Atonement (27 page)

“Are
you suggesting, Counselor, that if you could remove your memories of Seven, you would?”

“If you'd asked me that question a few months ago, I might very well have said, ‘Yes,' ” Cambridge admitted.

“What has changed?”

“I've had sufficient time to accept the choice she made and to recognize that it was probably inevitable; perhaps
not so soon,
but ultimately.”

“And how did you come to this acceptance?”

“I tried drowning my sorrows, but the buggers learned how to swim,” Cambridge smirked. “Now I meditate.”

“You . . .
meditate
?” the Doctor asked in disbelief.

“Why is that so hard to believe?”

“Isn't the practice usually born of a desire to achieve proximity to one's deity of choice? I find it difficult to believe you would acknowledge the existence of any being greater than yourself, let alone attempt to commune with it,” the Doctor replied.

“For some, the practice is devotional, not unlike prayer. For me, it is a mental discipline. By eliminating extraneous thoughts and sensations, and entering a state of alert relaxation, I am able to separate my emotional responses to a thought from the thought itself. The insights that arise when I am able to achieve this detachment never fail to surprise me.”

“Hmm.”

“What?”

“I now have that ability, thanks to Reg's autonomous protocol.”

Cambridge shook his head. “You have the ability to permanently separate emotion from specific memories.
Thought
and memory are not the same thing. One is present tense. One is past. Were you capable of achieving a meditative state, you might find it unnecessary to even contemplate using your new gift. You might be able to find the equilibrium your creator was so determined to force upon you
without
losing the vibrancy of your normal memory storage process.”

“And how would I do that?”

“Practice.”

The Doctor's brow furrowed.

Cambridge sat forward, uncrossing his legs. “I'm going to give you an assignment, Doctor. For the next few days, I want you to set aside some time to actively relax. Eliminate external stimuli as best you can. Clear your mind. Maintain that state for as long as you can. A few minutes will suffice at first, but the longer you can go, the better.”

“Counselor, I really don't think . . .”

“Are you afraid?”

“I most certainly am not.”

A low, clucking sound began to chirp through the counselor's closed lips.

A sharp, merciful trill sounded from the door.

“Come in,” Cambridge and the Doctor said in unison.

Lieutenant Barclay entered. “Hello, Doctor, Counselor. I am sorry to interrupt.”

“It's all right, Reg,” the Doctor assured him.

“Admiral Janeway just came aboard. She'll be departing again for
Voyager
when she's done with Commander Glenn. She wants the counselor and me to accompany her.” Barclay swallowed hard. “Meegan is being transferred to
Voyager
's brig as we speak.”

Cambridge rose to his feet. “Thank you, Lieutenant. I will return as soon as I am able, Doctor, and you and I can resume our work.”

“Counselor?”

“Yes?”

“May I . . . I mean, I would very much like to go with you.”

“Why?”

“I'll be resuming my duties as
Voyager
's temporary CMO tomorrow. I may as well report now.”

Cambridge sighed wearily. “Why?” he asked again.

The Doctor paused. Thus far, Cambridge had refused to accept anything less than the truth from the Doctor's lips. “I need to see for myself what she has become,” he finally admitted.

“Doctor,” Barclay interjected, “every analysis I've done of my
files and the last readings I took of Meegan suggest that none of her personality subroutines survived. The holomatrix remains, but Meegan is gone.”

“I understand,” the Doctor said. “But I still need to see her.”

Cambridge considered him,
almost
compassionately. Finally he shrugged, saying, “I see no medical reason to deny your request. But I am curious.”

“It's one thing to be told a person has died. It's something else to see their corpse,” the Doctor said.

“Have you always been this morbid?”

“I require . . . closure,” the Doctor finally said.

“Closure or revenge?” Cambridge asked. “You understand I'm not philosophically opposed to either.”

“I don't know,” the Doctor admitted.

“Do you have any objections?” Cambridge asked of Barclay.

“No,” Barclay replied.

“Then let's not keep the admiral waiting, gentlemen,” Cambridge said.

•   •   •   •   •

“Both Tirrit and Adaeze have agreed to permit any tests you require, Commander, but you will observe the security protocols I have ordered at all times,” Admiral Janeway advised Commander Glenn. “Under no circumstances will you remove the prisoners from their cells or deactivate the anti-psionic field surrounding them.”

“Lieutenant Velth will be working with our security chief, Lieutenant Bamps, and we will post only organic guards outside their cells,” Commander Glenn assured her. “It's a shame we can't use our holographic security team for this, but given what happened to Meegan, I just don't think it's wise.”

Although
Voyager
would have been Janeway's first choice for holding all of the Seriareen prisoners, she didn't want to pass up the opportunity for a qualified doctor to settle the question once and for all as to whether or not the Seriareen's possession of Veelo, Dhina, and Kashyk was permanent. Glenn was the best choice for that.

General Mattings had asked to take custody of Emem for
the duration of their joint mission to locate Seriar, and Janeway had agreed. In what would likely be the only real exchange of technology between the Confederacy and the Federation, Janeway had provided the general with an anti-psionic force field generator. It would prevent Emem from launching any sort of telepathic attack on the
Calvert
's crew should the opportunity present itself.

The general had departed for Confederacy space once Presider Cin had agreed to allow
Voyager
and
Galen
to join the
Third Calvert
in searching for Seriar. As soon as he returned, Emem would be relocated to his brig, and the three ships would set their course.

Janeway nodded. “I'm going to bring Lieutenant Barclay back to
Voyager
for the next few days, just to confirm his findings about the possibility of separating Lsia from our hologram. He doesn't think we can do it. I'm hoping that because Dhina and Veelo are living beings, there might be a way even though Lsia swears that there isn't.”

