hospital.