Chapter Seventeen
F
resh air was good. Her head was reeling. Somehow she’d been manoeuvred into planning an enormous party, something she felt ill equipped to do. ‘You tricked me, back there,’ she said as she and Dimitri set out for the observatory, the lights of the house fading behind them, darkness and privacy before them.
‘Oh, no, it was all fair and square.’ Dimitri laughed. ‘You walked right into it with your inspired idea. Besides, I couldn’t tolerate the idea of turning it over to Miss Northam.’
That alone made her honour bound to accept. He’d stood up for her tonight. She hadn’t missed that, nor had she been able to overlook how it had made her feel—cherished, important enough to fight for. Andrew had either been obtuse when it came to the undercurrents of her relationship with Cecilia Northam, or he simply didn’t care enough to consider her feelings. But Dimitri, who had known her for a handful of weeks, had been her champion. Dimitri, who had been and would be her lover.
While they’d been arguing about parties, she had been making decisions. It had not escaped her that planning this party would also be a countdown to losing Dimitri—pain with the pleasure. August was nearly done. There wasn’t much time left. If she meant to act, it would have to be soon. And it would have to be her. She would have to let
him
know what the boundaries of their association would be.
At the observatory, Evie cast her eyes skyward, scanning the night. ‘The Perseids will be visible tonight. It’s one of my favourite things about August—the meteor showers. This is the last week of truly prime viewing. I suppose we can say, we’ll catch the tail end of them.’
‘No pun intended, I suppose?’
‘
Every
pun intended. I’ve been waiting two weeks to use that.’ She laughed and Dimitri laughed beside her, a warm sound in the dark. When she allowed herself to think about it, she was still amazed at their relationship. It was more than simply her initial awe that this handsome man found her interesting. Any girl who limited her appreciation of Dimitri to such shallows would be missing the real attraction. She loved how natural it was to be with him, to laugh, to joke, to share. They’d given meaningful, difficult pieces of their past to one another. He’d told her about his sister, his reasons for returning to Kuban, and she knew how much that decision weighed on him, what it would cost him in personal freedom. In return, she’d shared her most humiliating experience with him.
They climbed the tight spiral staircase to the top, where the large telescope stood ready. Dimitri blew out a whistle of appreciation. ‘My father built it from different parts. He modelled it after the one in Greenwich.’ She bent to the eyepiece to check the focus and stepped back. ‘Come, see, the view is remarkable. Look to your right.’
Dimitri positioned himself at the eyepiece, his amazement instant. ‘I can see all the way to heaven. Oh, Evie, you have to see this.’ He backed away and moved her in front of him. ‘Look to the left.’ His hands were on her hips, directing her to catch the brilliant sight. ‘To the left, Evie, I think it’s the...’
‘Ring Nebula.’ They both murmured the answer in simultaneous awe.
‘The colours are striking up close,’ Dimitri whispered.
But even with the vibrant colours of the Ring Nebula in her vision, she was acutely aware of the warm press of his hands at her hips.
‘The stars remind me how small I am, how finite my time on earth is,’ Dimitri said close to her ear. ‘It is perhaps a good lesson for a prince, to keep him humble.’
‘But a hard one too?’ Evie turned from the lens to face him. ‘For a man who wants to be in control? Who wants to protect?’ She was understanding him better each day. His sister, his family, herself. He was a born protector and protection required control. They were in close proximity now. She was within the circle of his arms and he made no move to take his hands from her waist. ‘The universe is a good lesson for all of us. A life is but a moment.’ Her voice was low and soft, her tongue ran across her lips as she gave words to the intoxicating thoughts in her head. ‘We put so much into those small moments—what to wear, what to eat, who to dance with—so much concern over what others think. Sometimes control is an elusive thing, an illusion of smoke and mirrors only, something we fool ourselves into believing. Wherever we go, whatever we do, life will happen anyway. Regardless.’ She’d never spoken such powerful words out loud before, afraid of being laughed at, and in truth, outside of Bea and May and Claire, who would she say such things to? But she wanted to say them to him, in the hope it would ease his sense of burden, perhaps bring him peace. He was trying to hide it, but he was troubled, it was there behind his dark eyes. He was wrestling with something.
She held him with her eyes. ‘Did you know my mother has never left Little Westbury except to go to London? This is her universe, the entirety of her world.’
‘Is that a bad thing?’ Dimitri breathed.
