Autumn Getaway (Seasons of Love) (27 page)

“Yeah, I’m fine,” she said breathlessly. “I just… I can’t do this. I can’t. God, Sam, I’m so sorry, but I can’t.”

He dropped his head to nuzzle her neck, trying to calm himself down as quickly as possible. The only barriers between their otherwise naked bodies were her black satin panties. Another minute, maybe less… he immediately recognized that he wouldn’t be able to settle down if he kept lying on top of her, thinking about being inside her, his whole body throbbing with need. He gave her one more kiss before he carefully shifted his weight and rolled off to lie next to her. They laid side by side in the dark, catching their breath, not speaking, trying to regain their composure. The only source of light was from the moon outside, shining softly blue and pale through the large windows and tinting the room with its glow.

“I’m not trying to be a tease,” she said next to him in the darkness, her rich voice ragged and apologetic. “I’m not trying to give you mixed signals. I’m really not. I just… I can't. I’m sorry.”

“Lydia, it’s okay,” he said, once he was able to speak normally. He leaned up on one elbow and looked down at her with a comforting half smile. “I told you at the start, you call the shots here. I told you if you needed to stop, we'd stop. When I said that, I meant it. We’re good.”

“I know you did. But I'm sorry if you feel like I led you on only to stop short… if you're angry,” she murmured. “I'd totally understand if you are.”

“Angry? I'm not angry at all. A little frustrated? Yes. Hell yes.” He laughed wryly. “I really… I wanted you more than I… you feel so damn good.”

She turned onto her side to face him. “God, so do you, believe me.” She smiled back at him and reached up to gently run her fingers through the dark hair on his chest, then trailed them along his neck. “I mean, considering we’re lying here all but naked together, it’s going to sound ridiculous, but… I can’t sleep with you. I’m sorry. But I’m not going to, not tonight. It’s just not who I am. I need to draw this line, for myself.” She peered at him in the darkness. “You’re wonderful, you really are. And I know being with you, like that, would be amazing; but in the morning, I’d be so mad at myself that it would just ruin it all for me. So…”

“Hey. It’s okay. It’s fine, Lydia,” he said. “I’m not some college-aged frat boy. I'm not mad at you for wanting to stay true to yourself, it doesn’t sound ridiculous.” He kissed her softly and added with a sultry smile, “Besides. There’s always next time.”

She let him silence her with another kiss as her mind went utterly blank.
Next time?
What did that mean? Was he thinking… was he planning to see her again after the weekend? Did that mean he
wanted
to see her again?

He pulled back to look into her eyes, tenderly caressed her cheek and pushed her hair away from her face. “But don't leave,” he murmured. “I don’t want you to go yet.”

“Good, because I don’t want to go yet,” she admitted with a gentle smile.

He kissed her again, soft and deep. “Don’t go at all. Stay here,” he whispered. Another kiss, a nip at her bottom lip. “Stay with me tonight.”

“Sam…”

“I didn’t say ‘sleep with me tonight’,” he said quickly. “Yes, sleep here tonight, but… I want you to
stay
. In my bed, in my arms, with me.” He flashed a small, sweet grin. “We can just talk until we fall asleep, or we don't have to talk at all. But I'd like you to stay.” He looked deeply into her eyes and kissed her again. “Stay.”

Lydia sighed in pleasant surrender. “Okay. I'll stay. But I’m not going to be able to actually
sleep
in this bed with you if we’re both still mostly naked. I mean, it’s not like I don’t want you. I do. A lot. And if you're still naked, I’m going to want to change my mind, and you’ll gladly let me.” She let out a short laugh as she added, “I’m not up to that kind of challenge.”

“Hmmm.” Sam slowly got out of bed and went to the dresser. His eyes had adjusted to the darkness, and he could see easily, especially with the help of the rays of moonlight that streamed through his windows. He found the drawers, pulled out a black T-shirt and unrolled it. He held it out to her with a disarmingly cute grin. “Will this do?”

She smiled, charmed by him. “That’ll be fabulous. Thank you.”

He handed her the T-shirt. As she thanked him again and pulled it on, he was already going back to the dresser. He crouched down to open the bottom drawer, felt along until he found the pair of blue striped cotton pajama pants he’d put in there, and pulled them on. Then he grabbed the navy T-shirt that went with it and pulled that on over his lean frame. He held out his arms, gesturing to himself for her approval. “Is this better?” he asked her.

