Authors: Jaycee DeLorenzo
Five, four, three, two…
Ian flipped the switch. “It’s eleven o’ clock – do you know where your next orgasm is?” He paused, letting that sink in. “Well, if you’re sitting at home listening to us right now, I’m guessing it’s probably courtesy of a free hand. But that’s all right, listeners. The week is still young, and, as I always say, a great substitute for having sex is talking about it.”
“And rest assured, we’ll be doing plenty of that tonight,” I said. “That’s right, Razorbacks, it’s another Tuesday night, and that means it’s time for the next sizzling edition of Riordan College’s
The Truths about Dating and Mating
with Ian and Ivy on 101.3. The phone lines are open, so give us a call. 555-KRAZ.”
Ian adjusted the microphone slider on the console. “And speaking of free hands, we’re going to go to our first caller. Randy, are you there?”
A deep, baritone voice boomed through the speakers. “I’m here.”
Ian adjusted the slider again. “So, you have a question for us?”
“Uh, yeah. So, for the most part, I’m happy with the size of my, uh, package, but like most guys, I wouldn’t object to an extra inch or so. Anyway, I was online recently and came across a bunch of sites on Jelqing, which is supposed to be these Ancient Arab techniques to increase your width and girth. I was wondering if the exercises work or if there are any risks involved in doing them?”I smiled at Amery, who gave me a thumbs up. She’d sent me links to sites on just this subject a few weeks ago. “Well, Randy,” I said, “I’m glad to hear you’re happy with what you have, because if you start Jelqing, that’s all you’re going to have.”
Ian released a beleaguered sigh. “Sadly, Ivy is right. Look, we all know this penis enlargement movement is a huge growth industry. There’s pills, pumps, creams, surgical enhancements, and now Jelqing; a painless – and I hate to tell you, Randy, but pointless – regimen of daily exercises that include pulling your penis and using friction to force blood into the spongy tissue at the tip. Tons of sites will give you some very basic instructions, but you can be let in on the really ‘effective’ secrets for the bargain price of $49.95.”
I leaned towards the mic. “That’s right, Randy. They’re actually now charging you money to tell you how to ‘Jelq-off’.”
Ian lowered his head and looked at me under his lashes with a crooked smile. “You were just dying to say that, weren’t you?”
I gave him an impish grin. “Did you really expect me to let that one go?”
“Not at all.” Ian’s eyes flashed. “You wouldn’t be the
best friend
I know and love if you did.”
There it was: best friend. It was just what I wanted and needed to hear; that we were still best friends; that what happened over the weekend wasn’t about to come between us.
Ian held his fist out towards me with his brows raised. I saw the offer in his green eyes, the one that said what happened this weekend was over and hadn’t changed or ruined anything. I gave him a small smile and bumped his knuckles with mine.
We were back on neutral ground.
I turned my head back to the microphone with a burst of excitement and happy bounce. It felt like this huge weight had been lifted off of my chest. Everything was going so smooth, so normal. The jokes, the teasing, the bouncing off each other at the exact right moment – what had I been so worried about?
I felt downright giddy as I concluded the segment with our caller. “And Randy, as for risks involved in Jelqing? Nothing that can’t be cleaned up with a tissue.”
***
I bopped in my seat as I waited for my phone to boot up. It was the second break of the night and I was giddy with relief and having the best time. The only thing that would be the icing on the cake would be to have a missed call from Jayden waiting on the phone.
I stared down at the screen, anxiously willing the voicemail symbol to appear at the top when the phone was snatched from my hands. I reached out for it. “Hey!”
“No cell phones in the studio,” Ian said with a teasing glint in his eye. “You know that.”
I held out my hand. “Give it back.”
He shook his head and feigned a regretful sigh. “Sorry. If you can’t keep it off, you can’t keep it at all. I’ll give it back to you at the end of the show. Them’s the rules.”
I heard my phone chime, indicating I either had a text message or an email. I gritted my teeth and spoke in a firm voice. “Give it back, now.”
Ian touched a hand to his chest and feigned a regretful sigh. “You know I would if I could, but as your partner, it is my obligation to teach you a lesson about following the rules.”
“Like you have any room to talk about following the rules,” I scoffed, pushing out of my chair. “Give me my goddamn phone, Ian.”