‘I don’t know.’ They were whispering to one another now because the truth was sacred. ‘My father’s lived here too, but he went away for school and a Grand Tour. He saw something of the world before he came home and married.’
‘What of you, Evie? Are you comfortable with Little Westbury being your universe too?’
‘I think I could be happy anywhere as long as I was loved the way my father loves my mother.’ Two of her deepest, most hidden truths rolled out of her at once, without hesitation because he had to know. She needed him to know. Or perhaps because she needed herself to hear them in order to realise the other truth.
‘I know now that Andrew would never give me that. I don’t know why it took me this long to see it. Andrew is a universe unto himself and there is no room in it for two.’ She paused, letting them both take in her declaration. Her mind had let Andrew go before this, her subconscious had let him go long before tonight, but saying the words out loud was important. Sealing them with a kiss was even more important. Life could be built one kiss at a time.
She’d given up Andrew. She’d said it before but hearing it tonight carried a stronger sense of finality to it. It was a victory to know she’d freed herself from the rather limiting adulation of Andrew Adair. Not because he wanted to ‘win’. It had never been a competition, he couldn’t compete for Evie, for anyone. This victory meant Evie had found her personal value. He envied her the victory. She’d found a way to free herself while he was still chained by his duty, by his love, to Kuban.
What would he do if it was just him? If there was only himself to consider? Here in the observatory, with the stars above him, the heavens and Evie within his reach, the decision was clear. He would walk away from all of it for her, for this. This could be the sum of his world. His heart pounded with a clarity he’d never experienced as Evie pressed her lips to his and he gave himself a moment to be swept away by the kiss, by its promise.
Evie smoothed his hair and held his face in her hands, a soft smile on her face. ‘Don’t worry, Dimitri,’ she said simply. ‘Tell me what’s on your mind.’
‘I am glad you’ve given up Andrew. But I hope you haven’t merely replaced him with me. I can give you nothing and...’ He nearly choked over the last. ‘And I wish I could.’ His hands tightened at her waist. ‘I am a prince with worldly wealth and I can give you nothing. It is starting to kill me.’ He shook his head. ‘I was not prepared for this.’ But that wasn’t quite true. He had prepared for this moment all his life—the moment when love might find him and he would fight it. Only he wasn’t prepared enough because he knew he was failing. He didn’t want to resist. He wanted to give in to Evie Milham and all she offered even at an extraordinary price, a price that would not be paid by him alone, but by Evie, by his sister, by his family. ‘I’d not thought of myself as a selfish man until now, Evie.’ He felt rocked with emotions, but Evie was calm in the wake of his storm.
‘The book my father finished is for her, you know. It’s his version of a love song.’ Her words were in earnest and their solemnity touched him, helped him. A love song. What a perfectly poignant way to think of the sacrifice he would make for Anna-Maria. It would be his love song to her. Just like that, Evie had restored his resolve. He was not sacrificing for Anna-Maria, he was performing an act of love. In letting him go, Evie was performing an act of love too. He would think of that in the years to come. He would think of this moment too. He would remember how Evie looked, how her voice had been sincere. How she’d felt in his arms, a warm autumn flame offering comfort without realising it. Perhaps that was the best kind of comfort—unsolicited, unedited, entirely honest.
In one accord, they moved down the stairs, silently into the night. They didn’t dare stay too long without her parents worrying. But it had been enough to be alone with her, to hold her, to clarify his thoughts. In the dark, he reached for her hand, wanting to touch her as long as he could.
‘Tell me about your sister.’ Her voice was soft in response as if she’d known the direction of his thoughts and what he needed to say out loud. ‘You love her very much.’ Dimitri felt himself smile. ‘She must be a wonderful person if her name makes you smile.’
‘She is wonderful. She’s been my life since I was twelve. My mother should never have tried to have another child. The doctors had warned her against a pregnancy at her age, especially since my older brother and I hadn’t been easy. But in Kuban, it is an honour to give the country noble, handsome sons and she wanted to do her duty. My father loved her, he could deny her nothing. I was there when Anna-Maria was born. The birth had gone poorly from the start and everyone knew she wouldn’t last. A nurse shoved the baby into my arms and I just stood there, staring at my poor mother fading away.’ His throat tightened. He did not like this memory, but it was the last one he had and he would not give it up for the world. Evie’s thumb moved in soothing circles around his hand. ‘My mother looked at me one last time. There were no words but I knew what she wanted. I looked down into the face of my new little sister and I knew that it wasn’t just what my mother wanted, but what Anna-Maria needed. A protector.’
