Travis lifted one of her hands, detangling it from the other one. She hadn’t realized she’d been clenching them together. Travis said, “You don’t want to get in the way?”
“No.”
Hank took the other hand and stroked her palm. “Are you worried they’ll ask questions about what you’re writing?”
“Maybe. It’s one thing to meet avid readers online who love romance novels and like talking about them. But out in the world, I’m more likely to be treated condescendingly and I don’t want to spoil my stay. I figured I would get to know them eventually, after I’m done with this deadline.”
“Is it that pressing?”
“Yes. I have to fulfill it in order to meet my goals for the year. It’s important to me. It’s why I’m up writing at night a lot.”
“Does Grace know that?”
“She asked if she could give me a tour but I explained and asked if we could wait. She understood.”
Hank seemed to see everything about her, the way she twitched at the questions, the way her hands grew clammy, even the way she bit her lip nervously. He turned her hand over and stroked her damp palm, sending a hot sensation up her forearm. “Are you worried about them noticing you?”
He is a mind reader!
“Why would you say that?”
“Simply an observation, Nika. You’re a little shy, you don’t enjoy the spotlight and you seem to prefer the role of spectator.”
“Well, I…” She sighed. “That’s just…You’re right. I don’t like it when people stare at me.”
Travis chuckled. “It’s kind of hard not to stare at you, Veronica. You’re beautiful.”
She smiled at him and squeezed his hand. “It’s these clothes. Grace has great taste—”
Travis nodded. “That she does, Nika, but I’m not talking about the dress or the shoes. I’m talking about your beautiful face, and the way you walk, and your hair, and the way your eyes twinkle when you laugh.”
She could hear his words but some part of her disconnected from what he was saying, the part that didn’t believe him.
“Stop shaking your head at us, Nika,” Hank suddenly stated. “Listen to him. Tell her, Travis, because she obviously doesn’t believe it.”
A cold, panicky chill swept through her but she focused on Travis, secretly wanting to run from the room and slam the door.
“I’ve thought a lot about you over the years, Veronica.”
“You have?”
“I wanted to ask you out. Spend more time with you. I felt bad about being so attracted to you.”
“You were?”
You weren’t, you’re just being nice. I remember myself when I was eighteen. Not pretty.
“Yes, and I’m more attracted to you now. You’re a beautiful woman. All grown up and I don’t want to miss the chance to spend time with you. Why are you shaking your head again?”
“She doesn’t believe you. Do you, Nika?”
She took a deep breath, trying to calm herself, and shook her head negatively. “I remember what I was like back then, guys. Drama queen. Clumsy. Geek. And overweight.”
Travis’s reddish-brown brows bunched together as he frowned. “What the
hell
?”
“It’s true. It’s
still
true.”
Travis looked past her to Hank, and stroked her slumped back as he spoke to his friend. “I’ll bet I know where that mistaken belief came from. Her family.”
She reeled as she was transported back to when they’d met. Her mother had spoken in a superior tone before Travis had shown up the day she led him to the illegal trap she’d found. “For heaven’s sake, Pudge, it’s an
animal
. Quit being such a drama queen. Why can’t you be more like your sister, Addison? You don’t see her making such a spectacle of herself. This is because you spend so much time in books. You should engage with the real world more often.”
Travis had been so sweet to her. He hadn’t made her feel like an idiot for caring about the eagle. He’d cared, too, as he’d carefully extracted it from the trap, promising to do what he could for it. She’d been petrified with anxiety when he’d come by the house a few days later after she’d called to follow up about the eagle. Nobody could understand the supreme guts it had taken to make that call. No one knew how her fingers had shaken as she’d dialed his number. Nobody knew the way she’d prayed simultaneously that he wouldn’t answer but also that he would. They couldn’t because then it would be one more thing they could tease her about.
She cringed at the memory. Jesse and Barry’s buddies, Gordon and Phil, had been over that day and they were waiting in the living room, having watched her like a hawk the entire time she stood outside with Travis near his truck. She’d known those two assholes were watching like a couple of buzzards waiting to pounce on her the moment she walked back inside. They hadn’t let her down. Gordon had started in first. “Round Ronnie has a boyfriend. Isn’t that sweet?”
“Too bad he’s old enough to be her daddy,” Phil had said with an evil gleam in his eyes as he’d chuckled. Jesse and Barry had been out in the garage working on their dad’s truck so they hadn’t heard a word of what those two assholes had said. Not that they would’ve taken up for her anyway. Most days they were every bit as bad.
“He’s not my boyfriend, you jerk. He’s a game warden.” But man, the crush she’d had on Travis back then…If either of these two had known that…The thought had terrified her.
“And a pedophile, too,” Phil had said, jeering as she’d blushed profusely. “Did you see the way he was lookin’ at
her
? Like he wanted to eat her up. Maybe he’s a chubby-chaser
and
a pedophile.” They’d maneuvered her into a corner as they kept at her.
As Travis had made his way down the street in his truck and out of her life, she’d turned on both Gordon and Phil and totally lost it, hitting them, crying and screaming until Jesse and Barry had come running, demanding to know what was wrong. In the end, she’d looked exactly like what they’d accused her of being…a drama queen. To this day, she still hated those two sons of bitches, who’d turned out to be friends with Brent as well. No surprise it’d been their apartment where she’d caught Brent cheating. No doubt the two had known about it and encouraged it just to hurt her.
The memories only increased the turmoil inside her and she released a shaky sigh that sounded like she’d been crying for hours.
Both of her hands wrapped in warmth drew her back to the present and she stared into one pair of gray eyes and then into a pair of brown eyes, both filled with concern.
