Axel's Pup (18 page)

The honesty in his voice was undeniable. Relief flooded through Bayden at the simple idea that anyone thought that he’d done something right. The fact that it was Axel who thought he’d done something right was actually enough to ease the metal ring around his chest, making it possible for him to breathe properly for the first time since he’d seen the knife.

“The anger—that’s there. But it’s the other men involved in the bet that I’m really furious with, not you.”

“Because you don’t want other men doing scenes with me.” And the rules Axel wanted him to follow counted whether Axel was there or not.

“What happened tonight wasn’t a scene.” Axel moved on to the next cut, the one that had been made when the guy held the point of his knife against the skin over Bayden’s solar plexus, so Bayden’s only choice became breathing or bleeding. Eventually, he’d had to bleed. The slightest increase in pressure behind the knife and there wouldn’t have been anyone left to help his mother with the rent.

Bayden shook his head, pushing that possibility out of his mind and trying to concentrate on Axel and what Axel wanted him to be able to talk about. “It’s a scene when two humans do it,” Bayden said. “I’ve seen them do it in clubs.”

“Breath play? Knife play? Quite a few doms dabble with them. Some guys are really into them,” Axel allowed. “Tolmore is seriously into knives. I’ve watched him do scenes here in the pub. He plays with other guys who are into it. Guys who know what they’re doing—who want to play with him because they share the same kink. They sign up for that. They trust Tolmore, and they’re right to do that, because he plays safe. He’s a paramedic out in the real world, he knows what he’s doing. And he respects whatever limits a sub sets.”

Axel picked up Bayden’s wrist and gently began to apply cream to the cuts there.

“The men you did a bet with—did they ask you if you were into knives?”

Unable to look at the cuts without remembering each one being inflicted, Bayden turned his attention to Axel. The only marks on him were his tattoos. Bayden let his eyes trace the line in one particular design up Axel’s forearm.

It was beautiful. Axel was beautiful. Not in the way men in human magazines were beautiful. Axel was strength and certainty. He was big and strong, with hands that could be gentle when he wanted them to be. He was more dominant than Bayden had ever realised a human could be, and he was gorgeous.

“Did they tell you they were into knives before you took the bet? Did they use clean kit? Did they check in with you to find out where your head was at after it started? Did they give a damn if they did any serious damage? Did they even stick around to make sure you were okay afterwards?”

Bayden remained silent until Axel stopped putting cream on his wrist, apparently waiting for an answer.

“I said no limits,” Bayden managed to whisper. “I meant it. There wasn’t anything to talk about.”

“That’s not a scene, pup. Even if it looks similar to something you saw someone do in a club, it’s not the same.”

“Wolves…” Bayden sighed.

“What?” Axel demanded. “Wolves aren’t easy to kill? Wolves heal quickly?”

Bayden nodded. “Yes, we do.”

“Wolves still get hurt, they still feel pain. They still get scared, don’t they?”

Scared. Yes, he’d been scared. But he hadn’t let them see that. Bayden swallowed. He shouldn’t ever let a human see that. The knowledge had been drilled into him for years.

Bayden squared his shoulders. “I’m fine.”

“Of course you are, pup.” Axel stroked his fingers through Bayden’s hair, pushing it back off his face. He sighed and went back to applying cream to the cuts.

The last cut wasn’t deep but it ran down the length of Bayden’s cock. He wasn’t sure what hurt more, the way the cream stung or the way his cock hardened despite the sting.

Bayden closed his eyes. Heat rushed to his cheeks, but he wasn’t sure if it was the embarrassment at getting turned on by Axel’s touch, even when he knew Axel wasn’t interested in him, or the complete humiliation of having to get patched up by Axel yet again.

“Everything’s still in working order. That’s good.”

Bayden looked up. Axel smiled and pushed his hand through Bayden’s hair again. Bayden found himself smiling back, just slightly.

“Come on, pup. You’ve had more than enough excitement for one day.” He led Bayden into the guest bedroom and waited while Bayden got into the bed.

Not sure what else to do, Bayden closed his eyes and pretended to fall instantly asleep.

Axel didn’t rush off. He stayed just next to the bed. He was still there when Bayden felt his pretence at sleep start to become a reality.

