Awaken Me (The Jaded Series Book 4) (6 page)

We stop beside the tub, and I wait for instructions from Jaxon.

“Make sure his head doesn’t hit the tub,” he grunts.

“Okay.”

I do as he says as Jaxon steps in the tub and starts lowering Nick. I grab the back of his head and place it gently on the wall of the shower. Jaxon steps out, and I walk around to stand beside him. We both look down at the still passed-out Nick.

Seeing Nick lying in the tub has my gut clenching. I hate seeing him this broken. What must it be like to love someone so much that you would rather let yourself go than live without them?

“You ready? It’s not going to be pretty,” Jaxon warns.

Taking a deep breath for courage because I know it’s going to be bad, I nod.

Jaxon grabs the handheld showerhead, points it at Nick, and twists both knobs.

It only takes a few seconds for Nick to spring up in the shower with a shouted “What the hell?” He sputters out water and wipes at his face, but it does no good because Jaxon is still spraying him. Trying to get away from the water, Nick huddles in the corner. I step slightly behind Jaxon, to get away from the water that Nick is slinging across the room.

“Fuck!” Nick slurs loudly. “Stop that shit!”

“You awake yet, fucker?” Jaxon retorts.

“Goddamn it, Jaxon, turn the fucking water off,” Nick growls.

I stay huddled behind Jaxon, not yet ready to show Nick I’m here. So what, if that makes me a coward. I do peek over his shoulder though. Nick has his head laid back against the wall while Jaxon sprays his chest, water splashing up on his face. His shirt is soaked, and I see his dark ink through the thin fabric on his muscular arms and chest. His gray shorts are soaked through as well, showing off thick thighs. There’s a little more color in his cheeks, and I sag in relief.

Jaxon reaches over and turns the knobs until the water shuts off. Nick still has his head back but now his eyes are shut. His chest heaves up and down. Water drips from his hair and beard.

“What the fuck was that for?” Nick asks Jaxon angrily, without opening his eyes.

“I’m done. We’re all done. You won’t take care of yourself, then we’ll do it for you. I get you’re hurting. Believe me, I get it, but that doesn’t mean you get to give up. Anna would be so ashamed of you right now, Nick. It would break her fucking heart seeing you like this.”

Nick cracks his eyes open and glares at Jaxon. “Yeah, well, she’s not here, is she? She’s not here to see me like this, so I think your point is moot. Fuck off.”

“Moot or not, I don’t give a fuck. Now get your ass up and put dry clothes on. We’ll see you in the living room. Let’s go, Chris.”

At the mention of my name, Nick lifts his head from the wall. I watch as he slowly brings his eyes over Jaxon’s shoulder and meets mine. Something unfamiliar flashes in his eyes before they turn hard.

He opens his mouth, I’m sure to say something cruel, but Jaxon steps in front of me, blocking Nick’s view.

“Keep your fucking mouth shut.”

Jaxon turns, puts his hands on my shoulders, and ushers me out of the bathroom, but not before I look over and see Nick watching me.

I hear a loud crash come from the bathroom and Nick’s muttered curses as we make our way to the living room. It takes everything in me to continue walking. Jaxon must sense my hesitance, because he grabs my elbow. “Leave him. He’ll be okay.”

I give one last glance at the door, turn, and walk into the living room. Jaxon continues and walks through a doorway across the room.

Before following him, I look around the messy living room. There’re even more beer bottles in here and a few microwavable plastic containers with small portions of food still in them on the coffee table. At least he’s been eating something. There’s a stack of papers, some folders, and a laptop on one of the end tables. Some of the papers have fallen to the floor, and I reach down to pick them up and put them back. Over by the sliding glass door there’s a pile of wrinkled clothes.

The dark brown leather couch looks old and worn, but comfortable. Across from it, there’s a big-screen TV hanging on the wall. It’s got to be the newest thing in the living room. The walls are painted off-white and the floors are hardwood. They are scuffed and look original to the house. With a little bit of cleaning and updating, the place could be gorgeous.

When I walk into the kitchen a few minutes later, Jaxon is making coffee. The kitchen is in no better shape than the living room. The appliances are a bit outdated and the countertops are old. The wood cabinets look worn and dull. The sink is full of dirty dishes and the trash is overflowing. There’s a multitude of items all over the counters. This is definitely a place where the occupant doesn’t care how messy it gets.