Embarrassment filled her when the tears on her cheeks began to cool and she tried unsuccessfully to jump up from the couch. “I must look a mess.”
Hank took a white, neatly folded handkerchief from his pocket and handed it to her. “It’s clean.”
She used it to dab the smeared mascara and eyeliner, feeling even more embarrassed.
Lord, the sight I must make, blubbering like an idiot.
Hank ran his hand down her back, dragging his fingers through the strands of her hair, and the effect was immediately calming. “Nika, I don’t know what memory Travis dredged up to make you feel this way but it wasn’t anything he did or said, was it?”
She shook her head. “
No
. Oh my God, no. It was the aftermath of his visit to the house, back when I was a teenager.”
Travis growled softly. “She’s talking about those two putzes who were in her house the second time I came over. Friends of your brothers?”
“Yes. And Brent’s as well.”
The muscles in Travis’s jaw bunched. “I had a feeling about them. I didn’t mean to dredge up painful memories, Nika. I brought that day up because I wanted you to know how
I
viewed you back then.”
“How did you see me?” It couldn’t possibly be worse than how she’d viewed herself and what had happened to her when she’d gone in the house, and she couldn’t make herself feel any worse than she already did.
“I noticed the way your hair sparkled in the sunlight. That was how I knew for sure it was you when I saw you earlier at the wedding. When I met you the first time, you slipped off your glove and shook my hand. Your hand in mine felt fragile but strong. I thought you had elegant hands and I was glad you wore gloves to protect them from the cold.”
“They ache if they get too cold. I wear gloves all the time in Montana.”
Hank lifted her hand and stroked his fingertips over her knuckles and the tendons on the top. He smiled and said, “Pretty. Delicate.” She couldn’t meet his gaze for very long when he looked into her eyes.
Travis said, “I thought your eyes were the color of cinnamon, Nika. And I don’t know where you got the idea that you were fat, unless it was from your snotty stick-thin sister and your thin-as-a-rail mom, but I damn sure
did
like the way you filled out that green sweater and those Wranglers. Let me guess, you’re the only one in your family with curves and they treated you like you were a glutton, never factoring in genetics.”
She nodded and then looked up into his eyes. “You remembered what color sweater I was wearing?”
Travis licked his lower lip and smiled. “Yeah, I did. It was a nice color on you and like I said, I liked the way you filled it out. But…I was thirty and you were off-limits.”
“I guess so. I…I really liked you. You listened to me and you cared when I told you about the eagle. And you didn’t get defensive when I was mad about having to wait until the next day. You were patient with me.”
She sat up and relaxed against the couch, not realizing how she’d curled herself up into a defensive posture as those ugly memories had flooded through her earlier.
Moved to make some kind of offering to him, to thank him for understanding, she said, “You wouldn’t believe how shaky I was when I got up the guts to call you that day. Sometimes those ugly memories steal the years and overshadow everything else that was good that day, you know? I feel like I’m right back where I was.”
Hank said, “You were teased a lot by your family members?”
Veronica cleared her throat and chose her words carefully. “I think they might not view it that way. I’m pretty sure my mom saw it as some sort of behavior modification for overweight introverts. Since my sister, Addison, took after my mom physically, she jumped on the bandwagon with her.”
“What about your brothers and your dad?”
“Dad wanted peace and to not be handed any problems to deal with. Jesse and Barry are a couple of years older than me, and I think they just wished I was an extrovert like them and the others. They once told me that the teasing would toughen me up, so they’d echo whatever mom said. I learned after a while that I’d never make any of them happy with me. They’d never accept me. Well…except for Cord and Jackson.”
“Your other brothers?”
“Yeah. Cord and Jackson are twins, fraternal, like Jesse and Barry. They’re four years older than me. They teased some, too, when they were young, but they didn’t do it anymore after they became teenagers, which was good. I don’t think I could’ve taken it if they’d joined in with the others.”
“You’re closer to them than the others? At least it sounded like it when you mentioned them earlier.”
“Yes, although I don’t get to see them very much. We don’t talk as often as we probably should.”
“You go home much?”
She shook her head. “Once I was on my own, I decided not to. I’ve kept up with them through the occasional e-mail, but I don’t feel close to any of them, except Cord and Jackson. Old habits die hard and I don’t enjoy holidays or other family get-togethers with them so I simply avoid them.”
“What do you do for the holiday season?”
She shrugged. “Work. I spend that time gearing up for the new year, planning projects, and doing some creative writing. I also take long drives if the weather permits.”
“Take a vacation? Drive somewhere overnight?”
“No. Taking a vacation has always sounded like fun but I’ve never wanted to go overnight anywhere on my own. I stay really busy, so it’s not a big deal.”
It’s called not having a life, dearest.
Judging by the knowledge glowing in his eyes, Travis knew exactly what she was thinking, but he didn’t say anything.
“I don’t want to talk about my family anymore. There’s nothing I can do to change them or what happened.”
Hank stopped her and said, “I have just one question for you about your brothers. Were Cord and Jackson there the day Travis came by to follow up with you?”
“Oh, no. They were at college at that time. I don’t think Gordon or Phil would’ve said what they had if Cord and Jackson had been around. They didn’t much care for Gordon and Phil. It’s no coincidence that they didn’t like Brent either.”
“You said you broke up with him.”
“Yeah. He should be moved out of my apartment by now.”
“You trusted him to do that on his own?”
“I didn’t really have much choice, since I was coming here. But the relationship is over and he’ll deal with it.” Travis and Hank both looked like they had opinions but let the subject drop. She didn’t feel inclined to mention the whiny texts and e-mails she’d been getting from him for the last few days. Begging for another chance. She should’ve kicked him out after the first episode of cheating…or maybe even sooner.