Awakening (25 page)

I brought my knee up into his stomach, and then used the leverage of my tied up arms to get both of my feet up to his head, kicking him repeatedly. He fell back against the side of the van as I continued to kick him as hard as I could. Finally, after what seemed like hours, when I had no energy left, I stopped, crawling as far into the corner as I could. His limp body lay there against the side of the van, his face a mangled bloody mess.

I closed my eyes, not wanting to look at him anymore. I breathed in deeply through my nose before letting the tears come freely.

At some point I slipped into a restless sleep, waking as the early morning light crept into the van.

I looked over at Earl and realized he hadn't moved all night. I tried to pull my hands free of the ropes, rubbing raw spots on my wrists as I pulled at my binds relentlessly. I fell asleep again after a while, exhaustion taking its toll, and could tell it was
midafternoon when I woke. I was starving, and dehydrated, wondering if I was going to die tied up in a van in the middle of the woods.

There was nothing I could do except try to stay alive and alert until someone found me. My mouth was so dry, and the cloth stuffed inside felt like sand paper. The duct tape was pinching and pulling at the skin around my mouth and my arms ached from hanging above my head for so long. I tried to shift my position up to my knees so I could relieve some of the pain in my arms, but it was hard to remain like that for long with the hard metal of the cage under my knees. I willed myself to think of something else.

My thoughts turned to Luke. He had snuck up on me and inserted himself firmly in my life. I wasn't looking for anything but he was persistent, loving, and patient, wearing me down little by little until I fell under his spell. I knew he would make me happier than I had ever been. He was strong and caring, kind and endearing. I loved how he was always such a gentleman but turned into my own sex god behind closed doors, pushing my limits and evoking feelings in me that I'd never felt before. He was one of a kind and I would give anything to see him one more time.

I drifted off to sleep again with thoughts of Luke running through my head.

I stand on the front porch of a house that seems familiar to me, but in a way I can't quite place. I notice the front door is different. It's a new wooden door, with a center made of thick glass. Etched into the glass is a tall oak tree covered in moss with low hanging branches. It reminds me of home. I look to my left and see the porch swing, hanging empty. The door opens by itself, and I feel like I'm gliding through the house, being propelled by an unseen hand at my back. My heart begins pounding in my chest as if it knows something I don't.

The back door opens and I glide through onto the deck. As I turn to
my right, I see tan broad shoulders, thick dark hair. My breath is rushing out of me, and I feel inexplicably drawn to him.

Suddenly I am standing directly behind him and my arm is raising with a will of its own to touch his shoulder. As he turns towards me the sun breaks through the trees, blinding me, and all I can see is his bronzed and muscular chest, his chiseled jaw and his heart stopping smile.

One of his hands cups the back of my neck and the other wraps around my waist, drawing me in. I can feel his warm breath on my lips and I know he's about to kiss me.

A stray cloud blocks the sun for a moment, and finally I am able to really see him. His dimple, those full lips. He smiles again, and I notice it's slightly crooked. I look up at him to see his deep emerald eyes burning into me and I am breathless with anticipation.

"Where've you been, Savannah?" He asks with a southern drawl that reminds me of Rhett Butler.

It's Luke!

I start to feel cold. As I try to get closer to him, he's moving out of reach, disappearing into an instant fog. I try to grab at him, but there is nothing left.

Freud believed that
dreams are manifestations of our deepest desires, often relating to repressed childhood memories or obsessions. For the last two years I had been willing the dream to continue so I could finally find out what happens next, but it had  never worked. That is, until just then.

I opened my heavy eyes, stretching my aching body and looked at my surroundings. I briefly surveyed the heap of a man laying next to me and shuddered. I wanted to kick and scream, break something, fight, but the time for that had passed already, so I took a deep breath, closed my eyes and silently prayed for a miracle.

I finally realized why this dream haunted me so much. It was Luke. It had always been him. Tears fell unhindered from my eyes.