‘She had your father,’ Evie put in, perhaps trying to imply he needn’t have taken so much on himself.
Dimitri shook his head. ‘Grief broke him. He was not the same father after that and in the years that followed, he wanted little to do with the baby girl who had stolen his wife. Anna-Maria was a double disappointment to him. His beloved wife had died for a daughter. Sons are everything in Kuban.’ He drew a deep breath. ‘Anna-Maria was mine, always. Even now, the relationship she has with my father is tenuous.’ Beautiful, wild Anna-Maria was constantly testing their father’s patience. It had been a difficult decision to leave her for this last journey but she’d assured him she’d be fine. She was nearly eighteen, hardly a child, and she’d known how much he needed this.
‘I’m sorry,’ Evie breathed, and in those words he heard more than bland empathy. She was sorry for a twelve-year-old boy who’d lost his mother and his father that day, for a boy who’d taken on more than what was fair to ask, who continued to take on unfair burdens in exchange for his own freedom. Evie understood him. ‘Thank you for telling me.’
‘Now you know,’ Dimitri said, wanting to be sure she’d heard the warning in the tale, the reminder as to why he could offer her nothing that would last no matter how much he might want to.
They’d reached the edge of the gardens where the lights of the house took over. In a few more steps they’d be out of the darkness. Evie turned and wrapped her arms about his neck. ‘Yes, now I know.’ Her tongue flicked across her lips, her eyes dropping to his mouth. ‘Dimitri, I would never ask for more than you could give. I would never do anything to diminish you, to make you less than you are. I understand what we can have.’
‘And what is that?’ He was almost afraid to ask, but more afraid to never have the answer.
‘Everything. We can have everything. For a short time. And it will be better than having nothing for ever.’
He wasn’t going to resist. This temptation was too much. The only question that remained was, when?
Chapter Eighteen
H
er mother was waiting for her when Evie returned, in her room none the less, which never boded well. She sat on the edge of Evie’s bed and rose when she entered, beginning to pace. Her mother was worked up about something. ‘Evie dear, I thought we could talk before bed.’ That went without saying. Evie hadn’t missed the wringing of hands in her mother’s lap. Ever since she was a little girl, her mother had always come to her room when there was a serious matter to discuss.
Tonight, though, Evie didn’t want to talk. She wanted to think. Dinner seemed a lifetime ago—the observatory and all that had transpired in that short period embodied the present. In that short span everything had changed. Her choices, her direction had become clear. She had made her decisions. ‘I’m a little tired.’ Evie feigned a yawn. Perhaps her mother could be put off. ‘We can discuss the party over breakfast tomorrow.’ Hopefully, the party was all her mother had on her mind. Surely, she and Dimitri hadn’t been gone long enough on their walk to raise any suspicions?
‘I don’t want to talk about the party.’ Her mother gestured to the pink-striped bench at Evie’s vanity. ‘Sit down. I want to talk about the Prince. And you.’ Hopes quashed. There was an edge of panic in her mother’s voice and, this time, Evie couldn’t quite discount her mother’s worry as manufactured. Her mother was rather gifted at making mountains out of proverbial mole hills. Evie couldn’t say that was the case tonight.
It was too bad her mother had chosen this evening to be intuitive. She should have remembered her mother’s intuition was nearly infallible, even if it was couched in flighty worries that were often overblown. Evie sat. She had no choice really. She should have seen it coming. It had been like this when Diana and her earl had been courting.
Her mother pulled out the hair pins from Evie’s
coiffure
to keep her nervous hands busy. Evie could never remember her mother sitting still for long. Her mother picked up the hairbrush, pulling it through her hair in long, gentle strokes. ‘You have such beautiful hair, Evie. Maybe the prettiest hair of all my girls.’ Evie let her prevaricate. It felt nice to have her mother brush her hair, it made her feel young, before the world had become complicated.
‘The Prince has eyes for you, I think.’ Her mother’s eyes met hers in the mirror. ‘He couldn’t stop looking at you tonight. Of course, you looked very lovely. Your gown matched your hair perfectly. I thought, my daughter is Demeter.’ She smiled and spread Evie’s hair out along her shoulders. ‘You looked like the goddess of the harvest. It was easy to see why the Prince was so taken with you.’ She paused here to pick up the brush again. ‘And you? Are you taken with the Prince? He’s a very handsome, well-mannered man.’ What to say to that? She was more than taken with him. ‘Taken’ seemed an inadequate word.