There were certain advantages to not sleeping a wink all night. Axel knew that Bayden hadn’t crept out of the flat and down to the lock-up. As he’d lain in bed, Axel had also had plenty of time to plan his next move.

However, there were also certain disadvantages to insomnia. He’d had hours to picture how each cut and bruise had been inflicted. The sun was barely up before Axel had to get up and get away from those images. He pulled himself out of bed, tugged on a pair of jeans and headed straight to the coffee pot.

It hadn’t even brewed before Bayden appeared in the kitchen doorway. He was fully dressed. His jacket was on and zipped up to the neck. Axel wondered if he should be flattered that the boy hadn’t put his sunglasses on as well.

Axel pointed to one of the chairs alongside the table. “Sit.”

Bayden remained in the doorway.

“Unless you’re cold, you can hang your jacket by the door first,” Axel added.

Bayden touched his jacket’s collar. It was high enough to cover the bruises.

“You don’t need to hide anything from me,” Axel said.

Bayden didn’t look enthusiastic, but he went and hung up his coat. When he came back, he sat in the chair Axel had indicated.

Leaning back against the counter next to the coffee machine, Axel ran his eyes over him, doing his best not to linger obviously over his wrists or neck.

“You washed your vest,” he realised.

Bayden touched the fabric that had been stained with blood the night before. “In the sink in the en-suite.” He met Axel’s gaze for a moment. “Should I apologise?” There was no sarcasm in the question.

“Not for any reason I know.” Finally, the coffee was ready. Axel poured two cups and joined Bayden at the table.

“It’s important for a wolf to be clean, to be seen to be clean,” Bayden offered, softly.

Axel nodded. The coffee scalded his tongue, but he swallowed it down anyway, hoping the caffeine would let him make sense of at least some of the conversation.

As he waited for the coffee to kick in, he found himself unable to avoid assessing Bayden’s injuries. They looked like they’d had a week to heal rather than a day, but they were still enough to turn his stomach.

Bayden sipped his coffee, but when he saw Axel looking at his wrists, he put the mug down and dropped his hands onto his lap, out of sight, below the edge of the table.

Axel held out one hand, palm up. He didn’t say anything, he just waited.

Bayden put his wrist in Axel’s grip with obvious reluctance.

“Did they give you a safe word?”

“I didn’t ask for one,” Bayden protested.

“Answer the question. Did you have one?”

Bayden nodded.

“Did you say it?” Axel asked. “Did you tell them you wanted them to stop?”

Bayden shook his head. “I won the bet.”

Axel narrowed his gaze. “If you’d said it, would they have stopped?”

Bayden looked down.

“If you’d said it, if you told them they’d won, would they have stopped?” Axel pushed.

Bayden shook his head. It was exactly what Axel suspected. If he came face to face with one of those men, Axel wasn’t sure he’d be able to stop himself from killing them. Knowing Bayden could sense his anger didn’t mean Axel could check it completely. All he could do was keep his voice calm. “Then what happened last night wasn’t a scene or a bet.”

Bayden glanced up at him.

“In a scene you can stop any time by saying your safe word. It’s part of the definition of the term. The only acceptable reason for not giving someone a safe word is because it’s been made clear that no still means no, or stop still means stop, and the dom will respect those terms.”

Bayden stared at him as if he was speaking a foreign language. It was just possible that he was doing exactly that. Axel leaned forward in his seat, determined to get at least a few words agreed in a common dictionary by the end of the conversation.

“In a scene, if you’re playing with the right kind of dom, you’ll never get in trouble for saying your safe word. You’ll never be punished for that. The dom won’t think any less of you. Saying it doesn’t mean you failed a challenge, it just means you want to stop. You can’t lose anything by saying it, because you’re not competing with your dom in a scene—you’re both on the same side.”

Bayden frowned. Axel had his complete attention, he was sure of that. He could damn near feel Bayden absorbing every word.

Axel gave him a few moments to think that over. “Tell me how a wolf would say what I just said. What would be the right words for a wolf?”

Bayden stared into his coffee for a while.

Axel waited. He had no problem with doing that for the rest of the day if necessary, but it only took about five minutes.