What if I never got the chance to see him again? Would he know how I felt about him? Would he know that I wanted to build a life with him? Would he mourn me like I mourned Mark and have a hard time moving on because he was too wrapped up in me? I didn't want that for him. He deserved happiness in whatever form it came. I prayed that if anything happened to me that Luke would be able to heal and move on. But in the meantime, I knew I had to fight to stay alive.

Suddenly I realized that this is how Mark must have felt at the very end. Everything since his death had brought me to this point in my life. Mark had been fate's way of keeping me available for Luke. The curtain of grief I had lived behind for the last two years had brought me here, to Luke, and he had seen me through my pain and was waiting for me on the other side.

As much as I had loved Mark, I now knew it was
n't the deep, all consuming love I had with Luke. I had looked up to Mark, cherished him. He was my hero and I was infatuated. When Luke barged back into my life he taught me the true meaning of love.

He taught me to let
down the walls around my heart. He taught me to trust. He taught me to let go of the pain and grief that was holding me back, and see the beauty of having another person to rely on. He made me feel beautiful, smart and wanted. He made my body come alive with just a look or a touch or a word. Luke encompassed everything I never knew I always wanted in life.

I couldn't die like this, I had to get back to Luke. There was no other option.

My eyes snapped open and I heard a rustling sound followed by a groan. Earl was starting to stir, he mumbled something incoherent, and I started pulling against the ropes with renewed vigor. I felt warmth around my wrists and looked up to see I had finally drawn blood. It was then I noticed a sharp piece of the cage wire sticking out. I adjusted myself so I could slide the ropes back and forth against it, hoping to cut through my binds. The pain was slicing through my wrists, but I had to continue.
              Earl seemed to have settled back down, and was quiet again.

Finally I felt the ropes start to give way and I started yanking against them as hard as I could, until finally one of my hands slid free. I quickly removed the tape from my mouth and pulled out the gag before hurriedly untying my other wrist. Once I was free
, I slid out of the cage, shutting it behind myself to insure Earl stayed put.

Then, I jumped down, rubbing my arms to try and get the feeling back as I surveyed my surroundings, trying to determine which way to head. Though it was almost dusk, I noticed a worn path and decided following it was as good of a choice as any.

I could see blue and red lights up ahead as I continued to stumble through the woods. When I finally reached the road and made my way to the gathered emergency vehicles, I felt faint. My wrists were sore, my head was pounding and my feet were scraped and bloodied from having lost my flip flops during my ordeal.

"Caroline, oh baby." It was my dad. "Are you hurt? Can you talk? Oh my God, we've been so worried."