“You want a cup?” Jaxon asks. He’s holding up his cup of coffee in question.

“Yes, please. Two sugars and a splash of milk,” I tell him.

He turns back and sets to making me a cup. With his back turned to me, he says, “Nick and Anna were planning to redecorate. She passed before they got the chance.”

“It’s a nice place,” I say, and take a seat at the bar. The stool wobbles when I plant my ass on it, so I sit real still. “Do you know why he still hasn’t done anything with it?”

Jaxon sets my coffee down in front of me and leans back against the counter opposite me. He shrugs while taking a sip. I pick mine up and breathe in the amazing aroma.

“Not sure, but I’m sure he feels it was supposed to be a project for him and Anna to do together and he’s scared of doing it without her. It solidifies the fact even more that she’s gone and not coming back.”

I nod, understanding his meaning. Losing someone precious is hard enough on its own. When you add in all the reminders from places and things that were important to the both of you, it just magnifies the pain. Continuing on with plans of the house they made together would be a slap in the face.

“I know I’ve said it before, but I’m sorry for what happened to your sister,” I tell Jaxon quietly.

He smiles sadly at me. “I am, too.”

He turns, opens the fridge, and starts shoving stuff around inside. He takes a few things out and puts them on the counter. With his back to me, I ask him a question I’m not sure I want the answer to. It’s a question that scares me.

“Do you think he would have done it?”

At my question, he straightens and gently closes the fridge door. I don’t need to clarify what I’m asking. He knows.

The pain in his eyes slithers through me when he turns around. Without him saying anything, I already have my answer and it nearly breaks me.

“I don’t know,” he says, but the truth is in his eyes. He’s scared of the answer as well. “Grief does a lot of things to people. It makes them do irrational and stupid things. I want to say no, but Nick’s never had a gun before. Anna hated them, so he never owned one because of that. For him to have one now, in the state he’s in…” He stops, but he doesn’t need to finish anyway.

It’s true. Grief takes many forms. Sometimes it’s so overwhelming that it makes a person think the only way out of the grief is to end it. Tears prick the back of my eyes and a sharp pain shoots through my chest at the thought of Nick hurting himself. I don’t know him that well, but I already care for him.

“What did you do with it?” I ask, not really caring as long as it’s gone.

“In my truck,” he replies. “I’m going to go call Bailey and let her know I’ll be here for a while. I want to make sure Nick’s in the right state of mind before we leave. I also need to let Mia know I’ll need her to open the bar. After, I’ll make us some lunch.”

I grab his arm when he goes to pass by me.

“No, you go. I’ll stay here with Nick.”

He’s shaking his head before the words even leave my mouth. “I’m not leaving you here alone with him. Not until he’s sober.”

I squeeze his arm. “It’s okay, Jaxon. Like you’ve told me before, he won’t hurt me. He’ll try with his words, but I’m tough. I can take it. I want to be here for him. I
need
to. And I want to do it on my own.”

His eyes flicker back and forth between mine. I know he’s weighing the choice of staying with me or leaving. He’s seen how nasty Nick can be toward me, and I’m sure he’ll be beyond pissed to see me in his home, especially alone. But as I told him, I can handle it. I can handle just about anything as long as I’m there for Nick and can help him through his pain.

After several seconds, Jaxon comes to a decision. “Alright, but you call me if you need me. I’ll be back in the morning to check on him. The keys to his truck are on the table by the door. If you need to leave for some reason, let me know and I’ll come back. I don’t want him left alone.”

“I will,” I promise.

Before he leaves, we both walk back to Nick’s room to find him passed out on his bed. I blush and feel a tingle between my legs when I see he’s only in his boxers. He’s on his stomach, lying diagonally across the bed. It’s dark in the room because of the curtains, but I can see the dark shapes of his tattoos across his muscular back and biceps. The hand that has the spiderweb tattoo is up by his face. He finally looks peaceful.

I spy a blanket on the chair by the window. Jaxon watches while I unfold it and place it over Nick’s sleeping form. He’s been cold enough already. After picking up another collection of empty beer cans and whiskey bottles, Jaxon and I leave the room. We deposit the bottles in the trash and walk out to his truck.