“I'll do my best, Admiral.”

“I know you will.”

“But even if I can, would you really risk providing them with holographic bodies like Lsia's?” Glenn asked.

“It's troubling on so many levels,” Janeway acknowledged. “If you find it is possible to separate the Seriareen from their current hosts while saving the lives of the hosts, I might be just as inclined to return them to stasis canisters similar to the ones they were in when you first encountered the Indign.”

“I'll check our records and talk to Benoit about re-creating them, just in case,” Glenn said. “Is there any chance I might have the Doctor's assistance?”

“I'll talk to Counselor Cambridge,” Janeway said. “Reg tells me he's once again functioning within normal parameters. The problem is, it's a
new
normal, and I want to make sure he's adjusted to it as best he can before I ask too much of him.”

“Having something other than his own problems to focus on might help,” Glenn suggested. “We'll be keeping pace with
Voyager
once we
set course for Seriar. Since our communications restrictions have been lifted within the Confederacy, there's no reason I couldn't consult with him while I work,” Glenn said.

“As long as the counselor agrees,” Janeway said.

“One more question, Admiral.”

“Go ahead.”

“I know we're not going to be able to do anything to change the state of medicine in the Confederacy, at least in the short run. But after I finished going through the material ownership decrees you requested I research, I spent some more time looking at some of the central library's other records.”

“To what end?”

“I just wanted to see if there was anything there that might help Doctor Kwer or her clinic.”

“Did you find anything?”

“Not yet, but with your permission, I'd like to keep looking.”

“As long as it doesn't interfere with your other duties.”

“Of course not, Admiral,” Glenn said.

“Velth to Captain Glenn.”

Glenn tapped her combadge. “Go ahead, Ranson.”

“
The prisoners have been secured.”

“Admiral Janeway and I are on our way,” Glenn advised.

VOYAGER

Lsia had found the sensation of being suspended in open space surrounded by an energy field intensely disconcerting. For this, she was grateful. Since she had taken this holographic form, she had experienced nothing similar. She had believed that as long as she was trapped in this holomatrix, she was damned to a half-existence, one where she understood the feelings various situations should provoke, but would forever remain insensate of them. Every hour she spent enclosed in that invisible cage had produced ever-increasing, visceral fear. This had been progress, in a manner of speaking.

Perhaps this form had more to offer than she once thought.

Her new home was no larger than her previous prison. Its only furnishing was a long bench that ran along the back wall. A shield of visible light separated her from the rest of the brig, which contained four other empty cells.

She had not spoken to any of the others since they had turned themselves over to General Mattings. Tirrit and Adaeze were older than Lsia, having survived more than a dozen transfers each. Little could shake them. Emem was another story. He was only two transfers into immortality when he had been captured and contained. His shattered hopes for Admiral Janeway's tribunal and the loss of their allies could easily have driven him to extreme anxiety by now. She hoped he had used the last few days in patient reflection, analyzing his mistakes and learning from them.

She knew him too well to believe this likely. Soon, it wouldn't matter.

Captain Chakotay, a tall man with coloring similar to her own and an intricate black design on his forehead, entered the brig, moving to stand directly across from her. She had found his questions in their last interview revealing. He trusted her less than any of those present. He had likely counseled against accepting her request for assistance. It was a pity that his voice had not carried the day.

She lifted her shoulders and chin. She was his prisoner.
For now.

“Welcome back to
Voyager,
” he greeted her.

“It is a definite improvement over my previous quarters,” she said.

A faint smile of acknowledgment vanished from his lips before it was fully formed. “My crew has reviewed your data and believes they have discovered the likely location for Seriar. It is, as you feared, in an area of unstable space. We are formulating strategies for safe navigation through the area, but should we find it too dangerous, we may not be able to offer you the assistance you hoped for.”

“You don't strike me as a man who runs from danger,” Lsia observed.

“I
do when it's avoidable,” he countered. “I'm as curious as the next, but I'm more than willing to live without answers if it means protecting my ship and my crew. Unfortunately for you, my ego isn't quite that fragile.”

“So I see.”

They were interrupted by the arrival of Admiral Janeway, the ship's counselor, the holographic doctor, and Lieutenant Barclay. Of the four, Barclay was the only one that approached her cell with any trepidation.

He was right, of course, to still fear her. The rest were fools not to.

“Hello, Lsia,” the admiral said once she had settled herself beside Chakotay.

“Have the others been released from their previous holding cells?” Lsia asked.

“Tirrit and Adaeze are now aboard the
Galen.
Emem will be transferred to the
Third Calvert
as soon as General Mattings returns,” Janeway replied.

“Where has he gone?” Lsia asked.

“I don't know,” Janeway admitted. “But he is expected back by the end of the day. I can assure you that Emem is quite safe and remains in what appears to be good health.”

Emem has not yet done anything stupid. Excellent
.

“I'll advise you of our progress,” Janeway continued. “You will remain here during our explorations but a comm panel has been installed in your cell and should we require your input, it will be activated in order for you to communicate directly with our bridge officers.”

“Can't I—” she began. “That is, I am understandably anxious to be among the first to see Seriar when we arrive there.”

“This cell has been equipped with a special anti-psionic field. You have said that you cannot transfer out of your current host until that host is destroyed, but just in case, we've taken this extra precaution. This is the only location on the ship where we can be assured that you are completely contained and for now, I'm afraid you will have to remain here.”

“I understand.”

Janeway nodded to Chakotay and together they moved to speak quietly to Barclay, the Doctor, and Cambridge. Lsia could not hear their conversation, but after a few minutes, the admiral and Chakotay departed. The Doctor looked to Cambridge and Barclay, and both of them retreated toward the door, giving the Doctor and Lsia as much privacy as was possible in the small space.