Awakened (18 page)

I didn’t know what to say. No, that’s not true. I did know what I wanted to say: I wanted to shriek,
If the whole world’s drowning in sadness why do I want to come back to it?
But I knew that was weak and wrong on many different levels. So instead I said, kinda lamely, “We’ll make it through this. We really will.”

“Yeah, we will!” she said firmly. “Okay, look, together you and me, we gotta be able to figure out a way to expose Neferet’s evil to the High Council once and for all.”

“I still can’t believe they bought that load of bullpoopie she shoveled at them,” I said.

“Me neither. I guess it basically came down to a High Priestess’s word against a dead human kid. Heath lost.”

“Neferet isn’t a High Priestess anymore! Jeesh, it pisses me off! And now it’s not just Heath, but Jack. She’s going to pay for what she did, Stevie Rae. I’m gonna make sure she does.”

“She’s gotta be stopped.”

“Yeah, she does.” I knew we were right—that we had to fight to get Neferet out of power, but just the thought overwhelmed me. Even I heard the exhaustion in my voice. I was tired all the way down to my soul, truly sick and tired of fighting against Neferet’s evil. It seemed like for every one step forward I won I was somehow, eventually, no matter what, knocked two steps back.

“Hey, you’re not in this alone.”

“Thanks, Stevie Rae. I know I’m not. And anyway, this really isn’t about me. It’s
really
about doing what’s right for Heath and Jack and Anastasia and whoever else Neferet and her evil horde decide to mow down next.”

“Yeah, you can say that, but evil has taken a pretty dang big toll on you lately.”

“That’s true, but I’m still standing. A bunch of other folks aren’t.” I wiped my face with my sleeve again, wishing I had a Kleenex. “Speaking of evil and death and whatnot: have you seen Kalona? No way did Neferet really have him whipped and banished. He’s gotta be all into everything with her. That means if she’s in Tulsa, he’s in Tulsa.”

“Well, rumor has it she really did have him whipped,” Stevie Rae said.

I snorted. “That figures. He’s supposed to be her Consort, so she has him beaten. Wow. I kinda knew he liked pain, but even I’m surprised that he agreed to that.”

“Well, uh, rumor has it he didn’t exactly agree to it.”

“Oh, please. Neferet is scary, but she can’t order around an immortal.”

“Looks like she can order around this one. She has some kinda hold over him because he failed in his, uh, dastardly mission to annihilate you.”

I could hear the humor that Stevie Rae was trying to add to her voice and I attempted a little laugh for her benefit, but I think both of us knew the funny didn’t begin to overcome the horrible.

“Well, ya know, being bossed around by Neferet is something Kalona isn’t gonna like, and it’s about time he got a big old dose of not liking something,” I said.

“I hear you. I think Kalona’s probably here somewhere lurkin’ around all in her nasty shadow, and by that I mean her crotch,” said Stevie Rae.

“Eeeew!” That did make me laugh, and Stevie Rae’s giggle joined mine. For a moment we were BFFs again, being cracked up by the proliferation of skank in our world. Sadly, too soon the less amusing parts of our world intruded and our laughter dried up way faster than it used to. I sighed and said, “So, during all this rumor listening and stuff you didn’t actually happen to see Kalona, did you?”

“Nope, but I’m keepin’ my eyes open.”

“Good, ’cause catching that jerk with Neferet after she’s told the High Council she’s banished him for a hundred years would definitely be a step toward proving she’s not what everyone thinks,” I said. “Oh, while you’re keeping your eyes open, remember to have them pointed up. Wherever Kalona is, those gross birdboys of his will eventually show, too. No way do I think they’ve all suddenly disappeared.”

“Okay. Yeah. Got it.”

“And didn’t Stark tell me that there actually was a Raven Mocker spotted in Tulsa?” I paused, trying to remember what he had said.

“Yeah, there was one seen once, but not since then.”

Stevie Rae’s voice sounded weird, all tight like she was having trouble talking. Hell, who could blame her? I’d basically left her holding the ball there at my House of Night. Just thinking about what she’d gone through with Jack and Damien made me feel sick.

“Hey, be careful, ’kay? I couldn’t stand it if anything happened to you,” I said.

“Don’t worry. I’ll be careful.”

