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I got more interested in clothes as I got older. I was funky, not prissy, and preferred tomboyish versions of hippie chic—think if Madonna and Prince had a love child, with a dash of Stevie Nicks and Gwen Stefani. Slip dresses and combat boots, ripped jeans with bedazzled embellishments, Pepe jeans and body suits—you get the idea. During my teenage years and even in my twenties, it felt like everyone expected me to be the tough, sexy action girl because of my character in
Dark Angel.
To me, she was almost a dude—tough, yes, but totally unemotional and barely aware of her sexuality, unless she needed to use it for a hot second to break somebody’s neck. Since I was young and still figuring out how I felt about my appearance, it was weird to be forced into that box. All that pressure and attention made me super critical and self-conscious of my looks.

Before I had babies, I worried constantly that my body’s days would be numbered. But as it turns out, getting older and having kids have only made me much more comfortable in my own skin. A few years ago, I couldn’t even use the word “sexy” to describe myself without feeling funny and awkward. Now that I’ve had two kids, my idea of physical perfection has changed completely—and I finally feel confident, secure, and, yes, sexy.

Now that I’ve had two kids, my idea of physical perfection has changed completely.

Clockwise: Jane Birkin, Diane Keaton, Audrey Hepburn, Gracy Kelly, Kate Moss and Angela Chase.

JANE BIRKIN:
This English actress, singer, and style icon almost singlehandedly created the bohemian-chic look.

DIANE KEATON:
She’s always had such a clear sense of her own style—she took menswear and gave it a unique spin without losing her femininity or sense of fun.

AUDREY HEPBURN:
Her striking gamine style helped make daywear and ready-to-wear chic; whether it was a cropped cigarette pant with flats or a knee-length skirt, she always looked graceful and sophisticated.

GRACE KELLY:
So ladylike and polished; her flawless style will always be timeless.

KATE MOSS:
I love her minimalist, edgy, sexy, and no-fuss taste; no matter if she’s wearing the most insane McQueen gown or a slip dress, she’s always effortlessly chic.

ANGELA CHASE:
Claire Dane’s character on
My So-Called Life
rocked layered flannel and combat boots like nobody else. I tried my hardest to emulate her fashion.

H
ONEST
S
TYLE ISN’T
about pleasing other people with your fashion . . . quite the opposite. It’s owning your choices confidently. I love mixing high and low styles, for instance. Of course, I take into account where I’m going and whom I’ll be with, but I’m not a slave to trends or expectations. I don’t want to look like a store window display or spend 4 hours getting ready to pop out for milk, but I’m also not going to run around in my workout clothes. I want to look pulled together, not schleppy. I wear what makes me happy.

That sounds simple, but it can be tricky. It’s easy to get a bit obsessed with what’s “hot”—driven by advertising, pop culture, and our own insecurities—and fall into the trap of dressing more for other people’s expectations than for ourselves. Think how often you open your closet and say, “I have nothing to wear!” even though this is absolutely false. I promise, your closet is brimming with things that would cover your body beautifully. It’s most likely brimming with things that you loved last season, last month, or even last week . . . but now they look dated and you’re over it. Maybe they really are worn out—in this age of disposable fashion, clothes are made much more cheaply, and they often fall apart after just a few wears. Or maybe the clothes themselves are fine, but you can’t see what you used to love about them because you’ve stopped listening to your own authentic sense of style.

Figuring that out is what my definition of Honest Style is all about. Your look shouldn’t be the same as your best friend’s look, or mine, or the look on page 34 of the J.Crew catalog. Not because those other looks aren’t awesome—I get inspired by designers, film heroines, fashion trends, and my friends. This is about taking an idea and putting your own spin on it, in a way that’s right for you and your body.

And Honest Style is definitely about making peace with your hips, waistline, bust—or whatever your body hang-ups happen to be. These days, I rarely worry about my flaws because I don’t spend a lot of time or energy being negative about my body, period. If something doesn’t fit or doesn’t work on my body? That’s fine. That just means it isn’t for me, and I’m on to the next thing that plays to my strengths.

Honest Style is also about being thoughtful about how you shop. Since becoming a mom, I think a little differently about how I consume in every area, and that certainly extends to my closet. It’s really exciting to see how the eco-fashion industry is evolving. There are some cool brands and amazing designers (big and small!) who are trying to make their manufacturing processes more sustainable, which I love. Everything we wear has to be farmed (if it’s made from a natural fiber like cotton or wool), manufactured, and shipped to stores—so it’s great to see companies thinking about how they can lighten up that carbon footprint, whether that means incorporating more organic cotton and safer fabric dyes, or making their business models more socially responsible. But for you and me, it’s not necessarily about buying “responsibly.” It’s also about buying quality—investing in beautiful, well-made pieces that you’ll be able to wear for years.

And it’s about ending those “I have nothing to wear!” fights with your closet. (Not that these clothing crises
never
happen—when I have to get dressed for a big tech conference or a friend’s birthday party, I still get stumped occasionally!) But here is what’s important—and this is where my six-year-old tomboy self would so approve: Everything I wear these days is simultaneously about feeling good on the inside and out—yes, even when I’m wearing heels and getting dressed up. If you can’t carry yourself well, and you’re worried the whole time that something’s going to pop out or you can’t breathe, then the dress won’t look right, no matter how beautiful it is.

So, finding a personal style? Gosh, that can be a bit daunting—there is so much “fashion” to sift through. But the challenge of choosing a signature look that expresses who you really are should be a fun exercise, not a stressful one. It’s about figuring out what really inspires you, what you feel fabulous in, and what works for your lifestyle. As you’ve noticed in previous chapters, I love an expert! So I asked my friends Hillary Kerr and Katherine Power, cofounders of
WhoWhatWear.com
, for some helpful pointers.

Ready to embrace your best-dressed self? Simply follow our suggestions! —H
ILLARY
and K
ATHERINE

1. PICK YOUR INSPIRATION

There is one style weapon everyone in the fashion industry uses and that we swear by: the mood board. While we have entire walls of these ever-changing collages, you don’t need to dedicate so much space. A bulletin board works, or you can create a Pinterest board and keep it virtual.