‘I think he’s a man who is easy to like wherever he goes.’ Evie strove for a diplomatic answer.
‘Wherever he goes. Quite right. We are lucky to know him for a short time. He’s well travelled, a very worldly man. I can’t imagine Little Westbury could hold his attention for long.’ Despite her tendency to exaggerate situations, her mother had a shrewd underbelly when it came to husbands and wives. She’d known just how to help Diana with her earl and tonight Evie heard all of her mother’s messages in the simple words: that she couldn’t expect to hold the Prince’s attention. Well, Evie had already beaten her to that conclusion. Moreover, she didn’t want to hold that attention, not when it meant ruining him. She’d meant it tonight when she’d said she would never seek to diminish him. Trapping Dimitri into a life here in Little Westbury
would
diminish him. The honourable man she knew, the brave man she knew, would be destroyed if he couldn’t return home and fulfil his duties.
‘Andrew asked your father for permission to call on you formally tonight.’ There was cheerful wariness in her mother’s voice as if her mother didn’t quite believe her dismissal of the Prince’s interest as generic attention. ‘Isn’t that wonderful?’ She smiled. ‘Maybe Andrew is worried the Prince is stealing a march on him. I say it’s about time Andrew realised what a catch you are.’
Evie carefully schooled her features. ‘What did Father say?’ This would have been wonderful news three months ago, perhaps even three weeks ago. Now, it was merely uncomfortable. Her infatuation with Andrew seemed a girlish flight of fancy against the backdrop of what she shared with Dimitri, of what she faced with Dimitri. That girl would have leapt at the merest attention from Andrew. And sold herself short in the process, she saw that now. She could not imagine having the discussions with him that she had with Dimitri, of doing the things with him she’d done with Dimitri.
‘Your father says it is for you to decide.’ Her mother watched her expectantly, waiting for her answer. ‘Isn’t it what you want?’
‘I’m not so sure it
is
what I want,’ Evie replied coolly, trying to give nothing alarming away. She didn’t think she
looked
different. Perhaps there was no way to tell what she’d been up to with Dimitri.
Her mother’s eyes sharpened. ‘Is that because of the Prince? Is he what you think you want?’ Evie braced herself. The conversation had circled back to what her mother had really wanted to discuss.
‘I know you girls think I’m a worrier and maybe I am. But, I’m not stupid, Evie. I know when a man wants a woman. I noticed how long you were gone to look at the stars.’ She fluttered a hand. ‘I’m not even sure I want to think about why you were so late tonight. Perhaps it’s best not to. That way I don’t have to ask your father to take action.’
She placed her hands on Evie’s shoulders. ‘Evie, you might think you are infatuated with the Prince, maybe you might even fancy yourself in love with him. But think about what it means, if it means anything. If he loves you too, where does this lead? Would you really want to marry the Prince? You wouldn’t expect him to stay here. He can’t possibly stay. It would mean leaving your home, your family, likely never seeing us again, your sisters, your nieces and nephews to come, living in a place where you don’t even speak the language. It would mean giving up everything for him. Evie, I want you to understand that marriage is not all love and romance. It is the work of a lifetime and that work is more easily done when there are commonalities to build on. Hot kisses and passion don’t last. Your father is occasionally annoyed with Andrew, but he’s one of us, Andrew knows this place...’
Evie didn’t listen to the rest of the argument. It wasn’t unlike the arguments she’d once made with herself. But those arguments had already been beaten. She simply didn’t want him, didn’t think he’d suit her after all. Her mother would be rather shocked to know that Evie took hope from her warning about all that needed considering. In that warning was the answer. Dimitri couldn’t stay. But she could go. If he took her to Kuban with him, he could return, fulfil his duty to his sister and not have to sacrifice his personal happiness.
Her mother hugged her one last time. ‘All I’m saying, Evie, is that when the time comes for a decision, I want you to be sure what you feel is real.’
* * *
‘Is it real?’ The man turned the spearhead over in his hand, squinting in the dim light of the tavern’s back room. Andrew didn’t particularly care for the unsavoury meeting places that came with selling to the black market.