“Good. So, sunset is in just a little over two hours. As soon as Stark’s up we’ll get our stuff together and be on the first plane home,” I heard myself say, even though it made my stomach feel sick.

“Oh, Z! I’m so glad! Besides needin’ you back here, I’ve missed you so much.”

I smiled into the phone. “I’ve missed you, too. And it’ll be good to be home,” I lied.

“So text me when you know what time y’all will get in. If I’m not in my coffin I’ll be there to meet ya.”

“Stevie Rae, you do not sleep in a coffin,” I said.

“I might as well ’cause I’m seriously dead to the world when the sun’s up.”

“Yeah, Stark, too.”

“Hey, how is your boy? Feelin’ better?”

“He’s good.” I paused and added, “
Real
good, actually.”

True to form, Stevie Rae’s
BFF
radar heard between the lines. “Oh, nuh uh. Y’all did
not
?”

“What if I said we
did
?” I could feel my cheeks getting warm.

“Then I’d say a big ol’ Oklahoma
yee haw
!”

“Well yee haw away then.”

“Details. I want some serious details,” she said, and then gave a giant yawn.

“You’ll get details,” I said. “Almost dawn there?”

“A little past, actually. I’m fadin’ fast, Z.”

“No problem. Get some sleep. I’ll see ya soon, Stevie Rae.”

“Later, ’gator,” she said around another yawn.

I ended the call and went over to stare at Stark where he slept like a dead guy in our canopied bed. That I was totally in love with Stark wasn’t in question, but just then I would really,
really
have liked it if I could shake his shoulder and have him wake up like a normal guy. But I knew it would be useless to even try to get him up early. Today the sun was unusually shiny on Skye—I mean, super bright with not one speck of clouds. No way Stark would be able to communicate decently with me for—I glanced at the clock—two and a half more hours. Well, at least that gave me time to pack and also to find the queen and break the news to her—that I was gonna leave this place that felt so right, so much like a home to me, this place that Sgiach had decided to bring back into the real world again, at least kinda sorta, because of what I’d brought back into her life. And now I was going to take off and leave it all behind because …

My brain caught up with the babbling chaos of my thoughts and everything clicked into place.

“Because this isn’t my home,” I whispered. “Home is Tulsa. It’s where I belong.” I smiled sadly at my sleeping Guardian. “It’s where
we
belong.” I felt the rightness of it even as I understood all that was waiting for me there—and all that I was losing leaving here.

“It’s time I went home,” I said firmly.

“Say something. Anything. Please.” I’d just blurted my guts out to Sgiach and Seoras. Naturally, telling the story of Jack’s horrible death had made me bawl and snot. Again. And then I’d babbled about having to go home and be a proper High Priestess even though I wasn’t one hundred percent sure what that really meant, while both of them watched me silently with expressions that looked wise and unreadable at the same time.

“The death of a friend is always difficult to bear. It is doubly difficult if it comes too soon—too young,” Sgiach said. “I am sorry for your loss.”

“Thank you,” I said. “It doesn’t seem real yet.”

“Aye, well, it will, lass,” Seoras said gently. “You should be rememberin’, though, that a queen puts aside grieving fur duty. You cannae have a clear head if ’tis filled with grief.”

“I don’t think I’m old enough for all of this,” I said.

“No one is, child,” Sgiach said. “I would have you consider something before you take your leave of us. When you asked if you could remain here on Skye I said that you should stay here until your conscience bade you leave. Is it your conscience talking to you now, telling you the time is right for you to leave, or is it the machination of others that is—”

“Okay, stop,” I said. “Neferet probably believes she’s manipulating me into coming back, but the truth is that I have to go back to Tulsa because it’s my home.” I met Sgiach’s eyes as I continued speaking, hoping that she would understand. “I love it here. On lots of levels it feels right to be here—so right that it’d be easy for me to stay. But, like you’ve said, the path of the Goddess isn’t easy—doing right isn’t easy. If I stayed here and ignored my home I wouldn’t just be ignoring my conscience, I’d be turning my back on it.”

Sgiach nodded, looking pleased. “So your return comes from a place of power, not one of manipulation, though Neferet will not know that. She will believe that it only took one simple death to make you do her bidding.”

“Jack’s death isn’t a simple thing,” I said angrily.

“No, ’tisnae simple for you, but a creature of Darkness kills quickly, easily, and with nae thought beside her own gain,” Seoras said.