The tip of his tongue appeared between his teeth and his brows danced. “No.”
I lunged forward, reaching out for it, but he yanked his arm back and let out a loud laugh. “Who are you calling, anyway?”
I gave him a haughty head toss and pushed my hair back over my shoulder. “Not that it’s any of your business, but I’m not calling anyone. I just want to check my voicemail.”
“Ah, so if you have any messages, you’ve already missed the call. Another couple hours won’t hurt.”
“Ian!” I cried in exasperation.
He released a bark of laughter and lowered the phone behind his chair.
“You childish jackass!” I cried, my voice breaking with a hint of laughter. I pursed my lips in determination and dropped my knee on the chair, perilously close to his groin.
He stilled, his eyes wide with alarm. “Whoa, hey now. Watch the boys.”
Smirking, I climbed on top of him and reached over the back of his chair, going for his hand. When he still held it out of my way, I gave him an innocent smile. “Then I guess you have a choice to make. Your boys,” I increased the forward pressure of my knee just the slightest bit, causing Ian to suck in a breath, “or my phone.”
The frozen, wide-eyed look on Ian’s face was so funny I actually tossed my head back and laughed. When I looked back down, I was the one to freeze. Ian’s lids had slipped down just the slightest bit and the pace of his breathing accelerated as he gazed at my…mouth?
No! Neutral ground. We were on neutral ground! I wanted to get back to where we were minutes ago, when things were just normal and back to the way they should be, and the look in his eyes was nothing but normal. “So,” I asked, unnerved by the breathy quality of my voice, “what do you say?”
Ian blinked and his voice was tight when he spoke. “You drive a hard bargain. Take it.”
I took it back and climbed off him without looking at his face.
We decided to move on, so why is there still this tension?
“Thank you.”
Ian cleared his throat and adjusted the crotch of his pants. “After all that, you better have some pretty goddamn good messages on there.”
I held the phone to my ear as the phone dialed voicemail. “That’s what I’m hoping for.” I held my breath as each voicemail call began, only to be disappointed every time. Three were from Amery, wondering where I was. The fourth was from my mom, thanking me for behaving at dinner the other night. “Crap,” I murmured.
“See, all that for nothing,” he said.
I forced a smile. “Yeah, but it was pretty hilarious watching your eyes bug out.”
He tilted his head and stared at me, notably not smiling. I could see the turmoil in his eyes, the frustration and confusion – all emotions I easily recognized because I was feeling the same thing. He turned his head away and scratched the back of his neck.
I felt the sudden need to escape. I read the time on the computer monitor: Two-and-a-half minutes. Standing, I dropped my bag onto my vacant seat and then threw my phone on it. “I’ll be right back.”
“Where are you going?” Ian asked. He tilted his head back to watch me as I walked behind him.
“Pee break.” I hopped as I slid between the narrow space between his chair and the wall. “I’ll be back before you can say ‘Showtime’.”
“Showtime.”
I rolled my eyes. “Maybe not that fast.”
I dashed out of the room and stood in the hallway, inhaling several deep breaths. My head spun. Was all of this tension real or imagined? Was it there as I saw it, or was I making a big deal out of his actions and expressions, when it was really no different than it had ever been before?
I clasped my hands beneath my neck and leaned down, rocking back and forth until I felt I’d regained my mental faculties enough to go back in there and act normal.
But I don’t want to act like things are normal; I want it to
be
normal.
When I opened the door, I swore I heard Ian’s voice, but he was silent when I actually entered the room. “Were you talking to someone?”
Ian turned his seat towards me and gave me a blank look. “Huh? No.”
Hmm.
I tossed my bag on the floor and shook my head. “Weird. I thought I heard your voice. I must be going crazy.”
Like I didn’t already know that.
Ian’s rueful chuckle echoed in the station. “Yeah, that makes two of us.”
Three days was expected.
Four days was disappointing.
By the sixth day of no call from Jayden, I began losing hope.
But by the seventh day, exactly one week after asking my number, I was utterly depressed.
Why didn’t he call?
I spent the previous twenty-four hours fine-combing my memory of every second I spent in Jayden’s presence, looking for a signal I may have missed. Nothing raised a red flag. In fact, everything seemed all systems go, as far as I could recall. He’d flirted, he’d asked me out, he’d taken my number. So, why go to all that trouble if he wasn’t going to call?