‘Absolutely,’ Andrew replied with confidence. Dimitri could at least be relied upon for that. ‘It’s a Roman spearhead, circa
ad
43.’ He’d rather enjoyed carrying it around in his pocket last night. knowing that he would encounter Dimitri. Dimitri had been none the wiser. The Prince had sat there, ogling Evie and persuading her to plan the party, unaware that a few of his precious spearheads were on their way to new owners, men who had private collections of military hardware throughout the ages and who were willing to pay good money to add to those collections.
Maybe it was petty revenge, but Andrew was heartily sick of the Prince these days, especially since the Prince was stealing Evie. He did wonder how present tense the stealing was. Perhaps Dimitri had already stolen her. Evie was looking ‘lush’ these days. She seemed less mousy, her figure more bountiful, her hair vibrant instead of glaring. It wasn’t that he wanted her, he still didn’t feel she had any potential for him as a bride, but he absolutely despised the idea of losing Evie Milham, a nobody, to Dimitri. And, he needed her to keep drawing for him, to see things his way when it came to the future of the site.
He was getting impatient. His client was taking for ever to decide. Andrew reached for the spearheads. ‘If you don’t want them, I have other buyers.’
The man glared. ‘I didn’t say I didn’t want them. All right. How much? They had better be for real or I’ll come after you and cut you off at the knees.’
* * *
The thief was real. Dimitri blew out a breath and surveyed the case containing the spearheads. There was good news and bad news. Bad news: the thief had struck again. Five spearheads were gone. Good news: the spearheads were fake. But he would have preferred to have been wrong, would have preferred his trap remain unsprung. Now he had to consider who among them might be willing to steal from him and he didn’t like the relatively short list of possibilities.
Dimitri strode towards his pavilion. A few of his crew called to him to join them for dinner, but he was not fit for company tonight. He’d be better off eating alone. This was not how he’d wanted to end his day. Taking assessment of the theft also meant he’d missed Evie. She was gone already and he hadn’t been able to speak with her. He would write a few long-overdue letters and then return to work at the site if he was restless. There was always something to be done. He would stay busy and hopefully put this black mood behind him. No good could come of it. Dimitri pulled back the entrance flap and stepped inside, giving his eyes a moment to adjust to the darker interior.
He blinked. Once. Twice. The cares of his world started to slip away as he realized what lay before him. There was champagne, caviar and cold smoked salmon on the low table before his divan, but that was not what had him blinking. Evie was on the divan, dressed in his robe, her long chestnut hair falling over her shoulder in a thick silken skein, her body artfully arranged on the furniture, a sensual Botticelli.
‘What is all this?’ He could guess. He could hope. Something finally was going right today.
She rose and offered him a flute of champagne. ‘Welcome to your seduction, Dimitri Petrovich.’ Ah. Now he knew the answer to last night’s burning question.
His mouth was dry with surprise, overwhelming want left him nearly speechless. The robe wasn’t belted. His arid mouth was a desert now. Evie took a step forward, her eyes on him, her gaze confident. She licked her lips and gave a shrug, letting the robe slip down one shoulder, tantalising in its reveal of bare skin. ‘When is now, Dimitri.’
Yes, he thought. When is now. He wanted her, wanted to bury himself in her until he was lost, until his cares were no more. The noble soul in him wanted to protest one last time, but the best he could do was ‘Evie, are you sure?’
Her hands cupped his face, hushing him with the brush of her mouth over his lips. ‘We settled this last night. I don’t need promises, Dimitri, I don’t need a commitment.’ She kissed his throat. ‘I don’t need any of that. I just need you for however long that can be.’
He shouldn’t allow it. She was offering him
carte
blanche
. It was a decadent offer; an offer no sane man would turn down. ‘Evie, a gentleman would never—’
Her interruption was swift, a hard, silencing kiss. Her hands steadied his face as she drew back, her voice a fierce, private whisper for him alone. ‘Then don’t be a gentleman. Don’t be a prince. Just be a man. My man.’ It was all he really wanted to be in those minutes—just hers—and he could feel logic slipping away, replaced by something headier, stronger and undeniable where doing what he wanted made sense.
‘I am going to lose this argument, aren’t I?’ He could hear the desire in his voice, feel the beginnings of a smile on his lips.
‘Yes, absolutely.’ Evie gave his neckcloth a tug to make it clear. ‘If you’re lucky, you’ll lose more than that.’ Yes, he could see that, starting with his clothes and quite possibly ending with his mind.