“And because of that Neferet will not understand that you return to Tulsa because it was your choice to follow the path of Light and Nyx. She will underestimate you because of that,” Sgiach said.

“Thank you. I’ll remember that.” I met Sgiach’s clear, strong gaze. “You and Seoras and any of the rest of the Guardians who want to could come with me, you know. With you guys beside me there’s no way Neferet could win.”

Sgiach’s response was instantaneous. “If I left my isle the consequences of that would ripple through the High Council. We have coexisted with them peacefully for centuries because I chose to absent myself from the politics and restrictions of vampyre society. Were I to join the modern world they would not be able to continue to pretend I do not exist.”

“What if that’s a good thing? I mean, it seems to me it’s time the High Council was shaken up, and vamp society with it.
They believe Neferet and let her get away with killing people—innocent people.
” My voice was strong and sharp and for a moment I thought I sounded almost like a real queen.

“ ’Tis not our battle, lassie,” Seoras said.

“Why not? Why isn’t fighting against evil your battle, too?” I rounded on Sgiach’s Guardian.

“What makes you think we’re not fighting evil here?” It was Sgiach who answered me. “You’ve been touched by the old magick since you’ve been here. Tell me honestly, before then had you ever felt anything like it out there in your world?”

“No, I hadn’t.” I shook my head slowly.

“It’s fighting to keep the old ways alive we’ve been doing,” Seoras said. “And that cannae been done in Tulsa.”

“How can you be so sure?” I asked.

“Because there is no old magick left there!” Sgiach said, almost shouting in frustration. She turned her back and paced over to the huge picture window that looked out on the sun setting into the gray-blue water that surrounded Skye. Her back was stiff with tension, her voice thick with sadness. “Out there in that world of yours, the mystical, wonderful magick of old, where the black bull was revered along with the Goddess, where the balance of male and female was respected, and where even the rocks and trees had souls, had names, has been destroyed by civilization and intolerance and forgetfulness. People today, vampyres and humans alike, believe the earth is just a dead thing that they live on—that it is somehow wrong or evil or barbaric to listen to the voices of the souls of the world, and so the heart and the nobility of an entire way of life dried up and withered away…”

“And found sanctuary here,” Seoras continued when Sgiach’s voice faded. He’d moved to her side. Her back was turned to me, but he faced me. Lightly, Seoras touched her shoulder and then let his fingers trail down her arm to take his queen’s hand. I could see her body react to his touch. It was like through him she’d found her center. Before she turned to me, I saw her squeeze and then release his hand, and when our eyes met again she was, once more, noble and strong and calm.

“We are the last bastion of the old ways. It has been my charge for centuries to protect the ancient magicks. The land here is still sacred. By revering the black bull, and respecting his counterpart, the white bull, the old balance is maintained and there is one small place left in this world that remembers.”

“Remembers?”

“Aye, remembers a time when honor meant more than self, and loyalty wasnae an option or an afterthought,” Seoras said solemnly.

“But I see some of that in Tulsa. There’s honor and loyalty there, too, and many of my grandma’s people, the Cherokee, still respect the land.”

“To some extent that might be true, but think of the grove—how you felt within it. Think of how this land speaks to you,” Sgiach said. “I know you hear it. I see it in you. Have you felt anything truly like that outside my isle?”

“Yes,” I said before actually thinking. “The grove in the Otherworld feels a lot like the grove across the street from the castle.” Then I realized what I was saying, and Sgiach all of a sudden made sense. “That’s it, isn’t it? You literally have a piece of Nyx’s magick here.”

“In a way. What I really have is even older than the Goddess. You see, Zoey, Nyx hasn’t been lost to the world. Yet. Her masculine balance has, and I’m afraid because of that the balance between good and evil, Light and Darkness, has been lost, too.”

“Aye, we
know
it has been,” Seoras corrected her gently.

“Kalona. He’s part of this out-of-balance thing,” I said. “It’s true that he used to be Nyx’s Warrior. Somehow that got out of whack, along with a bunch of other stuff when he turned up in our world, ’cause that’s not where he belongs.” Knowing it didn’t make me feel sorry for him, or bad for him, but it did make me begin to understand the air of desperation I’d sensed so many times around him. And it was knowledge. With knowledge came power.