Atonement (32 page)

I miss you like crazy

woman. I can’t wait to

see you. Keep tonight open

for me. I have something

special planned.

Love, YH

My Tate. He always signed YH now for ‘Your Husband’. No one else carried that title for me, and they never would. But, I was worried he would be disappointed with his choice once he found out what I had done. My stupidity…ugh!

But oh God, what could he have planned? I was going to drive myself crazy waiting for him tonight.

Ooh, you have my interest

piqued! I love and miss you.

YW

A dozen roses arrived every hour starting at 3 pm until 7 pm. Each dozen was a different color…pink, white, yellow, then red with a card that simply said,
I love you more than life, Love, YH
. The last card had an extra note for me to be ready at 8 pm and to be dressed in his favorite sundress and to have a sweater ready…what?! Oh, now I really was wondering what he had planned. I was sitting on the couch by 7:45 pm with a constant kick of my leg. I just couldn’t keep still. Back and forth, back and forth. I couldn’t wait to lay my eyes on Tate. I had missed him SO much. His looks, his touch, his steady presence. I had missed…him! I had put on my navy soft sundress, the one he loved so much. Underneath I had a matching nude
lace underwear and bra set. Spritzing myself with Versace spray, I was ready…at least I think I was. I was nervous as hell. I knew I would have to tell Tate. I guess tonight was as good a time as any. What could he have planned? At 7:55 my phone pinged.

Meet me on the beach, my hot,

sexy mama! Now!!

Love, YH

Of course, the word that caught my breath was ‘mama’. Oh God, did he know? And ‘hot’, well not for much longer. Tears threatened to come to the surface. Okay,
now
it was time to face the music. I had resolved to wait until Tate’s evening was over though. I didn’t want to ruin his moment. Now I just hoped he didn’t sense I was upset. Let the show begin.

I walked out the back door, and straight to the beach. It was still surreal that we lived here. My parents were planning a trip to see us in two weeks. I was so excited! I was hoping to tell them the news by then. I had to see how Tate would react first. Ahhh, I was nervous…actually, that was a true understatement. My heart was pounding up in my ears. My breath was short and labored. I was a wreck.
Calm down Reese. Tate will know right away something is off…calm down!
I repeated this mantra over and over. Please God, let him still want me and love me when he finds out. There was only one way to know how this all would end. Looking to the left and the right once, I neared the sound of the crashing waves until I saw it. Tate had built a small campfire, and there was a blanket and what
appeared to be a sleeping bag laid out on the beach. Oh my, he had planned another romantic evening, a picnic most likely, with a campfire just like when we got engaged. He caught my eyes right away. A long, slow grin spread across his face. Oh…he was SO handsome. Music was playing in the background…’Just the Way You Are’ by Bruno Mars. It had been days since we had any alone time. My body was magnetically being pulled to his.

Tate was holding his arms out to me, bidding me to come join him. Even though I was scared of what was about to unfold, I couldn’t get to him fast enough. I paused a few feet from him, wanting to touch him, to feel his hands in mine, but I couldn’t move. Instead, Tate cocked his head to the side with a small smirk, and came to me. Without a word, we embraced tightly, and he started swaying to the music. “Dance with me,” he said. The feel of our bodies pressed together, and his
obvious
appreciation that we were united again, was a bit overwhelming. That, and the fact that I was still crying at the drop of a hat these days, sank my emotions. My eyes threatened to betray me; tears were building quickly and heavily. I tucked my head into his chest. Then the rock was pelted. Tate said “So, what do you think we’ll have? A boy or a girl?” My breathing stopped, time stood still. I lifted my head in slow motion and slowly raised my eyes to meet his. What was he saying? Did he know? How could he?

“What? You didn’t think I knew did you?” Then he drew in a deep breath, and let out a long sigh. “Reese, why didn’t you tell me? I deserved to know.” I was full on crying now, big, crocodile tears. Tate lifted my chin in a sweet gesture so I would meet his eyes again. “Reese, we’re going to be parents aren’t
we? Together, we did this together. So why didn’t you tell me?” I shook my head yes. One of the most emotional moments I’ve ever witnessed was Tate’s wet eyes at the admission of my confession. Tate grabbed me quickly in a suffocating hug, tears streaming down his face. “This is ahhh! We…we’re going to be parents…Oh shit! We’re going to have a baby!!” He hollered, exhibiting all kinds of emotions, but the one that carried the most weight was excitement. Tate was actually excited to know we were going to have a baby. I was dumbfounded.

“You…you’re not mad? You’re not upset with me? Oh Tate, I’m so sorry. I’m such an idiot.” I was crying and shoving my head into his broad chest again.

He leaned back, still holding me tight. “Mad? Are you crazy? I would have to say I’m a little sad and disappointed that you didn’t tell me right away, but mad? We made a baby together Reese. A baby that will be filled with our blood and your goodness, I couldn’t be happier.” He kissed me, hard. I didn’t realize it was possible to steal my breath and my heart all over again. Could this man be for real? I thought he would hate me for screwing up our early wedding bliss. My heart hurt from the intensity of my feelings. I was relieved and consumed with his acceptance. But then realization dawned.