“What humans call a scene only happens when both wolves have already agreed which of them is more dominant.” His voice was soft, not as if he was embarrassed, but as if he was speaking about something that deserved a hushed, reverential tone. “It’s what happens when a less dominant wolf doesn’t just acknowledge that the other wolf is more dominant, but when he says he wants that other wolf to be dominant over him and that he’ll do whatever he wants.”

“If you were playing with another wolf and you wanted him to stop, would he do that?”

Bayden nodded. Not even the slightest hesitation. He obviously had faith in other wolves.

“A human should too. And the way you let him know you want to stop is by saying your safe word. If you can’t stop a human dom with a word, then it’s not a scene.” He paused for a moment. “Do you see why it would be wrong for us to call what happened last night a scene?”

“It wasn’t a scene,” Bayden whispered, watching Axel gently caress the injuries that the previous night had left on him as if it was the most fascinating thing he’d ever seen.

“It wasn’t a bet either,” Axel said.

Bayden tensed. It was the tiniest change in posture. If Axel hadn’t been paying acute attention he’d have missed it.

“In a bet, you can stop by forfeiting—you might have to pay up if you tap out, but you always have that option. It might make you uncomfortable. It might give the other guy a chance to gloat, but it’s still an option.”

Bayden swallowed.

“In lupine words,” Axel prompted.

“A bet is about a human trying to establish dominance over a wolf who doesn’t accept that he’s dominant over him—to make the wolf feel less than a human, to break him.” He said it so matter of factly. “Years ago, they could do that any time they liked. Now, they have to make a bet. And they have to pay up if they fail.”

Axel caressed the skin on Bayden’s wrist again. When he spoke like that, it was easy to believe that the money really was just about keeping score.

Bayden swallowed again. “In a bet, a wolf could choose to let a human win—to let a human think he’d won. A wolf has that choice now—even if I’d never take it.” He met Axel’s eyes for the last few words.

It was understanding of a sort—a starting point at least. It was the best Axel could hope for. “Good boy.”

Bayden took a deep breath and let it out slowly. The conversation had been tough on him, but Axel couldn’t let it end yet.

“Would you take a bet from me?” he asked.

“No!” Bayden straightened up in his chair. He curled his hand into a fist, but didn’t pull away from Axel’s touch.

“Because that would imply that you didn’t already consider me dominant over you, it would mean you thought I had something to prove?”

“I’ll do whatever you want for free,” Bayden said, very seriously.

“Whatever we did would be a scene rather than a bet,” Axel suggested.

Bayden nodded.

“The two things are very different.”

“Yes.”

“So mixing up the words for them is a bad idea.”

“Yes.”

Axel smiled. He’d never felt success like it. “Good. We’re agreed.”

“I won’t call any of the bets I take scenes anymore.”

“Good boy.” He gave Bayden a moment to relax before he pushed forward even further. “What you did with Richards was a bet.”

Bayden nodded.

“Because if you’d said you wanted to stop, he would have. And, if he hadn’t, there were people around who would have stepped in and stopped him.”

“I would never have—”

“You had the option,” Axel cut in. “If you’d said stop, the bet would have stopped. You’d have had to pay up, and Richards would probably have tried to make you feel like shit for it, but you could have stopped it at any time.”

Bayden shifted uncomfortably in his seat but he didn’t remove his wrist from Axel’s loose grip. “I chose,” he finally said. “It was my choice.”

“The same with shifting in front of the other Dragons, or drinking enough to make six humans pass out, or dog biscuits. When you made those bets, you always had an out. Yes?”

Bayden nodded, his reluctance obvious.

“Whether you’re playing a scene or playing out a bet, you have an out,” Axel stressed. “But last night, you didn’t have an out, did you?”

Bayden didn’t deny it. “What would the human word be?” he asked, cautiously.

Axel had a lot of words in mind. Abuse. Torture. Assault with a deadly weapon. ‘An almighty fuck up’ would be a very good term for it, but Axel forced himself to pick the least judgemental possibility. “A mistake.”

Bayden looked up.

“The risks you took last night were a mistake.” Axel held up his free hand. “No. I don’t care if wolves heal quickly, I don’t care how difficult it is to kill a wolf. The situation you were in last night was a mistake.”