Lydia shook her head, a twinkle in her eyes. “No. You’re too far away.”

A pleased smile spread on his face, the bright smile that thrilled her. He crossed the room and went to her, crawling across the mattress to her, kissing her as he gently pushed her back into the pillows. When the kisses deepened and grew steamier again, he pulled away; but he smiled sweetly at her to show there were no hard feelings, that he was just respecting her wishes.

“God, this isn't easy,” she murmured. “I hope you know that. You're delicious.”

“Ha! Thanks.” He grinned and kissed her once more. “I’m thirsty as hell,” he said abruptly. “Are you?”

She chuckled. “Now that you mention it, yeah, I am.”

“I have nothing here,” he said. “I’m calling room service.”

“Now?” she asked. “It’s the middle of the night.”

“So? That’s what they’re there for.” Sam rolled away from her, found the phone in the dim light, and dialed the front desk. He placed a small order with room service, then rolled back to her with a playful grin. “So. How we doin’?”

“We’re doin’ just fine, thank you.” She smiled vibrantly at him.

They lay in each other's arms, sharing soft kisses and caresses until there was a knock on the door. Sam got up, went to the writing desk to turn on the small light there so he could see better, and answered the door.

Lydia rolled away, onto her side, to stare out the window. There was a full moon, and it was huge, bright, glowing. “Full moon,” she murmured to herself. “Figures.”

“Here you go.” Sam was standing over her, holding out a bottle of spring water.

She turned back to him and sat up. “Thank you.” She opened it quickly and downed almost half of it. Then she recapped it and reached up to smooth her hair down a bit. Sam had already finished two thirds of his water and was making himself comfortable, sitting up in bed next to her, leaning back against the wall for support. He pulled the blanket over his legs, inched in closer to her, then reached for the fruit bowl he’d set on the end table.

“Let’s see what we have here,” he said as he placed it on the mattress in between them, balancing it on their adjacent legs. They peered together into the large, emerald green glass bowl; it held both purple and green grapes, a Gala apple, two Clementines, a banana, and strawberries. “Ladies first,” Sam offered, smiling graciously.

“Thank you.” She smiled back, and plucked a few of the purple grapes from the bunch. As soon as she popped one into her mouth, she gave a tiny moan of delight. “Mmm. Oh my God, I didn’t even realize it, but I was hungry. This is totally hitting the spot right now.”

He laughed and kissed her cheek before taking out the banana. “Guess we worked up an appetite. The fun way.” He winked. “Want to split this with me? Potassium to keep our energy up. Half for each of us.”

She smirked at the teasing expression on his face. “Actually, I have to admit, my energy
is
flagging a little. I’m not drunk anymore. You worked the alcohol out of my system. I’m think I’m running on adrenaline and fumes right now.”

“Then you’re definitely in need of this.” He peeled the banana, snapped it in half, and handed her a piece. She accepted his offering. He ate his half and asked, “So are you warning me you’re going to pass out on me sooner than later?”

“It’s more than likely,” she said with a rueful grin. “It’s way past my bedtime, and I’ve had too much to drink today, and it’s just been a
long
day. You better keep me talking if you don’t want me to zonk out on your shoulder.”

“Okay.” He smiled and took some of the green grapes, then angled himself towards her so he could look at her with ease. She looked slightly tousled, slightly flushed, and utterly gorgeous to him. “God, you're beautiful,” he murmured. He leaned in to give her a delicate kiss, then pulled back and said bluntly, “So tell me about your job.”

She had to chuckle at his quick shift of tone and subject. “My job?”

“Sure. It’s a safe topic, neutral enough, right?” He grinned, then tossed a grape up into the air and caught it in his mouth.

“Nice trick,” she laughed.

“Thank you. Many years of circus training.”

She giggled and plucked some more purple grapes for herself.

“Did you always want to be a teacher?” Sam asked. “Or when you were growing up, did you want to be something else and came to teaching? How did you get there?”

“Really, I just always loved to read,” Lydia said. “And there aren’t many professions where they pay you to read books. I was an English lit major in college. But as I was preparing to graduate, I realized there weren’t many jobs for an English lit major that didn’t somehow connect to teaching. So I went right back, got my Masters in Childhood Education, and became a reading teacher. I didn't want to teach on a high school or college level, I always liked little kids. Love them, actually. And I like to help people. It seemed like a natural progression.”