“Wait, Tate, how did you know?” I was looking at him with a mixture of awe and regret.

“Well, I could say I will always know everything, and that there will never be a chance in hell to hide anything from me,” he looked at me with a smirk followed by a serious expression, then he cupped his hand around the back of my head pulling me down to be nestled in his chest. “But the truth
is I had a phone call yesterday.” I froze, trying to figure out what was coming next. “Our health insurance company contacted me regarding our address. I guess since I’m the carrier, they called me first. I couldn’t imagine why we would have a medical bill, so I cunningly asked her for which visit she was referring to. She told me it was for your annual appointment. I was surprised I didn’t know you had gone, but I didn’t think much about it, at least until she followed it up by telling me when you came back in for your first trimester ultrasound and maternity blood-work they would have the correct address now to send the statements.” My head was spinning, it’s crazy how one phone call can change everything. Of course, the phone call didn’t make me pregnant, obviously, but it did with one swipe fill Tate in on it all. I felt deflated, but in some ways grateful.

“Tate, I…I’m so sorry.” I was in a deep gut wrenching crying stage now. I dropped down on the sand right on my ass. With my head in my hands, I was snubbing.

“Reese, no, no, don’t be so upset. Why didn’t you just tell me? We should have been in on this together, from the start. I’m sorry you felt like you couldn’t come to me. I should have known from the simple fact that you were worried on our honeymoon, and I haven’t noticed you having a period. That’s just not something I’m used to having to worry about.” I started to talk, but he softly laid his hand over my mouth. Whispering he said, “I know this is quick…I mean shit, this is like in a movie. The fact that we got pregnant on our honeymoon and the first night we had sex, is…I mean,” he was struggling for the right words. “Well, it’s crazy. I never thought it would happen to us. I
did want to be married a while before we had kids.” I was shaking my head vigorously, and trying to get out of his grasp, but Tate held me down. “Reese, let me finish. I would have chosen to wait, but that’s not what was chosen for us. God knows the bigger picture, and for some reason this…” He laid his hand so tenderly on my belly, “this baby is supposed to be happening now…and I couldn’t be happier.”

I was stunned. I never expected this type of response. I figured he would want to throw something, or be pissed at me. I never thought he would be
okay
with it. I mean I know Tate, and he would never expect anything to be done about my pregnancy, but I didn’t expect him to be happy. I threw my arms around his neck. “Oh Tate, I’m so sorry I kept this from you. I was afraid to tell you. I’m so, so stupid for not taking my pills with me on our honeymoon. I…I just wasn’t thinking straight.” I was kissing his lips, his cheeks, and his forehead with short, quick kisses. I just needed to touch him all over. I was absolutely, positively infatuated with my gorgeous husband. I was getting more turned on by the minute. Tate’s eyes seared deep into my soul. He took my hand and led me over to the blanket spread out on the beach. I was filling him in on the date of the ultrasound, he of course already knew, but he said he wouldn’t miss it for the world. Staring at each other, I could sense the air change around us, and the temperature of our bodies change.

Tate started slowly kissing my lips, basically singing reminders to my heart of how much I meant to him. The sky darkening, led to a very private, intimate backdrop, and while we had a wonderfully, comfortable, plush bedding a hundred feet away in our home, we chose the serene, sexy blanket underneath us
and the feather-light sheet Tate had provided. We made slow, sweet love to each other by the firelight. It’s truly mystifying just how much an influx of pregnancy hormones can change…well, can change ‘things’. My breast a tender size larger, and my senses exaggerated by a thousand. Oh I could so get used to this. As we lay there for an hour basking in the afterglow of becoming one yet again, Tate stroked my hair (which had become much shinier and stronger in the last few weeks).

We talked about what our baby boy or girl would look like, and how much it may change our lives. We talked about how I would finish my education, and how we would have to carry our new bundle with us on Tate’s away games. I didn’t want to miss anymore of his games if I could help it! At some point, lying on his chest, blissfully contented, I drifted off to Elvis singing ‘Can’t Help Falling In Love With You’. I was so thankful my husband was understanding, and forgiving. I didn’t mean to rock our world with an ‘accident’ so soon after getting married. Tate said he never wanted to hear that word again, and that he had been just as much a part of our plans getting rocked. Now, time to tell both sets of our parents…life was getting ready to get crazy.

ith going to school, wrapping up the MLB season, traveling, and doctor’s appointments, time passed and my due date of January 7
^th
was fast approaching! It was surreal to think that nearly a year ago I had gotten back with Tate and became engaged right around Christmas. A lot had happened in the last few months. I learned all about indigestion, an itchy belly, swollen feet (and toes), heightened senses (especially smell and other increased senses like well, you know), back aches, glowing skin, shiny hair, long nails, sleep loss, memory loss and dang it…thighs that rubbed together. I had no idea!!