“He’s going to try, but don’t let him push you away, Chris,” Jaxon tells me, while he stands there with his arm slung over the open truck door. “You get in his face and push right back if you have to. He can be a mean sonofabitch, but underneath it all he’s a great guy.”

“He can try all he wants, but I can be bullheaded just as much as he can.” I smile at him, before it turns into a frown. “I hate seeing him like this.”

He reaches over and kisses my cheek before saying gruffly, “We all do. It’s gonna be hard, but I think you can help pull him out of this. He reacts to you. Shows emotions I haven’t seen in a long time.”

I sure hope he’s right.

After saying good-bye, I walk back to the house. I make myself a ham-and-Swiss sandwich and wash it down with a glass of water. I wash the dishes in the sink, clear the clutter, and disinfect every surface in the kitchen. Next, I move on to the living room. I pick up and throw away the nasty food containers, then gather up the papers and folders, and move down the hallway, opening and closing doors along the way. Halfway down, I find what I’m looking for: an office. This room seems to be the only one that’s already been redecorated.

Feeling like I’m trespassing on sacred ground, I slowly make my way inside. The desk in the center of the room is huge and made out of dark wood. There’re various papers thrown all over the desk, and a couple bookshelves full of books. There’s also a tall filing cabinet. Over in the corner sits a comfortable looking black recliner with a small table beside it. The walls are painted a light brown and there are a couple of framed blueprints hanging from them, along with a few pictures of buildings.

I tiptoe to the desk like I’m scared of making any noises, and put the papers and folders on top. I notice a small frame lying facedown on the desk. I pick it up and flip it over. I never met Anna, but I’ve seen plenty of pictures of her at Jaxon and Bailey’s house, so I know the girl looking back at me is her. It’s a close-up. She has sandy-blonde hair that’s braided to the side and lying over her shoulder. She has her head bent but she’s looking at the camera shyly through her lashes. Her eyes are a beautiful blue. I can see why anyone would fall in love with her. She has such a sweet and wholesome look.

I put the picture back down the way it was and take one last glance around, before making my way to the door. I close it softly behind me. I decide to check on Nick before settling down in the living room.

When I push his bedroom door open, I find he’s flipped to his back with the covers pushed down to his waist. Feeling like a pervert but unable to help myself, my eyes drift to his chest and I admire it. He has a tattoo on his left pec of a beating heart. I have to lean down and squint to see the date inside the heart: the day Anna died. He has a few more tattoos on his stomach and sides, but I can’t tell what they are in the dark. In the almost two years I’ve known him, I’ve never seen him without his shirt. The sight of his naked chest pulls me in and before I know it, I’m leaning closer. His arms bulge with muscles and his stomach is flat with a six-pack. With him lying on his back, his stomach is sunken in a little, showing off his hip bones. The light dusting of hair on his pecs travels down his abs and disappears in the waistband of his boxers.

An image of me running my fingers through the hair comes to mind. I feel heat hit my face and my eyes swing to his. Relief floods me when I see he’s still sleeping. Resisting the urge to push away the hair hanging over his face, I turn and walk out of his room.

I don’t know what it is about Nick, but something pulls me to him. Yes, in the beginning it was the pain his eyes radiated, but it’s something more. I’ve tried pulling back, tried not caring, but something tells me I should. That I need to be there for him. I’m not under the illusion that he’s just going to willingly let me help. Lord knows, he’s shown me in enough ways he wants nothing to do with me. But no matter how much of an ass he is, I still come back for more. I’m not the type who gets off on being treated like dirt, or hurt, but coming from Nick and knowing the reason he’s doing it makes it not quite so hard to handle.

I grab my purse from the floor where I dropped it and walk over to the couch. I sit and pull my book out. This is a new one I got from the library a couple of days ago. I devoured the one I got when Bailey was with me. I can understand her love of romance books now. Of course, this will only be my second, but I sense a new obsession coming on.

I grab the small throw off the back of the couch and snuggle up against the armrest. After getting comfortable, I crack open the new book and my eyes stay glued to it until they drift closed a couple hours later.