Sam nodded. “Sounds simple enough. And it’s a truly noble profession. I have an aunt who's a teacher, and two of my cousins are teachers too.” He ate another grape. “So do you still like it? I mean, you said you just went back last month after a few years off, right?”

There was a quick flash in her eyes, something dark he couldn’t name, but he’d caught it. He watched her as she pressed her lips together for a second, in thought. Then she said slowly, “Yes, I still like it.” Her voice had changed. Some of the casual ease had left; her tone was somewhat somber. “In fact, now that I’m a parent, I’m coming back into teaching with a markedly different perspective; in terms of how I see the kids, listen to them, react to them. I have a better, deeper understanding of them now that I just didn’t have before, couldn't possibly.” She put a grape in her mouth and chewed it before she added, “The truth is, I wish I hadn’t had to go back just yet. I wanted one more year home with Andy, to be home with him until he went into Pre-K, until he was in school for the full day… but it didn’t work out that way.” She snorted softly. “Everything went very differently than I’d planned.”

“Life does that sometimes,” Sam said, his quiet tone matching hers. “Man plans and God laughs, as the saying goes. What matters is how you handle what comes your way. That you handle
it
, instead of letting it handling
you
. And it seems to me you’re doing fine.”

She smirked and joked, “You’re just saying that because I’m in your bed without any pants on.”

He gave a short laugh, but shook his head and assured her, “No. I think you’re a strong woman. You’re handling things. You’re doing just fine.”

“No offense,” she said warily, her golden brown eyes searching his face, “but how do you know? I mean, really, what makes you say that?”

Sam shrugged. “From talking to you. Getting to know you. You’ve got a good head on your shoulders. You’re smart, you're strong, and you’re holding steady. That’s what I’ve gotten from our conversations. Is that so surprising?”

She snorted again and busied herself with a Clementine, rolling it in her hands. She peeled it in silence.

“Did I say something to offend you?” he asked carefully.

“No, no.” A quick smile curved her lips. “It’s just… interesting to hear what someone else thinks of you, an outside perspective.”

“An outsider’s observation often doesn’t quite match how you view yourself, does it?” Sam said.

She gave a short, caustic laugh and admitted, “No, it doesn’t.”

He took a piece of the Clementine she held out to him and thanked her. “So what did I say that you don’t agree with?” he asked. “Or, that you don't agree with the most?”

“Um…” Lydia shifted her position, fidgety, obviously uncomfortable with the question. She slowly ate a piece of the Clementine before answering in a hushed tone, “I guess the ‘holding steady’ part. I don’t… always feel so steady. Not this year, anyway.”

Sam nodded, gave her a long look, then lifted her hand and kissed the palm with utmost tenderness. “Mmm, you smell like Clementines.” He smiled. “Sweet and delicious.” His eyes never left hers as he kissed her fingertips, each one slowly, and nipped at the pad of her thumb. It made her insides feel warm and wobbly. He shot her a sultry smile.

“You know what?” she said, her voice stronger, resolute. “I don’t mean to sound like I’m whining, so forgive me. And I don’t want to sound that way, or be that way, ever, at all. The times when I start to sink, I just think of my son. And then I quickly remember that I don’t have time to throw myself a pity party. I refuse to do it—for him, and for myself. So I pick myself up again and get through another day. That’s all any of us can do, right?”

“Absolutely,” Sam said, his voice a caress as he watched her recompose herself.

After a minute, Lydia cleared her throat. “So now let’s talk about
your
job. Why didn’t you tell me the truth about it?”

Sam’s eyebrows lifted in surprise. “Excuse me? What do you mean?”

She slowly pulled her hand away and said, “I mean, when we had that first conversation, in the garden, you told me you were a graphic designer, Web design. But that’s not the whole truth, it’s only part of it.”

He nodded and said plainly, “Yes, you’re right.”

“Creative Director, huh? Like, the boss?”

He merely nodded again.

“At a huge company, in a major city. That's big time. I don't understand why you would lie about it.” Lydia let her consternation show. “I mean, you must’ve worked hard to get to the position you’re in, and it’s impressive. You should be proud. So why wouldn’t you—”