My mouth was too dry to speak, so I just hugged him with whatever strength I had left, before passing out.

~~~~

When I awoke next, I was in the hospital. My mom and dad were both sitting there when I opened my eyes.

"Hey Mom, Dad," I said hoarsely.

They were both by my bed immediately.

"Hey baby," my mom soothed. "We were so worried about you!"

"The police found the van and they've brought that man in too. Seems like you did a real number on him."

Tears formed in my eyes and slid slowly down my cheeks.

"Thank goodness. I thought he was dead," I croaked.

"No, but he's going to be in jail for a long time after he leaves the hospital. You won't have to worry about him ever again," my dad said.

"Just worry about getting yourself back together," my mother told me.

"You were dehydrated and took a nasty blow to the head. You only needed an IV and a few stitches, but the doctor says as soon as you're ready we can go home," my dad said.

"When you weren't at Luke's house on Wednesday afternoon he went looking for you. He found your cell phone in the woods near his old fort and called the police. We'd been searching everywhere, all day and all night. Luke took the boys and Lou to the other side of town to search for you. Tomcat was being a real pain, getting in everyone's face, not leaving us alone for a minute. I picked him up to put him outside and that's when I saw the ring around his collar. We knew you had to be close, so we immediately went back to searching near the house," my mother told me.

"We were just getting ready to search that stretch of woods when you stumbled out. I was so thankful you were alive," my dad said, his eyes tearing up.
"We were all so worried. Especially Luke. He was beside himself. He couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, he just wanted to find you. He loves you, you know."

"I know. I love him too," I smiled at them both.
"Where is he?" I asked.

"He's on his way here. I called him from the ambulance," Dad said. "Do you want to get up and get dressed before he gets here? Your mother brought you a clean t-shirt and shorts."

I nodded as I moved gingerly to a sitting position.

As soon as I came back out of the bathroom,  Anne Marie and Eva burst into my room, running over to hug me.

"Caroline, oh my God, thank goodness you're alright!" Anne Marie said, hugging me and taking my hand. "I don't know how to tell you this, but something's happened."

My stomach plummeted as
Nick, Carson and Lou walked in.

"There was an accident on the bridge, we were several cars back so we couldn't see what happened
, but Luke was involved. He was driving so fast trying to get to you. We're not sure how bad it is, they brought him in an ambulance," Carson said with worry in his eyes, as I sank to my knees.

A feeling of dread took over my body as my parents pulled me to my feet. M
y father did his best to find out where Luke was, and then led me to the waiting room.

I
didn't think I'd get a second chance at love after Mark. Then, when Luke came back into my life, he turned my whole world upside down, capturing my heart and soul. This couldn't be happening to me again. I couldn't lose Luke too, not when I'd finally learned to let go and love again. Not before I got to tell him that I love him.

When
I saw the doctor, police officer, and chaplain walking towards us, a sinking feeling entered my stomach. I slipped to the floor, shaking my head before they even reached us. My ears were ringing and I couldn't focus on their faces. I realized I'd started rocking back and forth, clutching my stomach.

The doctor kneeled down next to me and I saw his mouth moving, but I couldn't hear his words over the ringing in my ears. All I could think about was going back to Luke's house, crawling into his bed, burying myself in his scent
, and losing myself to the pain I knew was coming. Luke was gone, my world was shattering before my eyes once again.

The doctor was still trying to talk to me and I finally focused on his words long enough to hear him.

"Mrs. Beckett!?" He practically screamed at me.

"No, God!" I heard a woman
cry over my shoulder.

My eyes followed the doctor as he stood and walked towards her. It finally dawned on me that he wasn't looking for me. I turned my face back down the hallway
, waiting. I didn't have the strength to stand or the strength to cry. With every minute that passed I could feel all the life in me slipping away. I wanted to cease to exist. My heart hurt so much I wished for the familiar numbness to return again.

Then, suddenly I felt the
familiar tingling of my skin and the hairs on my arms stood up. As I stared down the hallway, struggling to stand, it was as if the sea of bodies parted, the heavens opened, and my world was set right again. Luke was walking my way and his eyes were glued to mine.

My tears
began to stream down my cheeks as I smiled through them.

When Luke reache
d my side he picked me up, holding me tightly in his arms and I was immediately comforted by their strength and warmth. I buried my face in his shoulder, bawling into his neck.

"I thought I lost you," he said
, smothering his face into my hair. "I was so damn scared Caroline, you just can't even imagine. I couldn't sleep. I spent every waking moment trying to find you and bring you home. I was so worried. Jesus, I am never letting you out of my sight again."

He clung to me, letting out a guttural cry.

"God Luke, I thought I lost you too! Then they said you were in a car accident and I didn't know what to do. It was like déjà vu. I could only think the worst."

I was running my hands over his back, his arms, his chest. I was trying to reassure myself that he was there and he was alive.

"It's just a scratch. I needed a few stitches but I'm fine," he said, rubbing his hand down the back of my head.

I finally noticed the ugly cut above his eye. I placed my hands on either side of his face and pulled him down to me, placing a gentle kiss on his wound. Then I kissed the tip of his nose before finally making my way to his lips.

The kiss was slow and passionate, as if we were trying to pour all our love for one another into it, and erase all the sadness and loss. He pulled me up against him, deepening the kiss. The world faded away and there was nothing but him and me.

When we finally pulled apart, both breathless, I looked up into his soulful green eyes and said the words I'd been so afraid I'd never get a chance to say.

"I love you, Luke."

"And I love you, Savannah. Always."