Why? Why? WHY?
I wondered, stabbing the bowl of spaghetti before me. I recoiled when one of the plastic tines snapped off, sending a splash of spaghetti to right below my left eye.
“Just freaking perfect,” I muttered, dropping the damaged fork. I wiped at my eye and reached for a napkin.
I was dabbing at my eye when Amery and Casey joined me at the eatery table, both carrying their own trays of the south student union’s finest.
“Sorry we took so long.” Amery placed her tray of food down on the table. “The guy at the register took forever.”
“‘Cause he was too busy gawking at her to ring up my bill right. He screwed it up twice, and I think he still managed to overcharge me.” Casey picked up his receipt from the tray and scanned it. “How much are the gyros supposed to be?”
Amery took a sip of her fountain drink. “$3.99, I think.”
Casey analyzed his receipt, then laughed. “Never mind. He undercharged me.”
“See, I ended up saving you money. I’d say a little gratitude is in order.” Amery nudged him.
“Yes, ma’am.” Casey leaned over and rubbed two quick circles on Amery’s shoulders.
Amery’s brow arched. “You call that gratitude?”
“Hey, you saved me fifty cents, so I gave you fifty-cents worth of pampering.”
“Tease,” Amery complained, thrusting her lower lip out. She wrinkled her nose and winked at me, then resumed pouting.
I could only muster a faint smile in return. As amusing as my friends’ antics were, I just wasn’t in a laughing mood.
Noticing my lukewarm response, Amery tilted her head and studied me. “Take it he still hasn’t called?”
I fidgeted in my seat. “Nope.”
Casey slammed his closed fist on the table’s surface. “That worthless bastard!”
Amery and I both flinched. “Do you even know who we’re talking about?” Amery asked.
A goofy grin lit up Casey’s face. “Not the faintest clue.” He shrugged. “I’m just trying to be supportive.”
Amery rolled her eyes, but I gave him an appreciative smile.
“So, who is the bum?” Casey asked before taking a bite of his gyro.
“Just some guy,” I said, not wanting to launch into the whole story.
Swallowing his food, Casey leaned forward with an earnest look in his eyes. “Do I need to kick his ass?”
My brows lifted.
Casey chuckled. “Um, what I mean is, do I need to glare at him? Cause I’ve got a pretty mean glare. See?” He narrowed his eyes and curled his lip on one side.
I stifled my laugh. “That’s pretty mean,” I agreed, thinking he looked like he was experiencing intestinal discomfort. Even so, the intent behind it was endearing.
“So, do I need to unleash the glare?”
I saw Amery’s eyes roll again. “That’s okay, but thanks. I appreciate it.”
Casey shrugged and turned his attention back to his food. Amery leaned forward. “Well, I’m sorry he didn’t call.”
“Not as sorry as I am.”
Amery patted my hand and returned to her meal.
I sighed as I looked down at my congealing spaghetti sauce. “You know, it wouldn’t be so disappointing if I hadn’t…” I dropped my head, unable to believe what I’d been reduced to. “I just feel so pathetic. I mean, I really thought he was into me and I got my hopes up. I even started envisioning—”
“Many blissful hours of making out until you couldn’t stand it anymore, and then ripping each other’s clothes off?” Amery winked.
“No,” I said quickly, before giving myself away with a guilty grin. “Well, sure, eventually. But, what I mean is that I was already rearranging my schedule in the hopes that we would be hanging out together.”
“What did you rearrange?”
“Well, I was already picking out a dress for a Valentine’s date I didn’t even have, for one thing,” I admitted. “And yesterday, when Ian and I were talking about getting together to do the website, he suggested Saturday, and I told him that we’d have to do it around four. I didn’t say it, but in the back of my mind, I was thinking that I should keep myself available at night, just in case Jayden wanted to go out and do something.” I exhaled. “Am I lame or what?”
Amery shook her head. “You are not lame. I mean, what woman is not guilty of doing that exact same thing at one time or another?”
Somehow, that only made me feel more pathetic. I liked to think I was stronger than the average woman. “Have you ever rearranged your schedule for a guy?”
Amery nodded. “I have.”
I still didn’t feel any better. I just had such high hopes, and to have them fall so miserably flat…it was just
so
disheartening.
I wish I knew what happened.